ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 So I have been at about 4 most post BU but not really sure about the duration of NC/LC. I don't even care to keep track anymore. So anyways, before every time my ex would text me (thats how we communicate now) about logistical issues I would immediately delete the message. My biggest fear is dwelling on the message or trying to over analyze it. Well recently I text the ex about some logistical issues and this time when she text back and I did not have an overwhelming urge to delete the message. I left the message as it did not bug me. My question is does this mean I'm making progress or is there some deep subconscious thing thats happening and i'm not aware of it? It doesn't make a difference one way or another if I delete the message but I just suddenly thought that since it didnt bother me anymore does this mean i'm making significant progress? Link to post Share on other sites
Loveandpeace14 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I say it would be progress Its like how I use to get so upset when I came across old "special" texts my ex sent me before/during our relationship but now, it doesn't make me upset but they sometimes they even make me smile, like even though things are over, still makes you think back to what you had. Soon you will feel better and it will feel like you're just texting an old friend. Like yes, some days you will miss her more than other days, but because you feel like this now, you are definitely making progress. I use to be like that too after my break up when he would try to communicate with me, I was afraid I'd over analysis things too but after awhile, you start to think of it as nothing and make it a lot easier for you to talk to them. Link to post Share on other sites
MyAngel Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I think it's progress too well done, keep it up! Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I'm feeling some what better at close to 4 months also. It is weird. I feel like i should be more torrmented but I'm not. So in response to your question 1). YES this is a sign of progress 2) DELETE ANYWAY..just play it safe you'll be happy it is gone. It is just another opportunity to throw out the old and make way for the new. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted January 20, 2013 Author Share Posted January 20, 2013 I say it would be progress Its like how I use to get so upset when I came across old "special" texts my ex sent me before/during our relationship but now, it doesn't make me upset but they sometimes they even make me smile, like even though things are over, still makes you think back to what you had. Soon you will feel better and it will feel like you're just texting an old friend. Like yes, some days you will miss her more than other days, but because you feel like this now, you are definitely making progress. I use to be like that too after my break up when he would try to communicate with me, I was afraid I'd over analysis things too but after awhile, you start to think of it as nothing and make it a lot easier for you to talk to them. How long after the breakup did it take you to smile and not be sad about the text? My fear is it that I'm not off this stupid emotional roller coaster yet and Im afraid that this may just be one of wild rides that makes you think you are over it when it fact you really arent. How long was your relationship? I know i'm progressing but not as fast as I hoped I'd be. I guess time moves differently for everyone. Sigh....need to be over this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted January 20, 2013 Author Share Posted January 20, 2013 I'm feeling some what better at close to 4 months also. It is weird. I feel like i should be more torrmented but I'm not. So in response to your question 1). YES this is a sign of progress 2) DELETE ANYWAY..just play it safe you'll be happy it is gone. It is just another opportunity to throw out the old and make way for the new. hahaha Cavalier99 I'm feeling exactly the same as you. I feel I should be more tormented but i'm not...but its definitely better than day one. Let me ask you cavalier, do you ever get the urge to run into your ex? What I mean is this. In the past 4 months I have made leaps and bounds at improving myself both on the outside and on the inside. Ive lost nearly 40 lbs and am physically fit. I changed my hairstyle and my wardrobe, basically a full haul over of the original me. As for the inside, I'm happier and for the most part and I'm in a better place. In terms of career Ive been promoted and am progressing happily. The changes that I have gone through are so dramatic that friends that havent seen me in a few months are awe struck and dont even recognize me. Sometimes in my head I would love to run into my ex to see her reaction but at the same time i'm scared S*&tless that i will regress. I know I wouldn't want to run into her but do you have have those thoughts? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 (edited) Ha. I'm exactly the same. I've been going out and flirted and partied a lot. Changed hair style, wardrobe, got in shape etcetera! Self esteem is high. Yes, i do definitely sorta secretly wish id run into her to show how great I'm doing. However recently I'm trying to get rid of this fantasy. I think even if she did see me all this wont matter because I'm assuming she is happy with her new guy (don't really know) It feels good for a little to revel in these thoughts but i realize it is somewhat self destructive so I'm trying to squash them when they come up. And believe me they do come up a lot. When i drive close to her work, or go out, there is that little secret fantasy. It is a waste of time but cant seem to help it sometimes. I dont want this improvement to be to show her. I want it to be for me...but this is easier said than done. so i guess this is normal and soon we wont be thinking of them at all. Also when i do think of her it seem like the hurt bounces off of me. Sorta like im developing some sorta deflector shield that is protecting me...weird huh. Ive spent a lot of time not just improving but trying to catch and get rid of any thoughts relating to her and it seems to finally be paying off. For a while I even had a rubber band on my wrist that i snapped when i found my thoughts drifting. EVEN the I'm doing great thoughts and she would be soooo impressed. Ohhh NO WE ARE NOT READY TO SEE THEM. WOULD BE MAJOR SETBACK TO OUR FRAGILE RECOVERY. NO OVERCONFIDENCE. WE CAN SEE THEM AFTER A YEAR..NO SOONER FOR ME IF EVER. Edited January 20, 2013 by cavalier99 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Loveandpeace14 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 It took me about a month(after our second break up) so just recently, I think because of the lies he said about me, it made it easier. Like I know I'm not over him and I do miss him terribly, but I haven't been very emotional anymore. Like i thought i was going through the same thing and things would get bad again, but after a couple small cries, it hasnt been too bad for me. We had a thing for about a year but it was offcial for 6 months, but if you were together longer, it might still be harder but I do say, it is still progress even if sometimes you feel awful because I know I still do, but it gets so much much better even though he was like the guy of my dreams, so you will get over it just try not to think about it too much, keep yourself busy with the things you love, be happy, and soon enough, you will truly be happy, and sometimes exes will see how happy and confident you are bein, they will come running back, or you might even meet someone who will be even better for you. You can check out my story if you want, it's under "why is my ex trying to indirectly hurt me/make me jealous?" It would be nice to have a guys opinion. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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