He showed up at my home!!!!

[kristi628]

I'm so confused and angry right now. Last Wed my ex text me to discuss the apt and moving schedules. I kept the texts as short as possible. He had been over at the apt the day before collecting things he had left behind (I wasnt there when he did this).

 

He started texting things like how it was the most difficult thing he has had to do. And then the texts turned into "I miss you, "I made a mistake" and basically everything I have wanted to hear since the break up at the end of November. He admitted that what he is doing is unhealthy and that he rushed into this relationship because I told him I never wanted to see him again and he was afraid to be alone. But now he's in this relationship that he doesnt want because he's not over me.

 

I told him I couldnt talk to him about this. I didnt know what was the truth and what wasnt. He is a very smooth talker. THEN....he had the nerve to start talking about one "Final" goodbye and what not. I know what that meant, he just wanted to sleep with me one last time. Kept saying how I was the best he's ever had, blah blah blah. I ended the conversation.

 

Then 30 minutes later he shows up at my front door. Told me he ended things with her. He came in and we talked for hours. I made the HUGE mistake of sleeping with him. He got up, put his head in his hands saying he felt extremely guilty. I asked why and he said he hadnt talked to his gf yet about ending things. I was FURIOUS! How could he do what he just did?!?!?

 

He said he didnt know if he felt guilty about coming over, or being with her, or leaving me....He just got up and left. Said he couldnt stay with me. I asked him if he was going to tell her, and he said that he could leave her for me, but i was moving in a month and when I left he would probably just go back with her bc he CANNOT be alone! (his words, not mine) I wanted to kill him! He admitted to using her, not loving her, said he hadnt moved in with her. And to this day, I cannot tell what was the truth and what wasnt. He text me that night before he went to bed saying "I'm sorry for tonight. I'm sorry I came. Now I'm sorry I left. I can't handle my life right now and it's not fair to you."

 

The next day he was suppose to come over and talk about what happened and then I get a text saying "I'm not coming over. I can't do this. I have felt like crap all day. I can't do this. I dont want to make things worse, please just let me do this on my own."

 

WOW. Did he really just want to use me for sex one last time?!?!?!? What kind of person does that?!? I had enough. i wasnt even going to wait for him to work out his "confusion and guilt." I woke up, changed me phone number, blocked him on all emails and everything I could think of.

 

I'm beyond angry right now. And severely hurt.

[Toddbt12y1]

He used you. Played you. Cop'd out. Cheated(funny he cheated on you, look, he cheats again --amazing Guy.)

 

Yeah he used you for your vagina. That is what he really loves. All of this was his game to humiliate you and get your vagina. You know what you should have done, so I am not going to go there.

 

Once more, do not allow a user and manipulate more than a word with you(none really). Otherwise you are self-victimizing. Kristi, be wise dear. Don't let him use you from is sperm bank on the side.

 

Block him. You should have done this before. Obviously his and her relationship isn't that great, as predicted. **** happens, don't let it again

 

His love is vagina. Not you.

[kristi628]

I know that now. I feel awful, dirty, all of the above. The self loathing has taken a whole new level. I was played for a fool. And I fell for it. I really did. I cried for days. I went home to my parents. I felt so embarrassed to tell family and friends because I know what they were all going to say.

 

This was necessary I guess. I shouldve blocked his number from the beginning. I didnt because of this stupid apt that we had, and bc I was hanging onto hope.

 

Man, what kind of person does this kind of thing to people?!? He felt guilt?!? Please! He doesnt feel guilt or remorse. He said he felt so guilt when he cheated on me that he just had to tell me bc i deserved to know. But yet he wont tell this new girl?!?

 

People are telling me to email her or fb message her telling her all about it. I dont think I can. 1. I dont think she will believe me. He'll convince her I'm crazy. 2. people are saying she needs to figure this out on her own. And she will because if he cheated on her during the honeymoon phase, he will probably do it again.

