Checking back here after almost 2 yrs post break up

[loverboy1984]

Hello everyone,

 

I havent posted here in a really long time but I just wanted to update you on where I have come in 2yrs.

 

Around March 2011 my gf of 6 yrs left me for a guy in her class. She moved across the country to go to school knowing I would be coming to that area but she cheated on me right before I got here and right before one of my board exams and left me for a guy without admiting to it or giving me closure. I am a Medical Student and I will be done in 2.5 months. I was initially in NC with her for 3 months after the break up then talked to her to get some closure then went back to NC for over a 1.5 and still on it. She had classic GIGS symptoms and the break up was sudden and she dated the guy immediately after.

 

this Valentines day would have been our 8yr aniversary if we were together so since then I have been thinking of her. Im not friends with her on FB but I can still see her page and see the picture of the new guy shes with, yet the cover photo is of a sunset that I took and a poem written by a Persian poet that my family introduced to her while she was with us.

 

Since breaking up with her I have regained my confidence, dated over 15 women, moved to a nice manhattan apt, looking my best and done so much to help people working in 7 hospitals around NYC and I will soon be a doctor and will be practicing in a prestigeous NY hospital. The break up helped me learn alot about people and when to see red flags. I know I cant be with her but I have recently begun to miss her, and i feel like maybe her putting that picture and poem up is some sign to me. I was deeply in love with her and have since then had issues trusting people and jaded. I cant be friends with her but part of me wants to reach out. I wonder if she thinks of me and I wish she knew how much I loved her and how much she hurt me and how long it hurt. I wish she could see me now, and see how I have matured, even though I was never immature to begin with. She never told me who the guy she was seeing was I just put two and two together but the guy is no where as good looking as me and to me it just seems like a convenience thing. Im not jelous of the guy and it doesnt hurt me to see them together as it did in the begining. The only thing that hurts is how cheaply it ended after all I did for her and how good I treated her. She even told me what she did was an a-hole thing.

 

Should I continue NC and continue to move on or do something? why do I still think of her after all this time?

 

Thank you guys I really appreciate your input

Edited February 19, 2013 by loverboy1984

[BUBS]

Thanks for your update, and congratulations on med school and all your success.This time of year is hard on everyone when it comes to thinking of the people that mean the most to us, the people that have touched our lives, and seemingly more than anything the people we once had and then lost. I think that you should continue no contact strictly because she has a boyfriend. I understand what you mean by the "sign" thing, and after the immense amount of time the two of you were together it would be impossible to not have been changed or impacted by your life and presence. God knows that half the songs on my playlists are there from previous relationships that are long gone... a great deal of my hobbies and interests are also derived from things I picked up in relationships and some of my photos on face book were taken with or by ex boyfriends. There is nothing wrong with honoring moments from a relationship, because they are still considerably moments in her life. This doesn't mean that there couldn't be more to it, but it also doesn't mean that there is.

 

I think that if you contact her it should be at a time when you are not missing her so much like you mentioned in the post. Has she tried to reach out to you at all? There's no point in hurting yourself or opening old wounds, however if you do plan to reach out to her, maybe do it more subtly like friend requesting her on facebook and seeing if 1.she accepts the request, and 2. if she contacts you first once she accepts the request. This would also help maybe to make you feel more validated in the respect that you mentioned that you wished she could see the changes in your life, being friends on facebook is an outlet for that, however if you feel that having access to her page could hurt or hinder you then do NOT do that.

[cdt76]

I feel for you my friend. She will always have a special place in your heart but that is where you have to keep it. If she wanted you back, she could write you on facebook and start the communication. You are going to be working with some incredible nurses and women with careers. No need to be bringing up old baggage when you are on the brink of starting a great career. You are going to have money and looks and everything going for you. Just don't let that go to your head and become a womanizer. Find a nice hot nurse! And find one for me!

[will1988]

Hello everyone,

 

I havent posted here in a really long time but I just wanted to update you on where I have come in 2yrs.

 

Around March 2011 my gf of 6 yrs left me for a guy in her class. She moved across the country to go to school knowing I would be coming to that area but she cheated on me right before I got here and right before one of my board exams and left me for a guy without admiting to it or giving me closure. I am a Medical Student and I will be done in 2.5 months. I was initially in NC with her for 3 months after the break up then talked to her to get some closure then went back to NC for over a 1.5 and still on it. She had classic GIGS symptoms and the break up was sudden and she dated the guy immediately after.

