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Hi there,

 

I do not want to discuss my own relationship, I am wondering this about all men in general, based on your experiences.

 

Question for women: I really want to know something about men.

 

Have any of you experienced a man, who TRULY thought he was in love with you, and then went and did things that showed that, well... he WASN'T actually in love?

I know of people where the guy definately is into them, and he acts like he loves her truly, and yet some of the things he does is not... indicative or true love.

I am sure many of you who have has breakups have dealt with guys that swear they love you, act really convincing and even believe it themselves, that they love you, when you know full well that they don't.

I see it in cheating men too; they sometimes say they love their partner and beg for another chance.

 

Anyone willing to share any experiences that relate to my question?

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Yeah. The only "alpha" I was ever with. The two pump chump and physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive one. Obviously he wasn't always so blatant or I wouldve left sooner.

 

He did things like tell me I had a mustache. Talk down to me infront of his child. (Who I helped take care of). Tell me I was fat. Lied about having fhucked all his female friends. I even walked in on him grinding some ugly friend of his in the kitchen. I had been outside watching his kid and her kids. Even had two girlfriends spend the night after I told him it wasn't okay. Shame on me for dating this loser.

 

Lets see. I could always tell he didn't love me. Even now he says he does and says he wants to marry me and have children with me. He has changed, according to mutual friends, but honestly I wouldn't ever do that again. When I was with him I was so stressed I was at my thinnest in 5 years. I drank too much. Bit my nails.

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Have any of you experienced a man, who TRULY thought he was in love with you, and then went and did things that showed that, well... he WASN'T actually in love?

 

Hmm. That is hard to quantify.

 

I think for me, it was not so much a question of whether or not he was in love with me versus, the capacity he had to love me in the way that I needed him to at a certain point in time. But, you raise an interesting question. Perhaps, at the time, he was no longer in love with me. Or, maybe I had fallen out of love with him, who the heck knows.

 

Example: Ex from many years ago, together for 6 years, ended due to cheating on his part.

 

Hope that helps. :)

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My ex that I was with when I first came here...

 

Long story short: we had been together like 8.5 years when, at the beginning of 2011, I found out all kinds of stuff he'd been doing behind my back. Drugs, talking to women on the net (like asking if they wanted to watch him jack off etc.).

 

Broke my heart. I was devastated. I lost 8 pounds in a week (and I was already slim). I ended up being in a several-month nightmare before I could finally pull the plug on that relationship because I was so beaten down (emotionally).

 

More than a year later he still misses me, hasn't started seeing anyone else, has totally turned his life around and I know he will never get over me. Not to sound arrogant...he's just like that, never gets over stuff and has all the same friends since childhood and stuff.

 

So yeah, he loved me and tore me apart (again, emotionally -- he was never violent).

 

But he didn't love me how I needed to be loved.

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Hi there,

 

I do not want to discuss my own relationship, I am wondering this about all men in general, based on your experiences.

 

Question for women: I really want to know something about men.

 

Have any of you experienced a man, who TRULY thought he was in love with you, and then went and did things that showed that, well... he WASN'T actually in love?

I know of people where the guy definately is into them, and he acts like he loves her truly, and yet some of the things he does is not... indicative or true love.

I am sure many of you who have has breakups have dealt with guys that swear they love you, act really convincing and even believe it themselves, that they love you, when you know full well that they don't.

I see it in cheating men too; they sometimes say they love their partner and beg for another chance.

 

Anyone willing to share any experiences that relate to my question?

 

Someone will fall in love with you then discover something about you that will make their love fall off the wagon just as fast. (are you overly jealous, do you lie, do you think volunteering is a waste of time, are you cheap, etc..)

People lie, I know, that's a shocker.

Actions speak louder than words.

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I think you are making assumptions about people - men and women - that can't be made...

 

With this statement:

Have any of you experienced a man, who TRULY thought he was in love with you, and then went and did things that showed that, well... he WASN'T actually in love?

you are pre-supposing what YOU want that person's perception of being "in love" is without projecting what it means to THEM to be "in love."

 

In light of that, then - of course - people will do things because it is within their narrow focus of themselves that they are acting.

 

You are compartmentalizing what it is to be "in love" with someone's daily actions.

 

Of course people do things that seem contradictory to their love in a relationship, but it does not mean there is no love in a relationship.

 

It is very polarized thinking to believe that just because there is love between two people, that one - or both - of them will never do or say something that seems contradictory to being in a loving relationship. It is human nature to ebb and flow and experience what we do in the moment. That does not mean we can't still be in love with someone.

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The key issue here is that people can love in different ways. If you prioritize different methods of expression from your partner, it's entirely possible that he really does think he loves you while you think he does not.

 

That being said, if you genuinely feel unloved (and think very hard about why you feel so, it should be something far more significant than 'he didn't sound enthusiastic when he talked to me on the phone this morning), it doesn't matter whether he actually loves you or not, does it? The whole point of being in a R is to experience love. There are naturally ebbs and flows, but if you constantly feel unloved, that is not truly an R.

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The key issue here is that people can love in different ways. If you prioritize different methods of expression from your partner, it's entirely possible that he really does think he loves you while you think he does not.

This bears repeating.....

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