amlosingmymind Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months. Last weekend, we had a huge fight about he's still talking to his ex. He said he just want her as a friend because she used to be his best friend and he hoped I can accept that. But I have a hard feeling about this so we fought. I was pissed off so I went to his apt at midnight and yelled at him which also pissed him off because he said I invade his privacy. He said again and again that I'm the only one he wants and he will never get back with his ex. I've known him for a while and he's the most honest person I ever seen. He never lied so I trust him. But we were so mad at each other so we fought for days. Then I tried to talk to him and get things through, but he refused to talk to me and said he was busy and didn't want to be distracted during work. I asked several times if he wants to break up with me and he said no. Finally he said we can talk and he said let's take a break for a week. No hanging out, no talking and NOT A BREAKUP. This is killing me. If he wants to break up with me I can accept that and I won't beg him back although I really love him. But TAKE A BREAK? WTF. What if after a week he still wants a breakup? I'd rather to save a week's hope that we will get back together. And I really dont know if he still wants me. Link to post Share on other sites
richard9 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 if you trust him talking to his ex shouldnt be a problem, BUT if it does bother you and you are not comfortable about it you are entitled to say so. Its his choice who his friends are, but its your choice if you decide to stay with him knowing who his friends are. my initial thoughts is that he is being sensible and allowing things to calm down for a little while. i dont think he does not want to be with you, i think he just wants it to be discussed in a calmer way and giving you both time to think about it will do that. my advice, sure give it a week, think about why you were so annoyed about him wanting to stay friends with his ex, do you trust him enough to be with him, did you overreact and act stupidly. just think about what happened and then after the week is up sit down and talk calmly about it all. write your concerns down if you like and read them to him. do not get angry or annoyed, stay calm. also think about it from his point of view if she is a friend, we all have rights to have friends, ex's or not. however if him being friends with his ex is something you cannot live with, and will never accept then its up to you to say that to him and be ready for him to walk away if he chooses. just my thoughts:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author amlosingmymind Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 richard9, thanks for your advice. His ex bothers me so much, because I used to be just his friend, and I saw all the damas between them. I know my boyfriend used to love his ex so much and tried everything to get her back. I feel insecure about this. But on the other hand, I really love my bf and we're so happy together, and even during the fight, he also said he can't imagine a word to say how sad he would be if he didn't have me. But if I can't accept the fact that he just wants a friend, it's my choice to leave him. So i'm struggling. I dont want to lose him, and I don't feel comfortable with his ex either, I don't how to make the decision. And this is the first time he's so upset about me and I can feel the distance when he said he wants to take a break. The only thing I can do is to wait, wondering if he will break up with me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 I'm struggling through something similar where my boyfriend wanted to go on a break after a really big fight. I want to know yesterday whether or not he wants to break up or work things out. Not knowing is so painful. I with you sister, I can understand your frustration. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 You should be careful. I was ever so slightly uncomfortable with something I knew of my ex bfs ex. I commented on it a couple of times. Nothing more. that pissed him off. two comments in a 9 month relationship. You have only been with him 3 months and you're driving around his place at midnight shouting at him?!!!!!! That's unacceptable bunny boiler.behaviour. He's already needing space after only 3 months with you. The irony is your problem with his ex is going to make you his next ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amlosingmymind Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 You should be careful. I was ever so slightly uncomfortable with something I knew of my ex bfs ex. I commented on it a couple of times. Nothing more. that pissed him off. two comments in a 9 month relationship. You have only been with him 3 months and you're driving around his place at midnight shouting at him?!!!!!! That's unacceptable bunny boiler.behaviour. He's already needing space after only 3 months with you. The irony is your problem with his ex is going to make you his next ex. i know you're right. I went to his apt because we're living in the same building. But still i was crazy and I apologized to him several times. I have a lot of problems, like I'm really needy and I'm not proud of it. I know he may break up with me after this week and actually I've already prepared for that. I can only hope he will remember all the sweet memories between us and want to try it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amlosingmymind Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 Hi CaliBaby, did you hear anything from your bf? I hope you guys can work it out. This is just the second day of NC, and I miss him so much. