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Stringing along....


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Coping Vortex

Ok so my ex and I have gone from NC to breaking it here and there. It's been 4 months since the BU and she is with a new guy. You can read my original story.

 

So after a week if NC she contacts me last week to ask how I was. And blah blah. So I text her back and say look what are we doing? If there is no chance for getting back together I need to move on. I won't be doing this back and forth.

 

So she texts back "I don't want to give up on us" I say "but I never hear from you or see you or talk to you, how is that not giving up?" Also I told her that she is practically sleeping with this guy every night. Sounds like she is pretty committed to that relationship. She replies "I'm not around him all that often, and we aren't as tight as you think."

 

Not around him that often??? Not as tight as i think? If she wasn't and really wanted to make it work with me she would be contacting me way more. Part of the reason she doesn't is because she is with him all the time.

 

WTF??? Why doesn't she just get real about her relationship with him to me? Why does she feel the need to lie about it. I mean its right out ridiculous what she says and what she does.

 

All the women I spoke to say the same thing. She is stringing me along. I get that. But I don't understand the logic behind it. If she is happy with him why bother telling me that stuff? In the chance if they say, BU two years from now she will come back to me? What kind of logic is that?

 

If she's happy move on. If not, then see me, talk to me and reconcile with me. She told me months ago she was no longer in love with me just the memory of me. Since then she has said that was not true she still is in love with me. Oh we somehow got closer by not seeing each other for months?

 

If she is stringing me along she is doing a piss poor job. She should be putting more effort in than this to keep me on the hook. I told her everyday we are apart another piece of my feelings for her die off. Plus this cry wolf thing has long worn out its welcome.

 

So ladies out there what is the logic behind this?

 

Before everyone jumps on the NC and wagon I don't care about the remedy. I get it , NC. I want to know the thought process with this stringing along logic. I am fascinated by the absurdity of it.

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Simon Phoenix

Trying to find logic in the illogical is a complete waste of time. Heck, she probably isn't quite sure why she's doing it. You'll just continue to drive yourself crazy if you keep trying to figure this out. Feelings are a weird thing.

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FailedFirstLove

From my perspective: if I was to do that to a guy I was with. It's because I want to try it with this guy but I'm not sure it will work the way I want it to. Which is why I would want you to be in there Incase. whether its working great with new guy or not i would lessen all the happy talk about him and make it seem like we are less happy. Mostly done do that you think there's alot of hope. Because I know that I'm comfortable around you unlike this new guy. Which sadly = stringing you along.

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Coping Vortex
From my perspective: if I was to do that to a guy I was with. It's because I want to try it with this guy but I'm not sure it will work the way I want it to. Which is why I would want you to be in there Incase. whether its working great with new guy or not i would lessen all the happy talk about him and make it seem like we are less happy. Mostly done do that you think there's alot of hope. Because I know that I'm comfortable around you unlike this new guy. Which sadly = stringing you along.

 

That is what I thought. But if you were realizing you weren't as comfortable with the new guy wouldn't you want to go back to what was comfortable?

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Coping Vortex
There is no logic. She's trying to keep you on the back burner.

 

Just don't understand why. If she is spending all her time with this new guy and barely contacting me why would she want me at all ?

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Just don't understand why. If she is spending all her time with this new guy and barely contacting me why would she want me at all ?

You're her back up plan.....thats why.

 

I dont see why you are allowing her to fill your head with BS. Bottom Line - If she truly did not want to give up on you - she would still be with you.

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Coping Vortex
You're her back up plan.....thats why.

 

I dont see why you are allowing her to fill your head with BS. Bottom Line - If she truly did not want to give up on you - she would still be with you.

 

Exactly!!!! That is what is so crazy. Maybe she meant she doesn't want to give up on me as a friend ? But even as a friend she sucks as we never communicate. I try it pin her down to talk to find out what she wants and she never commits to talk.

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Exactly!!!! That is what is so crazy. Maybe she meant she doesn't want to give up on me as a friend ? But even as a friend she sucks as we never communicate. I try it pin her down to talk to find out what she wants and she never commits to talk.

