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Would I Be Insane To Get Back With Her???


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kaitracid2010

where to begin!

 

i need to decide wether its worth persuing my ex girlfriend... everybody is telling me, that she is bad for me, yet i still want her, as i am in love with her.

 

she is a very attractive sexy woman, so i don't know if i am infactuated with her, or really in love with her.

 

we had planned to get married, live together & at some point try for a baby!!

 

 

been seeing her about 8 months, initially i kept my feelings to myself & did not open myself up to her much, she seemed to respect me back then, and treated me nice..

 

i noticed over time, when i really fell in love with her... her attitude changed towards me... she started mis treating me sometimes, becoming dis respectful towards me...

 

she started calling me names like "fairy" or "soft" and used to call me "crap boyfriend"

 

whenever i told her to stop calling me these silly names, she would get into a proper mood with me, and say she is only joking with me.

 

on a few occasions i got angry with her, and told her, that some of the names she calls me, i DO NOT FIND FUNNY.

 

so she got angry with me, but stopped calling me them.

 

she then started falling out with me, every time we had a dis agreement.. she would just ignore me, or stay in a mood, for hours on end.

 

we would go to bed, and she would just turn her back to me, and go to sleep.

 

this used to annoy me so much... as i prefer to talk about things & hate sleeping over an argument... i just cannot sleep... yet she would sleep like a baby!

 

also she started pushing me away at times, if we had a fall out... she would not text me all day... i was always the one initiating contact by texting her...

 

she would hardly talk to me, and just text back a simple reply. it felt like i was initiating a conversation, and she was just replying back, and making no effort at all to talk to me, or converse with me.

 

on a few occasions she made excuses not to see me on the weekend, and this is usually after we have had a little fallout...

 

i was just getting sick of being pushed away, then being pulled back in!!

 

 

then come boxing day, we both had a bit to drink, ended up having a little argument & she asked me to leave her house... i left, to go home!

 

the next morning, i drove to her house & apologised about the fallout, even tho the argument was not all my fault.

 

but she was very cold towards me & made me feel very unwelcome.

 

she said she had to go to the supermarket & i offered to go with her, but she kept making excuses for me to not go with her.

 

at the supermarket, she just walked 3 steps ahead of me, and was very cold towards me... so i dropped her off home & told her, i am going home. as you just don't want me there at all.

 

i returned home... for that whole week.. she pretty much ignored me... i was texting her & she would hardly reply back.

 

she went into hospital for a small operation & was unwell that week... i did not get to see her even once!!!

 

for that whole week, she had her friends coming over to see her, but i didn't not get to see her at all.. THIS IS THE WOMAN WHO SAID SHE WANTS TO MARRY IN A MATTER OF MONTHS TIME.. yet i cannot even see her, when she is ill...

 

all that week, she did not text me once... i was ringing her house phone, and talking to her son, just to find out if she was ok.

 

every time i would text her, she would not reply back... then late in the evening i would just get a blunt text saying "sorry i was asleep"

 

she did this on about 4 occasions... finally she started talking to me & this was on NEW YEARS EVE

 

and guess what, she made excuses not to see me on NEW YEARS EVE...

 

i was well gutted.. she said, she is not 100 percent yet. so she cant see me, and she is not in a celebrating mood.

 

i explained to her it's new years eve, we dont have to celebrate... i just want to give you a kiss and a cuddle, even if we can spend 1 hour together..

 

but she told me she will not, and i have to accept that.

 

i was sooooo upset... i just left her to it. i was all alone on new years eve!

 

no family i could go to see, and no friends... at this point i made a very big MISTAKE!!!

 

my ex, who is like a best friend to me, said i could come to hers, rather than being all on my own on new years eve... i went over to hers.

 

i was very down in the dumps, feeling low about the whole week... and feeling very sad.

 

my ex and me just watched a film, she gave me a hug... and that is it. there is nothing sexual between me and her... i then left her house and went home to bed.

 

the next day, my girlfreind made a miracials recovery... she was still very cold towards me, but said i could pick her up... so i picked her up, and we spent a few days together at my place.

 

i was sooooo angry about her pushing me away or that whole week, and new years eve, but i did not say anything to her.

 

anyhow my girlfreind found out that i went to my exes house.. and she was seriolusly pisssed off, and she ending it with me!

