JDP25 Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Hi everyone in the love shack Well I was the dumpee in this relationship.. I recently got out of relationship in Dec 24th of 2012 Everything was great with us in the first year, but after that year things began to take a turn. Our relationship started to go up and down, but I know that is normal in any relationship. There were times that I just wanted to end the relationship. Since I fell in love and so did she in the beginning of the relationship she made me promise to her not give up on her. Well that is why I never ended the relationship. Until I finally pushed a little too much by upsetting her and she called it off. After the break-up I realized everything from where I went wrong and all that. So I apologized to her a couple days after the break-up and talked to her like I know I was the guilty one and at fault. I also talked to her in a manner where I know that I wasn't going to be able to get her back anymore. So pretty much I had the mind set that I knew there wasn't a second chance at making things work even though I apologized and all. We made promises to each other one was to keep in touch and stay friends. She made me promise to stay single for a year to proof to her that my love was true for her. I made her promise to stay single for a year for her own self improvement. I made her promise this because she never stayed single long enough before jumping into another relationship. So I made her promise to stay single for a year at least. Now the real question is were those promises actual signs that we might get back together or childish? I have done a lot of good things for her such as helping her improve and all. In return I felt like I wasn't getting what I wanted from her. After the break up I feel like I want to try again and make things work for the better good. Or am just feeling the after affects of the break up. I fear that if we get back together we might just go back where we left off and be miserable. What do yall think of this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDP25 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Bump. Any advice please.. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Personally, I don't know why you would promise to stay single for a year. And she's the one that proposed this? So, you can prove your love to her? Really?!?!? Why can't you stay together and work the issues that are bothering the two of you through couseling and communication rather than staying single and away from each other? Sounds like, she doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone to be with you either. How did she react when you gave her the same proposal? Personally, if she has trouble staying single, then I wouldn't trust her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LduKaZ Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I think that is ridiculous... You are letting her treat you like a puppy. It feels like either she is playing you, or she just wants you to be there in case she can't find anyone else. You are just there as her backup option. Believe me, if the right guy comes along, she WILL **** him, and possibly get in a relationship with him. The promise will mean nothing. I don't know why exactly you guys broke up, but if it was your fault, then you must act. Let her know how you truly feel, if you love her, talk to her and ask her if she loves you back, because when there is love from both sides everything else can be solved.. Tell her you are sorry, and are ready to make up for the mistakes you made and grow. Show her that you love her. If this fails, then start NC, and make her feel you are gone. If you still love her, don't offer her to be friends, and specially don't offer her to stay alone for months while you don't know what the hell she is doing... She is your lady, go get her back! Or let her go! Everything in between is a game and a lie. Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 The immediate feeling after of wanting her back and wanting to work it out is post break up feelings. There will always be a little regret after the breakup but only the strong ones really make it through. Before my breakup this time we had little ones. Frustration made him resent me and was overwhelmed by pressure. he called it off. Obviously I was so upset and didnt want that. Told him we could work it all out try fix it. And yes we came back in the end. Problem was I was too happy getting back we didnt really discuss what happened. A little but not how we were going to fix it. I just wanted him back. At the beginning I did make a few changes but because the ball was on his field, he didnt really want to go half way most of the time. He would bring up mistakes I made before and used it against me. And in the end he called it off again! Just because he knows he can!!! his done it before so why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDP25 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 Personally, I don't know why you would promise to stay single for a year. And she's the one that proposed this? So, you can prove your love to her? Really?!?!? Why can't you stay together and work the issues that are bothering the two of you through couseling and communication rather than staying single and away from each other? Sounds like, she doesn't want you, but she doesn't want anyone to be with you either. How did she react when you gave her the same proposal? Personally, if she has trouble staying single, then I wouldn't trust her. I am beginning to think the same thing why she proposed this promise. Maybe, for I can leave her alone? Because when she called it off I went to find her and make things work. She wanted me away and not be around her. The fact that I knew she couldn't stay single for more than a few months made my insecurities go up and trust factor was the key to me pushing her away. Right now I want to talk to her about making things work, but she is stubborn once she makes a decision there is no turning back for her. I want to make things work and her grandmother gave me the same advice to sit down and iron things out. I feel like its too soon to talk to her about making things work, I was thinking about just going into the NC zone. Her father thinks that there is a chance of getting back together. NC maybe??? When I gave her the same proposal she looked all sad and quite it