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Worrying about how they will remember you


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I think one of the biggest things that's hurt me throughout my break ups is wondering how they will perceive me. I know it shouldn't matter what they think but for some reason I can't shake that horrible feeling I get in my stomach when I imagine one of my ex boyfriends looking back on a relationship with me and thinking "whew thank god I got out of that"... when I valued the time so immensely. I've have a big issue with this in my most recent break up with my fiance, but am noticing I even struggle with a break up from 3 years ago and the way he perceives me... to the point where I go ballistic and make myself look worse to them trying to make them remember me for all the reasons they loved me. Does anyone else struggle with this? If not does anyone else have any idea of how the hell to not be so consumed by what they think of you or will in the future?

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Well sure. I think about it. I got an email even telling me how fondly she remembers me and out time together.

 

But at the end if the day..so what. She is gone for good. Her new boyfriend (if they are still together) and new life doesn't have anything to do with me now.

 

I'm sure she thinks of me sometimes. We spent 8 years together. But it just doesn't matter. Ill probably never see her again. Story over.

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I guess its something that comes across every person's mind! I mean c'mon! who'd want anybody to think of them negatively?

its just that at the end of the day, the only person's opinion that matters is you and your partner. They were the past. Let them stay there.

Not caring is a hard habit to cultivate but it pays off when you do.

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A n t h o n y

I treated my Ex like a goddess and she tossed me away like trash for someone that did nothing but hurt her. Whenever she does anything with anyone else shes's going to have to compare them to me and honestly I know they won't even be half the guy I was to her.

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Thunderchild

Personally, I really don't care what my exes think if me. They're exes for a reason.

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I treated my Ex like a goddess and she tossed me away like trash for someone that did nothing but hurt her. Whenever she does anything with anyone else shes's going to have to compare them to me and honestly I know they won't even be half the guy I was to her.

 

Same here. I know I never did a damn thing to hurt my ex in our 3 years together. Only treated him like a king. I could care less what he thinks about me, what lies he tells himself at night to make himself feel better. But I KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that one day he's going to wake up and wonder why he still hasn't met anyone better than me. And why the bar is set so high. And that's because I was a pretty great girlfriend. There's no way he CAN'T be comparing me to new girls. I never did the weak pathetic begging stuff, I left with my dignity.

 

I enjoy knowing that I did everything I could to make it work. There are no regrets there. Even as he was dumping me he was like, "I wish I could hate so you so I could just say 'f.uck you' and move on. But I can't."

 

I hope that cloud is over him for a long time to come.

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I'm not proud of the way I acted in my relationships when I was upset. I did a lot of sacrificing, a lot more than any of my ex boyfriends did for me, but it came at the price of typical irrational behavior when I felt wronged by them. I just wish I didn't care if they remembered me as amazing or not. I feel cheated and ripped off... like they will acknowledge all my flaws when I earned so much more respect than that.

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I have often wondered this.myself. I think the general feeling I leave is good. Out of the 4 longterm relationships I have had, 2 have tried to reconcile and 1 has made contact telling me how.she still thinks of me even though she left horribly and I let her. My current ex however.....well.....the jury is still out on that one. But ya, if you did them good, they will.remember I think......and even compare. Its what people are willing to accept when things are worse or less than they deserve that astonishes me.

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Yeah... I'm currently wondering what my ex/girlfriend (don't technically know what we are currently) is thinking all the time, and we just went NC on the weekend, with the agreement of meeting up again in 2 months. I don't even know if that's a good idea or not to begin with, but anyways, I do wonder what she's thinking, I know I want nothing but to reach out to her right now but that's the worst thing I could do right now.

 

Right now I'm trying to take it as I'm stronger, and better off, but it's hard. I keep wishing for a breadcrumb or something from her but even so, I know I shouldn't read into them or act happy I got one because I need to move on with my own life.

 

Confusing stuff, but what I do take comfort in that even though she was having doubts about a month before this all happened she was genuinely happy and always coming to me for things. She loves me and I know she still does and I take comfort in all the wonderful time we spent together but I know what's best is to do is to just keep moving on with my life. Only way I'll stay sane.