 

People were telling me that bc I "gave it up" to him that he will probably figure he can get it again and will be back. That's what I had to change my number.

 

This is an all time low for him. I knew he was an a$$ but WOW. I dont even know what to call guys like this.

 

I dont know if he's tried contacting me. There's no way to know. But people say that if he truly wanted to get in touch with me, there are ways. he knows my email address. Just bc he's blocked doesnt mean he cant message me from a different one.

[OJ loved Nicole]

I knew he was an a$$ but WOW.

 

Like he said, maybe he's really just confused. I'm not taking his back I promise but confused people do confusing things.

 

Also what did you talk about for "hours"? Breadcrumbs come in all sizes. I know he said "I left her" (which was a lie), but unless he followed that with "leaving you was the biggest mistake, I want you back", YOU weren't deciphering what he REALLY was saying.

 

Unless he said those things, you cannot sex him back into your life. Deep down I know you were thinking "we talked, we had great sex, just like old times. He must miss me and want me back after that". I'm not blaming you, I've done the same exact thing before (with your same results).

 

I know this guy has crossed your last boundary, but in the future.... If he's confused, you can't show him the way. If he's an a$$, you can't make him be a nice guy. If he wants her, you can't make him want you. All you can do is be the sexy, beautiful, fun person you are. He loves/wants to be with that.... great!! If not.... his loss, you live your amazing life.

[Toddbt12y1]

In life there are people who will use you, toss you away -- in a moment's notice. There s no way of truly knowing. People like him are born manipulators. He could easily manipulate you again -- its his skill. There is no remorse. I knew this new relationship he got into, wouldn't last: signs are showing.

 

Why tell the other girl? That's a loss of some more delicious puss for him. He never loved her. He wanted to use her -- much like you, she was woo'd on a lie. He isn't a great Guy. He is scum. A serial cheat. You gave him power over you again. He isn't done; he knows he can get your vagina -- he will be back.

 

That will be your moment to get your power back and shut the door on him.

 

Tell her? Why? He would lie and he is very good at that. You'll make yourself look crazy. Let her find out on her own. We all must. You just did. Beware of Romeo: he brings you poems and flowers, calling it love, whilst pounding away at your vag.

 

Excuse my graphic. Hopefully it paints the image. Be the woman you are. Stand up for yourself. Change your email address. Do the right things. Take advice, and do not allow a player to play you.

 

Don't message her. But they are right: you gave him all the power, he will come back for more. He cried...

 

You caved. That is how it works. Those who cry the loudest are pities the most...even if they don't deserve it.

 

You are beautiful. Smart. Do not waste your love or your vagina on the unworthy. Too many do. That is why the world is much more messed up. See it as special: not. A

[Toddbt12y1]

Like he said, maybe he's really just confused. I'm not taking his back I promise but confused people do confusing things.

 

Also what did you talk about for "hours"? Breadcrumbs come in all sizes. I know he said "I left her" (which was a lie), but unless he followed that with "leaving you was the biggest mistake, I want you back", YOU weren't deciphering what he REALLY was saying.

 

Unless he said those things, you cannot sex him back into your life. Deep down I know you were thinking "we talked, we had great sex, just like old times. He must miss me and want me back after that". I'm not blaming you, I've done the same exact thing before (with your same results).

 

I know this guy has crossed your last boundary, but in the future.... If he's confused, you can't show him the way. If he's an a$$, you can't make him be a nice guy. If he wants her, you can't make him want you. All you can do is be the sexy, beautiful, fun person you are. He loves/wants to be with that.... great!! If not.... his loss, you live your amazing life.

 

 

 

 

Thing is. He cheated on her in the past. Ditched her cold. Was mean. He posts how much he loves this other one. Only to cheat on her, with Kristi. He isn't confused. He knows what he's doing: hardcore manipulation of two women.

 

What thrill it is to sleep with two. That is why he won't tell his current. No guilt. He even lied to Krisit about leaving his current. Far, far, from confused.

