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Dumped by the girl I loved


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Never thought I would come to a site like this. anyway here's my story. Basically been dating this girl for 2 years (I'm 21 she's 22). She liked me for a year, and she was in my 'friend' zone... it's only when she stopped liking me and starting dating other people that I developed feelings, then when her new relationship ended I came in the scene told her I like her and the rest is history. I was a douche and lucky to get her haha. Anyway, from there the story progressed like a fairy tale. We both really enjoyed each others company, loved each others families, went on trips together to America and Thailand. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple, including us. We were perfect, life was good. And here comes the bad part... round 4 months ago I started to take my career really seriously. I knew If we were to survive as a couple, I needed to get a job in the city where we live. And so I became ridiculously future orientated, which is a good thing in a way, and yeah ended up scoring a summer vacation job with BHP. It was during these last few months, before I got the job, that I took her for granted, and well she got a bit bored. It's when I went away for the job and moved to the australian outback that things went downhill. The distance caused us to fight. Guess our relationship went stale. I was just making sure we would survive in the future... but unfortunately forgot about the present. She started hanging out with her friends way more, I started becoming clingy. She wouldn't keep good contact with me while I was away. And then... we just kept on fighting and fighting. I was quite controlling and clingy, but she was very distant and indifferent. I wasn't the best boyfriend... in the end it was all about my career and I admit that. I've grown from this, and have realized that you can't take you girl for granted, they need to come first in your life. I have become stronger because of it. But she too wasn't perfect. She doesn't know what true commitment is, and that the head over heels feeling comes and goes over long term relationships, and that true commitment means sticking through the worst! anyway, eventually she called and said her heart wasn't in the relationship anymore, she told me this right before we were meant to meet up with my family for christmas. I didn't care about her friends enough (which is true haha they piss me off because i felt like they changed her), I was too worried about the future, and things just changed. I was devastated. I thought she was the girl who would always love me no matter what, boy was I wrong. Anyway, immediately I wanted her back. I kind of played the whole dumpee role okay, i agreed with the breakup... but then a week later i said i think we can salvage the relationship, and she said she needed her space. Then another week later i sent her a long message about how im sorry for being a retard. She was cool about it, and said you a lovely man, you'll always be in my heart, but im sorry life got in the way. I asked her and she said it's not because she found someone else, it's not because she cheated, she just felt like we were on two different wavelengths. She was always a nice girl, my parents liked her... but **** changes and actions speak louder than words. She dumped me with no warning. So now... I'm going No Contact. honestly she's ****en cold. to be honest... a part of me loves the old her, i want things to go back to how they were... but another part of me hates the women she's become, the girl who rejected me and left me when I needed her the most. So yeah, my plan is to move on, and if she contacts me then i might reconsider and try get back together... So far it's been 2 weeks of no contact... i plan to go for month and a half then add her on Facebook? I donno if she has my phone number... but if she really wanted me she'll find a way, and thats the type of girl i need, someone whose willing to fight for me. I don't know if i want her back... depends if she was the girl i thought she was.. **** changes, life can be a bitch. You share so many amazing moments with someone only for them to turn around and shove it all in your face as if it never meant a thing. At the moment my mind is at war. My friends keep pressuring me to get laid with some random to get over her. part of me wants to, but part of me doesn't knowing that if i do i won't be able to get back with her. I did hook up with a hot Brazilian the other day (just make out)... really gave me the ego boost i needed. I will be moving back to my home town in a month and a half.. I want what we had back... but I have my self dignity. Advice on my situation pleeeease

Edited by swissdingo
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Sure. My advice to you is to break up your posts into paragraphs and you'll get a lot more responses. That was hard to read.

 

Well, here's the thing. You were in a LDR for a while now and she's been going out with friends to clubs and bars. Sorry to say, but she's hooked up with guys while your have been gone. And I speculate that there IS someone else. She's told you she's not breaking up with you because there's someone else or because she cheated on you. Well, if that's her EXACT wording, that tells me that there IS someone else and that she DID cheat on you.......but, that's not the reason WHY she's breaking up with you. I speculate that if you did find out that there was, in fact, someone else and you confronted her about it. I guarantee you the next sentence coming out of her mouth would be. "He isn't the reason why we broke up." Uh huh.....yeah....right.

