lostindreams Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 Around the end of january we broke up. Had been together 7 years. Totally monogamous, no doubts in our mind that we were 'perfect for eachother.' We had discussed marriage and he always said he wanted to marry me, but he just wasnt sure when hed be ready. We got engaged in 2008. We eventually decided after college when we both had careers would be a good time. Last year he moved across country for work. This was difficult as we only saw eachother every 4 months or so. So i talked to him about the possibility of our relationship getting more serious, for marriage. He said that he was annoyed by me asking him about marriage and he was not 'financially ready' and 'stable enough' for that. I basically told them that I wanted to know wehre the relationship was headed or I thought it was time to jump ship, because it felt like it wasnt headed anywhere we were still at the same place we were years ago. So he told me fine, jump ship. And we broke up. A week later, his phone butt-dials me, and i pick up. I hear him flirting with a girl, laughing, chatting. I call him back immediately and demand to know whats up. he said he met a new girlfriend, she is a highschooler, lives in his city, etc. He said that they are even discussing marrying eachother!! So i guess what i wanted for 7 years she might get in 3 weeks! He contacts me daily thru call and text, and wants to be 'best friends'.Says he still loves me 'in ways'. I do not want to be best friends, I want my fiancee back who i loved. He keeps saying when he 'decides the new girl isnt working out, he might consider getting back with me, but he cant promise anything, so i should go find somebody new" This really makes me feel like im somebodys second-chance option, and that hes putting me on the back burner so i can wait around for him. I am angry at myself for getting walked over by him. So my question is- what should i do? I love this man, we were very serious about eachother, and for him to run away at the mention of a wedding date is ridiculous. I am wondering if i should do NO CONTACT as some people told me i need to. But im afraid to lose him for good. im just very frustrated about this and bitter. everyone says i should just go find somebody else but i dont feel ready. Link to post Share on other sites
evondavis1 Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 OMG, click on my profile and read my story.....I think we dated the same man. 7 years, a life, etc...... Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 how can you still respect someone that is dating a highschooler???? lol Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 You remind me of someone who posted this not too long ago. Anywho I would suggest you do NC not to get him back but to get over him. If he has told you he is not in love with you but loves you I would move on. If he has another girl he is talking marriage with what else do you need to move on. When he contacts you are you the one initiating contact? I'm sure he feels guilty for hurting you and doesn't want you to hate him and that maybe why he wants you two to be friends. Don't try to be his friend because you still have feelings for him. The best thing is to change all contact info so he can't reach you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostindreams Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 i dont know..... i am 22 it is not -that- far away... but still..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostindreams Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 i think he does feel very guilty. I am just in shock. I feel that it will be hard to trust again and find someone again. 7 years is such a long time. every day gets a little bit better i guess. I shouldve known something would happen. i blocked his number so no he only has my email and he hasnt bothered to message me. Im disgusted that hes held on to many of my possessions including some photos that are sort of...scandalous and refuses to get rid of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostindreams Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 OMG, click on my profile and read my story.....I think we dated the same man. 7 years, a life, etc...... WOW. reading your post...it does sound like the same man!!! i understand your pain and feelings exactly...though I do not have a child.... (miscarried years ago, and that is a story for another day).... you must feel devastated. i just want to know where this ends. when do we pick up the pieces, and where do we even begin? it is hard to hide behind a wall. I pretend things are going well, nobody wants to hear me vent. My parents say, oh, you will get over him. Friends say, youll find someone better. but they havent been in our places, so how do they know? all i can say is these men are so cruel, to be able to leave someone and then find someone new in a matter of days/weeks... it disgusts me. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 You are afraid to lose him for good? This is a man that easily told you to go jump on another ship and is now with a highschooler. If he didn't want to fight for you then, don't sit around putting your life on hold waiting for him to choose you now. Find your self-respect and go NC. He is even telling you if it doesn't work with the other woman, he MAY come and find you. Blech. You should feel disgusted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostindreams Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 You are afraid to lose him for good? This is a man that easily told you to go jump on another ship and is now with a highschooler. If he didn't want to fight for you then, don't sit around putting your life on hold waiting for him to choose you now. Find your self-respect and go NC. He is even telling you if it doesn't work with the other woman, he MAY come and find you. Blech. You should feel disgusted. thank you, its a hard pill to swallow, but truer words were never spoken Link to post Share on other sites
purplereigncb Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 sounds like an A-hole 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evondavis1 Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 WOW. reading your post...it does sound like the same man!!! i understand your pain and feelings exactly...though I do not have a child.... (miscarried years ago, and that is a story for another day).... you must feel devastated. i just want to know where this ends. when do we pick up the pieces, and where do we even begin? it is hard to hide behind a wall. I pretend things are going well, nobody wants to hear me vent. My parents say, oh, you will get over him. Friends say, youll find someone better. but they havent been in our places, so how do they know? all i can say is these men are so cruel, to be able to leave someone and then find someone new in a matter of days/weeks... it disgusts me. I will not sugar coat it, it is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through in my life. It's a roller coaster of emtions. First the break, then the new girl, then the new relationship, then in my case marriage. I was sick for months. lost 25 lbs. couldn't get out of bed. Then I started to feel better a few months in, but this little twinge of pain still lurks it's ugly head. I am 6 months out, and I still feel pain, not as bad as the beginning though. Time is on your side now. He made his bed, he made his choise. you are right, you don't want to be 2nd best, and you should never settle for less. you are in control of your own life now. People tell me it's better to find out now, then years later, and then go through a divorce. I am sorry for your loss and pain. I don't have the answer for you except NC all the way. I do not have any communication with my ex, unless regarding visitation with our son. He still tries, but I ignore every attempt. He has no clue how my life is, and I have done such a good job, that to him, it appears that I have moved on just fine. He thinks I am happy and don't care, which is exactly what I want him to think. I will never let him know that I am dying, it would feed his ego. