Longterm girlfriend of 4 years broke up with

[Tyguy]

So this might be a little long but please read the whole thing. I could really use some help right now.

 

I had been dating my girlfriend for about 4 years and we lived together for 2 of them. We started dating my junior in college and her freshman year in college. I was 21 and she was 18. After I graduated college I got a good job locally working for a pharmaceutical company and her I lived together with her sister and one of her sisters friends. She had previously been living with some of her friends but she had a bad falling out with them and moved out. We got along great when we lived together. We never really had any issues or faught. After a year of living together she was unable to get a loan to go back to college so she moved back home with her parents which was about 2 hours away. It was tough doing the long distance relationship but we still never really had any issues and got along great. I became very close with her entire family. I spent every holiday with them for 4 years.

After a year of living at home and going back to school her parents couldn't afford to pay her tuition. She had babysat for this wealthy family her time since she was 16 and they afford to pay her tuition if she moved in with them and was a full time nanny. It was a great situation at first.

This last summer we wanted to spend more time together so she got job where I live and moved in with me for the summer. Everything was great. We got to spend alot of time together. I was working a lot and was tired so we ended up sitting around the house hanging out more than we should have but it was still really nice spending a lot of time together.

Her last week living with me I left on a two week road trip with one of my friends and the morning we left she got up early to see us off and surprised me with some gifts and gave me a big hug and a kiss goodbye. About halfway through my trip when she moved back in with the family she nannied for she started acting weird and wasn't calling me or texting me. When I got out to California a few days before I was supposed to fly home I called her and she told me she couldn't pick me up from the airport anymore so I asked her why she was acting so weird and started to hesitate so I asked he if she was thinking about breaking up with me and she said yes! She broke up with me over the phone when I was 3000 miles away!!!!! I was devistated. I ended up spying back the next day and told her she had to pick me up at the airport so we could talk about things. She ended up picking me up at the airport and she ended up spending the entire weekend with me. She told me that she had stated to feel differently and wasn't sure what she wanted anymor yet she spent the weekend at my house and had sex with me all weekend. We continued to talk after she left for the next few days and we ended up spending the next coulple weekends together. After a ce days she told me that the family she nannies for had been having their boys 27 year old swim coach over to the house for dinner a few nights a week and was pushing for the to hang out!!! She admitted to me that she had gone out coffee with me him the day after we broke up and the me they went hiking together. I was really angry when I heard all of this and lost temper with her. How could she forbid to me after being together for 4 years be having a great relationship with very few issues?! She also told me that the dad of the family she nannies for gad really started to get involved in our relationship and when she told him that she was thinking about breaking up with me he told her to not second guess herself and to just break up with me right away. He told her that I'm a loser and I'm not going anywhere with my life and she nelongs with someone that was raised like his kids!!!! What a jackass!! How can you tell someone to not second guess ending a 4 year relationship?! Also, sorry I wasnt raised Ina millionaire family and actually worked my way through college. I earned a bachelors degre in biology and got a job working for a pharmaceutical company company making 60 grand a year at 23 years old. How am I a failure!! My mom didn't work and my dad was social worker and they raised me to work hard and appreciate things. I worked between 20 and 39 hours a week every semester of college. How dare he try and make her think I'm failure!! He had no reasoning behind it. I had never been anything but respectful to him and his family.

After a few days of arguing and fighting we ended up getting back together and she spent the following weekend at my house. She promised me she was no longer talking that guy. That Saturday I had to go into for a few hours and I couldn't find my phone in the morning so I grabbed her phone to call mine. When I did this I noticed that there were several calls on her phone between two them and she admitted to lieing to me and that she had even deleted text messages between the two of them so I wouldn't see them!!!!

I trusted her that she hadnt cheated me because she's not that kid of girl so I said we would out this behind us is she stopped all contact with him. Which she did for a couple months. After a couple months she started acting weird again and then admitted to me that he had contacted her again and they went out for coffee. I was crushed!

After a another week or so of fighting she broke up with over the phone again after I had specifically asked her after the first time that if it were ever happen again to have the decency to do it person. What a coward!!

