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Ignorance is bliss.. but it hurts.


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Absolutely no clue about him anymore. It's an odd feeling. I used to know what he was doing everyday, we talked so much.... to nothing. I'm definitely doing better than I was a few months ago. But it's so scary, going complete NC. How do you bring yourself to not caring what's going on with that person? I don't know if I could go back to him after all we went through, but I can't imagine being completely indifferent either I don't know if I have it in me. Urgh. Late night rant. :)

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Absolutely no clue about him anymore. It's an odd feeling. I used to know what he was doing everyday, we talked so much.... to nothing. I'm definitely doing better than I was a few months ago. But it's so scary, going complete NC. How do you bring yourself to not caring what's going on with that person? I don't know if I could go back to him after all we went through, but I can't imagine being completely indifferent either I don't know if I have it in me. Urgh. Late night rant. :)

 

Aww, I wish I had the answer, I feel the same, but all I can do is tell you that you're not alone. *hugs* How long have you been NC for?

I hate the saying that 'time heals all wounds' but I really think it's true and also the only option to obtaining the goal of becoming indifferent to what the other person is doing and get rid of the obsessive thoughts of wondering what they're doing, if they're thinking of you the way you think of them etc...

 

It's the worst late at night too :( That's when my thoughts get the better of me. And lately I've been waking up dreaming and seeing his number pop up on my phone as a text and getting excited, only to wake up and it didn't actually happen. :( Torture. But be strong and you can get through anything xx

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Well I was in NC about a month and a half, spoke to him for my bday, then another month, and we spoke once after that. So since then, it's been close to a month and a half I think, I sort of stopped counting which I'm glad about because I did it so compulsively before lol. I guess there really is no option at this point but to give it time, I suppose it becomes less and less torturous, I don't wallow as much as I used to.

 

I know how you feel :( I always think about him right before I go to sleep. I stopped thinking of him when I wake up, but then I realize hey I haven't thought about him! Then boom, he's stuck in my head all day. I've had so many dreams about him too. It probably sounds pathetic but I think I kind of like dreaming of him in a way, I know there's still this need for me to feel connected to him. Hopefully in time we'd all be sharing our success stories :)

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That is weird…to have no idea what he’s doing…

 

I used to know what my ex was doing too…what he was thinking, feeling, what was happening in his life.

 

It’s still not a relief yet to not be involved like that on a daily, constant basis…one day it will be, I’m sure.

 

I find right now I’m half in, half out. I don’t know what he’s doing, but I do have some information because every now and then I go on a songwriting forum he posts on regularly. I saw today that he’s going to Las Vegas for a couple of days for his work. He’s never been there before. Must be exciting for him. In the old days, he’d have told me this himself before anyone else knew. Yeah. I’m still adjusting to this new reality.

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To go from knowing what they were doing or feeling to nothing at all is weird. I knew her daily routines and what times she would do things at work or home. So I still sort of know roughly what she would be doing. But yeah, the trick is not to care. They are no longer in our lives. What they do each day or how they are feeling is of no concern to us anymore. It will take time to adjust and there will be a time in our future where we simply don't care at all. A point where we don't even think of them to care anyway.

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My ex used to tell me his every move. Now he doesn't ask me & I don't ask him. I don't mind it much anymore because I'm doing my thing & I learned that when I go out & drink with anyone that's not him it makes him upset & because that's not my objective I just don't bother to tell him anything.

 

I deactivated my fb & deleted my instagram so that I wouldn't snoop or anything & at first it was hard but now I honestly couldn't care less. I've found things to replace late night snooping & being sad at the things I would find. I am much happier now living in ignorance because what I don't know doesn't hurt.

 

I'm just working towards the day when he doesn't even cross my mind once. It will be great (: it will be for you too hun. You just have to be optimistic about it. If you feel him slipping from your thoughts, just let it go. Don't even try to relive the times. & before you know it, he'll be a distant memory.

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I'm in the same place as some of you. I do go through periods of time where I don't think about her once, Work is hardest for me, We used to text or message all day, she would always be up to talk to me. Especially atm as work is slow.

 

I don't know what she is doing I don't really care, She still shows as online on Gmail chat, I don't message her though, I'm glad I have the will power not to do it without blocking her.

 

I sometimes wish I could go back 3 years, Back then I didn't feel lonely, I didn't want to be wanted. That, for me is the hardest thing, and something I'm still trying to move on from. I keep busy and I'm very social, but just sometimes at work when there are 10's of people around I couldn't feel more alone.

 

Personally I can not wait until that day passes.

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almosteverythingx

Yes it is scary- adjusting to a life without him. But eventually time will change that. Eventually you will adjust to the life without him and see it as just a memory and not something you kind of long for again.

