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NC Diary [Feel free to not read this]


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Broke NC last night - feel like a moron now.

 

I was on my way home from work when I saw her car. She saw me... pulled in front of me and stayed in front of me. I tried my best to stay behind her so that I wouldn't have to look at her or wave... She came to a stop, rolled her window down in the rain, then waved behind her at me...

 

I continued to stay behind her, she lives close to me, and then my brain shutoff. I pulled next to her and asked her to follow me. She obliged.

 

We pulled into a parking lot and she got into my car. Like a fool I told her I have been seeing a psychologist to figure out why I had acted the way I did during our 6 year relationship, basically not myself. I yelled at her a few times when I got really angry (during our relationship), and on three/four separate occasions I texted other woman for attention, which I later told her about.

 

I said even though there is a 99% chance that we won't ever get back together we should forgive each other and not hold a grudge. We both made mistakes in our relationship. She decided to abandon ship and pursue a coworker who constantly talked her up. I said I forgive her for her mistakes and for the mistake she is currently making. I also said that I forgive myself and ask that she do the same.

 

She spoke about how in my next relationship I should express my feelings and concerns and not hold them back like I did with her. She told me she had joined a gym and that she forgives me and herself. She asked how my dog was, she used to walk him frequently for exercise, and mentioned that she would be texting me on my birthday. She asked if I would ignore it and I just looked at her and said nothing. I said "I'll let you go now, I know this is usually when you go tanning". She got out, said "Dennis look at me". She put on a huge smile then shut the door.

 

And here I am, home on a Saturday night trying to decrypt this BS and think of how/if we will ever get back together even though she is probably with her coworker. Why would I want a girl who left me for another man back? Honestly WTF is wrong with me.

 

I'm a fairly successful software engineer turning 24 tomorrow, drive a nice BMW, and am about to buy my own house in the next year. Then this douchebag waiter/teller who works out everyday swoops my girl out from under me.

 

Ugh... FML

 

 

NC day 1.

Edited by denxnis
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Congrats on making it through day#1!:)

 

Having your life together is very appealing btw. It's one of the things that many women look for in selecting a boyfriend.:)

 

Good luck on the roller coaster ride!

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Stay strong. Make sure to always remember that you need to focus on yourself before you can worry about anyone else. Make yourself number one right now. Figure yourself out. If she is making a mistake, it is her loss. You need to improve yourself right now.

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Congrats on making it through day#1!:)

 

Haha thanks, major accomplishment right? :bunny:

 

It's strange how at certain moments you can feel like you are on top of the world and not need your ex & then a few hours later get depressed/sad and start missing them. :(

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Haha thanks, major accomplishment right? :bunny:

 

It's strange how at certain moments you can feel like you are on top of the world and not need your ex & then a few hours later get depressed/sad and start missing them. :(

 

It's a rough cycle, but the good part is the depressed times get fewer and further between and less intense, i'm at 4 months and the really rare time I still get the odd one, like maybe once every few weeks.

 

Just push through them, and do your best to keep busy.

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NC Day 2.

 

Did some yard work after the big storm last night, feeling much better after getting my hands a little dirty.

 

Also found out that my ex unblocked me from chat today; don't plan to contact her just feels good to know she was thinking about me...

 

Tomorrow will be my first birthday being single, this will be a true test.

 

If anyone is reading this, stay strong. Self respect permeates every aspect of your life.

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I actually don't think this instance of NC breaking was THAT terrible, honestly..

 

You spent 6 years of your life with her.. to end that chapter of your life with a mature (it sounds like it was) discussion in which you talked about forgiving yourselves and learning from your mistakes is a good thing. It's good closure. When it all stops hurting and feeling crap, I think you'll be happy you both left it on good terms with her smiling at you.

 

Though...I think you know that's it now. You can't break NC again.

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It doesn't make any sense. Why would she leave you for a waiter? Noone is perfect, but you obviously have feelings for her and are very successful.

 

This other guy is probably just manipulating her, agreeing to everything bad she has to say about you. Could it be a self esteem issue? My ex went for some sort of photographer who's constantly taking pics of her.

 

Are you sure she isn't trying to teach you a lesson over some past grudge?

 

Anyway, if she abandoned ship it's her lose. I wouldn't break NC ever again.

 

Cheer up man, you'll be fine.

