cant shake this stupid feeling

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

So my ex and I have been broke up a little over 4 months now (together 9 years). For the most part I am fine (or at least I thought I was). Recently however, I have this nagging feeling that I miss her. I dont know what triggered it (perhaps it was because our 4 month BU mark has just passed). Normally, these feelings last a few minutes if even that and I get past it. This however is lingering longer than I care it to. Its been 3 days and the feelings are still there. Its not the bone crushing hurt feeling but its like the dull pain that wont freaken go away. Anyone know how long these stupid feelings will last. I just want to be done with this crap!

[cavalier99]

Ha. Join the club. I'm just riding these things out now. Don't know when it will end.? Nothing you or I can do about it.

 

What I am learning is that these things come and go even if it lasts for a few days and there is NO EXPLANATION. Just enjoy the ride. Lol Cav

 

PS today is exactly 4 months since the last time i saw her or heard her voice. I was really angry earlier today and last night. Fine now.

Edited February 4, 2013 by cavalier99

[HaveFaithxx]

Im going through the exact same thing. I am at 2.5 months after BU now. I have been feeling better and thinking of him less as each day goes by but then the last 3 days I have thought about him constantly. Im going freaking crazy! And to think he barely thinks of me.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Ha. Join the club. I'm just riding these things out now. Don't know when it will end.? Nothing you or I can do about it.

 

What I am learning is that these things come and go even if it lasts for a few days and there is NO EXPLANATION. Just enjoy the ride. Lol Cav

 

PS today is exactly 4 months since the last time i saw her or heard he voice. I was angry earlier today and last night. Fine now.

 

Lol...I hate this freaken ride. I want off man! This past Saturday marked our 4 month BU. I made damn sure I was going to be busy this weekend so I made a bunch of plans and went out most of this weekend. For the most part I was fine. The nights and mornings always suck but these past few have been more agonizing then normal. I just thought "oh it will pass" but it hasn't. It's lingering on like a bad cold that wont go away.

 

The worst part about it is that I start thinking about her and how shes having a jolly time with her life and it just pisses me off and sends me over the edge. Whats more infuriating is that I'm still letting her affect my life which totally SUCKS!!!!

 

So how are you holding up today Cav? I'm sure today is going to be a nice emotional roller coaster for you...hahaha. Good Luck man.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Im going through the exact same thing. I am at 2.5 months after BU now. I have been feeling better and thinking of him less as each day goes by but then the last 3 days I have thought about him constantly. Im going freaking crazy! And to think he barely thinks of me.

 

Doesnt that suck to know that you are constantly thinking of this other person and you are probably a distant thought to them? UGH!!!! So pissed! Why does it have to be like this? Why can't we freaken move on like they moved on!!!!!

[williamshakespeare]

its been 4 months?

 

Can I respectfully suggest that you start putting yourself out there to meet other girls? Its a ton of fun - try speedating, internet dating etc.,. Its a great distraction and most likely you'll find better than your ex at the end of the day.

[cavalier99]

Lol...I hate this freaken ride. I want off man! This past Saturday marked our 4 month BU. I made damn sure I was going to be busy this weekend so I made a bunch of plans and went out most of this weekend. For the most part I was fine. The nights and mornings always suck but these past few have been more agonizing then normal. I just thought "oh it will pass" but it hasn't. It's lingering on like a bad cold that wont go away.

 

The worst part about it is that I start thinking about her and how shes having a jolly time with her life and it just pisses me off and sends me over the edge. Whats more infuriating is that I'm still letting her affect my life which totally SUCKS!!!!

 

So how are you holding up today Cav? I'm sure today is going to be a nice emotional roller coaster for you...hahaha. Good Luck man.

 

Thanks for asking. I'm OK. I think all our emotions swing and it is normal.

 

A few days ago i was driving back from a friends house listening to music and I started thinking about her. Then all of the sudden I felt free of her!. It "seemed" to be a turning point

 

I was looking at the road ahead and felt like i was leaving her in the past. I remembered when i was younger and super adventurous and unencumbered by a relationship and left my job and backpacked for a year in south America learned a new language etcetera. (I ended up living there for 4 years)

 

I felt free and was excited about the future and i actually remembered the old me and i was sooo happy that i shed a few tears of joy in the car!!

 

.......Last night i was remembering the BU scene and how i wish i had handled myself differently and also in the relationship at points. I think I let myself lose too much self respect and never want to do that again in a RS.

 

So its just the roller coaster...we just need to ride it out until it stops.

 

Wish i could feel again like i did in the car that day! I'm sure i will.

