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I just HATE when people say this!


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singme2sleep

You've just been broken up with by someone you really love. Or maybe it's been a few weeks, but you are out in public when you run into a friend or acquaintance who mentions your split and says the phrase they think is helpful and comforting, however you end up feeling worse...

 

"You'll find somebody else."

 

I know people mean well, I just hate being told that. When your heart is broken and you still love your ex, it's the last thing you want to hear. Finding a new person to date is usually not even a factor in your mind for a long while. So why do people assume saying it will somehow ease the pain????

 

Who else has been given this line, and felt like screaming?!?!?!

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Eh, they mean well. Most people just have no clue how to handle the situation, so they say the most cliche lines possible. Just take it with a grain of salt.

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I don't find that guys say that too often. They usually say, " Forget that bitch. I never liked her anyway. She was bat sh*t crazy."

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amaysngrace

I usually say "it's their loss" and sometimes I say "good" if I didn't like the person.

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singme2sleep

"It's their loss" isn't my favorite either. Maybe it is, but it's your loss too or you wouldn't be in pain!

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I agree. I know they mean well and really just don't know what to say, but I was just dumped by my fiancee for another girl. I trusted him 100% and he betrayed me 100%. How in the world do you think I'm going to be able to trust another person again after this? And why would I want to risk going through this much pain again? I can't even smile at people I'm so down, and you think giving me hope that I'll find someone else is going to help? I just want to feel normal. I just want to make it through one day without crying...or even better, not think of him once.

 

I did just have a very nice gesture from my coworkers though. Two of them pitched in and bought me a six pack of beer and a gift card to the liquor store. They told me they missed my smile. Very kind. It made me smile, but then I started to sob again when they left. feh.

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amaysngrace

No words are going to take away the pain no matter what somebody says.

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singme2sleep

newsbug- I totally get that. We weren't engaged but we had talked about marriage and the future, so finding "someone new" is not what I want. And even if I ever do get to the point of that, I don't know how to trust again either.

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Own Worst Enemy

Is when THEY say it to you.

 

As in my ex, who is desperate to be friends, basically saying, "hurry up and get shacked up so we can be mates again".

 

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

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Sexy Teddy Bear
I trusted him 100% and he betrayed me 100%. How in the world do you think I'm going to be able to trust another person again after this? And why would I want to risk going through this much pain again?

 

That's how I feel. All the promises she made me, everything she ever said about us, like how she would only love me, ect. ect. Everything turned into one big lie when she dumped me. How am I suppose to trust another woman after what my ex did to me? I know that eventually I will...I hope. But I want that to now, not years down the road. I'm going to be 23 in 4 days. I'm getting old! I want to get over this crap now so I can find a real girl and spend the remaining 60-70 years of my life with her.

 

 

But anyway. Yes, it gets annoying when people try to comfort you. Not you guys here on LS, you know what your talking about. But like friends or family. They just make it worse, no matter how good their intentions are. That's why I didn't even talk to my Mother and Sister about it until last night. If I had talked to them about it right after the BU, they would have just fed me a ton of cliche lines that would have only made me cry even more.

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Sexy Teddy Bear
Is when THEY say it to you.

 

As in my ex, who is desperate to be friends, basically saying, "hurry up and get shacked up so we can be mates again".

 

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

 

Yeah, my ex told me to "find someone else". Seriously? It wasn't until yesterday I realized that she said that because she was already with another dude. I guess she wanted me to get hooked up cause if I'm with another girl, it's no big deal that she left me for another guy. That's probably her mentality. Ridiculous... :/

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I'm going to be 23 in 4 days. I'm getting old! I want to get over this crap now so I can find a real girl and spend the remaining 60-70 years of my life with her.

 

Oh God. I just groaned inwardly when I read this. 23 is old to you? You're just a kid. You don't need to find a woman to spend 60-70 years with right now. Do you even comprehend what 70 YEARS is? I'm willing to bet you don't. I guarantee you won't even live that long.

 

Find someone you can spend a good 30 or 40 years with and you're LUCKY. It's too rare anyone spends their entire lives together from start to finish anymore.

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Feelin Frisky

People say a lot of stupid crap at bad times. It's always easy for others to trivialize others pain and make it sound like you're wrong for having your feelings. In this case they seem to be trying to be reassuring so as dopey as they sound just file it as sympathetic and don't seize on it literally.

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I also think it hurts the most hearing it from them.

 

"You're a great guy, and you'll find a girl who will really appreciate what you have to offer"

 

OUCH! MY HEART! :sick:

 

as for others telling me that I'll find someone else. Well I'm sure eventually I will. I think it's ridiculous to think I've done all of my loving for the rest of my life at 18. It just sucks because we wanted them to be the one we loved forever and they aren't around anymore.

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singme2sleep

Amelie- That's true, single people don't console each other by saying "you'll meet someone else" because they know that good love is rare and doesn't just come along 6 times a day like buses do. And I also agree, my mother said to me last night that maybe my ex just wasn't the one. I know she is just trying to help, but I thought he was the one and so did my heart!

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For those who are say, 18-24 it is probably alot easier to live what others say in terms of, "You'll find someone else" or "You're a great guy and you deserve better..." However, it is a little harder when you get past the 30 barrier to hear such a thing. Its almost like you had hope the last relationship you were involved in would at least have lasted longer, taken a step in the direction that all your friends have been down, or just been nurturing beyond a sexual thing. It gets lonelier as you age so the idea that you'll find someone else has to be the reassuring thing that keeps you hopeful. I know I'm still hurting deeply, but after nearly 12 days of NC it is getting a bit easier. However, I see her name or something to remind me of her and it gets a little down for me because I had those talks of things in the future but now they won't happen with her and that bums me out.

