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She's Already With Someone Else


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Sexy Teddy Bear

Okay. So here's the deal. She broke up with me 3 weeks ago on the 6th. On the 16th i went completely no contact with her. I was a dumb a** and left her as my friend on facebook. I thought it would be fine cause I thought she wasn't using that FB anymore. So I figured I wouldn't see anything. Well, today I looked on my FB and saw a bunch of notifications of her status updates and stuff from the past 2 weeks. I don't know why I all of a sudden just got all these now, but I did. My notifications on FB must have been screwed up for the past 2 weeks, i don't know. But anyway, I see all these status updates from her. And I notice she is ALREADY IN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP! WTF?

 

I can see that she started a new relationship on the 17th. A week before that she had a status that said "I like being single, I think I will stay this way for a while". Well I call f***ing bulls**t on that. What is her deal? Why is she in another relationship a week after she broke up with me? If I had known her love was this cheap, I'm not sure I would have wasted 2 years of my life with her.

 

What's more, is the FB she posted these updates on, she has very few friends on. She has about 6 friends or so. And her new boyfriend isn't even one of them. So it makes me think that she is trying to make me jealous or something, cause she KNOWS I will see these updates.

 

I was doing okay before. I was beginning to accept the fact that we would never be together again. But after seeing this crap I am just so distraught. I can't even type straight, so I apologize if my rant is incomprehensible.

 

I feel like I really want to say something to her on FB. On one hand, I want to ask her why she is posting this crap knowing that I am one of the few people that will see it. On the other hand, I want to tell her off with something like, "wow, already in another relationship? Isn't that exactly the kind of behavior you hate about all the other girls you see? And yet here you are, doing the same thing. If I knew your love was this cheap I never would have asked you out." (or something like that) And then delete her and continue NC.

 

I don't know what to do. My hands are shaking, my heart is pounding. What do you guys think? What do you make of this situation? I can't find this guys FB and her status simply says "in a relationship" it does not say "in a relationship with so-and-so" like it normally would. Do you think she isn't actually in a relationship? Maybe she is trying to get a reaction from me?

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Question:

 

Does it matter?

 

Answer that, and I will answer to your heart's content your other questions.

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Block her so you won't have anymore questions. This guy was probably behind the scenes while she was still with you, but she couldn't be with him until she got rid of you.

 

Also answer Todd's question. Does any of this really matter?

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Sexy Teddy Bear
Question:

 

Does it matter?

 

Answer that, and I will answer to your heart's content your other questions.

 

Yes it matters! I tried just ignoring this. I can't. That's why I decided to come on LS and talk about it before I did something stupid, and I was/am really close to doing something stupid. And to top it all off, I have a job interview tomorrow. I'm trying to get my s**t together before I go for it tomorrow cause I can't afford to screw it up.

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Sexy Teddy Bear
Block her so you won't have anymore questions. This guy was probably behind the scenes while she was still with you, but she couldn't be with him until she got rid of you.

 

No, I thought of that, But I honestly don't think that's how it was. I'm not 100% sure. But she had no reason to lie to me. I asked her if there was someone else. She could have just told me there was, but she insisted there wasn't.

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I see. Well put.

 

No, it doesn't matter. See, that is how you should see it. Start seeing it. You should removed her, and remove her now, if you haven't. You shouldn't be like some pathetic crying kid; yes you loved her. But she did you wrong. Why give her more pleasure and power to hurt you?

 

Should she castrate you too?! You give her power, that's the point. That's the message behind, not caring, it not mattering. Yes, she could be making you jealous. Yes, it could be real. Point is, you are destroying yourself. Stop it!

 

Job interview? Can't sleep? I've been there. I am telling you it doesn't matter. Not too hurt you or sound mean. But to show you. To teach you. To make you realize what a little boy you are being right now! Get a grip on your loose emotions. Focus on yourself. What good can she do for you?

 

Maybe crush your heart again? There is no hope. You know this, man! Now, block her for good. What good will a few more words do for you and her? You GIVE her POWER over YOU, when you TALK to her AGAIN, and it WILL DESTROY YOU!

