When they tell you they don't see a future with you and lost the feeling...?

[Don't]

I know it sounds like you will never be together maybe because of incompatibility issues or something else but do they mean it or they just say it because they lost the passion at that moment and they think it will not be back? They say they lost the feeling and don't see a future with us.Even the couples who dated for a long time and lived together say that in the end. How did they live happily for let's say 3, 4 or maybe 10 years and one side comes says lost the feeling and don't see a future. Is this a usually legit reason or something they just use to give you the sign that do not hope coming back because it is over? I am talking abut normal relationships without any abuse and cheating but maybe some small conflicts. How do people can presume the future? It happens even to the most compatible, happy couples. It is like the switch turns on suddenly. I know the decision process takes long sometimes and they come up with a decision after maybe months or years after they thought about it. I heard some people even rehearse about it. So if a person says lost the feeling and doesn't see a future is that it? Do we have to suck it up or maybe wait for couple months and move on? I know people will tell me you should ignore and move on. Are there any good articles about it. I have googled some but some of them are controversial. Thanks for reading it. Cheers!

[Inviv_girl]

Conflicts happen in every relationship. Some couple willing to work things out and fix the problem, some just gave up and walk away for easy way. I dont know now adays is really hard to find the long lasting couple who give their full heart to eachother and fix every problem instead of throwing away what they have together. Maybe also cultural things, in western country divorce is very common, while in Asia couple tend to stay together no matter what circumstance they have.

[Cam116]

I don't really have an answer for that, but I can tell you that this is exactly the reason my ex broke it off with me a month ago. We were together for 5 years, always had a great time, rarely fought, gave eachother independence, were laid back, trusted eachother 100%, and overall had a great relationship. 3 months prior to BU, around our 5 year anniversary, he started having doubts. Didn't think he saw a future with me. Started becoming distant.

 

I don't know how it happens, but I guess it just does. In his words, he felt the relationship just ran it's course, and he doesn't exactly what he wants in life. He said he wants a family and house etc. but just...doesn't know. Very confusing! I asked why he never brought these issues up, never had a SERIOUS talk about kids and whatnot, and he told me he "never felt ready to have that conversation". In my case, I feel he just wasn't ready to really settle down. He wanted to keep partying and not have those types of responsibilities. That and the fact that he had some commitment issues I think led to his lost feelings and his feelings of wanting out.

 

So I can't say for sure why it happens, but it does. If I find out anything new, I will be sure to come on and update about this type of BU

[Samilia]

I know it sounds like you will never be together maybe because of incompatibility issues or something else but do they mean it or they just say it because they lost the passion at that moment and they think it will not be back? They say they lost the feeling and don't see a future with us.Even the couples who dated for a long time and lived together say that in the end. How did they live happily for let's say 3' date=' 4 or maybe 10 years and one side comes says lost the feeling and don't see a future. Is this a usually legit reason or something they just use to give you the sign that do not hope coming back because it is over? I am talking abut normal relationships without any abuse and cheating but maybe some small conflicts. How do people can presume the future? It happens even to the most compatible, happy couples. It is like the switch turns on suddenly. I know the decision process takes long sometimes and they come up with a decision after maybe months or years after they thought about it. I heard some people even rehearse about it. So if a person says lost the feeling and doesn't see a future is that it? Do we have to suck it up or maybe wait for couple months and move on? I know people will tell me you should ignore and move on. Are there any good articles about it. I have googled some but some of them are controversial. Thanks for reading it. Cheers![/quote']

 

Problem is, there is more than one answer to your question. I believe he's probably telling the truth, as painful as it is. Could also be that he met someone else and now see a future with her and not with you. Who knows?

 

A lot of people don't get an answer, you got one, but you are still trying to find another reason that would bring him back to you. I would go with what he told you, it's pretty straight forward.

 

As for sticking around, I wouldn't. I'm not saying you should jump into a new relationship, after 5 years you can probably use some time alone. However I would start behaving based on his decision, he broke it off. If he changes his mind, he knows how to contact you.

[mammasita]

This has happened to me. I agree that there is no one answer.

 

It depends on how committed the person is to fixing things.

[newmoon]

just my opinion, but i think if someone says they 'don't see a future with you' or that 'the passion is gone' was probably 'over' you pretty soon into the relationship and was just going along with someone they had a high level of compatibility with. relationships can go on for years like that because you are comfortable with another person and complacent at times, and just 'do enough' to keep things going. when people realize they are doing that - just going along (and lacking passion) they bail out - for some that realization hits quickly and the relationship ends early, and for others it takes years, and the other partner is caught unaware. it also speaks to the tragedy of western marriage and the concept that we have to be passionate all the time for our partner and our life - sometimes good enough really is and we shouldn't be chasing passion that eventually, dies down

[stillafool]

I think when a person goes as far as saying "I don't see a future with you and have lost the feeling..." that is as final as it gets. Doesn't matter how long you have been together as people grow apart or are interested in someone else. That statement would definitely inspire me to move on ASAP and not look back.

