Fire guy Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Hello, I'm dealing with a break up from a 2 year relationship and the lies she told me for the last several months. I'm 41 and she's 32 I've never dated women that much younger than me but we really hit it off, we never really had fights and seemed to understand each other very well. Long story short during the last few months of the relationship she was stressed with finishing school and I was stressed dealing with building a new home and work issues. We didn't have the time together like we did in the beginning of the relationship and our relationship started to suffer. She ended up calling be 10 days before Xmas and said she wanted to break up and I agreed being we where both so stressed out. We kept in frequent contact during the spilt and very friendly. She knew I was casually dating and she was free to as well but denied seeing anyone. After a couple weeks she and I discussed getting back together and she said she wanted to take it slow. Then she started to blow me off for plans, not answering her phone when I called and acting strange. We had met up for dinner a few times during this time frame and thing seemed strange and the sex felt distant. I asked her several times if she had met anyone and shed denied it every time. After work one day I stopped by her house unannounced thinking she was at work to drop of a card for her and a charm she had left at my house months ago. To my shock a dude answered the door! I just jumped in my car and left I was so confused. I called her and she admitted she had been seeing him for several months and didn't want to hurt me! My question is why would she deceive me like this? We always told the truth to each other and I'm a big boy and could handle it. Now she's lied I feel betrayed and I'm having trouble getting my head around this. Any idea why she would do that? Link to post Share on other sites
GG3 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Well..technically she didn't have to tell you anything because you were not her boyfriend. I don't know the details of what happened the first time. Maybe she felt like you weren't committing and was afraid to give you much of a chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Coping Vortex Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Hello, I'm dealing with a break up from a 2 year relationship and the lies she told me for the last several months. I'm 41 and she's 32 I've never dated women that much younger than me but we really hit it off, we never really had fights and seemed to understand each other very well. Long story short during the last few months of the relationship she was stressed with finishing school and I was stressed dealing with building a new home and work issues. We didn't have the time together like we did in the beginning of the relationship and our relationship started to suffer. She ended up calling be 10 days before Xmas and said she wanted to break up and I agreed being we where both so stressed out. We kept in frequent contact during the spilt and very friendly. She knew I was casually dating and she was free to as well but denied seeing anyone. After a couple weeks she and I discussed getting back together and she said she wanted to take it slow. Then she started to blow me off for plans, not answering her phone when I called and acting strange. We had met up for dinner a few times during this time frame and thing seemed strange and the sex felt distant. I asked her several times if she had met anyone and shed denied it every time. After work one day I stopped by her house unannounced thinking she was at work to drop of a card for her and a charm she had left at my house months ago. To my shock a dude answered the door! I just jumped in my car and left I was so confused. I called her and she admitted she had been seeing him for several months and didn't want to hurt me! My question is why would she deceive me like this? We always told the truth to each other and I'm a big boy and could handle it. Now she's lied I feel betrayed and I'm having trouble getting my head around this. Any idea why she would do that? Hard to understand what women are thinking when they do this. My ex BU with me and started seeing a guy pretty soon after. We kept in contact and she saw me in person a few times and she held me cried she missed me loved and even had sex with me. She also told me she could leave that guy in a minute. But....she never did she stayed with him. We kept in contact. One week she would go NC the next she would text me she doesn't want to give up on us. All the while she is sleeping in this dudes bed every night. Its BS. Nothing more. They are just stringing us along. When they are with us they want to be with them. When they are with them they are scared we are really gone and want to reach out to see if we are still hanging on. They are in control of us when they do that. Us men will never understand why women do this. All we want is for them is to be honest with us. Do they want a life with them or us? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 We will never know why people cheat and lie? Why did my ex talk about us growing old together only for me to find out he was cheating with 4 other women behind my back all through the course of our relationship? It's futile to ask why. You will never know why people behave the way they do, especially when they're wired in a way that is opposing to your own morals and standards. I caught my ex having sex with another woman. I tried to wrap my head around it, and even at times blamed myself. Dwelling on the whys and hows will drive you completely insane. I wasted months trying to piece it together. You will never have your answers. Best to accept that it's ended and that you dodged a bullet. All you can do is try to move on the best you can. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fire guy Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Like I said, she had no reason to lie to me. I thought she was someone I could trust and confide in. The whole thing has blown me away! Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Like I said, she had no reason to lie to me. I thought she was someone I could trust and confide in. The whole thing has blown me away! YOU believe she had no reason to lie to you. Don't project the way you believe things to be on someone else. She was the one cheating, therefore her mindset is not yours. Her reasons to do so and to hide the truth have no bearing on what you believe would have been a non-issue for you. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Well..technically she didn't have to tell you anything because you were not her boyfriend. Well, actually, technically, yes he was. They agreed to 'take it slow', but she rather sneakily omitted to tell him there was someone else she was doing favours for. And that is straight-up lying by omission.... I don't know the details of what happened the first time. Maybe she felt like you weren't committing and was afraid to give you much of a chance? Then discuss it. Go to counselling. Communicate. Talk. But don't phukk a guy behind your BF's back. Cake-eating "at it's finest". Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Like I said, she had no reason to lie to me. I thought she was someone I could trust and confide in. The whole thing has blown me away! Yes she did. She was using you BOTH as back-up options. Had it cushy - why fix it if nothing's broken? Best of both worlds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fire guy Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Whatever her reasons I've cut her off and have no intentions of getting back with her. Tomorrow will be a week NC, hopefully she will respect my wishes and not contact me so I can move on without any more drama. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Whatever her reasons I've cut her off and have no intentions of getting back with her. Tomorrow will be a week NC, hopefully she will respect my wishes and not contact me so I can move on without any more drama. Even if she contacts you, you have the power to ignore and keep moving on without any drama. Don't engage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fire guy Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Thanks geegirl I won't be made a fool of twice. I'm picking up the pieces and moving on she's been blocked in every way I can block her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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