 

Time does heal, I'm sorry to mention such a cliche but it does. Right now I think the best thing you can do which I'm sure you've heard from many people is to focus on you. Focus on things you enjoy. Make yourself happy and busy that really does help you to adjust.

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Absolutely no clue about him anymore. It's an odd feeling. I used to know what he was doing everyday, we talked so much.... to nothing. I'm definitely doing better than I was a few months ago. But it's so scary, going complete NC. How do you bring yourself to not caring what's going on with that person? I don't know if I could go back to him after all we went through, but I can't imagine being completely indifferent either I don't know if I have it in me. Urgh. Late night rant. :)

 

Hi bolblet

 

I feel the same. Its weird to not to know anything about them. But at the same time that is the goal. To not know anything and not care about it. The problem is the 100 percent not caring part...still working on this. I'm convinced it is just time and NC and to keep on living the best we can to eventually be indifferent. What else can we do? Does however seem lees painful recently. Cav

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Thanks everyone, I can relate to all of your posts here, we're definitely not alone in this. Yep it's a huge adjustment, it's a bit unfortunate really but that's life I suppose. I find it unfair how we dwell in those memories of them like they were the greatest thing on earth, yet it's so one sided so it really makes me wonder who they were in those times and how they could just let it go. I feel as though this time apart and NC really does teach you invaluable lessons, and I guess profound lessons don't come without its share of pain regarding not knowing. I agree, in time we won't care, it's happened with my last ex, and he did come back when it was too late. It bothers me a bit, the whole notion of cutting someone off, I'm pretty sure my ex is a bit resentful for that, seeing as his last ex did the same thing to him. I shouldn't care, NC is for me and there is really no other option, but I do a bit. I really don't think I could be completely indifferent till there's someone else on my mind, but I'm really not going to go looking for it. Shim_katty, how long have you been in NC?

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Yep! In time we won't care :) think about your other ex's: could you care less what they are doing right now? I never think of them.

 

Keep busy and eventually your thought patterns will change. I've got a lot going on right now and I am finding myself thinking of all the other stuff in my life rather than her sometimes. I'm slowly recovering from being dumped 6 weeks ago. We will all get there, know this even in the moments of despair!

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HopelessRomantick
Yep! In time we won't care :) think about your other ex's: could you care less what they are doing right now? I never think of them.

 

Keep busy and eventually your thought patterns will change. I've got a lot going on right now and I am finding myself thinking of all the other stuff in my life rather than her sometimes. I'm slowly recovering from being dumped 6 weeks ago. We will all get there, know this even in the moments of despair!

Great post Boblet! Thanks for it. I guess another cliche would be fitting here: "Misery Loves Company". I went to bed and woke up this morning thinking about my XGF. We had a 3 year LDR and she broke it off 6 months ago (with reasons I understood at the time) but as time goes on nothing or her reasons make sense. Or perhaps I just don't believe her. When she did the dirty deed and broke up, she begged me to stay bff's. I agreed. She begged me to not break off communication, I agreed. So 6 months later, it seems like I made it easy for her to break up, and then I made it easy for her to move on. So here I am always wondering what she is doing. It deeply saddens me and makes me fear the future. To think I don't know what she is doing at any given moment and never again makes me wanna cry. I love her (I say love and not "loved") unconditionally and I miss her. Rambling... sorry.

 

Just want you to know (Boblet) that this post got me thru a weak moment when I was about to break NC after 2 consecutive weeks. Not long considering it was 6 months ago but nevertheless difficult for me.

 

Thanks again and good luck to you and everyone else.

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Shim_katty, how long have you been in NC?

 

Not for long actually. We began in October. Talked 2 or 3 times in Dec & been LC ever since. I don't feel much of a need to be NC anymore because my feelings for him have severely diminished. I hate to say this, but I'm glad he did the things he did to me. If he wouldn't of I would've continued to leave him on that pedestal & this process would've taken a lot longer

 

Granted I am not completely indifferent, & he has texted me & asked how I was doing & I said fine & he responded me too, I didn't even feel the need to reply back with a simple "nice to hear." I don't want him to think this is a game & I'm just playing with him or pretending to be cold hearted, but I earnestly feel like my time being his friend or anything of that sort is over.

 

When you reach that point you feel invigorated. I can't wait for you to experience it.

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I feel your pain. I used to live with my ex and new every inch of him. Now, I have absolutely no idea what in the world is going on with him.

 

The good news is, it has helped my healing ALOT!

 

The bad news is, I miss him every day. he doesn't exist anymore basically.

