Facebook drama and the break up, four months crying still!

[Inviv_girl]

I dont know what to do and who to talk to, i really need an advice from people out there. maybe you will say something i dont want to hear please go ahead but please do not judge me, i know i did something really stupid by constantly contacting my ex just wanna talk to him or hear his voice when the fact he broke up with me and he doesnt love me anymore. his feeling changed due to long distance and he asked me to move on with my life. Im hurt, really hurt and yet I cant leave him alone, I have no idea how break up is like, he is my first real relationship and the only person Im able to fall in love for the first time in my life.

We were in a loving relationship until his job took us apart, and we are separated thousands miles apart since then.

 

he broke up with me 4 months ago, was a drama of crying and sorry etc.. from him. But we kept the contact since, went on and off the past few months. When Im off, Nc for about a week and his on and wanna know how am i doing etc.. and then constant messages, and one day suddenly i feel i miss him so bad and wanted to contact him. I saw him moving on so fast and went to party, going out most of the night and having the fun time of his life. While me, struggling here looking for a job, living in a country side and lonely. I have so little money and I dont want to waste it just for alcohol and party. My life is far from fun and the only friend I have is my computer. Due to job search, little money and lonely life Im currently under alot of stress.

 

Im jealous, I saw him posting so much fun life without me on facebook, I didnt care at all within those months but one night I woke up from nighmare. The thought of him sleeping with another woman and the feeling haunted me like hell, really like real! I freaked out and see his facebook posting happy stuffs somebody send him a gift and looks so special and I texts him some angry messages and then I comment on his facebook. It pissed him off, and he deleted me. After that I messages the girl he seems flirting all the time with on facebook, telling her to stay away etc.. and she told him and he piss off with me.. again.

 

I push him further away by sending many messages to talk to me and blame him for his broken promises. I really dont know what did I do, and why I did that, my head just crushed and Im really not myself. and now he told me to stop contact for few months! I dont know wht should i do, I suffer so much with this break up. first time real relationship and i feel like want to kill myself this pain is so unbearable.

 

I know I should've pulled back but I didnt, I did NC the past weeks and doing great until woken up from cold sweat and my anxiety took over me! I remember so much how he told me about married and children and how sweet he made me feel and now all is lie! his feelings change and I dont know if he will change back to love me again, now he really pissed with me, am I lost him forever? I remember the hurtful thing he said and that he broke his promises made me really sad and yet i still love him and want him back to my life so bad! i wish somebody will slap me so that i can wake up from this nightmare of him and move on with my life! alas, i do not have real friend here to do that, they all busy with their happy married life and dont care about my heartache situation.

 

I dont know what to do now, and how to have him back. Advice please.. Im devastated.

[Toddbt12y1]

I am sorry you are going through this pain, I really am.

 

Look, you need to make efforts to stop looking at his FB. The only reason you are dreaming of this guy, is because you constantly seek him out, look at him. I am sorry you do not have friends to help, but that is why sites like LS, and us, are here to help you.

 

You must slowly become more active, I guess that is hard without friends....But you must. Talk to new boys online, do whatever will make you feel better, but talking too, or seeing this guy or anyone that even knows this guy.

 

Do not, please, do not hold out hope for this guy. He will not come back, nor will he change. It is unimaginably difficult to change ourselves, so it will be for him. He likes to have fun, and enjoy his life; he isn't worried about you, but probably afraid you will stalk him.

 

I know that one sounded harsh, but please, I am being honest, and not trying to hurt you. But you must first realize that there is no hope, in order to more on. Many people stay in these awful relationships, or wait for these people to come back, only out of a false hope. Do not waste your youth, and life on this single person.

 

He didn't care about you like he should have. But you are adding all this hurt upon yourself...You are making yourself your own victim, and doubling your own hurt. You gotta let go. You gotta be selfish here, and think of your own well being. Is he happy? Tell yourself, "I don't care!"

 

Is he making love to that girl? Tell yourself, "No! I don't care!" You gotta make yourself feel better, you gotta have that drive. I know it hurts, I know it sucks. I know you are crying your pretty little eyes out, but rest-assured, something will come along in your life, so as willing as you are to make some effort to get past this road block.

