Honiebee Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Ok- he dumped me years ago. We've been FWB since. He cheated on his girlfriend with me- by lying to me saying he was single. We've been meeting up once or twice a week for this FWB arrangment. Sometimes I stay at his apartment. He text me whilst I'm NC to say he wants to just be friends from now on, and he doesn't want sex anymore. I don't know why, after years of doing so. I don't bother replying- no point. And now, tonight he has text to ask me to go to bar and maybe clubbing after. And if I can't make it 'not to worry'. I still haven't replied but its so Ffff hard. Really really hurts, like a grating inside of me. If he just wants to be friends with no sex and half the time he doesn't contact me at all...... WHY had he now invited me out to go to a bar with him and his friends? My head is in bits, I will never understand this, The NC is getting harder. I can block his phone calls but not his texts- my network can't do that. I could change my number but so many places have it - like doctors, bank, job applications etc. Thanks guys, you keep me going x Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 FWB only works if both people are emotionally detached. You are far too invested in him to even want to go back to FWB. As far as why he wants you to go out... well, he probably is getting horny and knows you are willing. You are better off without him. Keep NC going.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 They say they don't want sex to rope you back in. They know your weakness and if they can get you to open the door, even a crack, they know at some point you'll give in because YOU will want sex. How could you not since he knows how you'll twist like a pretzel for him. He's enticing you. He knows you are weak. Bar/clubbing = alcohol = possibility of sex. You know this. He can't grasp the fact that while he once had you in the palm of his hand, you're now not eating out of it anymore. And trust me, it is eating at his ego and he can't stand that you are saying no. I would think changing your number -- setting aside a couple of hours contacting the banks, doctors and job sites about your change in contact is far less painful than having to deal with this type of emotional disturbance. Sometimes people use that as an excuse because deep down, contact, any contact still soothes a broken heart. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Honiebee Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 They say they don't want sex to rope you back in. They know your weakness and if they can get you to open the door, even a crack, they know at some point you'll give in because YOU will want sex. How could you not since he knows how you'll twist like a pretzel for him. He's enticing you. He knows you are weak. Bar/clubbing = alcohol = possibility of sex. You know this. He can't grasp the fact that while he once had you in the palm of his hand, you're now not eating out of it anymore. And trust me, it is eating at his ego and he can't stand that you are saying no. I would think changing your number -- setting aside a couple of hours contacting the banks, doctors and job sites about your change in contact is far less painful than having to deal with this type of emotional disturbance. Sometimes people use that as an excuse because deep down, contact, any contact still soothes a broken heart. I don't know- maybe I like the initial rush of knowing he contacted me. But ultimately it does upset me a lot. To know that he's going out to a bar, maybe to have sex with someone else (probably). You know the story geegirl, maybe he doesn't like the lack of control. It doesn't really feel that good ignoring him, but I know it will be best in the long run. I just don't know what he wants from me. If he wants sex I'm sure he could go and find it somewhere else if he hasn't already. Not that I'm sayin he wants me because he doesn't. He probably just wants to know I'm around. Either way- he's really screwing this NC up hard! I haven't replied and hopefully after a while he will get the hint. And yeah maybe the number thing is for the best- what I don't know/ don't read doesn't hurt me. Xx Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Ok- he dumped me years ago. We've been FWB since. He cheated on his girlfriend with me- by lying to me saying he was single. We've been meeting up once or twice a week for this FWB arrangment. Sometimes I stay at his apartment. what answer exactly are you looking for? what else would he be contacting you about? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Who cares why he's contacting you? You know it's not to have you as his girlfriend. I mean, the guy basically treats you like a pet when he's not having sex with you. What is there to think about? He's bad news and you are doing the right thing by not contacting him. And change your number -- you can always give your doctor/bank a new phone number when you contact them. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 (edited) It doesn't feel good ignoring him? I'm sure he doesn't think twice when he kicks you out on the streets at night when he's not feeling like dealing with you. Remember those things. You don't know what he wants from you? It's sex. Free sex and easy sex is hard to give up especially when he knows you'll give it easily. I hate to be harsh but don't believe for one second his interest in contacting you means anything more than just the need to use you. He hasn't shown you different before, trust it's not any different now. You're an ego stroke. He likes knowing that someone is paying attention to him and one that can fulfill his needs. He gets all he wants with zero effort. Why would he give that up? It's an easy investment but you get no return. He will milk it for as long as he can get something from you. I think it would be best for you to change your number. Your sanity means much more than the hassle of calling people to let them know of the change. Edited January 24, 2013 by geegirl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cherepaha Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Ofc you are getting all happy initially but does that rush last? Tbh, i do not believe in FWB after a break up and he does not sound like someone who cares about you at all, otherwise he would not be doing this in the first place. You need to TELL HIM that you are no longer interested. ask him calmly, nicely to not contact you anymore - you can even admit that you have feelings and need time to heal and lead a normal life. If he cares for you at least a lil bit, he'd understand. and ask your girlfriends to help. call them when you miss him, call them if he contacted you, NOT HIM. Link to post Share on other sites
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