skings Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Hi, This is only my second post on LS but believe me I have read every single thread and responses to it It helps me stay sane. My ex and I broke up mid-November after six months (I know it was a short relationship). I made all classic mistakes (crying, begging, pleading, you name it). I have been NC since Jan 1st and have deleted all her contacts, messages and stuff from my phone, FB. I have also defriended her from FB. It has been tough but I could see I have gotten a lot better. Today I realized what I think (200%) is the reason for our break up. I didn't hang out with her enough. We had a lot of "our" time but when she went out with her friends, I always stayed home and swung by later to pick her up from where ever she was. I realized it this was not an ideal behavior and I surely wasn't being a good BF (Imagine her friends asking her about me and she giving some lame excuse for my absence or even worse her friends are with their BFs and she is out there by herself ). We broke up once before for a week for the very same reason (not hanging out with her and her friends enough). There was no cheating, no abuse, no fights or any such things. Just the two of us went out to a lot of places but never in a group. I want to think this is one of my contributions for the break up and want to make sure I work on it and not repeat this with a deserving girl in future. It is her birthday Thursday and I was (still am) tempted to send her a message on FB (apparently FB allows you to send a message even if you are not a friend) explaining the things I said above. I also want to mention the following - "I don't have any hate or hard feelings for you. My hurt is self-inflicted in a way. Even if you think you'd hurt me, I forgive you whole-heartedly. I wish you the best and happy birthday". FYI, she is in a relationship with some other guy and she seems to be happy. On a final note, I am feeling a lot better now after going through crazy emotions like many of you here. I am sorry I had to vent it out so that I will get a good night's sleep. I am hoping to summon the courage and not send her any message. Please tell me what I am doing is right. Thanks and God Speed. Link to post Share on other sites
Navajo46 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Your doing the right thing man. I am 9-10 weeks out and my ex is seeing someone else. I have fought the urge to contact her every day... But i wholeheartedly agree that if they are the ones who broke up with you then they should be the ones to contact. As much as i want to i will not give the satisfaction of boosting her ego by contacting her. Even if she did contact me at this point I dont know if i would respond though... Hang in there bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skings Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 Thanks. That helped Link to post Share on other sites
Navajo46 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 Not sure if i was clear after reading your post again, if you wanna send a happy birthday then i would say go ahead, but be prepared for no reply or answer. I would refrain from going into the detail that you were thinking of though, just keep it at a short happy birthday message or something. Truth is that she might not even care... I know mine didnt. Gonna take time man, im still not over it. Then definitely stay no contact bro, when you still have emotions running high it really does give you time to put things in perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skings Posted January 30, 2013 Author Share Posted January 30, 2013 I am not sure if I should just wish her happy birthday. If I am not going to let her know I have realized my mistakes and I forgive her, then I am not going to send her wishes either. I am afraid I will lose 1 month progress into my recovery. I dont expect my message to get us back together but she should realize I wasn't using her or treating her unfair intentionally. Well my countless tear drops should have sent that message I guess. Isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Navajo46 Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I am not sure if I should just wish her happy birthday. If I am not going to let her know I have realized my mistakes and I forgive her, then I am not going to send her wishes either. I am afraid I will lose 1 month progress into my recovery. I dont expect my message to get us back together but she should realize I wasn't using her or treating her unfair intentionally. Well my countless tear drops should have sent that message I guess. Isn't it? Its up to you, but chances are she doesnt think she did anything wrong so what are you forgiving her for? If you want to apogize for the things that you did then go ahead, but again dont expect a response. If you are expecting one and you dont getit that is what is going to set you back. My ex's b day is coming up, not to mention valentines day and our 6 year anniversary... But she wont hear a peep out of me because i dont want anything to set me back at this point. As i said before i am still not over it and have had the craziest ups and downs in the past 2 months... Bad panic attack last weekend... But I am never going to boost her ego by contacting her. If i really meant something to her she would reach out, but i just dont think i mean anythig anymore. Really tough to take man, sty strong bro. Link to post Share on other sites
NoLeafClover Posted January 30, 2013 Share Posted January 30, 2013 I am not sure if I should just wish her happy birthday. If I am not going to let her know I have realized my mistakes and I forgive her, then I am not going to send her wishes either. I am afraid I will lose 1 month progress into my recovery. I dont expect my message to get us back together but she should realize I wasn't using her or treating her unfair intentionally. Well my countless tear drops should have sent that message I guess. Isn't it? Do not message her if it's her BDAY, Xmas, Valentines etc etc. This is the time where you want to show her that you are being strong and are doing totally fine without her and how things ended. Showing that you're thinking about her and wishing her happy birthday it's a sign of weakness and will only boost her ego. There are many posts here regarding this specific topic. Read em all if you have time. Link to post Share on other sites
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