 

This guy, he has a lot to learn in life; it isn't a joke; it isn't about partying or beer constantly. Life is so much more, and so much more difficult. He isn't mature, but it is time for you to take hold of your life, being a mature woman: Forgetting FB and all it's constant drama is causes in realtionships, and life...

 

As life was never meant to be constantly broadcasted to the world, peace is required. Give yourself that peace; avoid FB, until you are sure this guy will no longer be on your mind to look-up. Block him. Block his friends. Do not keep anything open - alive, and with hope. There is none.

 

Sweet-heart, do what is right for you. I know these words mean nothing in the face of your agony, but trust me, and follow this, and block him. Do well for yourself. Living well is the best way. You will meet someone so much better; maybe not the next guy, or the next, but someday.

Edited December 18, 2012 by Toddbt12y1

[Inviv_girl]

Thank you for your quick respond, Im so happy when people reply me. I feel so long talking to myself and wonder about this guy so much.

 

Im so hurt when I remember his sweet words but at the end it was all lies. I love him so much, missing and do stupid things for him, I was so loyal and faithful and he trash me like some kind of disposable toy.

 

He really piss because I contact the girl he flirting with, I dont know why I did that and he told me he scared of me now for being like that. God I wish I could turn back time and doing NC from the day he broke it off with me.

 

Its too late now but I hope theres still a way to fix this

[MichiganMan222]

Thank you for your quick respond, Im so happy when people reply me. I feel so long talking to myself and wonder about this guy so much.

 

Im so hurt when I remember his sweet words but at the end it was all lies. I love him so much, missing and do stupid things for him, I was so loyal and faithful and he trash me like some kind of disposable toy.

 

He really piss because I contact the girl he flirting with, I dont know why I did that and he told me he scared of me now for being like that. God I wish I could turn back time and doing NC from the day he broke it off with me.

 

Its too late now but I hope theres still a way to fix this

 

The way to fix it is to realize that there's no way to fix it. I was right where you are. You make contact; usually in the form of pleading, begging, scolding, etc. Then you realize the damage you've done and try to patch it with what? Making even more contact to apologize for the prior contact. That apology strings into more of the same pleading; only more animated and damaging. It's a vicious, VICIOUS cycle that alienates you even further from the desired outcome. You keep trying to fix bad decisions with more bad decisions.

 

Looking back at my situation, what I did reminded me of a sick gambler. What does a gambler do when they lose a big bet? They place more bets...and lose again...and again...and again. Always trying to recover what was lost by making the same exact mistake over and over escalating the stake each time. Until they're destroyed absolutely.

 

That's what you're doing. The contacting is just another destructive bet that you WILL lose. The solution is to cut your losses and stop now. You even contacted the new woman. That's over the top.

 

Heartbreak is insanity interrupted by moments of clarity. It's during those moments of clarity you see the aftermath of the insanity. You seem to show some of that in your post (bolded). It's a long arduous, horribly painful process, but as you heal, there begins to be more clarity and less insanity. But you WILL heal.

 

Find the strength to start the healing by stopping the contacting. Reason with yourself. You seem to have answered your own question of what you should do next. Take your own advice and for God's sake keep coming back here to vent. LS is a terrific remedy to take the edge off of this awful time you're having. Take advantage of it. Unload on this forum. Most of us know exactly what you're going through and empathize unconditionally.

Edited December 18, 2012 by MichiganMan222

[movingon12]

Hey there,

 

Listen if you're still waking up with anxiety attacks 4 months after you guys broke up, it would be a good idea to look into getting counseling for a while. You didn't say how long you two were together, but if you're still suffering this much at 4 months I think you might need a bit more help than the usual advice people can give you on here.

 

Having said that, the advice you've been given here is true: you HAVE GOT TO STOP contacting him. He said he's deleted you from facebook, which is great. Now you need to block him. Block the girl you messaged. Block everyone you might contact.

 

YOU are the person that is stopping you from moving on right now. Not him, not the girl. YOU. So YOU need to make a decision about whether you want to feel like this for the rest of your life. I'm guessing no. Now YOU need to start to take action to get yourself out of this hole. And it's not easy. But you'll do it. One day at a time.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/358208-how-i-survived-my-breakup

[Inviv_girl]

Hey there,

 

Listen if you're still waking up with anxiety attacks 4 months after you guys broke up, it would be a good idea to look into getting counseling for a while. You didn't say how long you two were together, but if you're still suffering this much at 4 months I think you might need a bit more help than the usual advice people can give you on here.

