It's been 6 months...

[manormachine]

Hey, I haven't really been here in awhile. Haven't really posted much anyway, but I'm feeling especially down today and thought it'd be best to get my thoughts out here rather than just letting them fester in my head.

 

So, quick recap: ex-gf broke up with me last July. I tried to reach out to her a few times since, but obviously that didn't work. She almost completely ignored me ( just responded w a couple one sentence texts) There's been no contact between us since I tried to call her one night in November when I was wasted...she didn't answer.

 

I'm not feeling AS bad as I did right after the break up, but she's still on my mind a lot. I've tried to get myself to go out more and meet new people, but a lot of times when I'm out with friends and meeting other people, I think of my ex and how great it would be if she was there with me or that I'd rather be doing something else with her. I suppose part of it is self-esteem issues and my shyness not making it easy for me to just go out and have fun. I think being mostly introverted makes it tougher for me to get over break-ups than extroverts, which my ex was kinda more of.

 

The way things ended and how she completely shut me out after the break up, not giving me much of an explanation, are still bothering me. I've been told many, many times that closure comes from within and that even if I could get her to sit down and talk to me about what happened, I wouldn't know if she was being honest with me. But for some reason, I'd rather have a long drawn out conversation about it than what I got. Not likely to ever happen...but still.

 

I guess I just want to know how she was affected by the break-up. I don't know much about what's going on in her life now, but we have kind of a mutual friend who I work with that she seems to go out with a lot. And she's still facebook friends with a few of my friends and my sister (not that facebook really means anything). Sooo it's not like she's totally gone from my life and that I can pretend she doesn't exist anymore. I still get jealous when I hear that one of my friends hung out with her(specifically that coworker friend who in reality I don't really consider a friend anymore cuz she's a biotch...but thats another story), when I haven't seen her since the break-up... well since before the break-up since she broke up with me over the phone. I tried to get this friend to get her to talk to me( which I know is wrong and I felt/feel bad about it) but she said when she brought me up she didnt wanna talk about it soo that didnt work. I can't blame my friends for still being friends with her, but it feels so weird and kinda makes me feel like an outsider knowing that she still talks to them but won't talk to me.

 

On my really bad days, like today because I'm sick and have been in bed all day, I'm guilty of checking her facebook. I unfriended her after the BU, but can still see some of her page, like most pictures and stuff my friends are tagged in or tagged her in. I feel very....stalkerish when I check, but it's a hard thing to resist doing. From what my friends have told me, and seeing her page, she's not had a bf or been seeing any guys. She deleted most pictures of us but there's still some there, even some where we're kissing. But i don't really know if she uses facebook that much so it probably means nothing.

 

It just sucks so much how we went from being so close to her wanting nothing to do with me. I know trying to rationalize or analyze what happened is useless, but I can't help it, that's just the way my mind works. I crave a reason, an explanation of what happened. The reason she gave me was...idk kinda misleading. She basically gave me a kind of false hope that we would get back together one day. She even said that literally...WTF! Ok now thinking back on what she said im getting a little upset. Why say things like that to someone you have no intention of being with? It's probably not realistic for someone to be completely honest when breaking up w someone, but why give any kind of hope that it could work out later on? It wasn't to "string me along" as some back up in case another guy didnt work out. And if she was just trying to let me down easy, you can do that without giving false hope. Argh the more I think about it, the more confused I get. But we're not together...and that's because she doesn't want it...so I guess her reason is irrelevant...but yet it isn't to me...I wanna know. Why do I want to know so badly? Is it because I still have hope that she'll come back? Is it because it could be something that makes me change my opinion of her and not want to be with her(ie if she cheated)? Would this be easier if she actually did cheat on me?

 

Maybe I just want to hear her voice one more time...

[chndude]

Stop thinking about her. It is a wasteful activity. She clearly doesn't have interest in you, as you yourself said, with her one line courtesy sake replies and all.

 

Find a new girl. Stop looking at her facebook. Move on.

[GraceisGone]

Everything about this post reminds me of myself, from the time in which our ex's broke up with us (July), to us having basically the same personality. I have felt many of the same feelings you have and like you, I feel like I am someone who takes being broken up with a lot harder than other people.

 

I am also fairly shy when first meeting someone, so I know how that can make it even tougher when going through something like this.

 

Like you, I wanted to get to the bottom of the BU and her from her exactly why she was doing it. The truth is, you will NEVER get an answer that will satisfy you, trust me on that one. I tried to get my ex to explain the situation countless times, and I will tell you that all it does is raise more questions.

 

You say that you wish you had been able to talk to her more after the BU, but trust me, you don't want that. I know it is hard, but you have to stop questioning what happened, because you will never know what's going on in her head.

 

Like you, my ex gave me false hope that maybe one day we would get back together. In September, she contacted me and we got back together for a little while, doing things that we always used to do. Then it just ended, she stopped talking to me. Trust me, you don't want that. It set me back so far and made things so much worse.

 

Just know that there are other people in your shoes, I feel like we are both going through some very similar thoughts and feelings. Just try and focus on yourself and be yourself, don't worry about meeting other people. Just be yourself and be thankful for the things that are good in your life, and I believe things will fall into place.

[na49]

Let me be seen as one example where even if your ex cheats on you. You still want them. As for your situation, you'll never get better if you don't let yourself get better. Watching the calender go by does nothing for you. Checking her facebook does nothing for you. It's almost like you don't want to move on. You can honestly feel this way for the rest of your life if you let yourself. It doesn't just magically happen if you don't do the necessary things to move on. Not just the obvious stuff like "go to the gym" or "go meet people". You won't get better if you torture yourself by looking at her facebook. She'd lose all respect for you if she found out what you were doing. It looks very desperate which isn't attractive. What's attractive is when you show her you don't need her. I know you guys were meant for each other. I was meant for my ex too. Then she left me.

 

Also. Hear her voice one more time? You really want to hear her say "Hey manormachine. I'm not in love with you anymore. I want to see other people. I think we should just stay friends."

Edited January 19, 2013 by na49

[manormachine]

You know, I actually did try to get her to say to me that she didn't love me anymore if that's how she really felt, but she wouldn't. I thought it'd make things easier for me if I knew she had no more feelings for me or even if she hated me. Part of me thinks hearing her reject me completely, yell at me, tell me to **** off, whatever will force me to move on. Sure I'll look and feel like an *******, but I feel like I need that final push.

 

I've only had a couple serious relationships before her, one of those I ended because the girl cheated on me. It hurt like hell, damaged my self-esteem, but realizing she's not someone I'd want to be with after that made it easier to let go. It would be reallly tough for me to forgive someone for cheating. And then the next girl she ended it because our relationship became long distance and she felt there was no point in continuing it since neither of us were willing to move at the time. She was right, but I didn't see it at the time and I held out hope that we'd work things out for a loooong time. Didn't help that she wanted to be friends and would kinda lead me on at times. So I stopped talking to her. Still took me quite a while to get over her, but I did. But now I wonder if it would have been harder/took longer if she cut off all contact like my current ex did. I'm not getting the false hope or breadcrumbs that I got from my other ex or that some other people on here are getting. I'm getting nothing, yet it feels so much harder to let go this way compared to me previous exes.

 

I know it's ultimately up to me to move on, but I'm just curious if anyone else feels having things I guess kinda drawn out actually makes it easier than a "clean" break?