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15 years of love gone?


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Hi there, this is the first time I've ever used this site, but I really need help and advice.

 

I've been in a relationship for 15 years now. I met him when I was 16 years old. We broke up for 3 years because he couldn't cope with my parents divorce and the effect it had on me. When I was 18, we got back together again. I've never loved anyone so much as I did him. The first 5 years were amazing. He wrote me loveletters almost every single day. He took the time to be with me, we made love every day, multiple times and couldn't get enough of each other.

 

Now, so much has happend. He just stopped looking at me one day. He's just not interested in me it seems, altough he keeps telling me he loves me deeply. He doesn't look at me anymore. he never keeps his promises. He doesn't take the time to be with me. We don't have sex anymore. He says he loves me but never makes an effort. He's happy as it is. I was too, or so I thought.

 

Unfortunately I met someone on the internet who has made me feel completely in love again for the first time in 15 years. I don't even know him well, but he has sparked something inside of me that has been dormant for so long. To be able to talk to someone, share feelings, feel wanted, who compliments me.

 

I'm very aware that I will never end up with this person. As a matter of fact I don't think the feeling is mutual anymore. Even if it was, I know it's probably just 'the grass on the other side is greener' syndrome.

 

I'm having a hard time living together with my boyfriend. I love him, but hate him at the same time. The heartache I feel is SO deep it actually hurts in my chest. I can't sleep, can't eat, can't think.

 

What should I do? Should I leave? Should I take a break from us? I'm scared. I'm 32 years old and afraid I'll always be alone and will never have kids. If I stay I'm afarid I'll never be happy and lose myself in this toxic relationship..

 

Please, someone, help me? I'm at the end of my rope here...

 

X

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todreaminblue
Hi there, this is the first time I've ever used this site, but I really need help and advice.

 

I've been in a relationship for 15 years now. I met him when I was 16 years old. We broke up for 3 years because he couldn't cope with my parents divorce and the effect it had on me. When I was 18, we got back together again. I've never loved anyone so much as I did him. The first 5 years were amazing. He wrote me loveletters almost every single day. He took the time to be with me, we made love every day, multiple times and couldn't get enough of each other.

 

Now, so much has happend. He just stopped looking at me one day. He's just not interested in me it seems, altough he keeps telling me he loves me deeply. He doesn't look at me anymore. he never keeps his promises. He doesn't take the time to be with me. We don't have sex anymore. He says he loves me but never makes an effort. He's happy as it is. I was too, or so I thought.

 

Unfortunately I met someone on the internet who has made me feel completely in love again for the first time in 15 years. I don't even know him well, but he has sparked something inside of me that has been dormant for so long. To be able to talk to someone, share feelings, feel wanted, who compliments me.

 

I'm very aware that I will never end up with this person. As a matter of fact I don't think the feeling is mutual anymore. Even if it was, I know it's probably just 'the grass on the other side is greener' syndrome.

 

I'm having a hard time living together with my boyfriend. I love him, but hate him at the same time. The heartache I feel is SO deep it actually hurts in my chest. I can't sleep, can't eat, can't think.

 

What should I do? Should I leave? Should I take a break from us? I'm scared. I'm 32 years old and afraid I'll always be alone and will never have kids. If I stay I'm afarid I'll never be happy and lose myself in this toxic relationship..

 

Please, someone, help me? I'm at the end of my rope here...

 

X

 

 

search you heart and think carefully before you do anything, dont make a spur of the moment decision and hang the balance of your long standing relationship on that.....if you break up with him it is final, no turning back....then if you still feel liek leaving you have to at least explain to him why you feel you want to leave , maybe he has no idea and he is caught up in just living life it happens...what if he wants a chance to try and work it out ...would you give him that....or ........not....search your heart...and be really sure you are doing what is right for the both of you......you have to take him into consideration not only just yourself a relationship involves two people so if he is willing to work on it are you......come clean about the guy on the internet...lay out exactly how you feel and why you feel that way and be open...you have not been perfect either..lack of communication seems to be there in your court.....no one person ever is perfect.....thats the beauty in acceptance of mistakes...you realize everyone makes them and are able to admit your own.......deb

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Thank you. I promise you I never make spur of the moment desicions. I've told him how I feel so many times. I take the time to sit him down and explain how I'm feeling. I try to explain that some things he does make me feel hurt and undesired. Do you know what happens? He keeps looking at his watch or the alarmclock over my shoulder. That hurts so deep...

 

I don't know if I should tell him about this guy. You see, other than a few messages we have shared there is nothing that happend. No "I love you's". I want to get this other guy out of my head too, but it's hard. I don't give away my love easily. Now I'm heartbroken twice.

