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How have you all dealt with..


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brokenhearted91

... Your exes moving on when you still love/care about them?

 

Some may have done it quicker than others but how have you or others you know dealt with it? What's your advice for anyone else going through the same thing?

 

I'm finding this the hardest part of my breakup. I'm sure some of you have read I still live with my ex and knowing he's texting someone new (although I don't fully know what is going on, I'm just presuming) but the thought of it is still heartbreaking.

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AlexfromBoston

If your ex moved on the only thing you can do is go NC and disappear from his/her life. If the relationship is salvageable, the best thing you can do is end things with love and accept the breakup and move on. Only when you have sufficiently dealt with the break up can you attempt another contact with your ex.

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brokenhearted91

What about people in a situation where NC is only an option to a certain extent? Ie. they go to school and are in the same classes as them, they work with them regularly or they have to live with them?

 

I'm able to go there Sunday night and leave Tuesday night, so Tuesday night - Sunday night I can do NC and it does help make it that bit easier but when I go back its like square one again with the feelings. :(

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AlexfromBoston

You just have to be stronger than the average joe and move on. There is nothing you can do in this position but enjoy life and move on. I personally look at every breakup as a temporary break and say to myself, "she'll be back, now lets have some fun". In my situation, my exes have always come back for round two, but even if they didn't, that little bit of false hope lets me travel beyond the heartbreak.

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brokenhearted91

Yeah that's what I've been trying to do... Spending time with family, doing more with friends etc and just trying to say yes to life. It's the time when your on your own and something reminds you and it just knocks you for six. He keeps saying this like "wow you're doing more now than when we were together" and asking me about family and what I've done at the weekend and how I seem to be acting really mature. I want him to see that he hasn't broken me into little pieces but its still hard to pretend when you still care, especially if they moved on too. Could this girl be a rebound even though he ended it with me? (That's if they are romantically linked)

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I deal with it by not knowing about it. If he has moved on and has met someone new, I don't want to know about it.

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I deal with it by telling myself "She doesn't owe me anything anymore" because she doesn't. She is free to f*ck whoever she wants, free to do whatever she wants. Everything I see about her tells me she's moved on and yet I still like to believe she wants me to contact her so we can live happily ever after.

 

As for having to see your ex? I run the risk of running into her on campus too. I usually don't make eye contact with her and book it as quickly as I can away from her. You can still be NC when you see him. Just don't start any conversations with him.

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coffeebean201

Some people are really manipulative.

 

The ex wants to date someone else, but they also like you knowing and stringing you along at the same time....?

 

The heartbreak isn't so much that the relationship is over, but how it came to end. at least from my perspective.

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Drummerboy420

I recently went full NC to deal with it. That is the best way to deal with it. I can sympathise with your situation. When the break up first happened back in November, I was stuck sleeping on the couch for a few weeks until I could move in with my best bud (whom I've known since we were 6). She rebounded with some guy from her parkour gym. That lasted maybe a month and a half. She admitted it was a rebound when she broke my first attempt at NC back then. Like a sucker I allowed myself to be a fallback. She has been dating. Now thinks that someone she's been dating just a short while is like a "male version" of herself and how she's "trying not to get hopes up". "Oh I'll just say or do something to mess it up, anyways. Isn't that what I always do?" The jerk in my wantd to say yes. lol. I asked for none of that info, it was all volunteered to me. That's after, during her dating excursion, she kept telling me I was "the favorite." I finally had enough and recently went as far as blocking her on FB this time. Now I am going out more on my own, and creating my own adventures. Seeking out company of family and friends more as well. This past weekend i went to watch some musician friends to an acoustic show. Spent the evening chatting up the bar tender and the staff. Did the same at a bar crawl yesterday, ran into an acquaintance (another musician) and his buddies, and ended up running amok with them the rest of the night. Keep your head up and hang in there! Keep going out and doing what you're doing. I still hurt on the inside at times as well, especially down time/alone time. But each time I go have fun it hurts less and less. I am realizing how much less shy I have become over the years. I used to not be able to go out on my own and just chat with anyone and everyone. Women especially. I used to be indimidated. Now I'm like, "eh."

