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2 years past, give me my own words :)


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this isn't a cry for advice, but i need to see these words typed.

 

i've been lucky not to run into my ex for 2 years now, and i want to go to a concert tonight and there's a good chance she will be among the 1500 people.

 

obviously my own advice would be to tell someone to avoid the show and just not even go, and that's why i avoided this same band last year.

 

but now i want to go see this band. the fact that i'm even having doubts means logically i just shouldn't even go, so remind me that if i'm having this thought i should just stay home! :)

 

or maybe it's time to go face my fears.

 

i'm not concerned about "having contact" because that won't happen. also her boyfriend she picked up after me is pretty douchey and i wouldn't doubt him trying to cause issues.

 

plus...hey everyone that thinks i'm a jerk...yes, see, i'm still human. ;)

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Okay, here it is. GO. Face your fear, it'll make you stronger. Don't avoid the things you want to do out of fear of seeing her, don't let her hold that control over you. Be strong, it's been 2 years! Enjoy your life, it goes by so quickly!

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Okay, here it is. GO. Face your fear, it'll make you stronger. Don't avoid the things you want to do out of fear of seeing her, don't let her hold that control over you. Be strong, it's been 2 years! Enjoy your life, it goes by so quickly!

 

hehe thank you. my spirit tells me to do this...logic tells me to avoid seeing her dumb face.

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hehe thank you. my spirit tells me to do this...logic tells me to avoid seeing her dumb face.

 

LOL...let's be adults here, no "dumb" jokes, ha ha...I know though, I still think of my ex as someone who kinda fell off the turnip truck.. ;)

 

I would just say that you have to be prepared for some weird feelings if you do see her, but just remember that there is a good reason why you're not together anymore, because you deserve someone better who will love you fully. I don't know your back story, but that's usually the case right? Just don't be tempted to talk to her if you do see her, remember NC is NC.

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I think it would be pretty hard to just "stumble" across her if this is a crowd of 1,500+ people. I'd say go to the concert, find your seats, and STAY THERE! Don't wander around increasing the likely hood of seeing her up by the fan merchandise or food/drinks.

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I've always been an advocate that until you've completely moved on, there really is no need to put yourself in situations that could possibly trigger what you've tried so hard to recover from.

 

If you're asking and defining her as a "fear", then maybe you can catch the band next year? Emotional well being first or band?

 

If this is just a little anxiety for fear of the unknown, rather than "I know I will be hurt if I see her", then enjoy the concert and if by chance the stars aren't aligned and you bump in the middle of 1500 people, ignore and keep putting one foot infront of the other.

 

Last year, I paid a chunk of money to see Roger Waters' The Wall in DC. Never had a chance to catch Pink Floyd so this was the closest I would ever get. Excited beyond belief. Two days before the concert, my ex texted me asking if I was going. I didn't respond. From that day on, till the moment I stepped into the cab to go home, he was at the forefront of my mind. There wasn't a moment that I stopped scanning the arena trying to see if he was around. I was even afraid to go to the restroom. My heart was thumping walking into the arena and getting out of there. Everytime I saw a tall guy with dark hair, my legs would go weak. I went alone so it was hard for me having no support.

 

I was afraid not because I wanted to see him but I was afraid of how I might feel. I was uncertain about where I was emotionally. If I had a choice I would not have gone but after spending $200, I was torn. I had a semi decent time, thanks to the assclown.

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geegirl i think you know how i feel about this one. that whole anxiety thing is exactly what i'm worried about, and i don't want it to ruin my time.

 

though, i do need to, in essence, "face this fear" and move through it.

 

there are so many mixed emotions tied into this whole thing though, and i'm more concerned of breaking myself before halloween.

 

we never had "a band" but if we did, it would have been Blue October. that's literally like, the one band both of us even liked, so it was a bit more "special" (that's the concert) and not to mention Halloween is "my" holiday, and the day she stomped my heart.

 

the lines are so close to intersecting on many levels with this, and with the words typed here, i think i'm going to sit it out for this year, there's always next time. it's taken this long for me to regain my halloween spirit, so i'm not in the mood to risk that just yet!