 

I think today ill be fine. It was a couple weeks ago that was the anniversary of day she said she wanted out. That day was tougher. Today I'm feeling like is is more of a moving on milestone.

[cavalier99]

its been 4 months?

 

Can I respectfully suggest that you start putting yourself out there to meet other girls? Its a ton of fun - try speedating, internet dating etc.,. Its a great distraction and most likely you'll find better than your ex at the end of the day.

 

4 month might seem like a lot but it really isn't. My relationship was 8 years and the OP's was 9. It is tough to totally purge a relationship like this from your system. Sh*t i even have a hard time remembering when i was single.

 

I do agree on the dating thing. I'm going out a lot..trying to hook up etcetera. Not sure about formal dates yet. I had an opportunity to do this like a month ago. Set up a tentative date etcetera...then i blew her off. Just wasn't ready.

[williamshakespeare]

Yep.

 

You're right Cav - about the time thing.

 

I don't mean to disrespect you and the original poster who are going through pain. I am too!

 

Good luck with everything.

[cavalier99]

Yep.

 

You're right Cav - about the time thing.

 

I don't mean to disrespect you and the original poster who are going through pain. I am too!

 

Good luck with everything.

 

Ha not offended at all. You might actually be right about the dating. I seem to be more in hookup have fun mode. It still seems a little daunting to have to sit across form someone at a restaurant or wherever on a date. Maybe i should try it with 0 expectations just for the diversion... hmmmm

 

Hope you are getting better. I think i am its just taking a while.

[williamshakespeare]

Glad to hear Cav.

TBH - I'm all over the place. I was dumped last year and then yesterday I became the dumper of sorts. We started hangin out again over the past few months, sleeping 2gether - the works - it was brill. She texted me everyday to say she loved me but then when I tried to see her over the past 2 weeks she kept putting me off. So I told her yesterday, that I was confused - how can she say she loves me but not want to be with me? If she doesn't love me - just say it and I will move on. No begging or pleading this time (unlike last time). It would suck but I would find a way to deal with it.

 

The she started blowing up my phone saying she's sorry and that she loves me 'so much' and sorry for not making a big enough effort in the past 2 weeks.

 

I'm pretty much in no mans land - now.

 

I should do a post...lol

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

its been 4 months?

 

Can I respectfully suggest that you start putting yourself out there to meet other girls? Its a ton of fun - try speedating, internet dating etc.,. Its a great distraction and most likely you'll find better than your ex at the end of the day.

 

I tried dating doesnt work. I'm just not ready to be in a relationship right now and I'm not completely done healing. I think it just makes things worse. If dating was a cure I'd be all over that right now (probably havent met the right girl).

 

I dated this girl who was super cute. She was younger than I like (21). I find that anyone under 25 are still figuring things out and are vulnerable to the so called "gigs" so I try to stay away from them. Anyways the first night I thought everything was great. Found someone who kept my interest and so on. We hung out all night. Second day we hung out all day and then I started to think maybe it may not work. Come the third day all I could think about was how fast I could lose this girl because I simply wasn't interested anymore. All this did was made me miss my ex even more. Dating (or dating the wrong one) made me think that there would be no one out there that I would be interested in like how I was interested in with my ex. That set me back so I stopped dating.

 

I even tried the FWB thing and that even sucked more! After the fact you start missing your ex and realizing how the physical thing wasn't what you thought it would be. You miss the emotional connection that you and your ex had....so I swore off that too.

 

I guess what it ultimately comes down to is that you really can't hide from your feelings. You just have to get through the crummy part of this and once youre done you can move on to the dating and the other stuff. Until then I think its just sets you back. That or I haven't met the right one yet.

[williamshakespeare]

Thanks for your insights into this topic.

 

Socrates said - "Know Thyself"!

 

You're doing a good job at this and should be proud of yourself.

[cavalier99]

Glad to hear Cav.

TBH - I'm all over the place. I was dumped last year and then yesterday I became the dumper of sorts. We started hangin out again over the past few months, sleeping 2gether - the works - it was brill. She texted me everyday to say she loved me but then when I tried to see her over the past 2 weeks she kept putting me off. So I told her yesterday, that I was confused - how can she say she loves me but not want to be with me? If she doesn't love me - just say it and I will move on. No begging or pleading this time (unlike last time). It would suck but I would find a way to deal with it.

 

The she started blowing up my phone saying she's sorry and that she loves me 'so much' and sorry for not making a big enough effort in the past 2 weeks.

 

I'm pretty much in no mans land - now.

