q786 Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 I thought i'd share what i am going through and hopefully get some good advice to get over my ex. I met my ex 8yrs ago and we been together ever since. he's 6 yrs older then me. when we met i was 21yrs and a bit feisty. After a while i started listening to him and then basically changed for him. last year we decided to get married so in september he went to the country where he's from to finish his house. Last month i could get in touch with him for a week. finally he wrote to me on face book saying he's married and posted a pic on facebook with the ring on his finger! i was completed devastated! however i assumed he was always coming back to sort things out with me. i heard from his friend he was not coming back at all. so i called him and begged him to come, i booked a ticket. he's arrived and when he came to me he seemed all happy to be married. i saw a pic in his wallet of his wife and in his bag was wedding pics and a video! i spoke to him and he said it happen all too fast and he's now decided to stay back in his country. he said he loved me but not to be his wife....what ever that means. i asked him if he loved her and he said yes. in our time together he has never spoiled me or bought me things. i always paid and bought him things. however we needed to sort out our banks in town. He bought so many things for his wife and it hurt so much. i didnt say a word. i asked him why he didnt love me or want to marry me and he brought up things when i was 21yrs, i'm 30 now! then he wanted to cuddle me and hold me very time, nothing else. he's leaving next week for good. i've tried changing his mid saying to him he's making a mistake. but he seems so inlove with his wife. i am also from another country and we met in UK. so i have no family here to support me, so its been a hard new year. i feel completely lost and not worth while especially after seeing her pic. she's gorgeous and 26yrs. i dont know what i'm going to do next week when he goes...i'll never see him ever again...and i just cant cope Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Awww...girl! I'm sorry to hear this. This guy is a douche rocket and was using you. He had you believing that he was all about you and he just lied to you. He used you to buy things for him and take care of him while he's been away. If I were you, I would let his wife know about what's been going on in the UK. She has a right to know what sort of man she married. If you have pics of you two together, send it to her. Any love notes, e-mails or messages...send them to her. I speculate that she doesn't even know you exisit! If he can do this to you, then the next time he's visiting another country, he's gonna do it again. To get himself a sugar momma to take care of him while he's away. Sorry, but you got played. Time to set things right. And don't lose hope in the male species. There are a ton of guys out there that KNOW how to treat a woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 OMG, that is disgusting! What a scumbag, a sociopath. Im so sorry to hear this for you. You know, its very true what the poster above me just said, i think you SHOULD tell his wife, i mean, its going to break her heart too, but she deserves to know. You are a young girl, i know, 8 years is a huge amount of time to have been together, but you are going to be one strong girl when you get back on your feet. I am from the uk btw, i live in Ireland now, but im from Reading. You, really need to be with family imo, or a best friend. KARMA, thats all i can say and wish on your ex, and believe me, KARMA, will get him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author q786 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 i cant tell his wife, firstly i have no way to contact her secondly she cant speak english and i dont want to ruin her happiness. i hate myself and compare myself constantly with her. i feel like i dont have a purpose to live. i've just been quiet about everything, i'm mentally exhausted Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 wow, please dont hate yourself, i cant imagine how you feel honey, i know the feeling of betrayal, but not as awful as your situation. Its ok, i guess, its not your job to tell the wife anyway. But, seriously, you really need to be with Family right now? I mean, i hope you will not stay alone to deal with this. You must be feeling in shock still. I know, that words will not fix your pain, but at least know, THAT YOU are better than that POS. Start there. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 2, 2013 Share Posted January 2, 2013 Girl! There are 7 billion people on this planet and you're hung up on one that used you and treated you like dirt. Yeah, he knocked you down pretty hard but you CAN get back up. HE'S NOT WORTH THE PAIN YOU'RE FEELING RIGHT NOW!!!! You have to be strong. I still say that you find away to contact her and let her know what's been going on. Would you ruin her happiness? Her marriage is a lie! Find out who she is, she probably has a Facebook account. Use google translator and send her a message. You'd probably be doing her a favor. Find your inner strength! I know some girls that would have said to him, " CONGRATS!!!!! Here's a wedding present for you!" And would kick him square in the nuts! Find that strong woman that's inside you. You can get over this. And this guy isn't worth it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author q786 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Share Posted January 2, 2013 Thanks for replies you made me smile today! Link to post Share on other sites
Author q786 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Everything is just so confusing. He got married now he came back to sort things out in UK (finances, taking his this from mine etc) He’s leaving in 2days back to the other country We had a talk and he said he never loved me enough to marry me but loves his wife whom he only saw twice before marrying her. He also said he knows i wouldn’t cope living in his country..... After owe talk he wants to cuddle on the bed !! isn’t that like cheating on his wife whom he claims to LOVE?? How can this be love? I loved him for 8 years and never would have thought to cheat on him. So how can he not love me but want me. How could he marry someone say he loves her and wants to cuddle me in bed??! I have tried talking to him saying he’s cheating, but he gets angry and avoids answering saying he’s leaving anyway and won’t ever see me again.... He also took me shopping for his wife!!! I didn’t say anything at all when he picked and paid for stuff for her, although it hurt and he never spent money on me in 8yrs! Link to post Share on other sites
