Coping Vortex Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Most posters know my story. Background....dated for years, she was separated getting a divorce, got divorced we were still dating. She wanted me to move in, I didn't move fast enough and she BU with me 10 weeks ago. She is dating someone new. We had off and on NC & LC over the last 4 weeks. I am currently 1 week NC. The last communication she had with me has left me stinging since. "I am with someone else now....that's it" and "I love the memory of you I am no longer in love with you" However I had met her for lunch before we went NC and she told me how much she loved me and he she was not in love with him. She kissed me hard and frantically and I was her everything etc etc. She was crying and very emotionally and we even had sex. I have been thinking about her stinging text and hit me. I am positive If she was standing in front of me right now. She would be hugging and kissing me and missing me. Not that she would not love her new guy and go back to me but the fact is I know she would feel some intense feelings. And I know she would have sex with me and cheat on him with me. Why? Because she never fell out of love with me. Our issues were do to circumstances not how we felt. That being said she rebounded with a new guy. That is no solace for me about her coming back I know she won't. But at least now I know that stinging statement was her way to force herself to try to keep away from me. She even admitted to me just 2 weeks ago that "I was her kriptonite" So I guess I found some closure. It changes nothing but at least I know I wasn't that easy to get over. I take some pride and solace in that. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Background....dated for years, she was separated getting a divorce, got divorced we were still dating. She wanted me to move in, I didn't move fast enough and she BU with me 10 weeks ago. She is dating someone new. Oh. I didn't realize that's how you two met. I know the past is past, but next time, no dating women who are going through a divorce. And I know she would have sex with me and cheat on him with me. You're okay with loving a woman who cheats? I take some pride and solace in that. Oh Coping, I just want to cyber smack you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 Oh. I didn't realize that's how you two met. I know the past is past, but next time, no dating women who are going through a divorce. You're okay with loving a woman who cheats? I hear you but i figured she cheated on him because we had a long term love bond and she said that relationship with the new guy was "bare bones" and she didn't love him. So she said at the time. I so figured being with me was a special situation because of our intense love bond. I would like to think she would have not cheated on me if she truly loved me. Oh Coping, I just want to cyber smack you. Ohhh sounds cyber kinky! LOL!! Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I hear you but i figured she cheated on him because we had a long term love bond and she said that relationship with the new guy was "bare bones" and she didn't love him. So she said at the time. I so figured being with me was a special situation because of our intense love bond. I would like to think she would have not cheated on me if she truly loved me. Now if that were true, would she not be with you versus him? How about, if the shoe were on the other foot (meaning, you were the guy she was cheating on versus with). Your ex is still all over the place, she went straight from a seperation, to being in a relationship with you, while in the process of getting a divorce. Breaking up with you, jumping into another relationship with someone else, but sleeping with you behind his back. How messy. But here's the thing. You allowed it. For what? The 'intense love bond'. Or, are you both excessively codependent...(it's okay, I've had codependency issues myself in the past, we're all friends here ) Ohhh sounds cyber kinky! LOL!! Ah good, there is still some fire left in you yet! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 Now if that were true, would she not be with you versus him? That is what i thought was going to happen when she met for lunch 1 1/2 weeks ago. We talked about getting back together and her leaving him. I even said to her "can you leave him if we get back in track?" She said "absolutely" We kissed hard hugged cried etc. Very emotional. Well that lasted a day. After that day she dropped the bomb that "she is love with the memory of me" "She is not IN love with me" How about, if the shoe were on the other foot (meaning, you were the guy she was cheating on versus with). Your ex is still all over the place, she went straight from a seperation, to being in a relationship with you, while in the process of getting a divorce. Breaking up with you, jumping into another relationship with someone else, but sleeping with you behind his back. How messy. Yes very. I think she was going through confusion as to lingering feelings for me and and having feelings for the new guy. BUT she gave me the impression that day she wasn't really into that new relationship and that she was still in love with me. I was shocked when she did a complete 180 degrees. Trust me I grilled over and over that she wanted me not him. I'm sure other factors came into play like maybe her friends got to her and told her to go forward. I think they fixed her up with him. But here's the thing. You allowed it. For what? The 'intense love bond'. Or, are you both excessively codependent...(it's okay, I've had codependency issues myself in the past, we're all friends here ) Yes I do think we were codependant. When we BU we were still very much in love. No one lost feelings of love. She wanted me to move in and I was stalling as i had reservations as where her life was at the time. But I still loved her like crazy and she loved me. I think she was hurt I didn't run to live with her when her divorce was final. She felt that I was not going to be with her (not true) so she BU with me and then after a few weeks her friends had her go out and meet guys. She felt she had to move on and let a guy woo her. Looking back she may have been trying to get me to make move with the BU but instead I gave her some time. I should have ran after her at that point. I chalk a lot to timing. But she does have another issue. She suffers from low self esteem. She was charmed by men hitting on her in a bar. Her friends encouraged her as well. I know we could have worked it out. Too late. Ah good, there is still some fire left in you yet! Trying to get it back!