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A n t h o n y

Gym = Endorphins = Happy.

On a side note however I always loved singing but I was so caught up with my Ex I didn't have time to do things I enjoyed. After she left me For her Ex I finally had time to practice, go back to covering songs, playing guitar and it makes me feel pretty good. I just put all my feelings / emotions into music. Best advice I could give anyone is to stay productive don't worry about your ex because they could give a **** less about you and don't rush into anything or rebound someone because it's an endless cycle of agony.

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Short answer: I went crazy. Yup, mad as a dog! I once tried to walk across a beam of light, to get to the otherside of a building, that is how mad I was.

 

:) To be serious though...I just stopped all thoughts of her. Yes, I crushed them as they instantly popup. I do not look her up. I have become indifferent. I have learned neither to truly hate nor love(though I love her, and that is the tick, eh?) her...

 

That and I do workout/martial arts, hangout with friends. Go bowling/fishing/work/other stuff...I read books, and help people on LS.

 

I find helping people on here to be rather relaxing...sometimes..

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A n t h o n y

Mmmm Also if you really want to get under their skin just act yourself, be happy, don't show them you are hurting and better yourself, the moment you stop caring and you move on they will fly right back. How do I know? My ex is starting to stalk me because I know for a fact she is realizing what she left behind. Just today she saw me driving and was riding my ass trying to get my attention so i just cranked the music up, turned on the subs and ignored the hell out of her. Damn did that feel good.

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I don’t know if my ex HAS moved on exactly, but I have dealt with everything by separating the love and the situation.

 

Our relationship could not work anymore. He ended it. It was for the best, GIVEN the situation, for both of us. I still wish we could be together, but it simply wouldn’t work in the circumstances we were forced to be in. This does not mean he never loved me and it does not mean he doesn’t love me still. And it doesn’t mean I don’t love him either. I do. Very much. I think I always will.

 

I see clearly that we simply cannot be together. And that’s how I have (sort of) moved on. Even if I saw him apparently happy, even if I saw him with someone else…though admittedly that WOULD tear my heart out at first, soon enough I’d be ok again. I’d want him to be happy. Be with someone he CAN actually truly be with. Have what he couldn’t have with me. I know he would wish for my happiness too.

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Dazed_Confused1989

I'm 6 months post BU, and I'm ready to move on with my life! It takes time - I hope you recognize that. Staying busy is the key. Trust me, you will grow so much as a person during this painful experience. The shock of being alone really hit me hard too, but I now trust myself more than I ever would have thought was imaginable. The best thing you can do now is cut all contact, including Facebook, Twitter, whatever. Trust yourself, give this time, and everything will be OK - I guarantee it.

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brokenhearted91
Mmmm Also if you really want to get under their skin just act yourself, be happy, don't show them you are hurting and better yourself, the moment you stop caring and you move on they will fly right back. How do I know? My ex is starting to stalk me because I know for a fact she is realizing what she left behind. Just today she saw me driving and was riding my ass trying to get my attention so i just cranked the music up, turned on the subs and ignored the hell out of her. Damn did that feel good.

 

 

If you act like your happy and not hurting, wont they just think your over it? So then they won't bother even if some miracle happened and they missed you.

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"I don’t know if my ex HAS moved on exactly, but I have dealt with everything by separating the love and the situation.

 

Our relationship could not work anymore. He ended it. It was for the best, GIVEN the situation, for both of us. I still wish we could be together, but it simply wouldn’t work in the circumstances we were forced to be in. This does not mean he never loved me and it does not mean he doesn’t love me still. And it doesn’t mean I don’t love him either. I do. Very much. I think I always will.

 

I see clearly that we simply cannot be together. And that’s how I have (sort of) moved on. Even if I saw him apparently happy, even if I saw him with someone else…though admittedly that WOULD tear my heart out at first, soon enough I’d be ok again. I’d want him to be happy. Be with someone he CAN actually truly be with. Have what he couldn’t have with me. I know he would wish for my happiness too."