[kristi628]

When I asked him if he was going to tell her and then when he admitted he hadnt broken up with her, i told him he had to. Why stay in a relationship you dont want? Then he said he couldnt hurt her. That's what threw me over the edge. You cant hurt HER? The girl you've only been dating a month and a half, but you have NO problem hurting ME? The girl you were with for 2 years and lived with for a year?!?!? This is so backwards.

 

And then he said this...and it gives me chills every time I replay it in my head "It's nice being with someone who doesnt know the real you. She doesnt know I'm an *******. I can fake being nice."

[kristi628]

And in the mean time they are going off like nothing ever happened. She's happy saying she found her "True love" and he's just posting stuff about work. Stopped posting sappy stuff about her. I am having trouble accepting that she will never know. I want her to feel like I felt when I found out he cheated on me with her.

 

OH....and I feel no remorse for her. He admitted that she knew he was with someone the whole time and didnt feel bad about hooking up with him. BC in fact....she did the same thing! She was dating someone and left him for my ex.

 

I asked about all the sappy posts and what not. He said he's been "overcompensating" about this relationship to try and convince himself that this is something he wanted. But it's not. And since he realized that he has stopped posting romantic stuff about her. I told him I guaranteed that she think every thing is fine and dandy. He said he didnt think so bc he feels like they are both rebounding. Yeah right. That girl posts happy stuff about them every freaking day.

[TaraMaiden]

Do you know, this is very rare for me, because I can usually look at things objectively - but I actually feel sick for you.

I really do.

The moment I read "I made the HUGE mistake of sleeping with him..." I immediately thought - "uh-oh... God, no please say it ain't so...."

 

In your place, I'd feel like turning up on HIS doorstep, armed with a pair of shears and cut his phukking nuts off. And hand them to her and say - "here you go lady, he's all yours. Enjoy. He's a bigger man without his bollox than with them, so you're welcome to him".

 

Eugh.

What an absolute bastard.

[TaraMaiden]

When I asked him if he was going to tell her and then when he admitted he hadnt broken up with her, i told him he had to. Why stay in a relationship you dont want? Then he said he couldnt hurt her. That's what threw me over the edge. You cant hurt HER? The girl you've only been dating a month and a half, but you have NO problem hurting ME? The girl you were with for 2 years and lived with for a year?!?!? This is so backwards.

 

And then he said this...and it gives me chills every time I replay it in my head "It's nice being with someone who doesnt know the real you. She doesnt know I'm an *******. I can fake being nice."

 

The truth will out.

No matter what your personal opinion of her, hopefully, she's bright enough to eventually realise that fake and façade, don't last long. They're impossible to maintain and keep up. At one moment or another - his disguise will slip.

 

But that's her problem.

[Toddbt12y1]

Then both got what they deserved. Justice is being done on your behalf. Their Paradise will end. Soon. That comment "she doesn't know the real me." Proves he's no some confused love stark. No, he's an uncaring manipulator.

 

He isn't going to tell her. He is still working her. He can you, cause he got bored with the game, and went to a new one.

 

Is this person worth your pain?

[kristi628]

Thank you TaraMaiden for your post. I was very afraid of posting my thread on here. I know I'm the idiot here, I knew better, I was the OW. And I'm literally sick to my stomach over this whole ordeal.

 

I knew there were evil people in this world. But this is so far from any way he ever behaved in our relationship. I didnt know he was capable of being this way until the break up. Now I dont put anything past him.

 

And yes, You got my feelings down pat. You have no idea how badly I want to hurt him for what he did. He's sick.

 

And he admitted what an a$$ he is and he doesnt know why he is the way he is. BS!!!! If he knew all that then why does he continue to repeat this sick pattern?

[kristi628]

Then both got what they deserved. Justice is being done on your behalf. Their Paradise will end. Soon. That comment "she doesn't know the real me." Proves he's no some confused love stark. No, he's an uncaring manipulator.

 

He isn't going to tell her. He is still working her. He can you, cause he got bored with the game, and went to a new one.