She told me that she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore and that she was really confused. She said for the longest time she was miserable all week long and the only thing she looked forward too was coming up to see me one the weekends. She said she will always love but she didn't know if she was still in love with me. She also said that I was her first long term relationship and she could see herself spending the rest of herself with me but she was t ready forever and that because I was her her first long term relationship and only the second guy she had slept with that she had no refernce point to our relationship so how could she know if was really happy and not just settling!! She said she is interested in seeing what else is out there but it wasn't her main reason for breaking up.

(She told her sister in law too and her sister in law told her that she shouldn't need a refernce point and that there isn't this magic number of people you need to be with before you figure out who want to be with the rest of your life. Her sister told her that she was really confused about she wanted and she shouldn't be making any major decisions like breaking up with me. Her sister told her about how she had been with her college before for 5 years and went through the same things that Lisa(my gf) was going through and she ended breaking up with her boyfriend and ended up dating/screwing around with some other guys and after a few months she really regretted breaking up with him and she called him to get back together and he told her no. She said its been 3 years and she's stills not over him and still would get back together with him. Lisa told her that she needs to make her own mistakes!!!!)

The week she broke up with me I told her that I was going to drive down to her house that weekend to get my things and give her the things she left at my place. That Thursday I called her mom to tell her I was coming down that weekend asked of her and her husband were going to be home because I wanted to talk to them. A few minutes after I got off the phone with her mom I got a call from her older sister and her sister said "what is going in? My mom just called me all excited because she thinks you are going to propose this weekend!!"

She obviously had not even told her parents what was going on because she knew they would tells her not too. That weekend I went to her house and exchange things and talked to her for a while. She had to leave for a couple hours for a school project so I waited at her house and talked to her parents. Her mom cried for almost an hour and hugged me. She told me I would always be a apart of their family and that they were going to get me a Christmas present and visit me around Christmas time. Her mom and dad both told me they would love to have me as a son in law and they really hoped that Lisa would pull herself together and that we would get back together. I tod her parents all about how the family she nannied for was really pushing for and that other guy to get together and I told her parents everything that the dad of the family she nannies for said about me and they were blown away. Now everyone is really pushing for Lisa to move out and move back in with her parents. She even told her entire family that she hates living there and didn't want stay for abut her semester.

As I was leaving her house that last weekend I have her a big hug and a kiss and I told her that. I think this break up is for the best. I told that I lived and really care about her and that if she feels the need to be single or a while and figure herself out that I will respect that and give her the space she needs. I also told that I wasn't handling the break up well and that I obviously needed some time to myself as we'll. I told her that in order to have a strong relationship both people need to be strong on their own first and that as hard as it would be not have her in my life for while it would be worth it in the long run to potententially make our relationship that much longer in the future. I kissed her and left and went for a beer with her dad. It's been 3 weeks now and I haven't contacted her or heard anything from her. I got messages from everyone in her family besides her on thanksgiving. I still talk to her brother and sister in law all the time but its hard because it remind me of her.

I don't know what to do. I know I need to move on and let go of the idea that we will get back together but really hard. We ha been together for 4 years and I was convinced I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. In so in love with her. This is killing me. Any advice would be much appreciated.

[NavyAirTraffic]

You didn't need to write all that, the key points:

 

-She broke up with you

-She's interested in other men

 

What she, her family, people she works for say doesn't really matter, what she does/is doing (her actions), that's what really counts.

 

SHE IS GONE, you might have thought you'd be together forever but she sure didn't/doesn't. Nothing anyone says here will make you feel better, if it does it'll only be temporary. Just keep this in mind:

 

-"You don't want to be with/don't peruse someone who doesn't want to be with you. You don't convince someone to be with you. You def don't peruse someone who is with/trying to be with someone else!!"

[ReadMyThread]

Lol. Here we go again. Girl played you man. Another thread about a LONG TERM Girlfriend leaving her boyfriend she "Loves" for another guy lol. She left you for him and yes, she cheated on you. Whether it was physical or emotionally, she did.

 

Now, you say don't know what to do. It's eema you know but you don't want to. You already know you have to move on without her. She is with him now and you have to worry about you and do what make you happy. Keep at it and time will do its job. Time heals everything.

