ActionJ623 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Nearing the one month mark of NC, and things are going bad right now. I thought the urge to contact and check up on her would go down after awhile but instead it's increasing right now. I have no idea what I would say if I contacted her, "Hey no long time no see, I know you have moved on and apparently found love and noticed i've blocked you on all fronts but how are you!?!" I just miss her so much, and I feel bad for actually missing her as well. I haven't felt this down since the first couple days of NC because it's really setting in. The transition from holding on to moving on is in sight and it hurts because in a way im scared to let go. I have good days, and on those days I see a little glimpse of what its like to move on and it makes me feel even worse because I realize this is what she is feeling right now. I miss her and I can't initiate contact because I mean what is there really to talk about. I'll send her a "I miss you" and she'll call me a weirdo with probably more words of rejection. You would think seeing her happy and with other guys would ofer a sense of closure and reality....well it didn't..... Tis' a dark time in NC land. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Me too. I can't even concentrate on anything. One month feels like a year!!!!! Dying inside. I know what u mean by Afraid to let go... I am as well. As time passes I realize more its over for sure. An I'm scared Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Hey man. Your doing the right thing keeping NC. 1 month really isn't very long. It does get better. I know it doesn't feel like it but you have to keep on going and living. You wont die and the pain will eventually ebb. I still have rough time sometimes at close to 4 months. But not nearly like the 1st 6 weeks of pure mental hell and torture. Keep on going thru it cry whatever..day by day. They start to add up and the torment starts to get pushed into the past like a bad dream. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Just keep going, it gets easier. I'm at 1 1/2 months right now since contact and it feels like nothing, I have no urge to contact her, I simply no longer care. I'm at 6 months since the break up, it just takes time to get there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ActionJ623 Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 Sigh, at this time breaking NC really doesn't feel like an option because I already know what the result is going to be but it still doesn't make it any easier. Remembering all the good times feels inevitable because I've been having more and more dreams about my ex, and all of them relate somehow to the time we spent together. And when I wake up I have a strange feeling to just call her. One of my best friends is really good friends with her as well (he kinda introduced me to her in the first place) and they still talk daily, not to mention the other 1,000+ guy friends. But anyway I was hanging with him today and the ex called him while we were just chilling...they had a animated conversation but I remained calm and told myself to let it go. I could almost hear her voice on the other line and it killed me....my friends are starting to respect my wish of not bringing her up though more than usual. She always had a lot of guy friends and only a few female friends and I always bashed her about how hard it was for me to trust her. No doubt she was having feelings for other guys WHILE we were dating...such a bummer... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariella1984 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Ugh. I totally get where you are coming from. Everyone says that NC makes it easier but I felt like every day was harder and harder, because the longer I went without contact, the more real it became. I guess when we first broke up, I half expected him to realize what a mistake he had made within a week or so and come crawling back, but that didn't happen. I think when we leave that "hope" stage/period, that's when it really hits us. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but don't give in to the temptations to break NC. It WILL get easier, this is just part of the process of letting go. I felt like you, but I think I just reached the anger stage now because the thought of talking to him disgusts me. I have the urge to tell him off but I know that would do no good. Hang in there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Ugh. I totally get where you are coming from. Everyone says that NC makes it easier but I felt like every day was harder and harder, because the longer I went without contact, the more real it became. I guess when we first broke up, I half expected him to realize what a mistake he had made within a week or so and come crawling back, but that didn't happen. I think when we leave that "hope" stage/period, that's when it really hits us. