irishdaisy Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Hi Folks, it's nice to meet you all. My BF broke up with me on Christmas Eve. We were together almost a year. He left the keys on the kitchen table and took off. He was texting someone and when I asked to see his phone he said "no", took a shower and left. We work together from time to time and have talked since. The first time I saw him he apologized and gave me many reasons why he left. He said he is broke and had to move in with his mom and he hates it, that he felt too needy for me and hated it, also that he didn't think anything was changing between the two of us and that he didn't know what I expected from him in the relationship. I guess he hated that too. All of these reasons he must have kept all to himself because I was feeling so happy about everything. He wasn't perfect but I thought he was perfect for me. We connected about everything, I thought. He could read my mind and speak my world. I felt that crazy happy feeling all the time of being understood. Just walking across the street talking was priceless stuff to me. We work in the same field and its a very narrow field that we are both very passionate about. This is what makes it so hard, that connection I miss so so much. He's been texting me,7-10 days apart, sometimes random things and work things but never relationship things. He's recently lent me some of his very expensive work equiptment, offered to help me in little ways.. Anyone care to comment about what is happening in my world? I could use some insight, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
lostindreams Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 i cannot say exactly what is going on but the one thing holds true- its time for No Contact!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author irishdaisy Posted March 2, 2013 Author Share Posted March 2, 2013 Thanks for the help.. I have tried no contact for 2 weeks, it felt so awful.. plus the side story to this is that he may one day be my boss soon on one of my jobs,- one that gives me substantial income. So a part of me is playing peacekeeper while another part of me is playing heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
Sososad Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 You got to try no contact please. Your talking that he may be your boss someday It's too far away the emotional damage and pain you Put yourself through in the meantime is torture . You see he is probably ok (Ish) he still has you to text or call When he's Low or lonely he kinda is using you as his crutch. You deserve so much more and it's unhealthy like that too. Unfortunately there is no crystal ball so like many of us here we (try) accept it is over and start healing . But keeping him around and him loaning you stuff it's hurting you . It's hard to see but going no contact for a little while Will put things in perspective maybe he misses you and doesn't like it when your gone or maybe he's ok with it . Either way you start to heal ... Hope is a terrible thing in breakups it delays healing so much and when hope goes your back to square one again.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irishdaisy Posted March 2, 2013 Author Share Posted March 2, 2013 Thank you so much for the insight about no contact. I know no contact works and it's healthy for me, but how do I go about this in my situation? If he becomes my boss in the future he has all the say as to who works for him. If I am friendly to him now which I have been i have the possibility of keeping that job to which he's going to be my boss. Isn't that right To stay in contact and make him believe that I am okay with everything? I'm only replying to his texts not initiating them myself. But I have to admit it's messing with my head. Thank you for the help I really do appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sososad Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 I can only say I've seen people's heads and hearts turned inside out by this Sort of stuff .. I'm not really sure what to say but I don't think it's healthy to be so friendly ... Maybe go into like a low contact kind of thing .. Link to post Share on other sites
Sexy Teddy Bear Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 No, no, no, no. Go NC. Do not reply to his texts/calls. Do not accept anymore equipment, etc. he loans you. Nothing. Do not even talk to him at work unless absolutely necessary. You don't need to be friendly to your boss in order to keep a job. Plenty of people avoid their bosses like the plague anyway. Any and all contact is only going to pull you down further and further. So do me a favor. Next time he texts your, delete the text and do not reply to it. Just put it out of your mind and go about your business. And for goodness sake, return the stuff he lent you. Do it now, and make your time with him quick. Just quick enough to hand him the stuff. Then leave. Don't even try to make small talk. Maybe "hi, how are you" or something. But nothing else. After that, no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author irishdaisy Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 Wow, it sure helps to post all my feelings on the site. I thank you so much for reading all of this. Okay I hear you that I need to return the equipment that he gave me. But with our field it's more like a independent contractor type of thing… All of us refer each other for jobs and this silly and sad part of this Is that none of our colleagues know that we even went out. I kept all that a secret so I feel like such a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with our whole relationship. Everyone knows everyone and for me to suddenly ignore him just feels so strange. And because he's up for promotion on one of my major jobs he's also would be the one who decides who works under him. At this point in time I've had that particular job for over 10 years and if I don't say and do nice things to him now perhaps he won't hire me for this job! Oh it's enough to drive me crazy. Maybe he wouldn't hire me anyway. I feel so screwed. Also returning his equipment now means to me that I'll never have another reason to talk to him again. I know that's so screwed up to but that last little bit of hope of having his stuff gives me the screwed up confidence that we may get back together again. Link to post Share on other sites
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