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 To me it sounds as though your current is still hung up on his ex which would make you....wait for it, a potential rebound. He wants a break because his ex came knocking and he may want to rekindle things with her. I'd tell him to take his time as you want to explore other options and tell him to screw off and go NC. You're extremely lucky that you didn't invest some serious time here. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Hi Amlosingmymind. Yeah I heard from my ex. He has been initiating all contact. He texts me and calls me. He sent me a text about me picking up my things which really hurt me. I turned off my phone after that. Apparently he tried calling me and couldn't get a hold of me so he messaged my friend if I was okay. I feel better today and do not wish to turn my phone on for awhile. I just want some peace. Amlosingmymind, please take care of yourself first. It's not about the ex anymore its about you. Much love and positive energy sent from me to you dear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amlosingmymind Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 To me it sounds as though your current is still hung up on his ex which would make you....wait for it, a potential rebound. He wants a break because his ex came knocking and he may want to rekindle things with her. I'd tell him to take his time as you want to explore other options and tell him to screw off and go NC. You're extremely lucky that you didn't invest some serious time here. That the part confuses me so much. He kept saying that he's not breaking up with me. If he just wants to let me down easily why he said that. And I don't know if I should go NC because we're taking a break but breaking up. I know he didn't block me on fb, or the phone or messages, so I'm not sure if I should just wait for him to contact me and give us a second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amlosingmymind Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 Hi CaliBabe, Thanks dear. I know it must be tough for you right now. But on the other hand, you're lucky that you can stop struggling because of a guy who does not deserve it. You can and you will find a much better man in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 If he really loved his ex, I would be concerned (that he keeps wanting to be "frends" with her). Sorry, but I do not buy that you can just be "friends" with a person you truly loved. Maybe after a YEAR or MORE, once you are totally over each other, and have dated and gotten your heart broken by OTHERS... And never be friends with an ex you once loved, if your now in love with a NEW person! Not unless your happily with that new person for YEARS and are truly invested in them - THEN perhaps, IF you ever even think about your "ex", can you perhaps add them on facebook agan, and chat occassionally ONLINE. Only after years should you become "friends" with a person you really loved, and if you happen to be n a new relationship with a person that you love just as much or MORE than your ex - DO NOT be friends with your ex!!!!!!!!!! Low contact, as in "likes" on their facebook page is fine, so long as it is not too tempting (and makes you desperate to "chat" to them again in person or over the phone...) He loved her for a reason..... it is WAY too soon for him to be totally indifferent to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author amlosingmymind Posted February 27, 2013 Author Share Posted February 27, 2013 If he really loved his ex, I would be concerned (that he keeps wanting to be "frends" with her). Sorry, but I do not buy that you can just be "friends" with a person you truly loved. Maybe after a YEAR or MORE, once you are totally over each other, and have dated and gotten your heart broken by OTHERS... And never be friends with an ex you once loved, if your now in love with a NEW person! Not unless your happily with that new person for YEARS and are truly invested in them - THEN perhaps, IF you ever even think about your "ex", can you perhaps add them on facebook agan, and chat occassionally ONLINE. Only after years should you become "friends" with a person you really loved, and if you happen to be n a new relationship with a person that you love just as much or MORE than your ex - DO NOT be friends with your ex!!!!!!!!!! Low contact, as in "likes" on their facebook page is fine, so long as it is not too tempting (and makes you desperate to "chat" to them again in person or over the phone...) He loved her for a reason..... it is WAY too soon for him to be totally indifferent to her. I know! That's why i was arguing with him. But he kept saying he doesn't want to get back with her and I'm the only one he wants. He's always really honest about this kind of thing even he knows the truth may hurt me. And I'm sure he will leave me if he wants somebody else because he's that type of guy. So this confused me so much and I know even if nothing happens between them now it may happen someday, but I can't leave him because of something has not happened yet because I like him a lot. But honestly, I don't even expect him to get back with me after this break, I just want him to think this through and realize who is the one he wants, if i'm not the one, make it clear and I will leave. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Isn't that the worst part. Not knowing. It's like if we just knew we could start our healing process right away without any doubt. I totally feel you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amlosingmymind Posted February 27, 2013 Author Share Posted February 27, 2013 Actually, if he is trying to let me down easily, he got it. If he breaks up with me next week, I won't feel surprised, I won't feel depressed, I will just accept it and leave. Because I'm already hopeless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amlosingmymind Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 We met each other this afternoon at his place this afternoon because he wanted to work on something together(We're working in the same place, sucks). He didn't mention anything about our break, we just talked about work and stuff. After the work was done, I asked him "are we okay?" he said "yes", then I asked "are we still on the break?" he also said yes. I'm confused so I said "are you still mad at me? are we going to break up after this?" He seemed pissed off a little bit and answered "NO! stop asking! we're fine!" We're fine? then what the hell is the break? he said we hang out too much (we've been together almost everyday) and we had the fight, the break will help me to calm down. I don't know. When he said these things, I really feel that he's tired of me, and doesn't like me anymore, so even maybe we'll still be together, i'm terrified. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 WAY too much drama for only 3 months in! He is choosing his relationship ("friendship") with his ex over you. His friendship with her is more important to him than you are, that is very clear. You will always be #2 to his ex, if there was soo much drama between them he should be glad to be rid of her. He is still VERY into her. You should dump him. I don't date guys who are "friends" with exes, period. It's easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amlosingmymind Posted March 1, 2013 Author Share Posted March 1, 2013 I can't dump him.I love him and I'm too weak. I guess I'm just waiting him to break up with me.I'm so pathetic. I just don't understand why he won't end this relationship if he is in love with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amlosingmymind Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 We met at a party of our friend's and he asked if our "break" can be off. He said he really missed me. He thought we need a break because the things between us became really intense after the fighting and now everything would be fine. I'm happy we can get back together after the huge fight. Although still there are many problems between us but I know we want to be with each other, so it's worth to give it a shot. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 We met at a party of our friend's and he asked if our "break" can be off. He said he really missed me. He thought we need a break because the things between us became really intense after the fighting and now everything would be fine. I'm happy we can get back together after the huge fight. Although still there are many problems between us but I know we want to be with each other, so it's worth to give it a shot. sounds like nothing has changed. I assume he'll still be "friends" with his ex and this fight will be regularly occuring. Sounds like you're signing up for a relationship full of drama if this is how it is after only 3 mos... Link to post Share on other sites
Coping Vortex Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 if you trust him talking to his ex shouldnt be a problem, BUT if it does bother you and you are not comfortable about it you are entitled to say so. Its his choice who his friends are, but its your choice if you decide to stay with him knowing who his friends are. my initial thoughts is that he is being sensible and allowing things to calm down for a little while. i dont think he does not want to be with you, i think he just wants it to be discussed in a calmer way and giving you both time to think about it will do that. my advice, sure give it a week, think about why you were so annoyed about him wanting to stay friends with his ex, do you trust him enough to be with him, did you overreact and act stupidly. just think about what happened and then after the week is up sit down and talk calmly about it all. write your concerns down if you like and read them to him. do not get angry or annoyed, stay calm. also think about it from his point of view if she is a friend, we all have rights to have friends, ex's or not. however if him being friends with his ex is something you cannot live with, and will never accept then its up to you to say that to him and be ready for him to walk away if he chooses. just my thoughts:) My ex has been talking to me as well but she has no plans to come back to me. So you should be OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amlosingmymind Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 sounds like nothing has changed. I assume he'll still be "friends" with his ex and this fight will be regularly occuring. Sounds like you're signing up for a relationship full of drama if this is how it is after only 3 mos... Actually we talked about this and he explained the severals issues he has and the reasons why he still needs to be friends with her and they're acceptable. As one of my friends said if he's going to cheat on me, he wouldn't tell me that he's going to be friends with his ex. I can't control it if he will cheat on me someday. Now he has not yet, and we both want to be with each other, so for me, that's enough for now. Link to post Share on other sites
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