Breadcrumbs, and you're gobbling them up like its your last meal.

 

Stop talking to her.

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Dude, she's pulling on the leash to make sure the dog is still there. I agree, you're her back up plan. And you wrote it yourself, she's still with this guy; therefore, if she's in a relationship, she has no business talking to you. She should be happy with her choice and not string you along.

 

Time to heal and move on, dude. Sounds like you already found your path, now you just need to walk it.

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Exactly!!!! That is what is so crazy. Maybe she meant she doesn't want to give up on me as a friend ? But even as a friend she sucks as we never communicate. I try it pin her down to talk to find out what she wants and she never commits to talk.

 

Yo Coping. You realize that you can string yourself along like this forever right?

 

If you had gone NC months ago you'd be well on you way to getting over this. When are you going to stop? She is f*cking some other guy. Let her and get on with your life. Tell her to F*ck off and never call you again and your not a back up plan.

 

Are you a man or a complete p*ussy? Sorry to be harsh but hasn't this gone on long enough. Cav

 

And yes you are a backup plan/emotional tampon when needed. She only cares about her needs being met.

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Yo Coping. You realize that you can string yourself along like this forever right?

 

If you had gone NC months ago you'd be well on you way to getting over this. When are you going to stop? She is f*cking some other guy. Let her and get on with your life. Tell her to F*ck off and never call you again and your not a back up plan.

 

Are you a man or a complete p*ussy? Sorry to be harsh but hasn't this gone on long enough. Cav

 

And yes you are a backup plan/emotional tampon when needed. She only cares about her needs being met.

I'm gonna copy and paste this for myself too. Everytime I get a breadcrumb I'm going to re-read this post.

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She is using you as an emotional crutch, and she will continue to do so as long as you let her. She is with someone else for f*ck's sake! And she's trying to downplay that relationship to keep you on the hook!

 

You need to shut that door now and do not look back! I agree with Cav, think how better off you'd be if you had made a clean break months ago. Most of us mess up just after a break, but enough is enough! You need to stand up for yourself! Stop being her doormat!

 

You can do this. Life existed before her, and it will after.

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If she is stringing me along she is doing a piss poor job. She should be putting more effort in than this to keep me on the hook. I told her everyday we are apart another piece of my feelings for her die off. Plus this cry wolf thing has long worn out its welcome.

 

But these threads suggest otherwise :o She is keeping you on her hook. You have fought tooth-and-nail against the concept of no contact, because you want to keep in touch with her and you're willing to accept the little that she's giving you over nothing at all.

 

I doubt that she has a real thought process behind this. I doubt that this is calculated and down to a science for her. The more you try to figure it out, the less in control and the more anxious about the situation you're going to feel. Maybe you're a back-up plan for when this relationship fails? Maybe your clinging to her is just satisfying some sort of insecurity in her?

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Coping Vortex
But these threads suggest otherwise :o She is keeping you on her hook. You have fought tooth-and-nail against the concept of no contact, because you want to keep in touch with her and you're willing to accept the little that she's giving you over nothing at all.

 

I doubt that she has a real thought process behind this. I doubt that this is calculated and down to a science for her. The more you try to figure it out, the less in control and the more anxious about the situation you're going to feel. Maybe you're a back-up plan for when this relationship fails? Maybe your clinging to her is just satisfying some sort of insecurity in her?

 

I'm not sure. If she is conflicted and we have a chance then yes I would hang in there. She did seem to come around at one point as she told me weeks ago that she was still in love with me. A turn around from a few months ago when she said she was in love with the memory of me. So if she she had a change of heart, (this is a classic rebound btw) then yes I wanted to be there to try. So I get I am being a sucker but if this was turnaround then yes I did want to get back with her so that is why i hung in there with the bread crumbs. I thought it could be real as she has been brutally honest with me in the past so she had no reason to lie now. Except......maybe she is now.

 

Sure looked like it as I have not heard from her since that last text. So we are NC anyway. Go figure.

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