 

Is this person worth your pain?

 

He is definitely not worth this paid. I'm not sure what I can do next to prevent him from contacting me. I changed number. And blocked him on all emails. He's lazy and won't have the balls to do anything that requires energy.

 

I tested the blocking. If he emails it will just come back to him as undeliverable. He probably wont care. He'll consider that I made up his mind for him and he can continue on.

 

Here is the weird part. Through out the whole night...he kept asking if i was going to tell her. I mean, every 20 minutes he asked. And I told him that although I feel like he should tell her, that's for her to find out on her own and she will. And whenver I would touch my phone, he would say something like "I bet you're emailing her now, arent you?!" It was as if he was trying to get me to do it so that he doesnt have to do anything himself.

 

I know. I'm reaching. But this whole thing does not make one bit of sense to me. SO EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!

[TaraMaiden]

If he texts you from his own number - text back the "Automated response" (see the Updated No Contact Guide in my signature).

If he calls you from another 'phone, just hang up immediately you realise it's him, and block that number. label it "Scumbag nonutz" so that if he tries again, you can yet again, text him the "Automated response".

[Toddbt12y1]

Of course he doesn't want you telling her. Makes him look bad and he loses his pussy.

 

You sure he had balls when you slept with him? Or where they fake rubber balls?

[KatZee]

Wow. This guy sounds like my ex boyfriend.

 

When he was busy "courting me" what he didn't tell me was that he had a girlfriend of many years. By the time I had fallen for him on an emotional level (around three months) he came clean that he was in a relationship but massively unhappy. I fell for his sob story, hook, line, and sinker. I wanted to help him. He came off as an amazing person, I wanted him to be happy.

 

He did wind up breaking up with her and not long after we were dating. I made sure to ask that I wasn't a rebound, if he had wanted it to work out with her, did he love her still. The answers were all around "NO!" We had, what I thought was an amazing relationship. Loving, caring, affectionate, friendship.

 

Two years into our relationship he confesses to me that he cheated on me. With his ex. He did exactly what your ex did to you. While he was dating me, he went out with his ex. They got drunk, they had sex, and this went on for the course of a week. Apparently he was telling her all this horrible stuff about me, how our relationship was so bad, how he didn't know if he wanted to be with me, how he thought of going back to her. So for a week, they were talking, having sex. He made her think he was leaving me to go back to her. He never did. He pulled the same dick move on her that yours did you. He never had any intention of leaving me, he just had no clue what he was doing, was confused. He doesn't work through problems he just jumps from person to person, trailing residual baggage behind him.

 

His ex never told me of the cheating. It happened 4 months into our relationship and I didn't find out until 2 years together. I was told that she said, "I'm not going to say anything to her. And besides, even if I did, she still has him."

 

Looking back, it was at this point that his ex stopped hanging around. She started declining all invites to hang out (my ex and his ex had a mutual circle of friends so she was always around). I was told she was humiliated, felt betrayed, played, used. Blah blah blah. Same as you.

 

There are people like your ex, and my ex all around us. They use people. They do whatever they want with no regard for anyone else. All they care about is their own pleasure. They are impulsive, they don't think through situations and they just continue to hurt others. You did the right thing by blocking him entirely. I did the same with my ex. I want absolutely nothing to do with him.

[kristi628]

He wont get this new number. None of his family has it, none of his friends have it (except for one but she literally hates him and doesnt want to talk to him anymore). I didnt even warn him to tell him i'm changing numbers. I just did it. The only way he will find out is if he calls and it says the number is out of service. If he texts it will just look as if i'm ignoring him. I deleted his number out of my phone as well as his family. I can't have anything to do with him anymore.

 

I'm extremely hurt. But I keep thinking of what he just did and I have a physical reaction to this. Truly sickening.

 

And I get very angry when i see them going on all happily. She has no clue. She thinks she found the perfect man. And I should be happy getting the "last laugh" but it isnt enough for me. It's not fair that he gets to live this "happy life for the most part" (again, his words) and not have any consequences for his actions.