 

Having said that, the advice you've been given here is true: you HAVE GOT TO STOP contacting him. He said he's deleted you from facebook, which is great. Now you need to block him. Block the girl you messaged. Block everyone you might contact.

 

YOU are the person that is stopping you from moving on right now. Not him, not the girl. YOU. So YOU need to make a decision about whether you want to feel like this for the rest of your life. I'm guessing no. Now YOU need to start to take action to get yourself out of this hole. And it's not easy. But you'll do it. One day at a time.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/358208-how-i-survived-my-breakup

 

Thanks for the link it really made up my day. I feel happy talk with people here and I appreciate all the advice. I will stop contacting him, and I know what i did was not amazing, pathetic indeed. i still dont know why I did it, i was not able to put my head together. the mixed feeling playing around with my head every now and then and its not easy for me to control it. The fact I do not have anyone in real to stop me or at least listen to me when i needed something to vent out. im glad I can express myself here and get advices from you kind hearted people

[Toddbt12y1]

Yup. Just keep coming back here, and talk as much as you like. We aren't there, to stop you in the real world; but we can try over LS. Think of us as friends. I understand how you are hurting, so do the rest of the posters, which makes it better for you than feeling alone.

[Inviv_girl]

Yup. Just keep coming back here, and talk as much as you like. We aren't there, to stop you in the real world; but we can try over LS. Think of us as friends. I understand how you are hurting, so do the rest of the posters, which makes it better for you than feeling alone.

 

Ok, now I just want to post here see any body else advice. He told me we should stop contact for at least couple of months to three and then we told eachother lives. Why does he want that?

[Toddbt12y1]

Ok, now I just want to post here see any body else advice. He told me we should stop contact for at least couple of months to three and then we told eachother lives. Why does he want that?

 

Sweetheart it doesn't matter what he wants; in the end this is a way for him to keep you on a leash and wait months for him, just invade things don't work for him. Essentially he has made you into a fallback girl. Don't worry about what he wants...only think of what you want....and need now.

[Inviv_girl]

Its so f@<*... hurt to remember his promises and in the end he broke it. He brought up married and children talk alot!! his feelings changed all of sudden and thats it.. all done! and all his promises are also broken. How could someone do that? I dont understand, how people can manage their relationship and happy life together for years and years.. do they feel love at all time? do their feelings ever change by the time their together? what do they do to get the feeling back at least or how to solve it?? do they just leave if the feeling gone all of sudden?? whats the point of commitment when you knew feelings could change and when it did u will leave your partner? and what? find a new one u develop feelings to and what happen if ur feelings to the new love gone again? u'll leave again??

[flitzanu]

I dont know what to do and who to talk to, i really need an advice from people out there. maybe you will say something i dont want to hear please go ahead but please do not judge me, i know i did something really stupid by constantly contacting my ex just wanna talk to him or hear his voice when the fact he broke up with me and he doesnt love me anymore. his feeling changed due to long distance and he asked me to move on with my life. Im hurt, really hurt and yet I cant leave him alone, I have no idea how break up is like, he is my first real relationship and the only person Im able to fall in love for the first time in my life.

We were in a loving relationship until his job took us apart, and we are separated thousands miles apart since then.

 

he broke up with me 4 months ago, was a drama of crying and sorry etc.. from him. But we kept the contact since, went on and off the past few months. When Im off, Nc for about a week and his on and wanna know how am i doing etc.. and then constant messages, and one day suddenly i feel i miss him so bad and wanted to contact him. I saw him moving on so fast and went to party, going out most of the night and having the fun time of his life. While me, struggling here looking for a job, living in a country side and lonely. I have so little money and I dont want to waste it just for alcohol and party. My life is far from fun and the only friend I have is my computer. Due to job search, little money and lonely life Im currently under alot of stress.

 

Im jealous, I saw him posting so much fun life without me on facebook, I didnt care at all within those months but one night I woke up from nighmare. The thought of him sleeping with another woman and the feeling haunted me like hell, really like real! I freaked out and see his facebook posting happy stuffs somebody send him a gift and looks so special and I texts him some angry messages and then I comment on his facebook. It pissed him off, and he deleted me. After that I messages the girl he seems flirting all the time with on facebook, telling her to stay away etc.. and she told him and he piss off with me.. again.