[jovan]

Same thing happened to me after a 5 year relationship. One day everything was okay and she even said " I love you so much " and the next day she dumped me over the skype saying that she has lost feelings for me -.-'. IT SUCK'S BRO. Move on with your life, its over. Find some1 more compatible to you!! And you will love and be loved. And everything that you remember now with pain, will look silly in time Keep your head up and don't let your self care about some who doesn't care about you!!!!!

Edited January 11, 2013 by jovan

[Don't]

What if these people come back into your life and try to be part of it? Do you accept them back or ignore them? I know you would ignore it if you have already moved on and found someone else but what if you are still single and have feelings left towards that person? Would you forgive them saying ok they lost the feeling in the past and they were the ones in pain when you were together ? If you still have strong feelings towards that person do you take them back right away or challenge them to prove their love towards you?

[jcd07]

Same thing happened to me recently. After 3 and a half years, she said she lost her feelings, she doesn't see a future with me and she even doubts it was ever love on her part.

 

There's nothing you can do but go NC and move on. If they want you back, they should contact you and work to get back into your life. I'm not sure getting someone back after such a breakup is healthy, but then again, this "lost the feeling" reasoning does seem pretty stupid and maybe it can come back.

 

If you're a guy and the girl said she lost her feelings, you might want to check out some of the "Get Your Ex Back" stuff, since they make a point of explaining why she lost her attraction to you and suggest some ideas to try and win it back. Then again, Doc Love (of "The System" fame) is pretty sure that if a woman's interest level drops low enough, there's no way in hell you can get it back up. Do some research, but take everything with a pinch of salt and don't give in to false hope.

 

I agree with Newmoon about the stupid concepts of relationships we have these days. Wherever you will look, everyone recommends to break up if the relationship "doesn't feel right" anymore, instead of fighting for it. "There will be someone better", "you deserve better", "it should be more fun than work", "it should feel good and make you happy" and so on. This can really confuse you at certain low points and cause you to end it. I know there are relationships were it's recommended to break up, but our incomprehensible definitions of love and relationships cause us to cease fighting even for the ones that may work.

 

Once upon a time, there was a concept called "Commitment". You can find it now in a galaxy far, far away...

[na49]

I think "I lost the feeling" = "I found someone else I'd rather date"

 

It just sounds a lot "nicer"

[jcd07]

Yeah, usually "losing the feeling" goes hand in hand with wanting to date someone else.

[Njeanne]

What if he specifically said "but no I haven't met anyone else nor have I cheated on you" and said feelings gradually changed over two months, but never said a reason. >.> Neither did he tell me it was happening... could have worked it out... I mean he fought half year winning my heart after I rejected now he stopped loving me.

 

edit: he also said "feel free to change my feeling" like he didn't wanted to loose his feelings for me.

[jcd07]

I got this talk two times during my relationship and both times someone else had appeared in her life. The first time he wasn't interested, so we got over it, the second time, she cheated and got her hopes up, causing her to end it with me.

 

When she found herself attracted to someone else, she realized she didn't love me anymore. I don't want to be mysoginistic, but I can see only women capable of thinking and "feeling" like this. Yeah, men cheat, but their commitment is usually stronger and they come back, douchebags excluded.

 

Njeanne, two months is not a long time. If that's how long your relationship was, maybe he realized he made a mistake and doesn't feel compatible with you. If it was a much longer one, I'd suspect he's hiding parts of the truth.

Edited January 11, 2013 by jcd07

[na49]

What if he specifically said "but no I haven't met anyone else nor have I cheated on you" and said feelings gradually changed over two months, but never said a reason. >.> Neither did he tell me it was happening... could have worked it out... I mean he fought half year winning my heart after I rejected now he stopped loving me.

 

edit: he also said "feel free to change my feeling" like he didn't wanted to loose his feelings for me.

 

I've got news honey. No one who cheats will tell you they cheated on you unless they have a huge amount of pride. They also won't tell you that they met someone else because umm... hello? That's like them leaving you for them.

 

I heard something similar. My ex wanted to take a year off from dating. She didn't meet anyone new. (except for the guy she started screwing when I wasn't around) Also how do you change his feeling? I'd ask him what he wants you to do exactly.

[Njeanne]

If he ever comes back, I will be very indifferent and speak my mind to him. Lot of things in my mind I want to say, mostly like if our friendship ever mattered since he never speaks his mind/feelings out. Or maybe he was afraid of loosing me sooner, and thought he could work out his feelings by himself. Meh, you can't force feelings to come back, they'll get supressed more.