 

 

 

-i wish i have the same mind set like you do.. but im a fool..

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Coping Vortex
Some people are really manipulative.

 

The ex wants to date someone else, but they also like you knowing and stringing you along at the same time....?

 

The heartbreak isn't so much that the relationship is over, but how it came to end. at least from my perspective.

 

Exactly what happened to me.

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If you act like your happy and not hurting, wont they just think your over it? So then they won't bother even if some miracle happened and they missed you.

Oddly enough it will make them see you in a better light. They don't want to know you if you're hanging around depressed and feeling sorry for yourself.

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Immediately after my ex told me that she had found someone else, I left the house and took a four mile walk to my friends place without a phone and didn't get back till the next day in the evening. This long walk without the phone helped me reflect a lot on my life and the status of my relationship.

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I haven't really but I've blocked out any feelings I have, about anything, like putting a shutter up and refuse to let anything in or get past my barrier. I avoid going to places I might bump into him - not easy as we live 5 minutes from each other - I go out of my way to go past reminders and I would never, ever seek out information from Facebook or Twitter, and I never ask any questions. I don't want to know and prefer to remain completely ignorant although, of course, the imagination is often worse than reality.

 

I know I was replaced, within days of him being in my bed, and all I know is it was someone from his running club - I don't know, or want to know, anymore than that, in fact that's more than I care to know. I just thank God I've not seen him with anyone - I couldn't cope with that, even 21 months on. Knowledge is not power in these circumstances, it's an instrument of torture. I have no wish to know if he is still seeing this person, or anyone else.

Edited by Jingle14
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If you act like your happy and not hurting, wont they just think your over it? So then they won't bother even if some miracle happened and they missed you.

 

Oddly enough it will make them see you in a better light. They don't want to know you if you're hanging around depressed and feeling sorry for yourself.

 

That's what I've often wondered too. Whenever I put a happy post or comment on Facebook (he's not a 'friend' on mine on there but I've left my profile 'open' in case he ever did look and I have no idea if he ever would or does) I've thought will he look at that - happy pictures of me and my son (he's not my son's dad) and think he'll not upset the applecart by contacting me and starting it all over again.

 

mcdo - do you really think it does, even when they might think a change of heart on their part runs the risk of complicating things?

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mcdo - do you really think it does, even when they might think a change of heart on their part runs the risk of complicating things?

Only makes sense really. Would you be interested in a person that carries on depressed and lonely, pining after someone who left them ages ago?

 

Or would you be interested in a person that's fun, free, happy and enjoying life?

 

Well, the same applies to your ex. It's 99.9% certain they would prefer to know the 2nd person.

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Only makes sense really. Would you be interested in a person that carries on depressed and lonely, pining after someone who left them ages ago?

 

Or would you be interested in a person that's fun, free, happy and enjoying life?

 

Well, the same applies to your ex. It's 99.9% certain they would prefer to know the 2nd person.

 

No, I get that, but where there are potential added complications I doubt that even if someone genuinely had a change of heart that they would risk rocking the boat of the other person's life. In my case, I have a young son and I was distraught when he turned against me because I split with his dad and started my new relationship shortly afterwards. I fought very hard to get him back, which I did (as my happy Facebook photos of us together testify) and my ex knows how very, very difficult it has all been for me and that's why, even though to all intents and purposes I look to be happy and enjoying life, I doubt he'd contact me no matter what he felt. I guess everyone has their own situation though.

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marklarsson
Oddly enough it will make them see you in a better light. They don't want to know you if you're hanging around depressed and feeling sorry for yourself.

 

this sort of situation can be a catch 22.

Women do sometimes like to feel 'involved' in the sense of if she feels that she is the one or can be the one to help you out of your state. this is assuming that you are not depressed and mopping because of the break up.

 

but on the flip side if you are seeming happy they could think you have moved o but as mentioned my you it will make them see you in a better light.

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