 

i'm such a softie...who'd have thought. ;) i could deal with SEEING her, but my anxiety is just with interaction. it would throw my mind into chaos for the next few weeks and consume my thoughts. i'll save that risk for a different time of year.

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I know how you feel. Been there done that. I felt the same way in that the anxiety really took control of everything. And it took me awhile to get back to being myself again. I was afraid of seeing him so I don't know how far back it would have thrown me if he interacted with me. Thank god I never got a chance to find out!

 

Listen to your instincts. It's showing you what your capabilities are and most times it's always on point.

 

Maybe a pass this time may lend towards you having a better experience the next time these guys come to town.

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Wow flitz. You are human!!

 

I was gonna tell you to be a man and go. Heck I invited my ex to go see the smashing pumpkins and we had a great time, up until the end. Oh well;( I'll live. I think you have it in your mind that you will have anxiety. How about thinking in your mind that you won't have anxiety?

 

I'm pretty sure people who have phobias(fear, anxiety), the way they over come them is by facing what they fear head on. Little by little, and in your case you've had two years to sorta get over the anxiety.

 

I say go and have a good time. Worst case is that it's a setback. Whooptydoo! Best case is you don't think about her, don't see her and have a wicked ass time!

 

I've never been one to avoid doing things I want to do so I'm a little biased.

 

It's nice to actually see one of your threads!!!

 

Good luck man.

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I kinda agree with Geegirl on this one. I think you're going to have a hard time finding her among a crowd of 1500 people, unless you're ACTIVELY looking for her. Focus on your friends and on the band. I think the only time you would probably see her is either coming or going from the venue. Ask a hot girl to go with you. At least you'll have eyeball candy to look at as you're coming and going.

 

 

However! If this is giving you anxiety, then maybe you shouldn't go. It's completely up to you. You know where you stand on this and exactly how YOU feel about it. Only you can answer this.

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this isn't a cry for advice, but i need to see these words typed.

 

i've been lucky not to run into my ex for 2 years now, and i want to go to a concert tonight and there's a good chance she will be among the 1500 people.

 

obviously my own advice would be to tell someone to avoid the show and just not even go, and that's why i avoided this same band last year.

 

but now i want to go see this band. the fact that i'm even having doubts means logically i just shouldn't even go, so remind me that if i'm having this thought i should just stay home! :)

 

or maybe it's time to go face my fears.

 

i'm not concerned about "having contact" because that won't happen. also her boyfriend she picked up after me is pretty douchey and i wouldn't doubt him trying to cause issues.

 

plus...hey everyone that thinks i'm a jerk...yes, see, i'm still human. ;)

 

Do NOT avoid this show, man.

 

I've been immersing myself in all of our old spots just to get my strength back. It works.

 

Don't let anyone control what you do in any way.

Go and have a great time regardless of who's there.

 

If she happens to be there, play the cool guy that you already are. Be a gentleman and make her head spin.

 

I have faith in you.

Do your thing and don't take anyone's sh*t

 

Use the anxiety and the fear as strength.

Edited by Tree_Salmon
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Oh and what geegirl wrote about instincts or gut feelings...

 

Instincts are your subconscious thoughts based on your current core belief system. You can change your core belief system so that you have a different set of instincts. Obviously some are embedded in our DNA, like the instinct to run away from a freaking lion. But some can be changed. Isn't there a tiny part of you that's saying "how could I be such a pussy to let this chick have this effect on me, I am a man and I am unaffected by such nonsense!!!, f*ck it I'm going to see this band!!!"?

 

Maybe I'm talking nonsense....

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"how could I be such a pussy to let this chick have this effect on me, I am a man and I am unaffected by such nonsense!!!, f*ck it I'm going to see this band!!!"?

 

Maybe I'm talking nonsense....

 

I don't have any understanding for this sort of mentality.