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It's a self-esteem issue. The guy played her just right, manipulated her and listened to everything she had to say that was wrong in the relationship. She's broken and you can't fix her. You'll find someone worthy, man. Do NOT break NC.

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NC Day 2.

 

Did some yard work after the big storm last night, feeling much better after getting my hands a little dirty.

 

Also found out that my ex unblocked me from chat today; don't plan to contact her just feels good to know she was thinking about me...

 

Tomorrow will be my first birthday being single, this will be a true test.

 

If anyone is reading this, stay strong. Self respect permeates every aspect of your life.

what the heck when is your bday?

mine is dec2 and this is my first bday single. lol

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what the heck when is your bday?

mine is dec2 and this is my first bday single. lol

 

My b-day is the 15th. Im praying i don't receive anything

 

Happy b day! Youll be fine denxnis. Im not sure about really being set back to day 1 of the breakup. Do you feel this way? You didn't hang out with her then sleep with her then get rejected again. This may set you back some but to day 1 like the 1st time? Just curious.

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what the heck when is your bday?

mine is dec2 and this is my first bday single. lol

 

December 3rd! Happy birthday!

 

My b-day is the 15th. Im praying i don't receive anything

 

Happy b day! Youll be fine denxnis. Im not sure about really being set back to day 1 of the breakup. Do you feel this way? You didn't hang out with her then sleep with her then get rejected again. This may set you back some but to day 1 like the 1st time? Just curious.

 

No this didn't make me feel like when we first broke up but it still sets my counter back to the start. Whenever I talk to her or see her she gets a little attention from me. That being said I feel like she doesn't deserve 1 second of my time after what she put me through.

 

Thanks for the bday wish btw! :)

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Ex texted me "happy early birthday, hope all your wishes come true" last night. Later I responded with thank you.

 

Do I have to reset my NC counter again now...? :(

 

Damn this birthday is going to suck. Hope everyone else is having a better day than I am!

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Ex texted me "happy early birthday, hope all your wishes come true" last night. Later I responded with thank you.

 

Do I have to reset my NC counter again now...? :(

 

Damn this birthday is going to suck. Hope everyone else is having a better day than I am!

The way I treat NC is you DO NOT initiate contact. If she is the one that calls txts you then its okay. Let her lead the conversation and do the chasing. The more you push the more she will pull.

 

The parts I'm confused about is what do I do once I pushed she came back and then she is still indecision? I have to start all over again...? I guess at this point the answer is forget her. :(

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Technically responding at all is breaking nc, most people even say looking at their fb is breaking it. Do whatever feels better for you. If responding like that hurt you, don't do it again. If you're ok with it, then do it.

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The whole problem with even these small exchanges is it makes one feel like the EX still exists in your PRESENT universe. Im 2 months NC and it is beginning to feel so distant now, almost like another era in my life.

 

I think even one text for me would start some obsessive thinking. I just want her to dissappear into nothingness in my world. She already has f-d me up enough.

 

I would suggest no responding any more and blocking. It seem to me these exchanges although, almost nothing ,are a reminder she exists and cant be helpful.

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Man this reminds me i need to block her on all my emails.

 

...F-k.

...I don't even remember her work email having deleted all communication and contact info everywhere. F-k.

...Phone /Fb are already blocked.

...what have i missed?

 

....I really don't even want to know if the **** remembers my b-day this month.

 

MUST, REPEAT MUST PROTECT RECOVERY AT ALL COSTS! WILL NOT GET SUCKED INTO THE VORTEX! ACTIVATE DEFENSE SYSTEMS!

 

Ok im cool now i think lol. Just momentary flake out. Lol :)

 

Monday night football!! Go Skins! Who need a girl friend anyway!

Edited by cavalier99
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I wouldn't stress about blocking her email, she shouldn't bother you. For your sake I hope she doesn't lol.

 

My ex just texted me "hey" for the second week in a row. One text last week, and then a week of ignoring me at school. Another text last night. Ignoring me today. To be fair though, I've ignored her too and both texts. If she continues I will block her number, I wasn't playing twenty questions with myself last night after getting the text. I just saw it, the time she sent it and said "why is she bothering me when she knows I'm watching football?" *delete*

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I wouldn't stress about blocking her email, she shouldn't bother you. For your sake I hope she doesn't lol.