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StraylightRun24
For those who are say, 18-24 it is probably alot easier to live what others say in terms of, "You'll find someone else" or "You're a great guy and you deserve better..." However, it is a little harder when you get past the 30 barrier to hear such a thing. Its almost like you had hope the last relationship you were involved in would at least have lasted longer, taken a step in the direction that all your friends have been down, or just been nurturing beyond a sexual thing. It gets lonelier as you age so the idea that you'll find someone else has to be the reassuring thing that keeps you hopeful. I know I'm still hurting deeply, but after nearly 12 days of NC it is getting a bit easier. However, I see her name or something to remind me of her and it gets a little down for me because I had those talks of things in the future but now they won't happen with her and that bums me out.

 

I agree with this whole heartily. I'm 28 and all my close friends are either already married or in very serious relationships and for the past few years I've typically been the "fun" single guy that brings us all together. When I started bringing my now ex-girlfriend around everybody was completely thrilled because I have a reputation of being picky (well that's what my female friends say any way) and she wasn't the type of girl I would usually be chasing after. So after the BU hearing such gems as, "You're a great guy," "It's her loss," and "You'll find someone else," kind of sucks lol.

 

Probably the worst thing I can think of is my friend on NYE asked me where my girlfriend was. After I told her we had unfortunately broken up a couple days before I got the, " AHHHHH....you guys were so CUTE together." Ugh!

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When I had my breakup, I was constantly told that I could have done/deserved so much better then her/better off without her by family, mutual friends and friends who I told about the breakup. They turned the "there will be somebody else" line into "there's somebody else who will be far better then she will ever be."

 

I guess that's comforting in a way but alarming if my ex was really was that bad..

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purplereigncb

When my family and people close to me saw it was really over. They started talking really poorly of my ex. Things which I had seen, but totally ignored. 24 here.... I still see people my age starting the marriage phase.

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When I had my breakup, I was constantly told that I could have done/deserved so much better then her/better off without her by family, mutual friends and friends who I told about the breakup. They turned the "there will be somebody else" line into "there's somebody else who will be far better then she will ever be."

 

I guess that's comforting in a way but alarming if my ex was really was that bad..

 

That old adage--love is blind.

 

The symptons of a decaying relationship are often so obvious that it is certainly not an error on our part to 'miss' them. I mean, in actuality, I should've seen the end of my relationship but I didn't. I know I did my best in making sure that I was the best bf I could've been. I respected her and treated her well. I think, though, the warnings my friends and family gave me were in a different language. They would say, "She likes to pick fights with you too often." "Why are you two at odds again?" "You're too up and down with her...make that change."

 

Yet, I didn't and it is costing me because I let my heart get entrusted to this woman when she was very difficult and in the end, didn't really know what she wanted. It, to me, was waning in the love department but I had hope that the beggining half of the relationship was worth getting through the troubles. I guess, in retrospect, the torment now was not worth the holding on to something and becoming more attached than immersed in love as is mentioned by the likes of Oracle.

 

It's double tough for me because her daughter and I bonded beyond anything I had experienced before and losing that friendship hurts me just as much as losing the love of her mom. :(

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That old adage--love is blind.

 

The symptons of a decaying relationship are often so obvious that it is certainly not an error on our part to 'miss' them. I mean, in actuality, I should've seen the end of my relationship but I didn't. I know I did my best in making sure that I was the best bf I could've been. I respected her and treated her well. I think, though, the warnings my friends and family gave me were in a different language. They would say, "She likes to pick fights with you too often." "Why are you two at odds again?" "You're too up and down with her...make that change."

 

Yet, I didn't and it is costing me because I let my heart get entrusted to this woman when she was very difficult and in the end, didn't really know what she wanted. It, to me, was waning in the love department but I had hope that the beggining half of the relationship was worth getting through the troubles. I guess, in retrospect, the torment now was not worth the holding on to something and becoming more attached than immersed in love as is mentioned by the likes of Oracle.

 

It was strange, there were no warnings from anyone with my ex when I was with her. My story is long and confusing, but when she left me for my "friend", my family, mutual friends, my friends all couldn't have seen it coming, it was so out of the blue it just didn't make sense. It was all on her end too which made it so confusing. I too made sure I was the best bf, I treated her like a princess, I was there for her when she needed it, yet she left me for someone else. She literally went from telling me how much she loved me to distant over a weekend to then breaking up with me through email saying she had left me for my "friend." But as soon as the BU happened, I was told I deserved better/she was stupid to get rid of me/I was better off without her etc.

 

 

It's double tough for me because her daughter and I bonded beyond anything I had experienced before and losing that friendship hurts me just as much as losing the love of her mom. :(

 

Sorry to hear about losing a friendship with your ex's daughter, that must be awful. Its a double tough for me too as I was betrayed by my ex and my friend, I couldn't have thought that scenario up even if I tried.

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singme2sleep

na49- I know what you mean. My ex didn't tell me to find someone else, but I almost wish he had because at this point if he said "I never want to see you again, move on" that would actually be better for me in the long run. Then my stupid heart would have to stop holding onto hope and try to get over him.

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lavenderlove

I have a lot of experiences with consolation lines. My parents divorced when I was young, I lost my mother at 14, my grandma at 23 and I now broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years at 27.

 

And my Dad just went: Darling, it's ok. Just lean back and BE.

 

I am practising this now, I am just being. From bed to coffee to breakfast to getting dressed to seeing the sun, and meeting a friend. I have my survival plan that excludes even the thought of a relationship.

 

Each minute I don't think of tomorrow, or even the afternoon if it is more than 4 hours away.

 

The good news is, when you are heartbroken, and people know it, they will forgive you for saying the wrong things. So if you feel like telling them to piss of, do.

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