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but don't give in to the temptations to break NC. It WILL get easier, this is just part of the process of letting go. I felt like you, but I think I just reached the anger stage now because the thought of talking to him disgusts me. I have the urge to tell him off but I know that would do no good. Hang in there. I wouldn't say NC makes it easier.. but out of NC and reaching out.. NC is the easier option. It's tough but it's one of those things we have to do. I hate it myself, but I've learned to accept it is how life is right now and NOTHING I do can change it now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ActionJ623 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 Well ladies and gents I have lost count of the number of days of NC but for those of you who might have read my threads from day 1 its been about a month. The ex isn't nearly on my mind as much anymore but she's still there unfortunately. I'm at the point now where I feel like just F*** it and let the time pass but I wish it was that easy. I observed something today though, instead of being sad and down (like I usually am about the ex) my aggressiveness increased and I was actually reeeaaalllly angry about everything. I run the situation through my head 1000x times a day and each time with more and more questions. I know these questions won't be answered and in a way I don't care for them to be answered. I'm becoming more indifferent and angry at her. How could she leave so easily for a older guy? Was I really a bad boyfriend? She just left and still talks to MY best friends and blames me for everything! And I just keep seeing the dreaded facebook status of her being so happy, but i'm so down and sad which pissed me off more today. (Oh btw she is still blocked...I had a little fit and ALMOST unblocked her...such a good thing I didn't.) Overall today's mood is interesting...how can you be angry at someone so badly but still love them so much? Sigh oh well, I also have been debating to start dating again because this girl showed interest and she's pretty cute but honestly getting into something with the feelings for my ex feels like I would be digging my own grave, and confuses me even more where I stand. Hang in there NC goers...even though NC land is not fun AT ALL. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Is it the top of the roller coaster ur currently at ? I'm like down below. Can't seem to get back there. I think the rides stuck. No fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ActionJ623 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 Is it the top of the roller coaster ur currently at ? I'm like down below. Can't seem to get back there. I think the rides stuck. No fun! I feel far from it....it feels like I get to the top and then the rollercoaster goes backwards, does a loop, gets back to the starting point and does the same things at least 100 times. When I really think about it yeah they aren't there in my mind 24/7 like they used to be but once I actually sit still she's all I think about. I haven't been sleeping too well actually. I think my worst enemy is myself, because I always over think things and I can't stop thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I feel far from it....it feels like I get to the top and then the rollercoaster goes backwards, does a loop, gets back to the starting point and does the same things at least 100 times. When I really think about it yeah they aren't there in my mind 24/7 like they used to be but once I actually sit still she's all I think about. I haven't been sleeping too well actually. I think my worst enemy is myself, because I always over think things and I can't stop thinking about it. I have stopped thinking about him for even a split second... Driving myself insane. I can't sleep either 3 hours max most nights. And even that Im constantly dreaming of him. Trying to solve things in my dream. Wake up and feel even more crappy. I don't get myself! But he did callme other day. He told me he can't stop thinking about me. And was planning to move overseas. I asked him why when he left me cause he was more comfortable up there and ha friends. He said his changed. He never liked new places or anything. Dot know why he would do that. Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I have NOT stopped thinking about him for even a split second... Driving myself insane. I can't sleep either 3 hours max most nights. And even that Im constantly dreaming of him. Trying to solve things in my dream. Wake up and feel even more crappy. I don't get myself! But he did callme other day. He told me he can't stop thinking about me. And was planning to move overseas. I asked him why when he left me cause he was more comfortable up there and ha friends. He said his changed. He never liked new places or anything. Dot know why he would do that. Not*** stopped thinking Link to post Share on other sites
Author ActionJ623 Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 I have stopped thinking about him for even a split second... Driving myself insane. I can't sleep either 3 hours max most nights. And even that Im constantly dreaming of him. Trying to solve things in my dream. Wake up and feel even more crappy. I don't get myself! But he did callme other day. He told me he can't stop thinking about me. And was planning to move overseas. I asked him why when he left me cause he was more comfortable up there and ha friends. He said his changed. He never liked new places or anything. Dot know why he would do that. It seems odd he would just call you to tell you that, especially that he is moving overseas in particular. I would tread carefully if I were you...as in probably try to go NC because it seems he is stringing you along. Telling you he might never see you again? Maybe a way to make you feel even crappier, but it doesn't matter at this point, you just gotta try to move forward and hearing him talk about him being comfortable and with friends definitely doesn't help at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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