 

then she wanted to get back together with me, then 4 days later she ended it again.... i emailed her and explained to her, why i went over... because i felt lonely, down in the dumps, because she had not bothered with me, for a week.

 

we got back together, but she said i cannot have anything to do with my ex again, so i i was fine with that...i changed my mobile number & promised her, there would never be a trust issue again.

 

but her treatment of me got worse, still pushing me away & me doing all the making up.

 

anyhow, i was at her house, she called me a "nobb head" and kept telling me to shut up.... i decided to stand my ground & told her.. DO NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT, AND DO NOT TELL ME TO SHUT UP! I WILL NOT ACCEPT THAT & I WILL LEAVE!

 

so she told me to leave... i left her house & took my birthday present with me... driving back home, she sent me a text "BRING THE FUCCKING speakers back!

 

so i drive back and left them outside her house... she even took back my birthday present...

 

this all happened at around 2pm.... at about 5pm, she sent my ex a facebook message saying.... I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN, I DON'T WANT HIM, HE IS A SCROUNGER HAHA!!!

 

i was gutted, so i changed my mobile number straight away... just sick of being treated like this.

 

my friend looked at her face book around 6pm, and she made a post "CAN'T WAIT FOR OUR SINGLES HOLIDAY IN 14 DAYS"

 

what the hell.... this singles HOLIDAY must have been arranged when we was still together.... i was devestated.

 

i have not spoke to her since.... my friend saw her profile pop up on a dating site, after 1 week of us splitting up... again gutted

 

 

so basicly i feel like i am the one who gets blamed for anything and evertything, i am the one doing all the chasing and making up.. i am the one that gets pushed away, then pulled back in

 

 

i love her, but the way i have been treated stinks.... i miss her, and the good times.... but i fear how my life would be like if i married her, or had a child with her!!!!!

 

 

what should i do.. am i better off without this woman

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I feel for you man, my relationship (just posted a thread right under yours) has a lot of similar issues and problems. We shouldn't have to settle. And that's what we are doing. Settling. Don't you want someone that will want to see you as much as you want to see them? Want and appreciate that you make them a priority and they want to do the same for you? For both of us, this isn't the case and I think we need to seriously look at ourselves and say "this isn't the right woman for me". The right one will fight to see you, fight to spend New Years with you. I spent every New Years without the woman I loved because of her so I know how you feel. Just like Valentine's Day alone because of her. It sucks and it shouldn't be that way. Hell, most women would love it if their man spent time with them! Don't most women complain about that? Us guys that actually want to spend that time seem to pick women from the other end of the spectrum that are like the guys the women complain about.

 

Don't settle man. Go NC on her right now. It's what I should be doing as well. We deserve better and I know there are at least 2 women out there that would be happy with guys like us. There is a reason we are going through all this crap right now, it's to show us that these are not the relationships we should be in.

 

Keep your chin up bro. We need to feel this pain, grow from it and move the f&*k on.

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kaitracid2010
I feel for you man, my relationship (just posted a thread right under yours) has a lot of similar issues and problems. We shouldn't have to settle. And that's what we are doing. Settling. Don't you want someone that will want to see you as much as you want to see them? Want and appreciate that you make them a priority and they want to do the same for you? For both of us, this isn't the case and I think we need to seriously look at ourselves and say "this isn't the right woman for me". The right one will fight to see you, fight to spend New Years with you. I spent every New Years without the woman I loved because of her so I know how you feel. Just like Valentine's Day alone because of her. It sucks and it shouldn't be that way. Hell, most women would love it if their man spent time with them! Don't most women complain about that? Us guys that actually want to spend that time seem to pick women from the other end of the spectrum that are like the guys the women complain about.

 

Don't settle man. Go NC on her right now. It's what I should be doing as well. We deserve better and I know there are at least 2 women out there that would be happy with guys like us. There is a reason we are going through all this crap right now, it's to show us that these are not the relationships we should be in.

 

Keep your chin up bro. We need to feel this pain, grow from it and move the f&*k on.

 

 

 

thank you for your advice... i really do love this woman... but when i am with her, i feel like she does not care if i am there, or not.

 

i don't really feel loved... yet she talks about marriage & living together.