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I gave my ex everything I had and it still wasn't enough. I treated her right and she knows that. She'll never admit it though. How will she remember me? I'm sure she'll remember my flaws. She probably feels like God was smiling down on her that this rock star came into her life as soon as she started college. and saved her from me. I don't expect her to remember me in a positive way though. When she's talking about me to other boyfriends, she won't tell them how great I treated her. She'll tell them how much better they are as opposed to me. She probably wishes her prom date wasn't me. etc.

 

and guess what? I'll be telling my next girlfriend ALL about how crazy and controlling she was. I won't leave out the fact that she cheated on me. My ex won't be remembered as the innocent loving girl, she'll be remembered as an evil witch who showed her true colors once we started college.

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blue_jay_bird

This is why i don't speak to my ex. Because I don't want him to remember me as i am right now...unhappy. Crazy and unhappy. lol.

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I gave my ex everything I had and it still wasn't enough. I treated her right and she knows that. She'll never admit it though. How will she remember me? I'm sure she'll remember my flaws. She probably feels like God was smiling down on her that this rock star came into her life as soon as she started college. and saved her from me. I don't expect her to remember me in a positive way though. When she's talking about me to other boyfriends, she won't tell them how great I treated her. She'll tell them how much better they are as opposed to me. She probably wishes her prom date wasn't me. etc.

 

and guess what? I'll be telling my next girlfriend ALL about how crazy and controlling she was. I won't leave out the fact that she cheated on me. My ex won't be remembered as the innocent loving girl, she'll be remembered as an evil witch who showed her true colors once we started college.

 

Don't tell your next gf about it. it'll come across as baggage / unresolved issues. if a bf told me that about their ex I would wonder what he did to her and also wonder when I would get tarred with the same brush.don't call another woman crazy it'll make you look bad.

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Don't tell your next gf about it. it'll come across as baggage / unresolved issues. if a bf told me that about their ex I would wonder what he did to her and also wonder when I would get tarred with the same brush.don't call another woman crazy it'll make you look bad.

 

Ahh okay. Thanks for the heads up :laugh:

 

If it comes up is it okay? My ex always talked about past ex boyfriends and how terrible they were. I'm sure she's added me to that long list of ex boyfriends who are all the reason her relationships failed. :rolleyes:

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todreaminblue
I think one of the biggest things that's hurt me throughout my break ups is wondering how they will perceive me. I know it shouldn't matter what they think but for some reason I can't shake that horrible feeling I get in my stomach when I imagine one of my ex boyfriends looking back on a relationship with me and thinking "whew thank god I got out of that"... when I valued the time so immensely. I've have a big issue with this in my most recent break up with my fiance, but am noticing I even struggle with a break up from 3 years ago and the way he perceives me... to the point where I go ballistic and make myself look worse to them trying to make them remember me for all the reasons they loved me. Does anyone else struggle with this? If not does anyone else have any idea of how the hell to not be so consumed by what they think of you or will in the future?

 

 

i worry about what people think of me, i haven't really worried about what exes think about me, because i have remained friends with my exes......i worry more about my future than my past.......my most recent ex has told me he is always there for me if i need him....which i dont i work my own crap out...he si there to talk to, and he doesnt judge how i am he knows who i am......only the closest people to me do ...and maybe on here....other wise.....i worry more because people who dont know me might not give me a chance to get to know me before they make jugements, that is a concern of mine....but....then.....they would miss out on a loyal friend....so more their loss than mine....still concerns me what they think though and i know it shouldnt..deb

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singme2sleep

There's nothing my current ex could say bad about me, I was very good to him. In fact this might have made him feel guilty and explains why he felt he wasn't pulling his own weight in our relationship. I hope that when and if he thinks about me, he smiles about our time together and kicks himself for throwing it away.

 

I do have one ex who prob isn't my biggest fan. I dumped him, and 5 months later he contacted me about getting together and I didn't even respond. I feel bad about it even now, and that was 2 years ago. But I wasn't in love with him and letting go was the right thing. As far as not responding to his reaching out, it was a door I didn't want to re-open. So I wouldn't be surprised if he ever thinks of me with resentment. But life goes on and overall I have no regrets.

 

If you have your all in a relationship, then don't worry what an ex thinks about you. What's most important is what you think about you.

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