 

I push him further away by sending many messages to talk to me and blame him for his broken promises. I really dont know what did I do, and why I did that, my head just crushed and Im really not myself. and now he told me to stop contact for few months! I dont know wht should i do, I suffer so much with this break up. first time real relationship and i feel like want to kill myself this pain is so unbearable.

 

I know I should've pulled back but I didnt, I did NC the past weeks and doing great until woken up from cold sweat and my anxiety took over me! I remember so much how he told me about married and children and how sweet he made me feel and now all is lie! his feelings change and I dont know if he will change back to love me again, now he really pissed with me, am I lost him forever? I remember the hurtful thing he said and that he broke his promises made me really sad and yet i still love him and want him back to my life so bad! i wish somebody will slap me so that i can wake up from this nightmare of him and move on with my life! alas, i do not have real friend here to do that, they all busy with their happy married life and dont care about my heartache situation.

 

I dont know what to do now, and how to have him back. Advice please.. Im devastated.

 

simple.

 

he dumped you, he doesn't want you anymore.

 

you need to quit stalking him, quit stalking his page, BLOCK his fb and stop staying in contact. you are never going to heal if you keep believing that it's gonna work out.

 

it isn't.

 

he left.

[Toddbt12y1]

Sweetie, I can tell you are a really nice girl and really confused. I feel bad for you...cause I once wondered these questions. I oneday figured that the answer to these questions of why people do these things is simple....

 

They can. They can and want too. They lack care. But sometimes sadly...feelings do change. Sometimes people manage and regain that spark and sometimes they do not. Doesn't always mean people leave, it all depends on the people in the relationship.

 

If they work it out or not.

 

I had the hope and joy of promises just like you. Sara, I was going to marry her. We had four years together, three of them great. We made many promises. Thing is...love makes us foolish and unrealistic. Many times we fail to keep promises....sometimes one person tries to keep these promises...only to see them fail.

 

See I know your hurt. I know why you are confused as to why these things happen...they just do...such is life. Do not live for him. Nor these promises. He and they are dead. Never hold out to promises in a relationship...rarely do they work.

 

He's a liar...they are liars. His love means nothing. One day mark my words...you will see a real mature form of love. Believe it or not...but it lacks promises...all but a few.

[Inviv_girl]

Sweetie, I can tell you are a really nice girl and really confused. I feel bad for you...cause I once wondered these questions. I oneday figured that the answer to these questions of why people do these things is simple....

 

They can. They can and want too. They lack care. But sometimes sadly...feelings do change. Sometimes people manage and regain that spark and sometimes they do not. Doesn't always mean people leave, it all depends on the people in the relationship.

 

If they work it out or not.

 

I had the hope and joy of promises just like you. Sara, I was going to marry her. We had four years together, three of them great. We made many promises. Thing is...love makes us foolish and unrealistic. Many times we fail to keep promises....sometimes one person tries to keep these promises...only to see them fail.

 

See I know your hurt. I know why you are confused as to why these things happen...they just do...such is life. Do not live for him. Nor these promises. He and they are dead. Never hold out to promises in a relationship...rarely do they work.

 

He's a liar...they are liars. His love means nothing. One day mark my words...you will see a real mature form of love. Believe it or not...but it lacks promises...all but a few.

 

Im still crying and confused. And its Christmas now. Last year was the first happiest christmas I've ever had in my life. With someone I love and love me, it was him!!!! now he throw me away and I still dont get it why his feelings can change so suddenly

[Samilia]

I dont know what to do and who to talk to, i really need an advice from people out there. maybe you will say something i dont want to hear please go ahead but please do not judge me, i know i did something really stupid by constantly contacting my ex just wanna talk to him or hear his voice when the fact he broke up with me and he doesnt love me anymore. his feeling changed due to long distance and he asked me to move on with my life. Im hurt, really hurt and yet I cant leave him alone, I have no idea how break up is like, he is my first real relationship and the only person Im able to fall in love for the first time in my life.

We were in a loving relationship until his job took us apart, and we are separated thousands miles apart since then.