 

I should do a post...lol

 

Ha well on the bright side at least you get a redo of the BU if you want on your owns terms and can act with dignity and self respect. This is one of the things that plagues me and I tend to ruminate over. It funny how when we don't beg etcetera and act alpha male they come back. The problem is it shouldn't be so difficult if the relationship is in a good spot.

 

Not that it is much consolation to you right now

[cavalier99]

I tried dating doesnt work. I'm just not ready to be in a relationship right now and I'm not completely done healing. I think it just makes things worse. If dating was a cure I'd be all over that right now (probably havent met the right girl).

 

I dated this girl who was super cute. She was younger than I like (21). I find that anyone under 25 are still figuring things out and are vulnerable to the so called "gigs" so I try to stay away from them. Anyways the first night I thought everything was great. Found someone who kept my interest and so on. We hung out all night. Second day we hung out all day and then I started to think maybe it may not work. Come the third day all I could think about was how fast I could lose this girl because I simply wasn't interested anymore. All this did was made me miss my ex even more. Dating (or dating the wrong one) made me think that there would be no one out there that I would be interested in like how I was interested in with my ex. That set me back so I stopped dating.

 

I even tried the FWB thing and that even sucked more! After the fact you start missing your ex and realizing how the physical thing wasn't what you thought it would be. You miss the emotional connection that you and your ex had....so I swore off that too.

 

I guess what it ultimately comes down to is that you really can't hide from your feelings. You just have to get through the crummy part of this and once youre done you can move on to the dating and the other stuff. Until then I think its just sets you back. That or I haven't met the right one yet.

 

 

I'm with you on this one. Anything except pure fun where i never have to see the girl again tends to be negative. I loved your story about by the third date you just wanted out.

 

Yeah, stay away form girls under 25-26. We think alike. I developed that rule for myself.

 

Hopefully this will change in the coming months and we will date again and enjoy it.

 

Ps actually yesterday was 4 months..didn't realize it..not that it matters really. Great game!

Edited February 4, 2013 by cavalier99

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Thanks for asking. I'm OK. I think all our emotions swing and it is normal.

 

A few days ago i was driving back from a friends house listening to music and I started thinking about her. Then all of the sudden I felt free of her!. It "seemed" to be a turning point

 

I was looking at the road ahead and felt like i was leaving her in the past. I remembered when i was younger and super adventurous and unencumbered by a relationship and left my job and backpacked for a year in south America learned a new language etcetera. (I ended up living there for 4 years)

 

I felt free and was excited about the future and i actually remembered the old me and i was sooo happy that i shed a few tears of joy in the car!!

 

.......Last night i was remembering the BU scene and how i wish i had handled myself differently and also in the relationship at points. I think I let myself lose too much self respect and never want to do that again in a RS.

 

So its just the roller coaster...we just need to ride it out until it stops.

 

Wish i could feel again like i did in the car that day! I'm sure i will.

 

I think today ill be fine. It was a couple weeks ago that was the anniversary of day she said she wanted out. That day was tougher. Today I'm feeling like is is more of a moving on milestone.

 

Glad to hear that you are doing better today. Wow...you are pretty adventurous. Taking off and living in a foreign country for 4 years is pretty cool.

 

I agree...we all lose ourselves in a relationship and it sucks. Sometimes it takes something like this to center ourselves and get us back to where we were suppose to be (at least thats what i tell myself to get through this).

[cavalier99]

Glad to hear that you are doing better today. Wow...you are pretty adventurous. Taking off and living in a foreign country for 4 years is pretty cool.

 

I agree...we all lose ourselves in a relationship and it sucks. Sometimes it takes something like this to center ourselves and get us back to where we were suppose to be (at least thats what i tell myself to get through this).

 

Thanks. I think we both need to really start living again. It may not be living overseas but it could be taking up sports again or learning another language.

 

I think i want to play ice hockey again. I was really good and played for years. I think that it is time to really start discovering what we like again and stop thinking so much. They aren't coming back EVER.

 

I'm getting sick of reliving things from months ago. Even fantasies of running into her are beginning to also seem so stupid now. Things are sooooo over.

 

Of course ill probably feel different later today. Lol

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Thanks for your insights into this topic.

 

Socrates said - "Know Thyself"!

 

You're doing a good job at this and should be proud of yourself.

 

 

Thanks...Sometimes it doesnt seem like it. Just want to be over it. You know how it is.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Glad to hear Cav.