 

this Valentines day would have been our 8yr aniversary if we were together so since then I have been thinking of her. Im not friends with her on FB but I can still see her page and see the picture of the new guy shes with, yet the cover photo is of a sunset that I took and a poem written by a Persian poet that my family introduced to her while she was with us.

 

Since breaking up with her I have regained my confidence, dated over 15 women, moved to a nice manhattan apt, looking my best and done so much to help people working in 7 hospitals around NYC and I will soon be a doctor and will be practicing in a prestigeous NY hospital. The break up helped me learn alot about people and when to see red flags. I know I cant be with her but I have recently begun to miss her, and i feel like maybe her putting that picture and poem up is some sign to me. I was deeply in love with her and have since then had issues trusting people and jaded. I cant be friends with her but part of me wants to reach out. I wonder if she thinks of me and I wish she knew how much I loved her and how much she hurt me and how long it hurt. I wish she could see me now, and see how I have matured, even though I was never immature to begin with. She never told me who the guy she was seeing was I just put two and two together but the guy is no where as good looking as me and to me it just seems like a convenience thing. Im not jelous of the guy and it doesnt hurt me to see them together as it did in the begining. The only thing that hurts is how cheaply it ended after all I did for her and how good I treated her. She even told me what she did was an a-hole thing.

 

Should I continue NC and continue to move on or do something? why do I still think of her after all this time?

 

Thank you guys I really appreciate your input

 

I think you still think of her from time to time and miss her from time to time is because she was your last real relationship. You said it yourself, you have dated over 15 women within a span of 2 years. Honestly, that is impressive...as far as dating goes. However, that also shows that you did not have any real relationships or connections with any one of those women. That is why you are thinking of your ex. Either you are not fully over her yet (after all they say that it takes someone half of the full length of the relationship to get over that person. half life. So, you all dated 6 or 7 years, that means it could take up to 3 or 4 years to get over that person... depending on a lot of things7). You could also be thinking of her because you miss being in a longterm relationship, and you feel like you've not acomplished that, while she is happy. I'd say your best bet is to stay NC and block her facebook and just move on with your life.

 

good luck

[loverboy1984]

Thanks for replying. very nicely put

 

Spending 6 yrs with her we contributed a lot to each other. She lived with my family for 2 years and they did so much for her since she didnt have the support of her own. We helped her out so she can achieve her goal of going to grad school. I was invested in her success and want to share her dream with her. When I said goodbye to her as I set off to med school 4 yrs ago she told me she was so proud of me and would be with me to the end. well its almost the end and shes with someone else. She always told me not to worry when she moved out to NY before me cuz she couldnt see her self falling for anyone. Yet she did. She wanted to be friends i said I cant be friends. She wished me well and we havent talked or communicated in almost 2 yrs. I told her right before we last talked after the break up that the only secret I have kept was that I wanted to propose to her after finishing school. Well Im done this spring and that wont happen.

 

I dont want to add her on fb and look pathetic. her friendship means nothing to me. I really wanted her back and a part of me does still but I know its not good for me nor can I trust her. She told her family that she broke up with me because we were going in two separate directions in life, and not the truth that she was into someone else who now her family knows about. I recently defriended her sister and grandmother as a way of completely trying to move on.

 

I had so much with her and she convinced me that I meant the world to her. Right now as I become a doctor a lot of my friends are getting engaged to the people who were with them along the journey and its heart breaking to see that after 6 yrs Im at the end of the journey without her, and that she almost sabotaged me breaking up before my exam.

 

I wish still that she regrets it. It sucks that I can no longer believe anyone who says they love me or Im everything to them.its hard to trust if after 6 yrs someone does this to you and moves on without looking back. I havent seen her since January 2011 and no contact since summer of 2011.

[Chi townD]

You're thinking about her because, V-day is your trigger. You assoicate it with your relationship to her because that was your anniversary. Nothing more.

 

Plus, her putting up that pic and poem triggered you too. But, you need to think with your head for a second. Your family introduced her to that poet. Thus, she likes his poems and nothing more. She may have posted the sunset picture because she likes it and nothing more. It looks pretty as her backdrop. Nothing more.

 

I wouldn't read into it. Believe me, if she was missing you and having second thoughts, she would have reached out to you. It wouldn't be too hard for her to do that. Instead of leaving "clues".