 

Yes, I still hope his feelings come back for me, it's been a month since break up, three weeks of nc. (never plead, begged, cried - except at time of break up but ended convo saying goodbye) I just miss his voice, laugh, smile so much and his face. :'(

[Njeanne]

I've got news honey. No one who cheats will tell you they cheated on you unless they have a huge amount of pride. They also won't tell you that they met someone else because umm... hello? That's like them leaving you for them.

 

I heard something similar. My ex wanted to take a year off from dating. She didn't meet anyone new. (except for the guy she started screwing when I wasn't around) Also how do you change his feeling? I'd ask him what he wants you to do exactly.

 

Now you are making me feel bad... I am sure if he met someone else he would've told me, but no...he fought so hard to win my heart, everytime women flirted with him he would say it too me and say how annoyed he was. He was single year before he met me, and had chance of getting with a old girl he liked but didn't. He isn't the player, or person to jump from women to women...

 

You can't expect every one to have met someone else/cheated when they say "I fell out of love with you", reason could've been other things too that they don't know about.

 

edit: I do not understand I asked him to tell our mutual friend to tell we broke up...according to her, when she is online he never is... Like he tries to avoid her not wanting to say we broke up. >.>

Edited January 11, 2013 by Njeanne

[na49]

Now you are making me feel bad... I am sure if he met someone else he would've told me, but no...he fought so hard to win my heart, everytime women flirted with him he would say it too me and say how annoyed he was. He was single year before he met me, and had chance of getting with a old girl he liked but didn't. He isn't the player, or person to jump from women to women...

 

You can't expect every one to have met someone else/cheated when they say "I fell out of love with you", reason could've been other things too that they don't know about.

 

I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. Sorry about that. I'm trying to give you some reality. I know that you think you know this guy, maybe you do. You definitely know him better than I do. I'm just going by what I know (from my situation which is completely different from yours) and although I thought my ex always had my best interest in mind and would never lie to me... she did. She didn't have my best interest in mind.

 

I can't expect that. Maybe there are other reasons. I just have no idea what they could be. I have no idea how someone just stops loving someone that they've been with for a significant period of time (barring fights and other things) other than finding someone new. If you said he was single for a while. Maybe he just loves you as a really good friend and he doesn't like commitment right now.

 

He said he wants you to change his mind. Ask him what he means by that. I doubt even he knows.

[jcd07]

Njeanne, one doesn't have to be a player to jump from woman to woman. He jumps from one certain woman to one other certain woman that appeared in his life at that moment.

 

It's not necessarily true in your case, but you have to understand that people who once really loved you and fought for you can end up cheating, lying and moving on with no remorse if something specific happens. And you NEVER see it coming, NEVER expect it from THAT person and NEVER understand how they could do it. They just do.

 

It happened to me and after reading this forum and others, I found it to be a very common story.

[Njeanne]

I am no contact now, he kinda went into it automatically. I sended him a text on sixth day telling our mutual friend that we broke up (he still told her begin december sweet things about me and that we are going strong) but when I got into touch with her she is shocked to hear we broke up and that he is offline all time on her skype. I don't understand, like he is trying to avoid telling we broke up.

[Don't]

I Facebook messaged her right after the break up to get more insight since she told me i could if i had any questions and in my case that's what she said:

 

"That was an extremely hard decision for me to make, but I cannot continue to lead you on when I know that the relationship will not make it in the future. I do enjoy the time we spend together, but there are some incompatibilities that make me feel like I am annoyed with you a lot of the time, and then I feel like I'm constantly a bitch when at heart, I am not. In the end, I think that there is someone for you who treats you better than I do and someone for me that I don't constantly criticize in my mind. I'm not sure why I find myself constantly critical of you, I guess some things just nag at you over time, but it does my brain in on occasion and causes me stress. I do not expect a perfect relationship and the "honeymoon" period was gone a long time ago, and I still was happy. But I lost my feelings for you some time ago, and I couldn't get them back despite my trying. I also feel like I need to be alone to focus on myself for a while. I need to decide what to do with my life. I am sad about this coming to an end because I feel like I could probably still be friends with you in the future, but not until we have both moved on. I am at peace with the decision to break up. It is hard for me too because I still care about you a lot. I want you to be happy, and I never ever wanted to hurt you. I worry about your feelings which is why I might have put this off for a couple weeks. Don't beat yourself up over it, just try your best and always think how you can improve yourself. I wasn't doing that lately which is why now I will focus on making myself a better person. I think something I learned is that I will take relationships slower from now on. It gives you time to evaluate how things are going. I'm worried that if we continue exchanging messages, it is going to make the pain worse. I will try to stop talking to you for a while. Obviously we need to meet to exchange for my laptop and the stuff that I have of yours. I might contact you next month for that. Try to have a good holiday. Good bye."