about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDP25 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 I think that is ridiculous... You are letting her treat you like a puppy. It feels like either she is playing you, or she just wants you to be there in case she can't find anyone else. You are just there as her backup option. Believe me, if the right guy comes along, she WILL **** him, and possibly get in a relationship with him. The promise will mean nothing. I don't know why exactly you guys broke up, but if it was your fault, then you must act. Let her know how you truly feel, if you love her, talk to her and ask her if she loves you back, because when there is love from both sides everything else can be solved.. Tell her you are sorry, and are ready to make up for the mistakes you made and grow. Show her that you love her. If this fails, then start NC, and make her feel you are gone. If you still love her, don't offer her to be friends, and specially don't offer her to stay alone for months while you don't know what the hell she is doing... She is your lady, go get her back! Or let her go! Everything in between is a game and a lie. One thing is that I don't like to be controlled by woman and I felt times she tried to do this in the relationship. So I man up my guns and wouldn't let her try to lead me etc.. If she feels more like I will break the promise first, in which I have not. If she does come along to another guy well that proves that she wasn't worth the effort. I will just move on. Yes, it was my fault and I have apologized for the action that I did to get her upset and call it off. She forgave me for it, and was shocked to hear me say that to her. She was expecting me to tell her that when we were together I actually cheater on her. Which I never did cheat on her at all, I stayed loyal even if my insecurities were getting the best of me. I think for now I am just going to go into the NC for a while. I found out she signed up to leave for the ARMY in March and she said she was going to come visit. Maybe when she does that is when I will sit down with her and see where it goes. If she breaks the promise. The way I will look at it is that I won and was the better one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDP25 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 The immediate feeling after of wanting her back and wanting to work it out is post break up feelings. There will always be a little regret after the breakup but only the strong ones really make it through. Before my breakup this time we had little ones. Frustration made him resent me and was overwhelmed by pressure. he called it off. Obviously I was so upset and didnt want that. Told him we could work it all out try fix it. And yes we came back in the end. Problem was I was too happy getting back we didnt really discuss what happened. A little but not how we were going to fix it. I just wanted him back. At the beginning I did make a few changes but because the ball was on his field, he didnt really want to go half way most of the time. He would bring up mistakes I made before and used it against me. And in the end he called it off again! Just because he knows he can!!! his done it before so why not? I see you guys got back together and he left you again.. I don't want to repeat that with her. Where I or her loose track of why we are getting back together and it goes back to breaking up. I actually want to take baby steps in getting her back and making things work. I want to patch up the problems we had and solve them. I don't want it to be where we both don't go all in and only half or where I am the one making changes and not her. Then she will have the power to call it off again. My actual feelings for her didn't start until after the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
thembones Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 That's bull**** if you ask me. What happens if after a year of waiting for her, you find out that there was no chance ever and that cute girl from work you ignored for months is no longer interested? I think it's good to stay single after a breakup, especially as you described her. Do whatever you're going to do for yourself. You won't want her after a year. Move on and let the pieces fall as they may, with or without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDP25 Posted January 17, 2013 Author Share Posted January 17, 2013 That's bull**** if you ask me. What happens if after a year of waiting for her, you find out that there was no chance ever and that cute girl from work you ignored for months is no longer interested? I think it's good to stay single after a breakup, especially as you described her. Do whatever you're going to do for yourself. You won't want her after a year. Move on and let the pieces fall as they may, with or without her. You have a valid point. Damn, it feels good to release all these feelings out. My feelings are slowly fading for her and the more they do the happier I get. Your right too, I don't think I would pass up an opportunity with that cute girl at work or else where. I am just going to drop the pieces and walk away. She is leaving to the ARMY and me being a Veteran. Dating military chicks for me is a No! I see military chicks as guys at times or just unattractive. I like woman that can dress and know how walk the walk. This feels good.. thinking clearer now. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 JDP25, Read the No Contact Updated Guide 2013, in my signature/link. The first post is the Guide itself - the thread and responses that follow, are additional icing on the cake. Hope it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 She's going in the Army? And you think she's going to hold up her end of the bargan to stay single for a year?!?! Yeah, right! When pigs fly! Once she's done with Basic and she goes to her MOS school, guys are going to be hounding her, she's gonna hook up. She'll find her loophole. She's going to hook up and if you ever caught wind of it, she can easily pass it off. " I'm still single, I just went on a couple of dates with some guys. I'm not committed to anyone. And if you're wondering if I was intimate with any of them, well, that's none of your business because WE'RE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE!" Don't you love loopholes! Her idea of "being single" is completely different from your idea of what "being single" is. Dude, just cut all ties and move on. Go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