[jwhite]

Here are some steps without all of the negatives:

 

1) Go No Contact. NC means delete FB OR block her, her family and her friends. Send out a mass msg to all of your friends and family asking them not to speak to you about any ex updates. BLOCK her phone number and delete it. Delete any of her friends/family phone numbers. You have no need to remind yourself of anything about her. Throw all the crap out she gave you.....yes the trash can. Eject her from your life.

 

2) Think about YOU. You will have a lot of extra time so lock in events. Commit yourself to them and stay busy. Go to the gym and eat right>>excellent replacement for all of the time you spent thinking about her while you were together and when you were with her. Think about all the stuff that caused low self esteem and FIX IT. DIG DEEP. Everytime you are out tell yourself that you worry about YOU and dont care what others think. Change out your wardrobe. Thow anything out you havent warn in a year or more, then slowly buy stuff...take your time buying the wardrobe and pick right and slow.

 

THINK SIMPLE AND START WORKING ON YOU...Then you can upgrade to a better chick when its time. Try your best not to think too much about her because it will turn into nasty thoughts. If you gotta cry friggin do it and A LOT. But get it over with.

[Tyguy]

I just talked to her today about giving her back her stuff and she ended up telling me that she slep with guy a week after we ended our 4 year relationship!! I'm devastated! How do you forgive sones be for something like that

[GeBa]

I just talked to her today about giving her back her stuff and she ended up telling me that she slep with guy a week after we ended our 4 year relationship!! I'm devastated! How do you forgive sones be for something like that

 

What a b**** man!!! I can't imagine how devastating that is for you. I'm very sorry, I've only been with my ex for about 9 months and I already feel betrayed, and all she's done is hung out with other people (her friends), I don't know for sure if she already started seeing another guy or if she's been during our relationship. It makes me so mad, that girls would do this. And the fact that it was out of the blue makes me feel like she had a change of heart too. I don't know whether you could look at this new information as something beneficial because at least you know what exactly happened. Right now it's killing me that I don't have any closure, on why my girlfriend suddenly dumped me. I don't know if it would make me feel better if she just told me and stopped being a coward and really tell me why she ended it. But not knowing is making my mind race and it's making me crazy. I don't think I'm sad about my breakup anymore, I'm more bitter and angry. And I would do anything to make her feel how I've been feeling this past week. I want her to feel how it feels to be betrayed. It makes me just want to make things better, only to play her back, to regain my dignity!!!

[Tyguy]

I just talked to her today about giving her back her stuff and she ended up telling me that she slep with guy a week after we ended our 4 year relationship!! I'm devastated! How do you forgive sones be for something like that

[LostOne1]

I just talked to her today about giving her back her stuff and she ended up telling me that she slep with guy a week after we ended our 4 year relationship!! I'm devastated! How do you forgive sones be for something like that

That's how I feel man.. I think my ex did the same. The WEEK of our 3 yr anniversary, she BU with me. And I believe she slept with another guy and is with him now. I think that was a major reason why she did the BU. So she could feel like she wasnt cheating on me. But really.. I consider it cheating if you BU with someone just to end up with another person.

 

So sad.. 3 yrs of love gone down the drain for a guy she knew for less than 3 weeks...

 

So I know how you are hurting.. I went through it and slowly after a few months youll realize you DON"T want her back and that she wasn't worth it.

[Chi townD]

Dude,

 

move on, move on, move on......

 

 

Stop talking to her, if you have anything left of hers, mail it to her folks. If she still has anything of yours; chaulk it up as a lost item. STOP TALKING TO HER.

 

She isn't worth it. She slept with someone 7 days after a four YEAR relationship. She didn't even mourn the loss of your relationship. Therefore, it should give you an idea on how much she valued you, your feelings and your relationship.

 

She made a choice to have you out of her life. So, you give her EXACTLY that. Don't put your life on hold for someone that would treat you with such disrespect. And I can't believe this "rich" guy that is egging her into this relationship is calling YOU the loser. I mean, you have a college degree and you're making a respectable living when so many people are out of work... and the douche rocket is....a...swim instructor.....yeah, okay! He's a winner.

 

Take you time to heal from this. She did you wrong and you deserve better. Yeah, she's a full time baby sitter and he's a swim instructor....but your the loser...okay...sure.

 

Dude, move on.....DAMN! This is got me spun up!