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Can i get my ex back?

adrian1014

By adrian1014,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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adrian1014

adrian1014

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So basically i went out with my ex girlfriend for 8 months, we were each others first love, and everything seemed fine we were both happy then out of the blue she says she sees me more as a bestfriend than a boyfriend and she really doesnt want to lose me and she still wants to be best friends.. initially she said she doesnt know if shes making the right decsion she said she wants to make the decision mutual but i told her that i want her to be happy so we will break up if thats what she wants.. anyways this was 3 months ago.

 

i was feeling like **** never went through something like this before and i never thought i would feel so bad if we broke up but yeh a lot has happened since we broke up we had a couple fights because it was hard for me to be just friends with her, i mean i tried being friends but it just caused to much pain for me so i went through a stage where i wouldnt initiate contact with her and id respond with short replies and she would message me heaps in this time and get heaps annoyed at why i wasnt talking to her much anymore... then we ended up having a period where we are friends and meeting up and talking every couple days..

 

she says i miss you and **** and even i love you but i know it doesnt mean she wants me back. i did everything you shouldnt do when you just break up because i was just so devestated and yeh so i tried telling her how much i love her etc etc telling her that she means so much to me and she just told me she has lost feelings for me and doesnt love me anymore like she used to. she said she wants to fall back in love with me but this was a couple months ago. she gets jelous when im with other girls and i got abit fed up with everything because she was sorta leading me on so i told her not to contact me anymore and i started the no contact.

 

it has been about two weeks now and she hasnt messaged me or anything. her friends told me that she is terrified at the thought of losing me. i guess im doing this to get some control of my self emotionally but deep down i know its going to take me so long to get over her because i still love her. There was no real reason for the break up apart from her losing feelings for me she always tells me how im the nicest and sweetest guy and i did everything for her so i dont know if i still have a chance and what i should do with the whole no contact thing.. some advice would go a long way thanks <3

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adrian1014

adrian1014

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yeh man but even if i still want her back i dont know if this is the right thing to do as in she might just completely lose any feelings she had left for me if i dont talk to her or it might make her miss me more and want to talk to me more i dont know it sucks :( dont really know what im doing

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TaraMaiden

TaraMaiden

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Adrian, forget ever contacting her again.

 

I'll say that again:

 

Forget about ever being in touch with her, ever again.

 

OK?

 

Go No Contact, stay No Contact and realise that this is over, and it's time for you to let go, move on and heal.

 

First of all, don't listen to 'her friends'.

Listening to third-party comments just confuses issues, muddies the waters and is actually akin to 'Chinese whispers'.

You're not getting the true or proper deal.

 

Secondly, do not listen to people that suggest you can alsways keep trying to stay in touch, or hold out hope.

 

Once a girl breaks up with you, it's a thing as rare as hen's teeth for her to want you back in a full-blown relationship again....

 

She doesn't want to lose you as a friend, because that would mnean her guilt would be compounded.

 

Read my signature link on No Contact.

 

Read all the remainder of the thread too.

 

And read this thread, by way of confirmation.

 

Learn to recognise Breadcrumbs, and do not let her manipulate your heart into becoming an under-the-heel crushed one.

 

This one is done and dusted, gone, lost.

Pick yourself up and keep going.

First loves are just that.

 

First.

There will be others, and you'll be fine.

 

If you're under 23, trust me.

This is a big deal.

But not THE big deal.

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Soxfaninfl

Soxfaninfl

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If she fell in love with you and then fell out of love with you then something was wrong with the relationship. Women fall out of love for many reasons. TaraMadien is right. Go no contact and heal. Move on with your life. Find someone else. What you had with this girl wasn't true love. A women that truly loves you will never fall out of love. Count your blessing you don't have a child with her. Believe me I know.

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curlygirl40

curlygirl40

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You need to do what's good for you, and what's good for you is to not be her friend.

 

It's too hard to be someone's friend when feelings are involved and when you want more than they want. It's actually selfish on her part to say she still wants you in her life as a friend because it's hurting you to do that.

 

Follow TM's advice. It's spot on.

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adrian1014

adrian1014

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Alright thanks for all the advice guys, i guess i know that i shouldn't get back with her because she really wasnt a good girlfriend and everyone says that, i think i want her back so much because she dumped me but i dont know we were really close with each other so i dont think i can cut her out of my life because she is also friends with a lot of my friends so i will end up bumping into her sooner or later. but is there really no hope for me at all in getting back with her later? i thought no contact served a double purpose in helping you heal and move on but at the same time making the other person miss you and realize what they have lost but yeh thanks anyways guys :)

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TaraMaiden

TaraMaiden

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No, that's not the purpose of No Contact.

No contract is purely and simply a device for you to heal more quickly and live your life again to the full.

 

You had a life without her, 8 months ago, and you managed perfectly well.

You can have that life again, as you evolve, learn from the mishaps, where you might have gone wrong, improve yourself, and get a better girl.

 

Have you actually read the guide and the ensuing thread?

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Soxfaninfl

Soxfaninfl

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Alright thanks for all the advice guys, i guess i know that i shouldn't get back with her because she really wasnt a good girlfriend and everyone says that, i think i want her back so much because she dumped me but i dont know we were really close with each other so i dont think i can cut her out of my life because she is also friends with a lot of my friends so i will end up bumping into her sooner or later. but is there really no hope for me at all in getting back with her later? i thought no contact served a double purpose in helping you heal and move on but at the same time making the other person miss you and realize what they have lost but yeh thanks anyways guys :)

 

I still love my ex-wife, but I know she wasn't good for me. She won't see how great you were untill she's had a couple of ****ty relationships. She probably has the grass is greener syndrome. By the time she realizes it, you might be with somebody great. Don't know what you got till it's gone. Some times people need to find out the hard way. If people said she wasn't a good girlfriend then that's telling you something.

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