crashvector Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 She has NO right to demand you stay single when SHE was the one that ended the relationship. Get your balls back dude. IF there is going to be a reconciliation of the relationship, it MUST be on YOUR terms, NOT hers. SHE ended it and is still trying to control you. If someone told me that, I'd laugh in her face and I dont care HOW much I loved her. Hell, even as much as I love my ex fiance, if she called me today and said "Look, stay single for a year to prove to me that you REALLY love me, and at the end of that year, we will talk" , my answer would be "f*ck you!" Seriously, put on your big-boy pants, reach down, and find your balls. Link to post Share on other sites
puzzled1 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Promises don't mean shhit once you are broken up. That is a weird way to show your love. Link to post Share on other sites
crashvector Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Promises don't mean shhit once you are broken up. That is a weird way to show your love. That's the thing: promises made during a relationship have ZERO meaning without the relationship Those promises use the equity of the relationship itself to hold their value. Once the relationship is over, the promises have no more meaning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDP25 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 She's going in the Army? And you think she's going to hold up her end of the bargan to stay single for a year?!?! Yeah, right! When pigs fly! Once she's done with Basic and she goes to her MOS school, guys are going to be hounding her, she's gonna hook up. She'll find her loophole. She's going to hook up and if you ever caught wind of it, she can easily pass it off. " I'm still single, I just went on a couple of dates with some guys. I'm not committed to anyone. And if you're wondering if I was intimate with any of them, well, that's none of your business because WE'RE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE!" Don't you love loopholes! Her idea of "being single" is completely different from your idea of what "being single" is. Dude, just cut all ties and move on. Go NC. I been in the military myself, I know how the game goes when a new girl in the block shows up. Every one there wants a piece of the cake that is one of the reasons I didn't want her to go to the ARMY when we were am together. She has this grand scheme of wanting to travel and see the world. I know she is going to hauled by every guy and dike out there. I am turning the tables on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDP25 Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 Well this grand plan is to get my balls back. The best way to do it is what I am good at and that is being an ***hole. Yep A-mode for me. I am going back to player status. So I am going to play her good. She ain't going to know who I am playing in the sack with or date. Even though she has some "people" that know me, to keep an eye on me(pffft). Not too worried. So what I been doing for the mean time is making her realize her faults, and making her feel guilt and making it seem like I really want her back. Here is the turn around I am going to do a push and pull on her. I am going to pull her in make her feel like I "still" want her. Push her away by NC rule and begin dating other girls, etc... I know she won't resist once I stop talking to her... I am just going to confuse the hell out of her. Once she comes back into my arms.. I am breaking her heart. That is the end of that story. She broke mine just because she wants to leave to the ARMY and I stopped her once before. This time she can go and realize what she in for. When every guy in that camp wants a piece of her. If she whores it up that is on her not on my conscious and that will just give me more crap to give her. I can use her words against her and later call her a hypocrite for it. She will be degraded and downgraded egotistically, and self-esteem. Who ever she marries I will feel sorry for that man. Thanks everyone I am getting my balls back. I wasn't planning to keep the promise the key word is to be "single". It don't mean that I can't have other girls waiting for a good time. I can be in a relationship and I plan on it with someone else. Even though I have feelings for her and lover her. Well I am going to do my thing and that is being a ladies man. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 There's a difference between 'getting your balls back' and acting like a manipulative jerk. You're walking a fine line my friend - and it's beneath you, frankly. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 (edited) Umm. Seems like an interesting plan but why dont you just be a player and just cut her loose instead of playing games. I mean i understand the urge... but no need to act on it. Revenge wont get your balls back or really make you feel better in the end. Indifference will. Also playing her will probably just keep you down..might backfire.. and is a waste of energy that could be devoted to plowing thru hundreds of other girls if that is what you want. Edited January 18, 2013 by cavalier99 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JDP25 Posted January 20, 2013 Author Share Posted January 20, 2013 Well, when there comes a time to come off your high horse. I assuming this is one of those times. I will just drop the pieces and cut the ties off and move on. The main thing is that I still want to be a part in her life. I guess I will just be remembered as the "stepping stone" that got her to the point she is at and a better person to the next guy she meets. That is where a lot of my conflict is going towards. I fear that all the time and effort I put to help her grow and be better. Well, I fear all that was a waste of time, but I have to look at it as a stepping stone as well. I guess I need to sit down reflect and write the positives all of this experience. Life has detours and obstacles you must go through first to learn and than go back to the road you meant to walk on and use what you learned. Thanks everyone for the advice. I know what I need to do now. Link to post Share on other sites
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