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No, I thought of that, But I honestly don't think that's how it was. I'm not 100% sure. But she had no reason to lie to me. I asked her if there was someone else. She could have just told me there was, but she insisted there wasn't.

 

Na49, isn't totally wrong. He actually speaks wisely, to imply he could have been behind the scenes.

 

When he told you this, he was telling you this: Usually, when someone moves on very swiftly, after a break-up. They had it planned long before the break-up. Thus, he could have been there; not a 100%, and people rarely tell the truth these days..But, that is usually the case.

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Simon Phoenix
Yes it matters! I tried just ignoring this. I can't. That's why I decided to come on LS and talk about it before I did something stupid, and I was/am really close to doing something stupid. And to top it all off, I have a job interview tomorrow. I'm trying to get my s**t together before I go for it tomorrow cause I can't afford to screw it up.

 

Block/delete her Facebook, or at the very least cut off her newsfeed and don't creep on her page. It sucks, but throwing a fit to her about it isn't going to help you.

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Look dude, I know your ex would never lie. My ex would never cheat on me.

 

and then she did. Why wouldn't she tell you if there was a new guy? Well she doesn't want to tell you "I met this new guy, I like him more than you so I'm leaving you for him" so she lets you down easily. Of course there's no guy involved! Ever since my BU I'm trying to read into actions more than words. They can say whatever the f*ck they want. The reality here is, she's with him. and you're stressing out about it before your job interview.

 

also do yourself a favor and block her please.

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Teddy Bear - I'm really sorry you're going through this. I think many of us have gone through very similar emotions and that's why you're getting very strongly-put advice.

 

I know I did. When my gf of over 3 years broke up with me, it was sudden and out of the blue. I flat out asked her, too, if there was someone else. She had every opportunity to just tell me - and I would have actually accepted that than the "unknown" better. But she swore up and down, for like 6 weeks after the break up even, that there was no one. She promised and even made me feel a bit crazy for thinking so. Long story short... I found out about 6 weeks after the bu that she did find someone else. It was the same "friend" I was concerned about 2 weeks before we broke up. She was simply too much of a coward to let me know. They had been dating almost instantly after our breakup. They still are 5 months later.

 

In the meantime, I saw pics, comments, etc. of the two of them on fb. It drove me mad! I know how you feel - heart pounding, totally confused, terrified, hurt, angry, spinning, hands shaking... I get it. So do many people on LS.

 

The thing is, like what they're saying, you have to accept that it's over. She is allowed to do whatever she wants. Yes, it's hard to understand, but it's not for you to understand. You have enough to wrap your mind around right now with rebuilding your own life, to waste time worrying about her thought/emotional processes. Do NOT hold onto hope. Let go. Block her/delete her/etc. And for the love of God - do NOT contact her! If you think you're experiencing discomfort now, that's nothing compared to what's in store if you contact her. Trust me (and everyone) on this - I personally did it wrong many times and went through HELL because of it.

 

Let go. She doesn't deserve you anymore. Cut all ties so you can heal. Force the thoughts out of your mind so you can focus on other things - like the job interview, for example. That's great!

 

You'll get through this. Visit this site often and read others' threads. It helps. These people are all really supportive and caring.

 

Good luck to you. Be strong. It will get easier. It won't always hurt like this. I promise.

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Sexy Teddy Bear

I just deleted her. I did not contact her before I did, so don't worry. I wanted to though, you guys all know how strong your desires to do something stupid in these situations are. And I'm kinda proud that I just turned the other cheek. I still feel like s**t, but I'm proud of myself for being a bit stronger.

 

I need to focus on that interview now. Thanks for your help guys. I needed it, my family would just coddle me too much if I talked to them about it. Not you though. Well, I'm gonna eat dinner and watch me some Harry Potter, I can never get tired of those movies. lol.

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purplereigncb

This same thing happened to me ugh.... I hate that they make us think were crazy. They want to be easy on us, but its worse.