 

it is always me, running after her, to make up.... she NEVER EVER admits to any wrong doing, or ever admits mis treating me in anyway!!!!

 

sh has hurt me many times.... and now she has ended it again.. for the 2nd times, in the space of 2 weeks.

 

she has secretly booked a singles holiday behind my back, even when we was together... because she made a post about it on facebook, ont he very day we split up!

 

this holiday must have been organized earlier, when we was together... also she was on a dating site, 1 week after finishing it...

 

and now she has even hinted, thats she is seeing someone!!!!!!!!

 

she prob lying about seeing someone, just so she can hurt me!

 

if she was seeing someone.. then why register on a dating site, why arrange a singles holiday...

 

she is a very attractive woman, and i feel like i would never find such a good looking woman again...

 

but she treats me crap.... and i need someone in my life, who loves me, just as much as i love her.

 

i ave remained no contact for the last week and half, yet she has sent me at least 15 emails

 

i have only read 2 of them.. and as usual she is blaming me, being nasty and showing no remorse, or accepting any wrong doing

 

i have decided not to read the rest of the emails, as they will only hurt me more...

 

SHOULD I GO STRICT INTO NO CONTACT & LEAVE THIS WOMAN BEHIND, AND IGNORE HER!!!???????

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kaitracid2010

i often ask myself....

 

yes she is very good looking & the sex is great.... she is 46 years old, and i am 36 years old.

 

when her looks fade & the sex is not what it used to be.... what am i left with?

 

am i left with a woman who loves me & respects me & will stand by me through all the good & bad life throws at me...

 

and my honest answer is.... i really really doubt it!

 

she just does not make much of an effort for me

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Don't you dare go back to someone who treats you this way.

 

If your thinking that she is going to just stay with you once age sets in and that gives you comfort, that is a messed up way of looking at things.

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kaitracid2010

she wanted me to move in with her, give up my home, and even try for a baby.

 

i dread to think, what would happen to me, if i moved in with her... or if i ended up having a baby with her...

 

i do love her loads.... but right now, i have a choice to break away from her forever.... or give into my feelings, and try to get her back.

 

it's a battle between my heart and brain....

 

i know i should listen to my brain on this one... she has already lied to me, deceived me... and could even be screwing someone else right now!!!!!

 

should i cut her out of my life for good and vanish.... i think that is the only course for me

 

i

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she wanted me to move in with her, give up my home, and even try for a baby.

 

i dread to think, what would happen to me, if i moved in with her... or if i ended up having a baby with her...

 

i do love her loads.... but right now, i have a choice to break away from her forever.... or give into my feelings, and try to get her back.

 

it's a battle between my heart and brain....

 

i know i should listen to my brain on this one... she has already lied to me, deceived me... and could even be screwing someone else right now!!!!!

 

should i cut her out of my life for good and vanish.... i think that is the only course for me

 

i

Dude there is more to a relationship than sex and looks. A baby??????? Are you kidding me? This sounds like bad news for this kid already. So you are considering possibly giving in and going back and having a baby with a girl for sex and looks?

 

Sorry if I sound harsh but that isn't love man

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kaitracid2010

no my friend.. i would not dream of having a baby with her...

 

 

the fact is i love her... and i have lots of genuine love to offer her...

 

i,m merely considering, what she has to offer me... other than her looks and the sex... she does not have much to offer me...

 

i can't depend on her, rely on her, or trust her anymore... so what is the point of going back to a person like this.

 

i will remain no contact, the only access she has to me now, is by email.. as i have changed my mobile numbers...

 

should i close down my email account, so she can never contact me again, in case she ropes me back in....

 

she can screw whoever she wants... i want a woman who loves and respects me equally, as i love her...

 

i,m going to make her history, and get over it

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dreamingoftigers

You both sound so reactive and conflictual that you should avoid each other forever, lest the universe implode from the sheer force of your contact.

 

You as well, really really need a dose of maturing and conflict de-escalation.

 

Google it.

 

Learn to screen for an appropriate partner, gauge your expectations and remain calm when dealing with someone that is just emotionally up and down.

 

This whole thing was so all over the map, it couldnt be navigated by Survivorman.

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kaitracid2010

i have many many times.. deescilated a situtaion... and many times apologised to her, even when i was not in the wrong.

