I need to stop.

[McDonald]

Hey LS

 

Just when I think, everything is looking up... I set myself back.

I no longer have an interest in texting her (well...at least not as much as before)

I also no longer have an interest in running into her on campus.

 

However... I don't understand why I do this. I walk by her apartment on purpose to see if I can see her on the roof balcony Or something. I know it's completely wrong and when I do see her I usually end up getting hurt. Well not even usually, all the time.

 

And now since I know what place is the new bf room... That makes it even wor because I catch mylf looking into it and seeing the, usually. I now it sound so terrible. I feel like I sm crazy.. Losing it... Going to go to jail or something.

 

I know that what I am doing is wrong, yet I can't seem to truly stop it. I told myself last night never again. I will never do it again because I saw them partying. Yet, there I am this morning.

 

What am I trying to see? Maybe because it's the alt form of connection I have. Without it, moving on is the only thing. However, isn't it the only thing anyway? It is time to say goodbye. Is been almost 70 days. She has a new boyfriend and my head is beginning to hurt from all the banging into walls. Yet, this idea of s relationship... It follows me... It haunts me... It's not leaving.

 

Has anyone had a similar experience and how did you get through it? How can I stop going by the place.

 

Sometimes I have to... To go to a certain store. I live. A college town so everything is pretty close and do end up seeing her out etc. I just want to stop having tis urge to peak up at the place. I want to stop waiting by the park to see if I can find something. I am really hurting myself. She isn't causing the pan anymore. It's me. It always has been me I guess

[purplereigncb]

Yes you def. need to stop. Kind of scary really. I luckily live far from my ex. I can't even go to this restaurant that I love. It's right by her house. I know I'd probably go bang on her door.

[McDonald]

I mean to post this in the coping forum but anyway..

 

I feel like its just to see what she is doing since I went NC and have don't want to contact her. But yes, I do have to stop.

 

Is weird though because I'm not angry at her. And she did hurt me big time. I was never so depressed before. That feeling for the mot part is gone now. During that time though, I was able to stay away. But now that it has passed. Something went off in my head that makes me want to see what's going on. Like maybe. Can win her back type thinking. But it is done. I see that. Now I haveto just control my emotions and do what is best for me.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, you need to avoid her place like the plague. That's stalkerish and creepy. I wouldn't even go to restaurants near my ex's place until I knew she had moved away. This is bad behavior and you must stop it this second.

[McDonald]

Yeah, you need to avoid her place like the plague. That's stalkerish and creepy. I wouldn't even go to restaurants near my ex's place until I knew she had moved away. This is bad behavior and you must stop it this second.

 

I recognize that it is terrible and it hurts me because I never thought I would succumb to something like this...

 

This all comes with the letting go part.. and I have seen enough. i have been giving every sign possible from pictures of them to seeing them out and about.. to Know that it HAS been over since day 1 of the break up... since she left me and then immediately met up with this other guy at his house, instead of flying to me for new years like she had planned.

 

 

I have seen it, Im ready to accept it for what it is. I do deserve so much better... Its just the amount of time and effort put into this Relationship... to see it all go away.

 

The pain wont go away till I let go though.. and I feel like I am so close to it. So close.