crashvector Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 Never change for anyone, for ANY reason. I'm not saying not to compromise, but do NOT ever lose yourself in a relationship. doing that will almost guarantee it will not last. someone who is willing to completely give up themselves for their partner is someone who cannot be respected BY their partner. Dont ever forget that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author q786 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 Thats true its already over, i just have all these questions and no answers. Mixed emotions are weighing me down coz i dont understand Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 What a bastard. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 You should contact the wife, so she knows what a two faced person he is. I've been played before and if I could of contacted the gf ( I didn't know there was one) I would've done it in a heart beat. People like this have no conscience and are users. How many more women is there? Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted January 8, 2013 Share Posted January 8, 2013 Thats true its already over, i just have all these questions and no answers. Mixed emotions are weighing me down coz i dont understand Unfortunetly, you will never get any answers from a sociopathic person. His brain chemistry is completely different to yours and mine and all the other GOOD people. He is unable to feel guilty, or remorseful because he simply does not have the capacity to do so. Its really hard, i know. You want him to acknowledge how much damage he has caused you, but sadly, you will not get it from him. Try now, to realise you have a nice fresh new life to look forward too, that MOFO is out of your hair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author q786 Posted January 8, 2013 Author Share Posted January 8, 2013 He goes on thursday back to his country forever. I know i'll never see him again. In one way i'm glad coz i can have a fresh start. But i'm also scared....i've never been on my own, i can feel the loneliness creeping in and i dont have friends coz of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author q786 Posted January 9, 2013 Author Share Posted January 9, 2013 He's left today, i'm totally devastated! he said he never loved me like how i loved him. He said he hopes one day i'll find someone the way i want to be loved. he said he was not good for me and that he now wants to live in his country no UK. I asked him about all the promises he made to me and he said he made none. Basically just told me to move on. I begged for him not to leave me, told him how much i love him and that i'm nothing without him. he left. i'll never see him ever again. 8 years gone in just a moment. tried calling my friends...non has returned my call. i live on my own and have no family in UK. never have i felt so alone like now....... Link to post Share on other sites
Lasatra Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I'm 19, have a whole life in front of me and I've been dumped.. you are 30 and lived maybe a lie with this guy.. My problem seems so small compared to it.. I'm really sorry you'll get over him and find the love of your life!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author q786 Posted January 19, 2013 Author Share Posted January 19, 2013 Hi, Thought an update to all those who replied to me was in order: After he left i explained i was shattered and left completely alone. A couple of friends did get back to me and one even stayed over. After that i started praying and that has helped me so much. its a over a week he's gone. I still hurt and have up and down days. But i know its over and i'm finally seeing i'm better off without him. I'm seeing how he used me and beginning to despise him. I never heard from him until an email on thursday- in his email was no how are you, how u feel, nothing it was just can u do this.... again an act of him using me. It will be along time for me to get over him, but i rather have someone that loves me back and does not use then him. Link to post Share on other sites
destroyed4sho Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 I'm Sorry!! This happened to me as well, for about the same amount of time Years ago and I was about your age too. If you don't mind me asking...what is the ethnicity? It sounds like he used you to pass his time while he saved money in the UK to build his house for him and his future wife of his own ethnicity. He lied to you for his own selfish purposes and for his Grand Master Plan. This is why I do not date foreigners or immigrants. As soon as a guy tells me they were born in another country I X them out. Well, live and learn. Do not contact him ever, and do not go out with no foreigners EVER again. You will be fine from that loser!! And yes, he does sound like Sociopath. Your better off without him. The Universe will punish him eventually. Just be grateful you are still young, vibrant and healthy and capable of having another relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FailedFirstLove Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 this is so sad and I'm really sorry you have to go through it. I've only been with my ex for half your time and the pain is excruciating. I can't understand what goes through their head. How the years with you just disappear and change to no longer wanting to be with us. Try to find people as possible that you can talk to and rely on. Go to a counsellor. People on this forum are also grea at support and advice. It's going to be so tough especially knowing you won't see again. Well I wouldn't want to see him again. He was a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
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