 

how would you react, if your girlfreind made you feel this big... called you a NOBB HEAD, kept telling you to shut up...

 

at some point you would have to stand up for yourself, and let that person know, that you will not be treated like that anymore

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i,m merely considering, what she has to offer me... other than her looks and the sex... she does not have much to offer me...

 

 

If you know this then you are not in love with her

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The moment that she started calling you names that weren't affectionate "pet names", That showed me that she had no respect for you.

 

Let this one go. She wants nothing to do with you aside from hurting you and rubbing your nose into the situation.

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Don't just read the e-mails, block her. She is clearly only trying to provoke a response from you to justify the things she is doing and why she left you.

 

Its clear she was contemplating this for a while. Don't keep hurting yourself by sticking your foot in the trap she has set for you.

 

NC now and block her on FB, emails, phone, anywhere she can contact you. Gather up your dignity man and turn and walk away like a man. Let the next guy suffer the misery. I guarantee that you will wake one day with a smile on you face that you were man enough not to subject yourself to that kind of punishment.

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kaitracid2010

i feel like i have kept my dignity....

 

i walked out of her house & changed my mobile phone number straight away!

 

i went no contact & ignored her emails for a full week...

 

i only sent her 1 email back... just to inform her, that i know about her secret singles holiday, that she planned behind my back!!!

 

and i told her good luck on the dating site.... i have not contacted her since, and i NEVER EVER WILL....

 

i am not going to mourn this woman, as she was a bad apple & a liar!!! why mourn the loss of a manipulative person.

 

 

i should count myself lucky, that i got away from her... before i moved in with her, or even married her!

 

 

one thing i have learned... i will never allow myself to be disrespected in a relationship ever again....

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That's so wrong calling your loved one names to put them down. I agree with the poster that said time to move on.

46 is getting up there to be having a baby. Something a lot of thought should be put into..

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kaitracid2010
Don't just read the e-mails, block her. She is clearly only trying to provoke a response from you to justify the things she is doing and why she left you.

 

Its clear she was contemplating this for a while. Don't keep hurting yourself by sticking your foot in the trap she has set for you.

 

NC now and block her on FB, emails, phone, anywhere she can contact you. Gather up your dignity man and turn and walk away like a man. Let the next guy suffer the misery. I guarantee that you will wake one day with a smile on you face that you were man enough not to subject yourself to that kind of punishment.

 

other than letting her know, that i know about her singles holiday.... i have remained strict no contact... i have changed my mobile number, blocked emails... she has no way of contacting me now!!!

 

how do i handle this break up.... i don't feel like i have lost, an amazing, loving, caring woman here...

 

infact she treated me crap most of the time, yes sometimes she was nice to me... but for some strange reason, i really loved her... i really did

 

i was ready to marry her, and try for a baby.... i was so blinded to how she was treating me...

 

 

so how do i get over this? have i made a lucky escape? is this what i should tell myself everyday

 

she was a very attractive woman... why am i finding that hard to handle.

 

what is the point in being with an attractive woman, if she has nothing else to offer you, other than looks and sex

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kaitracid2010

is it easier to get over somebody, who treated you bad.... than with somebody who at some point deeply loved you, and treated you very well???

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Way easier to get over someone who treats you awful but most never fully do that's the problem. They treat you like crap but then reel you in with kindness only to treat you to more crap. If only it was so easy. She sounds emotionally abusive I think you made the right decision. She's calling you names right there that's an obvious sign to leave the relationship :(

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kaitracid2010

why do these people feel the need to reel you back in, when it is over?

 

she has done this a few times, she ended it, then for some reason, she managed to get back together with me.

 

its not going to happen this time tho

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Codependency... You are her emotional punching bag and she is your pretty sex toy but only for as long as you out up with it

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kaitracid2010

are there any personal experiences?

 

did you get over an ex quicker, when she was a horrible person & mis treated you????

 

or did you find it harder to get over an ex, who for most of the time, deeply loved you, and really cared for you????

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kaitracid2010
Codependency... You are her emotional punching bag and she is your pretty sex toy but only for as long as you out up with it

 

 

punch bag no more!!! have put an end to it... i believe in KARMA.... she will get her dues in time!

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