 

When it comes to moving out, my friend (our mutual friend) is going to send him the move out schedule. She will deliver the key and wait while he moves all his stuff out. And if he asks, she will tell her that all my contact info has been changed and to stay away from me forever.

[KatZee]

And I get very angry when i see them going on all happily. She has no clue. She thinks she found the perfect man. And I should be happy getting the "last laugh" but it isnt enough for me. It's not fair that he gets to live this "happy life for the most part" (again, his words) and not have any consequences for his actions.

 

Don't be angry. I was that girl. I was going on so "happily" with my ex while he was out screwing his ex, and then screwing her over. She had to sit back on the sidelines and watch as we went out, were publicly affectionate, having a blast together. I thought I had the perfect boyfriend. Do not laugh at her misfortune because she doesn't know what kind of person he is just yet. I didn't when I was with my ex, but I soon came to find out.

 

Trust me, they are not having this "happy life." With my ex, I realized how truly superficial he was in terms of his love and emotions. It was very shallow. We never communicated. We never got through problems. It was a highly toxic and dysfunctional relationship for me, but to everyone else, we were perfect and this amazing couple.

 

You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, and trust me she will find out soon enough what a piece of trash he is. At the end of the day, I found out, and she will too. I hated him beyond all measure when we first broke up. Now I could hardly care about him, but I do wish and hope that Karma catches up to him one day. I have no doubt it will.

 

Turns out he left ME for some new girl, but that relationship crashed and burned. I hope one of the many instances of things coming back to bite him in the a.ss.

Edited January 29, 2013 by KatZee

[kristi628]

I know it's wrong to laugh at her misfortune. To be perfectly honest, I'm more caught up in my own misfortune than her own. I dont mean to wallow in self pity but man this hurts so much. I want to cry all the time. I dont know what I did to this man to want to hurt me like he has done. I gave him everything I had. I loved him unconditionally and completely. He was the love of my life...or so I thought at the time. And there she goes with her "true love." And I'm here wondering if she will ever find out how he really is.

[KatZee]

I know it's wrong to laugh at her misfortune. To be perfectly honest, I'm more caught up in my own misfortune than her own. I dont mean to wallow in self pity but man this hurts so much. I want to cry all the time. I dont know what I did to this man to want to hurt me like he has done. I gave him everything I had. I loved him unconditionally and completely. He was the love of my life...or so I thought at the time. And there she goes with her "true love." And I'm here wondering if she will ever find out how he really is.

 

She will.

 

Again, because I went through this exact same situation. Where I was living in bliss, my guy was living a double life behind my back. Screwing his ex, keeping things from me, lying.

 

It took almost three years, but eventually his true person came out and I was just... floored. To say the least.

 

People like my ex and your ex do not change. Don't think he's in some magically fantastic relationship. He's not. He's putting on a front, she's falling for it. When he gets sick of her, bored of her, he'll do the same to her. I know this, because what my ex did to me, is exactly what he did to HIS ex right before me. And he won't stop. He'll treat the next girl exactly the way he did me.

 

When people treat you like s.hit just know that there is something wrong with THEM, not with you. Because normal people don't go around destroying other human beings.

[Toddbt12y1]

Kristi. I too know how you feel. Follow our advice. My love...destroyed me. Then I let it destroy me more. Don't make the same mistake.

[kristi628]

KatZee...I hope you are right. I'm not sure where he's going to get this new "attention" from. Bc you can bet that I NEVER want to hear from him again. He is vile. I sometimes fantasize seeing him just to give him a piece of my mind. But he doesnt even deserve that. Friends say he will try and contact me again. And the thought makes me sick. He will have to find someone to mess with. And for men like him, it's never hard to find a replacement.