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 You say in here that you were "very serious about each other." I'm going to have to question that. I have no doubt that you were very serious about him. He on the other hand didn't have any issue picking up and moving cross country. He had no issue seeing you once every four months. He had no issue telling you to leave the relationship when you expressed concern as to where it was going. He had no issue then going out and getting a new girlfriend, professing his love and desire to marry her mere minutes after ending it with you. I can't for the life of me agree that he was serious about you. Did he enjoy being with you? Probably. He probably had a great thing going for 7 years. A doting girlfriend who would do anything for him. He on the other hand just told you a lot of what you wanted to hear to keep you sticking around. You say you guys were engaged. Did he propose with a ring? If not, you guys were not engaged. Just more words for him to string you along. He's also being pretty selfish at this point and you're right. He is putting you on the back burner and making you a second choice. I wouldn't be too concerned that this new girl he's dating is somehow this fantastic person he's always been searching for. I'm going to say that he's too scared to be alone. A bit narcissistic and he uses people in his life. He's telling her what she wants to hear. Buttering her up making her feel like she's special. He's not going to marry her at all. He'll coast along just like he did with you. It's horrible because this went on for 7 years, but huge bullet dodged with this person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sexy Teddy Bear Posted March 1, 2013 Share Posted March 1, 2013 He keeps saying when he 'decides the new girl isnt working out, he might consider getting back with me, but he cant promise anything, so i should go find somebody new" ^^^This. Never talk to this douche bag again. Seriously? Does he think he really think he can just go and experiment with other girls and if he doesn't like them he can just come straight back to you? I hope you wont take him back if this is what he tries to do, and he most likely will eventually. I understand 7 years is a long time, but that's just rotten on his part. He thinks your a just toy that he can use whenever he wants. And when he sees a shiny new toy, he will throw you to the side and come crying back when it breaks. Don't give him that safety of having something to fall back on. When he falls - and he will fall, especially with a high school girl - you need to be nowhere around to catch him. Your his safety net, and with you gone he will have nothing to catch him. He will fall right into the pavement at terminal velocity. Maybe then he will learn his lesson to not be a douche. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostindreams Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 You say in here that you were "very serious about each other." I'm going to have to question that. I have no doubt that you were very serious about him. He on the other hand didn't have any issue picking up and moving cross country. He had no issue seeing you once every four months. He had no issue telling you to leave the relationship when you expressed concern as to where it was going. He had no issue then going out and getting a new girlfriend, professing his love and desire to marry her mere minutes after ending it with you. I can't for the life of me agree that he was serious about you. Did he enjoy being with you? Probably. He probably had a great thing going for 7 years. A doting girlfriend who would do anything for him. He on the other hand just told you a lot of what you wanted to hear to keep you sticking around. You say you guys were engaged. Did he propose with a ring? If not, you guys were not engaged. Just more words for him to string you along. He's also being pretty selfish at this point and you're right. He is putting you on the back burner and making you a second choice. I wouldn't be too concerned that this new girl he's dating is somehow this fantastic person he's always been searching for. I'm going to say that he's too scared to be alone. A bit narcissistic and he uses people in his life. He's telling her what she wants to hear. Buttering her up making her feel like she's special. He's not going to marry her at all. He'll coast along just like he did with you. It's horrible because this went on for 7 years, but huge bullet dodged with this person. thank you so much for posting this. youre right. I was the one in love. HIM on the other hand..... I guess i kind of created a fantasy in my head about it. I know early on, it was two of us in love. but somewhere down the line he was busy all the time, and couldnt be bothered to do much for me. And i was the doting gf. Yes I had a ring. And no i dont wear it anymore. Makes me sick to look at any of his stuff, the ring is worthless anyways, because what, did he expect me to be 'engaged' forever? And sexyteddybear, I hope he falls right on his face. At this point he deserves it. and then he will have lost both me and the new girl. Link to post Share on other sites
evondavis1 Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 I read in another post how a family member of yours married a russian mail order bride?? How did that turn out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostindreams Posted March 2, 2013 Author Share Posted March 2, 2013 yes! well they are still together so i guess it worked, though they live in another state then me so i dont seem them too often. She goes back to russia for a few months each year to visit family... i dont know the ins and outs of the relationship, but my uncle had dated girls on and off, always european, i guess thats his thing, but nothing serious came up till he met my aunt, she wanted an american man, he wanted a foreign girl. she is really gorgeous, and he has a successful job, so i guess they both got what they wanted..... i hate to say anything negative cuz its my family, but i do honestly believe, these types of relationships are more of arrangements then actual love-based marriages.... Link to post Share on other sites
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