 

My ex just texted me "hey" for the second week in a row. One text last week, and then a week of ignoring me at school. Another text last night. Ignoring me today. To be fair though, I've ignored her too and both texts. If she continues I will block her number, I wasn't playing twenty questions with myself last night after getting the text. I just saw it, the time she sent it and said "why is she bothering me when she knows I'm watching football?" *delete*

 

Your right. Overreaction. I may not even bother blocking emails. To much effort and giving her to much power over me. Just DELETE!

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Man this reminds me i need to block her on all my emails.

 

...F-k.

...I don't even remember her work email having deleted all communication and contact info everywhere. F-k.

...Phone /Fb are already blocked.

...what have i missed?

 

....I really don't even want to know if the **** remembers my b-day this month.

 

MUST, REPEAT MUST PROTECT RECOVERY AT ALL COSTS! WILL NOT GET SUCKED INTO THE VORTEX! ACTIVATE DEFENSE SYSTEMS!

 

Ok im cool now i think lol. Just momentary flake out. Lol :)

 

Monday night football!! Go Skins! Who need a girl friend anyway!

 

Good attitude, but you'll be even better off when you let go of the anger and just are indifferent to her. NC is nice and good way to heal. I like the feeling of indiffence now. Seen my ex again today and nothing, it felt good! Talking last week with her helped actually, even though it was the first time in 4 months.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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I took you for granted. I yelled at you when I was angry and you soaked it up like a sponge. Sometimes I wish you would have yelled back at me and told me to shut the f**k up.

 

That's all in the past now. I wish we could have worked things out. I wish you hadn't jumped into bed with your coworker. What the **** is wrong with you? I could have provided for you, for me, we could have traveled the world. Instead I'm stuck here writing this god damn letter while you curl up next to your new boyfriend.

 

And now I find myself looking in the mirror every morning wondering what's wrong with me. 6 years we were together and you threw it all away just like that. Yes you are a beautiful woman, but you don't deserve me. You were too blinded by the arguments and what your friends have to say to realize how much I fu**ing cared about you.

 

What you did was selfish, disrespectful, and down right wrong. But I still miss you. I just prey that time heals all like everyone says...

 

 

http://i.imgur.com/5gwHM.jpg

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Last Friday I was forced to break NC. My husky is chipped in case he gets lost and apparently my ex's information is stored on the chip. The only way to get the information changed is to have her cancel his "health plan" which has a monthly reoccurring fee.

 

I asked her via text to please call this # to cancel his plan so that she does not get charged anymore and so that I may update his chip information.

 

Well she didn't respond so normally I followed up with her a few days later only to find out she has now blocked my text messages. Also I just confirmed that the plan has NOT been cancelled.

 

I cannot understand what in God's name has gotten into this woman?

 

Since our breakup she has become a monster. This is the woman that "loved" me for 6 years.

 

She started dating her coworker immediately after our break-up. She flaunted her new relationship on Facebook. Deleted all of our pictures. Ignored me when I tried to reconcile with her. And now this...

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At least you have the dog! :)

 

You can figure it out. Call and say you are her and cancel. Be resourceful.

 

Dude get rid of that picture in your signature. That is like torturing yourself.

By the way. You will get better. You know this right?

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Last Friday I was forced to break NC. My husky is chipped in case he gets lost and apparently my ex's information is stored on the chip. The only way to get the information changed is to have her cancel his "health plan" which has a monthly reoccurring fee.

 

I asked her via text to please call this # to cancel his plan so that she does not get charged anymore and so that I may update his chip information.

 

Well she didn't respond so normally I followed up with her a few days later only to find out she has now blocked my text messages. Also I just confirmed that the plan has NOT been cancelled.

 

I cannot understand what in God's name has gotten into this woman?

 

Since our breakup she has become a monster. This is the woman that "loved" me for 6 years.

 

She started dating her coworker immediately after our break-up. She flaunted her new relationship on Facebook. Deleted all of our pictures. Ignored me when I tried to reconcile with her. And now this...

I think of that too sometimes man. How did my ex change so much in our 3 yr relationship.

 

How did she go from caring so much to just fill of anger like I am her worst enemy now.

My guess is that our ex's might be hurting inside still. I mean if they had moved on wouldn't they NOT care? I don't think anyone that has moved on needs to block someone else. You block someone because it hurts to hear from them.

 

Anyways, maybe you can call the health place and see if they can reach her or do something about it all. Tell them the problem and they might be able to contact her for you.

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