 

he broke up with me 4 months ago, was a drama of crying and sorry etc.. from him. But we kept the contact since, went on and off the past few months. When Im off, Nc for about a week and his on and wanna know how am i doing etc.. and then constant messages, and one day suddenly i feel i miss him so bad and wanted to contact him. I saw him moving on so fast and went to party, going out most of the night and having the fun time of his life. While me, struggling here looking for a job, living in a country side and lonely. I have so little money and I dont want to waste it just for alcohol and party. My life is far from fun and the only friend I have is my computer. Due to job search, little money and lonely life Im currently under alot of stress.

 

Im jealous, I saw him posting so much fun life without me on facebook, I didnt care at all within those months but one night I woke up from nighmare. The thought of him sleeping with another woman and the feeling haunted me like hell, really like real! I freaked out and see his facebook posting happy stuffs somebody send him a gift and looks so special and I texts him some angry messages and then I comment on his facebook. It pissed him off, and he deleted me. After that I messages the girl he seems flirting all the time with on facebook, telling her to stay away etc.. and she told him and he piss off with me.. again.

 

I push him further away by sending many messages to talk to me and blame him for his broken promises. I really dont know what did I do, and why I did that, my head just crushed and Im really not myself. and now he told me to stop contact for few months! I dont know wht should i do, I suffer so much with this break up. first time real relationship and i feel like want to kill myself this pain is so unbearable.

 

I know I should've pulled back but I didnt, I did NC the past weeks and doing great until woken up from cold sweat and my anxiety took over me! I remember so much how he told me about married and children and how sweet he made me feel and now all is lie! his feelings change and I dont know if he will change back to love me again, now he really pissed with me, am I lost him forever? I remember the hurtful thing he said and that he broke his promises made me really sad and yet i still love him and want him back to my life so bad! i wish somebody will slap me so that i can wake up from this nightmare of him and move on with my life! alas, i do not have real friend here to do that, they all busy with their happy married life and dont care about my heartache situation.

 

I dont know what to do now, and how to have him back. Advice please.. I'm devastated.

 

You won't have him back, start here. That's a simple truth, but once you decide to open your eyes on it, you'll be able to move on.

 

Don't be too harsh on yourself about the angry messages you sent him, if anything you did yourself a favor. Why stay in contact with him when he's obviously moved on.

 

The internet can be an easy trap, you need to be in contact with real people. There are activities you can do for free, I understand though that they are harder to find in winter. I hope you find that job soon, that will get you out of the house.

 

Happiness sometimes is a conscious decision, but it's work. Nothing comes easy to my knowledge. Don't wait sitting at home for your computer to fill the hole in your heart.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

[Inviv_girl]

Don't wait sitting at home for your computer to fill the hole in your heart.

 

I hope you feel better soon.

 

I go out also and find activities out there, although not many and quiet hard indeed! I go out, have a walk, took a bus ride somehwere, talking to people but most of what Im doing with them just got me bored SO easily and then go back to my thought of him! its really NOT easy and extremely hard to get him out of my head and Im constantly crying over him.

 

Talking to stranger online just really tyring and most of them want cyber sex rather than sensible talking. So Im off talking to them!

 

Come to this side, reading people story and give and get the advice from others makes me feel better but still off course Im feeling so lonely.

 

I wonder how can people be so heartless like him!! broke promises, feelings change and just walk away. Left me in a total wreck of life!

[Samilia]

I go out also and find activities out there, although not many and quiet hard indeed! I go out, have a walk, took a bus ride somehwere, talking to people but most of what Im doing with them just got me bored SO easily and then go back to my thought of him! its really NOT easy and extremely hard to get him out of my head and Im constantly crying over him.

 

Talking to stranger online just really tyring and most of them want cyber sex rather than sensible talking. So Im off talking to them!

 

Come to this side, reading people story and give and get the advice from others makes me feel better but still off course Im feeling so lonely.

 

I wonder how can people be so heartless like him!! broke promises, feelings change and just walk away. Left me in a total wreck of life!

 

Ever tried gaming? I play online, mmos, I love it. You still have to be cautious because it's hard to get sucked in.

[Inviv_girl]

Im not into gaming anymore after 30

[Samilia]

I'm 38 there is no age for gaming, one of my friends is 65 and she's a gamer. It's not for everybody though, and like I said, it's easy to get sucked in.

[Inviv_girl]

Good for you I just got bored easily now with gaming, not like in my young age where I was so enthusiast with things like that.