 

Seriousely, I have trouble breathing sometimes because of what I'm feeling. Would you give someone another try if they kept dissapointing you and leaving you with heartache? Am I asking for too much? Am I believing in fairytales?

 

I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life this way..

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I hate posts like this.

The moment I began reading, I knew there'd be a catch. Sure enough, "Unfortunately I met someone on the internet....."

 

What you do very simply, is:

 

Suggest to your H you are desperately unhappy, have been for some time, and want to go to marriage counselling.

 

OR:

 

separate, FIRST, file for divorce FIRST, then go and find a better life, before you decide to commit to someone you've never met.

 

The only reason you discovered your marriage was a crock, is because someone else tickled your fancy.

You might have continued for ages, in contentment and acceptance, if this Mr Charming hadn't appeared.

 

So do the right thing.

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Thanks Tara. I'm smart enough to know how this works. I'm looking to fix my relationship, not looking for someone else. Meeting this guy has just made me feel a lot of things for the first time again. And I realised I wasn't feeling them anymore with my boyfriend.

 

I don't think people understand me correctly. All I want is to be happy. Happy with my current boyfriend. I've invested 15 years of love in him, in us. I'm not throughing it away. I'm afraid HE is. What would you do if someone promised you they would make an effort to make things better again but they never kept word?

 

He wants to keep things as they are. But meanwhile I'm not happy anymore. We don't kiss, we don't make love. We don't talk. He does make an effort to take me out to the movies, but when I try to talk to him in the car on the way over he just answers with 'yes' or 'no'. He doesn't want to talk anymore.

 

The problem also is that we are very different. I'm very passionate. I can love so deeply, but I can also get very upset. I do everything with passion. He is a calm soul. No ups, no downs. It's driving me crazy that the passion I had for him went unanswered. If I kiss him, he won't kiss me back. He'll just give me a peck on the lips. I know he means it well, but I don't want to feel like I'm 80 years old yet. I'm 32 years old and feel like a wallflower. Invisible, unnoticed.

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Ah, ok.

In that case, you need to look at a lot of break-up/divorce threads by guys on this forum.

They start out by saying their wives left them/filed for divorce out of the blue, and they were totally not expecting it - but then go on to admit that they didn't pay attention, took their wives for granted, treated them rudely, spoke harshly and didn't make enough effort....

 

What happens is that wives try, and try, and try - then reach a state where they feel all spent up.

They make moves to end it.

The husbands then begin to try to remedy by promising to change, make the effort, try again....

It's at this juncture that I point out that in my own opinion, this is too little too late.

because the effort to change should have come, voluntarily, ages ago.

 

The only reasons guys are willing to implement change at this point is because they want to keep the wives.

 

So - is the change going to be a permanent effort, to remedy their part in the marriage - or is it going to be a temporary pitch, which will fade after they've achieved their purpose?

 

Now?

 

I think that's up to you to find out.

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todreaminblue
Thank you. I promise you I never make spur of the moment desicions. I've told him how I feel so many times. I take the time to sit him down and explain how I'm feeling. I try to explain that some things he does make me feel hurt and undesired. Do you know what happens? He keeps looking at his watch or the alarmclock over my shoulder. That hurts so deep...

 

I don't know if I should tell him about this guy. You see, other than a few messages we have shared there is nothing that happend. No "I love you's". I want to get this other guy out of my head too, but it's hard. I don't give away my love easily. Now I'm heartbroken twice.

 

Seriousely, I have trouble breathing sometimes because of what I'm feeling. Would you give someone another try if they kept dissapointing you and leaving you with heartache? Am I asking for too much? Am I believing in fairytales?

 

I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life this way..

 

 

yes i did i gave chance after chance after chance because i am retarded that way.......and that was cheat after cheat after cheat......but in the process of me being so forgiving and accepting......i lost all trust....and one day i fell for a guy off the internet who showed me attention........who was a gentleman who said all the right things .......and i ended up hurting him when i knew i had to try for my family and my belief that i was meant to be with my ex....so after fifteen years he left me for another woman.....one of the reasons i probably stayed with him so long was

 

 

one because of my three girls.that i had to my ex......two i believe in family together forever through thick and thin.....three my life is not one that is easily explainable in one post why i am the way i am or why i feel the need to stay when i should go.......what i do know...is if it is meant to end...it will....trying to stay in a relationship where trust is gone or love is gone is just a prolonging of the eventual ending...no matter how hard one person can fight and endure...it will end once that love is not mutual.....and its a possible painful ending....full of remorse and broken dreams..in yoru case uborn children....i understand......

 

 

.i believe in truth.....it is easy for you to say you arent doing this or you arent doing that to your partner...its a lot harder to say i did this or i am doing that...especially if its negative as in emotionally having an affair....but in my opinion, it needs to be said and done....i really do wish you the best with life, love and happiness...good luck...deb

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