TBH - I'm all over the place. I was dumped last year and then yesterday I became the dumper of sorts. We started hangin out again over the past few months, sleeping 2gether - the works - it was brill. She texted me everyday to say she loved me but then when I tried to see her over the past 2 weeks she kept putting me off. So I told her yesterday, that I was confused - how can she say she loves me but not want to be with me? If she doesn't love me - just say it and I will move on. No begging or pleading this time (unlike last time). It would suck but I would find a way to deal with it.

 

The she started blowing up my phone saying she's sorry and that she loves me 'so much' and sorry for not making a big enough effort in the past 2 weeks.

 

I'm pretty much in no mans land - now.

 

I should do a post...lol

 

lol...tons of guys would love to be in your situation right now. Not only do you get a redo but you actually decided you didnt want it this time. Let me ask you....when you guys got back together for 2.0 did it still feel the same or was it weird? My personal experience is that when you break up and then try it again after a short period of time it just gets a little weird. Your still trying to figure out each others boundries I guess.

[Simon Phoenix]

4 month might seem like a lot but it really isn't. My relationship was 8 years and the OP's was 9. It is tough to totally purge a relationship like this from your system. Sh*t i even have a hard time remembering when i was single.

 

I do agree on the dating thing. I'm going out a lot..trying to hook up etcetera. Not sure about formal dates yet. I had an opportunity to do this like a month ago. Set up a tentative date etcetera...then i blew her off. Just wasn't ready.

 

Yeah, there is definitely a difference from hitting on girls at the bar and getting random hookups and going on formal dates.

[cavalier99]

Thanks...Sometimes it doesnt seem like it. Just want to be over it. You know how it is.

 

You know what bro. Just accept the feelings. I think that this in itself is progress. I feel that every time we go thru these setback it moves us forward..

 

I'm almost beginning to view these emotions positively because i imagine it is my brain getting rid of all the emotional baggage. Acceptance is the key and know that these things are temporary. Just take it calmly a day at a time.

 

This is progress although it may not feel like it. Ha I'm going with this thought!

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

Thanks. I think we both need to really start living again. It may not be living overseas but it could be taking up sports again or learning another language.

 

I think i want to play ice hockey again. I was really good and played for years. I think that it is time to really start discovering what we like again and stop thinking so much. They aren't coming back EVER.

 

I'm getting sick of reliving things from months ago. Even fantasies of running into her are beginning to also seem so stupid now. Things are sooooo over.

 

Of course ill probably feel different later today. Lol

 

haha you and me both. The La La fantasies are starting to get annoying. I actually started to do things that I thought I would enjoy. Im taking some courses in photoshop and photography because i have always wanted to learn. I've never been a right brain person...always left brain so i thought this should be interesting.

 

I found some really cute girls in my classes but i'm keeping my distance because I've learned that a healthy infatuation is a lot better than getting to know someone. At least when you dont know them you can picture a perfect girl who has not faults. They can be better than your ex in every aspect or at least thats how you can imagine/perceive them to be. Its only when you meet them that reality sets in and you realize you may have nothing in common with them. Then bang....another setback! Oh well...so goes life.

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

You know what bro. Just accept the feelings. I think that this in itself is progress. I feel that every time we go thru these setback it moves us forward..

 

I'm almost beginning to view these emotions positively because i imagine it is my brain getting rid of all the emotional baggage. Acceptance is the key and know that these things are temporary. Just take it calmly a day at a time.

 

This is progress although it may not feel like it. Ha I'm going with this thought!

 

hahaha so thats how your selling it to yourself. lol. Maybe ill buy into that too....not the tricky part...convincing myself the crappy days are progress sight..

 

I dont know sometimes when you think about it....its just so frustrating. 9 years of my life in a relationship and it doesnt pan out for crap. Wow...when you think about it thats most of my adult life there. Ugh..so depressing.

 

Just need to power through today and I think I should be good. At least I hope to god i'll be good....

[williamshakespeare]

Congrats on making it to the 4 months Cav.

 

Re: your comments to me. I just have to say aren't relationships weird all the same? 8 months ago I was desperate to see her and I was heartbroken and ................she was avoiding meeting me and .........when she did she was cold.

 

Somehow I've gotten it all the way back to the stage, where today she is blowing up my phone, saying she misses and loves me and wanting me to call her....and I'm not the one who is not in in a hurry to respond.

 

That's why I say to some people who post - never give up hope (that's if I see anything positive at all in the situation ) - but I got chastised the other day for saying that to one of the posters by one of the LS gurus (I think once you go NC - anything can happen).

 

You're right Cav - there is definitely something to the alpha male thing....and some dude said on a post that possession and attraction are mutually exclusive or something to that effect. He may be right too.