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I just deleted her. I did not contact her before I did, so don't worry. I wanted to though, you guys all know how strong your desires to do something stupid in these situations are. And I'm kinda proud that I just turned the other cheek. I still feel like s**t, but I'm proud of myself for being a bit stronger.

 

I need to focus on that interview now. Thanks for your help guys. I needed it, my family would just coddle me too much if I talked to them about it. Not you though. Well, I'm gonna eat dinner and watch me some Harry Potter, I can never get tired of those movies. lol.

 

Damn proud of you! What a man! Everyone, look at this man here!! Amazing. I am seriously proud of you! Now you can begin recovering. You where too damn good for her anyway, and you'll find someone new. And why wait on it?

 

So proud of you, if you where a woman, i'd kiss you with an internet kiss, but you aren't! Anyway, I am extremely proud. Remember, you have to be the master of your emotions; otherwise, people will use them against you. Be strong; remember, there are more girls out there. Don't believe me? Go and flirt with some girl, say, and build up that confidence again. It works, trust me.

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Sexy Teddy Bear
Damn proud of you! What a man! Everyone, look at this man here!! Amazing. I am seriously proud of you! Now you can begin recovering. You where too damn good for her anyway, and you'll find someone new. And why wait on it?

 

So proud of you, if you where a woman, i'd kiss you with an internet kiss, but you aren't! Anyway, I am extremely proud. Remember, you have to be the master of your emotions; otherwise, people will use them against you. Be strong; remember, there are more girls out there. Don't believe me? Go and flirt with some girl, say, and build up that confidence again. It works, trust me.

 

Aww shucks. :D

 

But yeah, I am going to wait on it. I need some time to completely get over this. I think i will be over it faster now that I know she left me for someone else. But still, all that time I invested in her.....damn...

 

I'm gonna wait a while before I even look at women that way again. I sure as hell don't want to rush into something and it end up being just a rebound.

 

Thanks again guys. Your all so wonderful!

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marklarsson

My ex started a rebound just 2-3 weeks after we broke up. I was in shock when I finally found out because the whole time i was stupid in trying to win her back because I didn't know she was already in another relationship. Now I have gone completely no contact and that's it now.

 

It's almost to the point where I do want her back but if she does come back I can't take her back because of how she was after the break up.

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marklarsson
Aww shucks. :D

 

But yeah, I am going to wait on it. I need some time to completely get over this. I think i will be over it faster now that I know she left me for someone else. But still, all that time I invested in her.....damn...

 

I'm gonna wait a while before I even look at women that way again. I sure as hell don't want to rush into something and it end up being just a rebound.

 

Thanks again guys. Your all so wonderful!

 

My ex was single for at least 5 months before I met her she was not one to just jump into relationships. So as you said when they start to show thier love is so cheap it's a little shocking. But if she left you for this guy or left you and went into another relationship so soon as a rebound. She may think she is the one that's emotionally stable but it is only proving she is not. And us not capable if dealing with healing first

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Own Worst Enemy

the only person i know who does that is my cousin. and she's 14.

 

that's enough reason to dump her immature a$$ from your life before we even get onto the real reasons!

 

lots of luck with the interview...

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STB questionable name, I can't even type it (about a guy) on my keyboard.

 

Some people bounce from relationship to relationship. Most times they learn nothing new and make the same mistakes. Rinse, lather, repeat.

 

No matter what it's always good to get space after a relationship. I think it's especially worthwhile when you focus on your mistakes and the criticisms an ex might have made of you. It helps us grow as people and helps us avoid repeating mistakes.

 

Wish your ex well (in your mind). Maybe she has found Mr right. High probability is after another honeymoon period ends, same story different guy..Your focus can't be on her and her actions. Your focus needs to be on you and self improving..

 

Let her leave her life in denial, in her own fantasy world. Choose a different wiser path than her.

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I'm sorry that's so difficult to see :( either way though it means she's moved on whether it's another guy or she's making you jealous(which is selfish /immature). Only thing I can say that's helped me in this regard is...out of sight out of mind. If you choose to not look you will feel better in knowing you won't be hurt from any "news"

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My ex had five different fbs. But im not getting into that. Still prod of teddy.

