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To share or not to share


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I have been wondering this for a while now, with how much you're supposed to share with your SO.

Like when you start having doubts about the relationship, do you just keep it in in the hopes of not upsetting her, or do you just share it and talk to them about it so you can work on it together?

Or like when you start falling for somebody else, do you share that with your SO, and tell them that is getting very confusing for you, or do you just keep your mouth shut and figure it out on your own?

 

Like, I understand that telling your SO there is somebody else you are starting to like, that would upset them. But your SO is also supposed to be your best friend and he/she should always be the one you can go to for help.

Just wondering what is other people's advice in situations like this?

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purplereigncb

I'd say share. If you need to figure something out, do it full heartedly. If you half fall for some one else and half stay with SO. No one wins. In the end both things fall through.

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Very interesting topic and one that I have thought about A LOT, both during and after my relationship that ended 5 weeks ago. I really could write a long essay about this but for my 2 cents, what it boils down to is how committed you are to making it work.

 

(a bit of background before I give my opinion) we were together for about 1 year before I moved away for 6 months of long distance, and then she moved to a country that was about an hour flight away from me. She broke up with me after one visit to me and two weeks at her new school. It should be noted that we both made our travel/study plans before our relationship.

 

So I believe that love is something that two people commit to and work hard to grow between themselves. NOT something that just feels amazing for a while between two people "who are meant to be together" and then "fades". So if you're BOTH committed to making a relationship work then I think it's positive to talk about things like attractions to others, and doubts within a relationship if they become a problem. Simply because these things DO happen naturally, and to try and pretend they don't (or to think that they are a sign that you should question things too much) is destructive to a relationship. I wish like hell that my ex had of been able to open up to me in the same way that I did to her when these things happened, but I can't make her want the same relationship that I do. In the end I think she let the burdens your talking about build up until she felt she had to end it.

 

Is there more to this story from you? How committed are/were you guys to each other?

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I would definitely say share. I was in the situation where the other person had feelings for someone else and then just started getting shady and not talking to me about it. This is what a relationship is all about... Communicating. My opinion is that you need to talk about your feelings and both decide whether or not you can work things out. Relationships deserve that chance.

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Share problems. If my ex had opened his mouth and told me what he wad feeling we may not have split up. I never had a chance to talk it thru.

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ALWAYS share. If there is no communication, there is no relationship. My ex kept everything in. How he felt the relationship wasn't great from his end. He never told me a damn thing until it became too much and he'd explode and practically be dumping me.

 

You can't work on problems if you're not addressing them.

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Coping Vortex
Share problems. If my ex had opened his mouth and told me what he wad feeling we may not have split up. I never had a chance to talk it thru.

 

Exactly what happened between me and my ex. She never told me she was crying every night over something that was bothering her. She just went and BU with me instead of letting me know. She showed no signs of being upset ever. We could have solved a huge issue right away and stayed together. She let something fester that could have been solved in a minute.

 

Communication people!!!!!!!!

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Very interesting topic and one that I have thought about A LOT, both during and after my relationship that ended 5 weeks ago. I really could write a long essay about this but for my 2 cents, what it boils down to is how committed you are to making it work.

 

(a bit of background before I give my opinion) we were together for about 1 year before I moved away for 6 months of long distance, and then she moved to a country that was about an hour flight away from me. She broke up with me after one visit to me and two weeks at her new school. It should be noted that we both made our travel/study plans before our relationship.

 

So I believe that love is something that two people commit to and work hard to grow between themselves. NOT something that just feels amazing for a while between two people "who are meant to be together" and then "fades". So if you're BOTH committed to making a relationship work then I think it's positive to talk about things like attractions to others, and doubts within a relationship if they become a problem. Simply because these things DO happen naturally, and to try and pretend they don't (or to think that they are a sign that you should question things too much) is destructive to a relationship. I wish like hell that my ex had of been able to open up to me in the same way that I did to her when these things happened, but I can't make her want the same relationship that I do. In the end I think she let the burdens your talking about build up until she felt she had to end it.

 

Is there more to this story from you? How committed are/were you guys to each other?

For me personally it's that I'm starting to feel less "all in". Like that I am starting to get more and more the feeling this relationship isn't what I want. But on the other hand I'm also like "What if it is? I don't want to lose her just because I have some doubts, I want to try to make this work. But my heart isn't fully in it at the moment."

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