Just smile Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 To all that remember my posts from a couple months ago, feel free to go back and read my relationship to understand the complexity of how I feel. I believe I've been emotionally abused and discarded by a narcissict. Even though I broke it off with him, he was asking for it, antagonizing me, pushing me etc. until I snapped. I feel devalued. After all we shared , the memories, etc, he tossed it, me, crapped on it, and off he went.my gut was telling me it was something else.and after eight days of NC he contacted to reassure me there is no other woman, it is that he is toxic , he said i need help. ( yea right) and he can't be In a relationship at this time, ( heard this a zillion times) and he always came running , crying , pleading back. This time is different. Not sure why. When he called asking me for sex in one breath, but telling me he would,be away for Christmas and New Years, sent me into a total tailspin of depression, and since then I've been severely depressed. I broke contact two days ago, I called, crying u controllably asking why and how he can forget me, not call me for the holidays, only want me for sex etc. only to hear his response, COLD, no emotion and disturbing, say... I don't miss you. I'm working my asss off, and this needs to happen. I then proceeded to call him repeadatly, blindly in a rage. Sent a few horrible emails telling him,I would tell his close friends the truth about his sick sex fetishes and huge dildos he keeps in his house, he had an arsenal of them because he was so sexually inept. Why you ask do I want this man in my life!? I have no clue. He's telling people I'm nuts. WHen everyone knows he is a sick person. His family deleted me off of Facebook,I felt terrible for that.but know it needs to happen. And now I feel even worse than before. This happened two months ago and he came crawling back with empty promises which I cautiously went back, kind of knowing my heart was at risk. My really good friend lives three houses from him, and my son is best friends with her, I needed to pick up my son today and of course passing his house, he has a few cars parked in his driveway early this morning, I assume,having fun, friends over from night before,and this kills me because its life back to normal with him,and me.. Can't sleep or eat,and cry constantly. FOUR years. Relationship went Nowhere, he didn't want to be around my kids even after he promised he would try. I know,.. Deal breaker. I'm hurt, I'm worried people might drink his kool aid and believe I'm NUTS. I'm reading about narcissist men and its disturbing. Truly . I need support. I'm weak,and feel so ****ty, please give me advice and words of wisdom. Good or bad, I don't care. Please re read my previous posts to get more insight from back when he broke it off in October. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Gottabestrong Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 Please stop contacting him in any way, shape or form. Down the line you will only hate it for humiliating yourself, no good can come out of it. Stay away like he was the devil. Focus on yourself, your son and people who actually care about you. Hate him as much as you want, but don't send him nasty emails or tell other people about his sex fetishes. Save your dignity and down the line you will feel much better about it than if you go all crazy stalker-ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Just smile Posted December 29, 2012 Author Share Posted December 29, 2012 Believe me I know , I'm humiliated with my behavior, I almost feel like he gets off on it. I have four kids to care for,I know he is undeserving. But his behavior disturbed me so much and I was so upset I was in a blind rage,and I'm totally embarrassed. I thought of changing my numbers, but he is blocked Instead. We do run in the same circle. Do I avoid these places ? I'm not sure how to behave what to do etc, Link to post Share on other sites
christine07 Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 I broke contact two days ago, I called, crying u controllably asking why and how he can forget me, not call me for the holidays, only want me for sex etc. only to hear his response, COLD, no emotion and disturbing, say... I don't miss you. I'm working my asss off, and this needs to happen. I then proceeded to call him repeadatly, blindly in a rage. Sent a few horrible emails telling him,I would tell his close friends the truth about his sick sex fetishes and huge dildos he keeps in his house, he had an arsenal of them because he was so sexually inept. Why you ask do I want this man in my life!? I have no clue. He's telling people I'm nuts. WHen everyone knows he is a sick person. His family deleted me off of Facebook,I felt terrible for that.but know it needs to happen. And now I feel even worse than before. I know what this is like, The blind rage, the wanting to know answers but never being satisfied when they are heard, threatening my ex with what I will tell people he has done/his secrets to get some sort of emotion out of him about 'us'. I told my ex several times that I think I never really meant anything to him, just sex, that's all he wanted even when were were together. He would answer 'how could you say that? I loved you'. That made me feel better, for awhile, but It didn't mean anything because he would just go back to the cold emotionless person. The only time I ever got emotion out of him was when I went into those rages, it got a rise out of him... Now does that sound healthy!? hell no. I know what your going through. I truly believe my ex is a sociopath. And I know at one point you shared lots of intimate times and memories with this man but you need to remember that this person can turn you into that raging shadow of yourself, you don't know where that raging person came from, but HE brought that out of you... do you really want to have that happen again? That's not you, and you need to distance yourself from someone who will trigger that. Its a horrible feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
christine07 Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 . We do run in the same circle. Do I avoid these places ? I'm not sure how to behave what to do etc, My best advice for this, and I know it works because I was terrified of seeing someone I had a falling out with, act like nothing bothers you. Like your not hurt (hard I know) But having the best time of your life. Look great, laugh, joke around, dance, sing! Anything to show your not affect. That gets to the person who tried to make you miserable more than you'll ever know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Just smile Posted December 29, 2012 Author Share Posted December 29, 2012 And this is why I come to this site, because it is advice like this, that gives me hope. Link to post Share on other sites
eleve82 Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 A man like this is just not worth your time. The best "revenge" is total indifference to him! When I realised my own ex was not even upset over the ending of our 4 year relationship, it opened my eyes and made me realise - a man who doesn't treasure you is not worth getting upset over. Don't waste any more of your precious life thinking of him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Just smile Posted December 30, 2012 Author Share Posted December 30, 2012 Omg! It is so true. I guess I'm silly and niave to have thought since each and every single time we had broken up in the past he always came running back at some point and time.not this time. He is cold. Remaining no contact. None. In fact he left town. Link to post Share on other sites
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