[loverboy1984]

I think you still think of her from time to time and miss her from time to time is because she was your last real relationship. You said it yourself, you have dated over 15 women within a span of 2 years. Honestly, that is impressive...as far as dating goes. However, that also shows that you did not have any real relationships or connections with any one of those women. That is why you are thinking of your ex. Either you are not fully over her yet (after all they say that it takes someone half of the full length of the relationship to get over that person. half life. So, you all dated 6 or 7 years, that means it could take up to 3 or 4 years to get over that person... depending on a lot of things7). You could also be thinking of her because you miss being in a longterm relationship, and you feel like you've not acomplished that, while she is happy. I'd say your best bet is to stay NC and block her facebook and just move on with your life.

 

 

Thanks will and your right. I have dated all these women and they all like me but I see only superficial value to them.No connection. Im a 1 woman guy. I want to make one woman feel amazing and i have shown I can do that but its hard to find that one and I have become more picky. Everyone I date is looking for a secure guy to settle with. Im 27, I have a nice family, starting my career, healthy and attractive. Yet the people I come accross with pretend to be deep and understanding only for their own personal agenda. I can sense the fakeness and it pushes me away and feeds into my jadedness.

 

I was good till recently. I dont know why I relapsed and ended up here again.

[Chi townD]

I was good till recently. I dont know why I relapsed and ended up here again.

 

LOL!!! You make it sound like a bad thing!

[Love4Pain]

You spent 6 years of your life with her, I think it's totally understandable that you still think about her from time to time, especially if you really loved her like you say you did and your anniversary was on Valentines Day. I think the only time you can really forget about someone is if you had no feelings for them whatsoever, and hey, maybe even then you might get reminded of something funny they said or did or what not.

 

Also, a lot of us who were dumped feel like we treated our exes very well when we were together, we do or don't make plans with them, and love them very much, so at least to me, I sometimes wonder if the other person realizes that they missed out on a great person. Although I was not with my ex as long as you, he did pretty much dump me in the same manner that yours did, and I could literally not understand how he could do that to me. I'm still in the process of healing, everytime I think about the two of them I think "oh my gosh, she is just some emo moody convenient little girl for him and he craves the fact that she is all over him" We were long distance from the start, but I am worth every mile.

 

Anyhow, I can't approve or disapprove of NC. It's purpose is to allow you time to heal if you aren't able to do that while still contacting your ex. If you can't heal either way then NC isn't really going to do you any good. You've just got to get to a point where, "Hey I may still love you but we may never get back together and I'm going to live my life regardless and I'm ok with that" Even though I would love my ex to realize that I am worth every mile, I still go to work, go to school, talk to my friends, do what I do when I'm single.

 

If you want to get back with her, maybe you should try to send her a message. I am 26 and do not know all the answers, wish I did so I could tell you what is guaranteed to work. I read one story on this site and the woman wrote that after she contacted her ex to wish him Merry Christmas he let her know that he would have never contacted her if she kept up NC because he thought that meant she moved on and was happy and so he didn't want to ruin that. They eventually got back together.

 

I never wanted to go NC with my ex (tried it for a week, hah), so we message but its pretty much LC if you compare it to how much we used to talk before the break up. I feel like (if you can do it and not give yourself a heart attack) I want to let the other person know that I care about him and I haven't thrown him to the wolves, but at the same time I'm not throwing myself at him or begging him to do anything either. I'm myself, and if being myself was the reason he liked me and loved me in the first place, maybe down the road, while I'm not waiting around for him, he realize once again and for good what a great person I am.

 

I'm sorry that the breakup caused you to be jaded and lose trust in people but you're going to have to find a way to open yourself back up to seeing the good in people. Some people are just crap, some are good, no one is perfect. I think if you've dated 15 or more women and think the majority of them were fake then you could be projecting negative ideas about them before you give them any real chance. What are the situations you're in when you meet these women?

Edited February 20, 2013 by Love4Pain

[unluckyperson]

Hey, i understand how you feel about this situation, it goes same as me. i really love my ex, to me no one can be as perfect as my ex and she is the love of my life, but when its comes to this situation, the only thing you can do is to move on. if she is yours she will comes back to you eventually, but if she is not yours anymore the both of you we're not man to be.

 

just like me, i broke up with my ex, im very sad i almost cried everyday looking back how we used to spent tgt. but i always tell myself, i'll move on and if shes mine, the day will come and she will get back to me eventually. GOD knows what's gonna happen next in our life, but just wait and see .

 

i know you're a smart and handsome man, dont just because of one fish and give up the whole entire ocean. try to look for others who know maybe the you have just found is much much more better , just wait and see. Tell yourself, everyday will be even better than yesterday.

Good Luck