Should I end it?

[0MissKitty0]

Hello all! Sorry this is so long winded but I'm looking for some objective, unbiased relationship advice. I am 27 and my boyfriend is 26. We have been together for 6 years and have lived together for about 5. He is funny, affectionate and good looking. He's the first guy I could be myself around and we are a lot alike to a lot of ways. However, I feel our differences are kinda major.

 

When we first got together, my bf told me in didn't believe in marriage and never wanted to have kids. I was like "Eh whatever" at the time because I was only 21 and I had ZERO interest in any of that and I didn't even know if I wanted those things either. Throughout the relationship we talked about marriage and kids and eventually I realized that I DID want those things. I told him, probably within the last 2 years, that if we are not on the same page about that then we should go our separate ways. Well we are at the point where I know I want kids/marriage and he is at the point where he says that he would get married and have kids to show me how much he loves me. To me that's NOT a good reason to get married and have kids. I feel like if he were to have kids with me and truly didn't want them, we are going to end up resenting each other. He also always makes comments like, "How could you want to bring a child into this world" and "Everyone I know that is married is miserable" or "When you have kids your life is over!" He has commented on how he thinks it's sorta "pathetic" that parents are so engrossed/enthralled with their children. My favorite line though is "You can't expect us to be married forever, it's unrealistic. Most marriages end in divorce-I'm just letting you know" Ummm WTF?

 

Besides the marriage issue, I feel like our views/goals are just opposite sometimes. I am a positive, happy person who wants to believe that there are still good people out there. He is completely cynical. He is always negative and just angry at the world. He thinks that the universe has some vendetta against him and that's why nothing good ever happens to him.

 

He also has ZERO patience and gets angry over the smallest things. If we're stuck in traffic he'll freak out. If he spills his coffee he'll freak out. He'll yell, curse and hit things sometimes. I swear he is a sadist because he likes to make me upset and feel guilty about things. When I tell him that is bothers me that he tries to get me worked up and upset, he says that he thinks it's funny that I get so upset over things and that he's just joking. He constantly teases me about things and when I tell him that I don't like it, it hurts my feelings etc he acts all indignant and is like "I'm just joking, you can't take a joke FINE I'll never joke with you again." I say we can joke but telling me "You need to lose a few pounds" while grabbing my stomach and knocking a cookie out of my hand isn't funny to me.

 

Anytime I try to bring up issues he'll get super defensive and try and turn things around on me. He tries to make it out like I'm a "crazy girlfriend" and always says how all women are crazy. I tell him he is sexist.

 

In 6 years we have only celebrated our anniversary and Valentine's day one time each. He never gets me anything for either. I've told him this kind of hurts me and I'm not asking for anything major. I told him I'd be happy if he made me a card. He won't do that because he thinks its "stupid". He doesn't ever do anything romantic. Today is Valentine's Day and he is on the road for work, he hasn't even texted me Happy Valentine's Day. For the last 4 years for Christmas or my birthday I've asked for a gift certificate for a massage. He says he won't get me that because I asked him to get it and that it's a waste of money.He says the reason we haven't gotten married yet is because he can't afford it. This is a legit reason but I feel he is just using this as an excuse. He has a good job, a hard job, but a good job. He complains how much he hates it and how once I graduate he's quitting and going to find something else. I feel like he has no direction in life. He has no idea what he wants to do for a career. I tell him "You can't work minimum wage retail jobs your whole life" He says he wants us to be able to afford to get married and buy a house etc, but I feel like he doesn't want to have to work to do it.

 

Sometimes I just feel like he will never be happy with anything. He'd been looking for a good job for a while, he finally got one and now he hates it. He complained how we didn't have enough sex (his ideal amount would be twice a day everyday no joke) so I'm like "Okay I can fix that" and we go from doing it 3-4 times a week to 6-8 times a week. Then he complains that we never have sex during the day or in the morning......Yeah I have a job and school.

 

I literally do everything for him and I feel like it's not appreciated. I'm at a point where I am CERTAIN if we got married we'd end up divorced because I know I'd go crazy if I had to put up with this for the next 50 years. When I think about leaving him it makes me so upset/sad. I mean when things are good they are really good. He's been my best friend for 6 years. I love his family and our friends we have together. Like I said, he is funny, smart good looking and very affectionate. He tells me multiple times a day that he loves me and that he think's I'm beautiful. He's all I know. Is this normal relationship stuff, should we go on a break or should I just end things?

[pteromom]

Yes.

 

I actually quit reading after the marriage/kids part, because that alone is enough reason to leave the relationship.

 

Your goals are not compatible. You are 27, so don't waste more time with someone who doesn't want the same things you do.

[pteromom]

I mean when things are good they are really good. He's been my best friend for 6 years. I love his family and our friends we have together. Like I said, he is funny, smart good looking and very affectionate. He tells me multiple times a day that he loves me and that he think's I'm beautiful. He's all I know.

 

Of course there is also good in the relationship. If there wasn't, you wouldn't be there.

 

But the bad is all FACT too.

 

It isn't as if you can wave a magic wand and make the bad parts go away.

 

And it isn't as if he will magically turn into someone who prioritizes marriage and children.

[Love Bytes]

Yes.

 

I actually quit reading after the marriage/kids part, because that alone is enough reason to leave the relationship.

 

Your goals are not compatible. You are 27, so don't waste more time with someone who doesn't want the same things you do.

 

This.

 

If he just didn't want kids, that would be one thing. My brother didn't want kids, but had one because his wife wanted one...and he couldn't be happier. He loves that little girl. BUT...he wasn't as negative about it, and definitely not that negative about marriage.

 

If you've brought up parting ways before because of your issues, and he hasn't tried to change his view on things...then you've probably done all you can. :/

[H3Drvr]

You want to get his attention and have him really consider what he wants with you? Well...you only have to say four words...

 

"We need to talk"

 

Word of caution, do not say that phrase unless you are really ready to use it and stick by it. Those are very powerful words and should not be used lightly...or for evil! Well...the evil part...is mainly me being not so serious.