 

It's hard. and like someone else said, i too deactivated facebook because i refuse to snoop around. i refuse to keep putting my heart through ADDITIONAL pain. what i'm dealing with now is bad enough.

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It doesn't bother me much anymore, once in a while but not much. Actaully unless i'm at home I rarely even think of her. At home, if I see her or something I wonder sometimes a bit but it's getting better all the time. I never check my phone if she contacted me or anything. I don't know if I could handle if she was dating someone and I constantly seen it and I was still alone, short of that nothing else does much to me.

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For me, there was a 14-15 hour time difference between my ex and I (LDR / online relationship), so I STILL am aware of certain times and what he USED to do at those times.

 

At 8.30am when I'm walking into my office at work, he's leaving his at 5.30pm his time. Ugh. SNAP. OUT. OF. IT!

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Ya I still know what my ex is doing, I know what time she gets home from work, leaves for work, when she has her kids and doesn't, all that stuff but it doesn't affect me anymore really. It just stops mattering.

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Yeah...it doesn't affect me either, though I still think about it.

 

I still know when he gets home from work, when he goes to bed, when he gets up, when he's (probably) playing guitar at his friend's house Thursday nights. Obviously I don't KNOW all of this for sure, but I do, you know? All those boring little mundane things...

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Simon Phoenix

No clue what my ex is up to and don't really wonder about it to be honest. I'm not sure how I'd feel if she was dating (have a feeling she's not, just a hunch) but I don't spend my time wondering about it. I still think about her a little bit, but more reflecting on the past (with the occasional daydream about the future if we reconciled -- yeah, I know I shouldn't do that) than wondering about the present.

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HopelessRomantick I'm glad to hear that! :)NC is the most difficult thing at times and LS helps me so much on days I want to contact which has sort of reduced in severity. Suladas and Simon, how have you guys been progressing? You all sound better, I hope it's getting there :)

 

Ya I have a general idea of what my ex might be doing, we have no mutual friends so there really is no chance of me knowing anything much about him, which I suppose is a good thing in a way. I cannot wait till the day comes where I am completely uninterested in him! I know it will happen again :) I think this time has been the most difficult to let go so far. He had so much of what I wanted in a person. We even had all these silly things in common. But if it's one-sided, it really isn't worth wasting my time over anymore.

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HopelessRomantick I'm glad to hear that! :)NC is the most difficult thing at times and LS helps me so much on days I want to contact which has sort of reduced in severity. Suladas and Simon, how have you guys been progressing? You all sound better, I hope it's getting there :)

 

Ya I have a general idea of what my ex might be doing, we have no mutual friends so there really is no chance of me knowing anything much about him, which I suppose is a good thing in a way. I cannot wait till the day comes where I am completely uninterested in him! I know it will happen again :) I think this time has been the most difficult to let go so far. He had so much of what I wanted in a person. We even had all these silly things in common. But if it's one-sided, it really isn't worth wasting my time over anymore.

 

I am doing great actually thanks for asking :) Very rarely do I think about her, and I can't even remember the last time I was down about her at all. I am still a bit uncertain about the future considering she is right next door but I don't think about it much. I can't think of a time when I felt like contacting her, I no longer care.

 

Hoping you're doing good, you'll get there soon :)

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Simon Phoenix

I'm doing pretty good. I have been going on dates lately, which has brought more thoughts of the ex than I had before, but it's nothing I can't handle. I guess it's natural to want to compare, but I'll get over that. Those thoughts don't come when I'm randomly talking to women at bars, just on dates. I guess because they are a bit more formal instead of the "have a few beers and try to randomly make out" dynamic.

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Oh that's awesome guys! Suladas that's pretty good considering she lives next door, I remember reading some of your posts. Do you ever see her around still or it doesn't bother you as much? Yep @ Simon, I haven't started dating yet, I definitely want to though, just hasn't worked out that way but I'm a bit hesitant because of the whole comparison thing, I suppose I won't know till I actually go lol single life can't be that bad! :D

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Oh that's awesome guys! Suladas that's pretty good considering she lives next door, I remember reading some of your posts. Do you ever see her around still or it doesn't bother you as much? Yep @ Simon, I haven't started dating yet, I definitely want to though, just hasn't worked out that way but I'm a bit hesitant because of the whole comparison thing, I suppose I won't know till I actually go lol single life can't be that bad! :D

 

Ya I still her all the time. No talking though, although I do catch her looking at me sometimes. It was a mindf*ck all the time what she was thinking but i've mostly just let it go. Dating can be good, I went on a date back in sept but it was way to soon. Been ready for a while but I don't have much interest, and hard to meet someone OLD has been pathetic. Being single isn't bad at all.

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