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Sexy Teddy Bear
the only person i know who does that is my cousin. and she's 14.

 

that's enough reason to dump her immature a$$ from your life before we even get onto the real reasons!

 

lots of luck with the interview...

 

Yeah, very immature. She seemed so much more mature when we were together. But now I can see that she is just as immature as all the other girls her age, as far as relationships are concerned.

 

 

STB questionable name, I can't even type it (about a guy) on my keyboard.

 

Some people bounce from relationship to relationship. Most times they learn nothing new and make the same mistakes. Rinse, lather, repeat.

 

No matter what it's always good to get space after a relationship. I think it's especially worthwhile when you focus on your mistakes and the criticisms an ex might have made of you. It helps us grow as people and helps us avoid repeating mistakes.

 

Wish your ex well (in your mind). Maybe she has found Mr right. High probability is after another honeymoon period ends, same story different guy..Your focus can't be on her and her actions. Your focus needs to be on you and self improving..

 

Let her leave her life in denial, in her own fantasy world. Choose a different wiser path than her.

 

Ha! I like my name. It was what my ex use to call me. Her 'Sexy Teddy Bear'. That nickname once had emotional value to me, but now...not so much. I still like it though, so I will just roll with it.

 

If she did find 'Mr. Right', if this new guy is one of the few good guys left in this world, then I hope he sees her for what she is real quick and finds someone else. If not, she will just break his heart like she did mine.

 

Funny thing is, before I realized that she most likely left me for another dude, I only wished her happiness. But now that I know the truth, I don't know. I kinda feel like I want her to realize the mistake she made leaving me like that. I want her to come crying back to me talking about how I was right, and she never should have left me, and she regrets everything she did to me. I mean, I think it would be satisfying. I don't think I could take her back though. Maybe I would, maybe I would be a sucker and fall for her again, but I don't think so. I think it would just be so satisfying to see her realize it was a mistake to dump me.

 

I don't know, maybe that makes me a bad person for wanting her to feel like that. Maybe it's just out of spite. But I can't feel good about her after the way she treated me. I mean, that's horrible. Only a horrible person could cheat on you and not even have the courage to break up with me over the phone, only through a text...

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STB you need to understand that she operates on a different wavelength to you. She is a mess. Right now you are looking for validation from a woman that will never make you happy and who is clearly very emotionally unhealthy.

 

I did too in the not so distant past and now I realise just how dumb that is.

 

I don't know why people do mean, nasty and cruel things. All I know is I never want to live my life in a cynical way that they do. By rising above her and that accepting she is messed up, you can go find something that's so much better for you.

 

While all you anger and focus is on her, you are denying yourself a better life. She has no class. Prove that you do. Forgive her and work on self improvement. If you don't, your next girl will be a mess just like her.

 

Aim for better.

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Sexy Teddy Bear

Good news! I just got back from my interview (which was a call back from a previous interview). I think it went pretty well. They are short handed as well and in need of new employees, so that will help with getting hired. They will give me a call in a few days if they want to hire me. I hope I get it. But if not, there are plenty of other applications to be filled out.

 

Since the BU, I have had literally zero social interaction. And even though this was just an interview, it felt pretty darn good to get out of the house. Gonna try to keep this momentum up and stay positive all day.

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Good news! I just got back from my interview (which was a call back from a previous interview). I think it went pretty well. They are short handed as well and in need of new employees, so that will help with getting hired. They will give me a call in a few days if they want to hire me. I hope I get it. But if not, there are plenty of other applications to be filled out.

 

Since the BU, I have had literally zero social interaction. And even though this was just an interview, it felt pretty darn good to get out of the house. Gonna try to keep this momentum up and stay positive all day.

 

 

Congrats! That's great! It's so easy to fall in a depressive pit after a BU and it's difficult to think anything can make you feel better but little things can. Just getting out of the house can do wonders for your outlook and mood. Keep feeling positive :)

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STB, going thru the same crap as u, my ex left me for another dude which is also planned, just gotta work on ur mistakes and go make ur self happy and not think about her anymore lol

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