 

I went no contact for 10 days and she got curious and i saw her private messages with her best friends anyway she said she can't help it and curious to see what i am telling to my friends about her. I changed my password right after i realized she was trying to check my account and her best friend, she said that it is good that he changed his password. Look he is moving on and you can move on too let's go hang out. From the pictures I can see she had fun with her friends on the nye. After 2 weeks of no contact I made a stupid mistake by facebook messaging her asked her if we could meet sometime this week and she asked "only to exchange stuff?" I said sure and i am tired of no contact we are mature people and we can discuss things. I know i acted with my emotions and I shouldn't have done that. She said "It is a protocol when the relationship ends it helps both of us to heal." I said "ok i respect that sorry I shouldn't have contacted you" and I have been NC since then for a week now. This NC thing is really hard sometimes and it is like a rehab for a person who has drug addiction and you need to control your feelings until you heal. I still need to exchange our stuff with her sometime but not until she asks for it. I love this girl even though she doesn't love me no more but you can't force someone to love you that's completely selfish. She loved me once and tried to make things work. I will be honest here I use no contact to heal as much as hope for making her to miss me. I was her first and I was a very nice bf and she told me that actually. Break up was calm but we both cried in the end. I agree with you people about quitting and not fighting for the cause. They think it is wrong and quitting is the best idea. What gives them to make that decision? I guess they try to picture you being with them forever and they get scared or something. Anyway I will try to keep myself busy and hope to forget her because If I don't I will get hurt more. If she comes back and i have still feelings for her I will probably take her back but I am going to have trust issues no matter what. Then again there is no guarantee the new love of your life won't do it to you. New generation has commitment issues especially in western culture. Cheers!

[Njeanne]

Atleast you got closure...

Although imo if she had told you, you two could've tried working it out.

There is no "I" in a relationship, so I see she is wrong in making that decision by herself. You shouldn't give up, unless you try atleast.

 

Reading that, just feels like Rikard was writting that... I could hear his voice saying that, so I know for sure he ain't coming back...

[Don't]

Atleast you got closure...

Although imo if she had told you, you two could've tried working it out.

There is no "I" in a relationship, so I see she is wrong in making that decision by herself. You shouldn't give up, unless you try atleast.

 

Reading that, just feels like Rikard was writting that... I could hear his voice saying that, so I know for sure he ain't coming back...

 

Yea actually the other day I messaged her on Facebook telling her:

 

"Hey I feel like telling you this. If you think the reason of our break up was mostly because of me like you mentioned before in your message then I am really sorry for making you suffer and I want to let you know that I would never do anything to hurt your feelings intentionally. I am ready to do anything to make things work out but you are right actually I need space as much as you do for a while. I wish we had a serious face to face conversation before we broke up to discuss the issues we had in the past and come up with solutions rather then one of us telling the other it's over. I wish I had a chance to fight for it. I know you tried but it would have been much better if you told me this before about how you felt etc... If it is you falling out of love losing the feeling I understand. There is nothing I can do but to walk away. Hope everything is fine. Take care."

 

I shouldn't have messaged her but i just wanted her to know that I am aware about the situation and I care about her feelings. She hasn't replied though. I wasn't expecting it anyway. I never call and text her. I don't beg her although she maybe thinks that i am begging her like this. All she wants is nc for both of us to heal and I agree with her. I know healing is the only way to survive but on the other hand what will happen after we heal? What if I don't want to give up on her? She hasn't moved on yet either. I wonder after months of no contact do you totally lose your feelings towards that person? Do you completelty get over that person after the healing process? I feel like we will go on our own ways. Basically the end of the story. Perhaps it is the happy ending. Do you believe in " if it is meant to be it will" ? I know some people like my friends will say "dude there are many people out there will love you".

[Njeanne]

There are couples who get back together who fell out of love. In my opinion that can only happen when lot of time has passed, both have healed. When I google and type "can feelings come back" I read a lot of people that said yes, my feelings returned months/years later when I see that person again, and they get back together.

 

Problem for me though is, me and Rikard are Long Distance... -.-

[LostOne1]

There are couples who get back together who fell out of love. In my opinion that can only happen when lot of time has passed, both have healed. When I google and type "can feelings come back" I read a lot of people that said yes, my feelings returned months/years later when I see that person again, and they get back together.

 

Problem for me though is, me and Rikard are Long Distance... -.-

I don't know how that works... after 6 months I finally see my ex. I don't know if feelings returned or not for me. But as for her, who knows? I would assume no since she never contacted me or made any move to say she wants to still talk.