 

And she's not going to outright admit to it. I mean come on! She has the reputation of being a "nice girl" and your family loves her because she's a "nice girl". Do you honestly think that she wants it known to your family that she was actually a little wh*re that was skipping out on you?

 

Look, this isn't your fault. You made a choice to improve your life. To become more financially stable in an economy where millions of folks are out of work. Most women would admire that kind of dedication. Most women would like a man with enough drive to provide for them and look towards a comfortable future together. Unfortunately, you've met up with a girl that priorities have changed to going to clubs and partying it up whenever possible. She's the one that's going to lose out in the long run. The partying lifestyle IS going to get old after a while and then she's going to be left with nothing. We have our know lives to live. And we make a choice on who we share our lives with. That persons isn't our entire life, we share it with them. So, you have goals! Stick to them.

 

Start NC, block her on Facebook. Don't bother calling or texting and don't bother responding to anything she may send your way. Remember, she made a choice and that was to have you OUT of her life. She either gets 100% of you or nothing at all.

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she didn't cheat on me because i could tell when i talked to her on the phone and asked her, you can tell when someone is lying, perhaps she left me because she had feelings for someone else... but the reason she said those things was because i asked her. Most likely the reason she left is because i wasn't making her happy. And by hanging out with her friends I mean hanging out much more with her house mates.

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she didn't cheat on me because i could tell when i talked to her on the phone and asked her, you can tell when someone is lying, perhaps she left me because she had feelings for someone else... but the reason she said those things was because i asked her. Most likely the reason she left is because i wasn't making her happy. And by hanging out with her friends I mean hanging out much more with her house mates.

 

 

I could show you thread after thread where guys and gals swear up and down, left and right that there's no one else. And they buy it hook, line and sinker. Only to come back on here and say, "I can't believe that bitch or bastard cheated on me!" I've seen it before and I'll see it again I'm sure.

 

Okay, I can see that there's a possibility that she could be interested in someone else. But, guess what? That's still cheating. You don't have to have sex to cheat on someone. There are basically two ways to cheat on someone. Phyiscal cheating and emotional cheating.

 

If she's interested in someone else, then she's emotionally invested in that person. That person is all she thinks about and makes more of an effort to be in contact with that person than you. This is called and Emotional Affair (EA). Now, some girls and guys go these routes and see of the other person is showing interest, if they don't seem interested, they don't break up with you. If they show a little interest, they drop you in a New York minute.

 

Why do you think a lot of Dumpers want to "Take a Break" rather than "Break up"? Because, they're unsure if the other person is showing them the right signals. If they were wrong, guess what? Breaks over, "I'm sorry! I just need to find myself and I freaked out a little." But, if the other is sending the right signals, you're kicked to the curb. And dress it up anyway you want, but they still cheated on you because they invested their time and effort into someone outside of your relationship.

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Coping Vortex
I could show you thread after thread where guys and gals swear up and down, left and right that there's no one else. And they buy it hook, line and sinker. Only to come back on here and say, "I can't believe that bitch or bastard cheated on me!" I've seen it before and I'll see it again I'm sure.

 

Okay, I can see that there's a possibility that she could be interested in someone else. But, guess what? That's still cheating. You don't have to have sex to cheat on someone. There are basically two ways to cheat on someone. Phyiscal cheating and emotional cheating.

 

If she's interested in someone else, then she's emotionally invested in that person. That person is all she thinks about and makes more of an effort to be in contact with that person than you. This is called and Emotional Affair (EA). Now, some girls and guys go these routes and see of the other person is showing interest, if they don't seem interested, they don't break up with you. If they show a little interest, they drop you in a New York minute.

 

Why do you think a lot of Dumpers want to "Take a Break" rather than "Break up"? Because, they're unsure if the other person is showing them the right signals. If they were wrong, guess what? Breaks over, "I'm sorry! I just need to find myself and I freaked out a little." But, if the other is sending the right signals, you're kicked to the curb. And dress it up anyway you want, but they still cheated on you because they invested their time and effort into someone outside of your relationship.

 

They are banging someone else. Period. Mine used the phrase "We are not over, we are on hold" LOL. Well the hold period was over quick while she is banging another guy.

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They are banging someone else. Period. Mine used the phrase "We are not over, we are on hold" LOL. Well the hold period was over quick while she is banging another guy.

 

 

^^^^^^^See^^^^^^^^^. I don't mean to bring you down. I just want your eyes open to the possibility.

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