 

Toddbt12y1...I'm not going to let this destroy me. Yes I'm deeply hurt and this will take a lot of time to recover from. BUT in a way i guess I needed this to happen. ANY idea I had about reconciliation is OBSURD. The man needs professional help. I made sure i told him that before he scurried out of my house.

 

I never knew how cold and calculated he was with me until he explained how he is with her. Who knows what the truth was and what was the lies. I kind of wish I knew but it would probably only make me hate him more.

 

At this point I feel sorry for him. 1. He lost the BEST thing he ever had. 2. He's going to be sad and alone for the rest of his life.

[Own Worst Enemy]

Or using you for s.ex. At the end ofn the day, he's with someone else, so he's getting that.

 

I think he genuinely is confused.

 

On the negative side, he is a pathetic immature little boy who is going to hurt two girls. He does not get to work out his confusion on your time.

 

So overall major plus side: it won't feel like it yet. But everyone else here can see that you dodged a major bullet with this loser. And eventually you'll feel like that too!

[kristi628]

Thank you for your post. The thought crossed my mind tht it wasn't just about sex too. Either they haven't slept together which I doubt bc I would've heard from him a lot sooner or it's not good. Those are the only excuses I could think of.

 

I could've waited for his confusion to subside but I really thought I would be the one getting hurt the most in the end. He would've chosen her bc I'm moving in a month and he can't Stand to be alone.

 

It's not worth all the pain.

[Samilia]

I'm so confused and angry right now. Last Wed my ex text me to discuss the apt and moving schedules. I kept the texts as short as possible. He had been over at the apt the day before collecting things he had left behind (I wasnt there when he did this).

 

He started texting things like how it was the most difficult thing he has had to do. And then the texts turned into "I miss you, "I made a mistake" and basically everything I have wanted to hear since the break up at the end of November. He admitted that what he is doing is unhealthy and that he rushed into this relationship because I told him I never wanted to see him again and he was afraid to be alone. But now he's in this relationship that he doesnt want because he's not over me.

 

I told him I couldnt talk to him about this. I didnt know what was the truth and what wasnt. He is a very smooth talker. THEN....he had the nerve to start talking about one "Final" goodbye and what not. I know what that meant, he just wanted to sleep with me one last time. Kept saying how I was the best he's ever had, blah blah blah. I ended the conversation.

 

Then 30 minutes later he shows up at my front door. Told me he ended things with her. He came in and we talked for hours. I made the HUGE mistake of sleeping with him. He got up, put his head in his hands saying he felt extremely guilty. I asked why and he said he hadnt talked to his gf yet about ending things. I was FURIOUS! How could he do what he just did?!?!?

 

He said he didnt know if he felt guilty about coming over, or being with her, or leaving me....He just got up and left. Said he couldnt stay with me. I asked him if he was going to tell her, and he said that he could leave her for me, but i was moving in a month and when I left he would probably just go back with her bc he CANNOT be alone! (his words, not mine) I wanted to kill him! He admitted to using her, not loving her, said he hadnt moved in with her. And to this day, I cannot tell what was the truth and what wasnt. He text me that night before he went to bed saying "I'm sorry for tonight. I'm sorry I came. Now I'm sorry I left. I can't handle my life right now and it's not fair to you."

 

The next day he was suppose to come over and talk about what happened and then I get a text saying "I'm not coming over. I can't do this. I have felt like crap all day. I can't do this. I dont want to make things worse, please just let me do this on my own."

 

WOW. Did he really just want to use me for sex one last time?!?!?!? What kind of person does that?!? I had enough. i wasnt even going to wait for him to work out his "confusion and guilt." I woke up, changed me phone number, blocked him on all emails and everything I could think of.

 

I'm beyond angry right now. And severely hurt.

 

Let it be a lesson for the other posters. It takes some balls to post your experience, if anything you're a strong character.

 

Look at the bright side (hidden behind the thick blankets of clouds, I give you that), you're now moved on for good. What happened really is despicable, but it gave you the boost of energy to move that guy out of your life for good.

 

I wonder if he's going to show up at your door again.