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 You're sure she met this guy after you broke up? Sounds more like she met him while with you and that's why she suddenly broke up with you out of nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 You're sure she met this guy after you broke up? Sounds more like she met him while with you and that's why she suddenly broke up with you out of nowhere. That it was she said but I am convinced she met him before that too. I don't see why she would break up with me like that out of the blue. That hurts even more. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Trying to get it back!!!! Yay! Btw, why did her and her husband divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I want to go out tonight, do shots, flirt, dance and get totally lit. Wooo hoooo! Its Friday! Ex girlfriend who? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 Yay! Btw, why did her and her husband divorce? He was verbally abusive to her. Always put her down. Very cold person. I knew him personally. He was very anal and OCD. Nothing she did was good enough. He always accused her of spending too much money. Trust me she lived very sparse. Drove an old van didn't spend much on clothes and food. he was very controlling. He hated Christmas because he thought it was a waste of money. He had a good job and is college educated (as is she). No reason to be so anal with money. He was always picking fights with her. She hated this guy for most of their marriage but felt trapped because she had three kids to raise. Once when her youngest was rushed to the hospital with an infection he blamed her and was yelling at her in the hospital. The poor women's son almost died and he was blaming her. She should have left him years ago. His mother committed suicide. They guy has bipolar issues. Everyone of her friends and family said the same thing. To this date she fights with her. After she divorced him he stalked us. Waited for us outside of her house. And then followed us in his car. Crazy behavior. That was one of the reasons I didn't move in her with her right away. I wanted her to get her ex husband situation under control. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 He was verbally abusive to her. Always put her down. Very cold person. I knew him personally. He was very anal and OCD. Nothing she did was good enough. He always accused her of spending too much money. Ouchers. Trust me she lived very sparse. Drove an old van didn't spend much on clothes and food. he was very controlling. He hated Christmas because he thought it was a waste of money. He had a good job and is college educated (as is she). No reason to be so anal with money. He was always picking fights with her. She hated this guy for most of their marriage but felt trapped because she had three kids to raise. Once when her youngest was rushed to the hospital with an infection he blamed her and was yelling at her in the hospital. The poor women's son almost died and he was blaming her. She should have left him years ago. His mother committed suicide. They guy has bipolar issues. Everyone of her friends and family said the same thing. To this date she fights with her. After she divorced him he stalked us. Waited for us outside of her house. And then followed us in his car. Crazy behavior. Good lord! He sounds like a monster. That was one of the reasons I didn't move in her with her right away. I wanted her to get her ex husband situation under control. Makes sense. But perhaps, a day short and a dollar late. She was fubared going into the relationship with you. Sorry CopingV Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 Ouchers. Good lord! He sounds like a monster. Makes sense. But perhaps, a day short and a dollar late. She was fubared going into the relationship with you. Sorry CopingV Yes. If nothing else i helped her through a bad time and I was able to give her the love and compassion she needed. I know she will always remember me for that. She even got a tattoo that says "courage" she said that was because of me. I gave her the courage to get her self esteem back from the way he treated her. I was there for her in every way. We were head over heals in love. I think she just needed that next step for security but I needed to have some security of my own. She was just getting out of a final divorce. I needed to know she was stable in her life before i moved in. But....she now she has her self esteem and another guy. Some good deeds don't go unpunished. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Yes. If nothing else i helped her through a bad time and I was able to give her the love and compassion she needed. I know she will always remember me for that. She even got a tattoo that says "courage" she said that was because of me. I gave her the courage to get her self esteem back from the way he treated her. I was there for her in every way. We were head over heals in love. I think she just needed that next step for security but I needed to have some security of my own. She was just getting out of a final divorce. I needed to know she was stable in her life before i moved in. But....she now she has her self esteem and another guy. Some good deeds don't go unpunished. I hope good things come for you OP, you're going to be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 I hope good things come for you OP, you're going to be okay. I hope so. I miss her so much. This will take me years to get over. So many memories. Still hard to think she is really gone. sort of like a bad dream that i will wake up from. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I hope so. I miss her so much. This will take me years to get over. So many memories. Still hard to think she is really gone. sort of like a bad dream that i will wake up from. Ha years.....F*ck that sh*t. Months...man up....its Friday. Lots of other smoking hot babes with out the 3 kids, co dependency, cheating and mental problem who would love to be with you. ...well maybe not right now because your in a pretty pathetic state...but soon. Lol Rock on! Cav 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) I hope so. I miss her so much. This will take me years to get over. So many memories. Still hard to think she is really gone. sort of like a bad dream that i will wake up from. Yes yes. Sometimes there is just that one person that takes eons to get over. For now, try eating some chicken...pick pick at the meat and then the bone dip it in some blue cheese. Edited January 25, 2013 by Divasu Link to post Share on other sites
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 Yes yes. Sometimes there is just that one person that takes eons to get over. For now, try eating some chicken...pick pick at the meat and then the bone dip it in some blue cheese. Will do!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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