 

He's not a pussy for feeling emotionally affected by someone he loved. Feelings aren't nonsense. Emotional healing is not nonsense. It's called growth. It's a process. And it takes as long as it takes. It's part of being human. Acknowledge your emotions rather than hide behind a mask of egotistical, macho ramblings to try and deny yourself of how you actually feel.

 

Just because he is a man therefore, he should not be affected? There is nothing wrong with a man feeling the way he feels or stepping away from what he knows may hurt him. It makes him human. It makes him emotionally smart.

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I don't have any understanding for this sort of mentality.

 

He's not a pussy for feeling emotionally affected by someone he loved. Feelings aren't nonsense. Emotional healing is not nonsense. It's called growth. It's a process. And it takes as long as it takes. It's part of being human. Acknowledge your emotions rather than hide behind a mask of egotistical, macho ramblings to try and deny yourself of how you actually feel.

 

Just because he is a man therefore, he should not be affected? There is nothing wrong with a man feeling the way he feels or stepping away from what he knows may hurt him. It makes him human. It makes him emotionally smart.

 

I'm pretty sure flitz will know where I'm coming from.

 

Feelings are real, yes. But we should never be controlled by them. I learned that the hard way. I let my anger dictate my actions. Anger is a feeling that's real, but I shouldn't act on it.

 

I was merely giving flitz a slight push in the right direction.

 

And I agree with you about not hiding behind emotions. Face them head on. Absorb them. Feel them. Cherish them. ACCEPT them!! Just don't let it control you is what I'm saying.

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Geegirl is right.

 

All we see on here is NC but now so many people are saying "be a man", "don't let her control you", "go to the concert".

 

If that is the case, no one should go NC. Be a man. Stay in their life. Take their breadcrumbs and don't let it affect you or control your life.

 

This statement by geegirl sums it up perfectly

 

I've always been an advocate that until you've completely moved on, there really is no need to put yourself in situations that could possibly trigger what you've tried so hard to recover from."

[/Quote]We see so many people break NC only to regret it and be sent back to day one. I guess we should just tell them to be a man and not let the other person control how they feel.

 

There is a time to face your fears. This is not one of them.

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NavyAirTraffic

I wouldn't go and here is why. The last time I went to an event where I might have ran into her I was filled with anxiety "was that her", "is that her dancing with that guy" heart jumps each time you think you see her. I even mapped out in my mind an exit strategy if I did run into her. At the same time looking for her.

 

It ruined my whole experience, I couldn't have fun. Mine wasn't 2 years ago though, so you have to ultimately decide, but I won't put myself through that again.

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GorillaTheater

I think you should go. And if you see her, give her a big smile and pinch her ass. Be bigger than the situation.

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Thanks Navy for posting your experience.

 

You were a man and didn't let her control what you did as people here suggested and it ruined it for you.

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I don't say go nc, I don't say go lc. I say do what you want. You are the only person that knows yourself.

 

I just figure that flitz is in a decent place( its been 2 years) that he should take that step to doing what he wants without being affected.

 

But that's just my opinion.

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What frank said with a twist.

 

There is a time to face your fears, now is the time.

 

Again just my opinion.

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So, if someone broke up with you tomorrow, you should be fine as a fiddle because you should never allow your emotions to control you? You should be a man? You could do it tomorrow, but maybe some can't and while it may take awhile, there is no reason to deny what you feel.

 

We're not talking about his anger but his level of anxiety as to how it may affect him if he interacts with her. If he knows he can't handle it, he's entitled to feel how he feels. It doesn't make him a pussy.

 

Face them head on. Absorb them. Feel them. Cherish them. ACCEPT them. Great, all true. You just don't do it on a specific timeline. Each and every inidvidual will process their feelings and get to the other side, all in their own time. It doesn't make a man a pussy because he can't get there fast enough.

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I wouldn't go and here is why. The last time I went to an event where I might have ran into her I was filled with anxiety "was that her", "is that her dancing with that guy" heart jumps each time you think you see her. I even mapped out in my mind an exit strategy if I did run into her. At the same time looking for her.

 

It ruined my whole experience, I couldn't have fun. Mine wasn't 2 years ago though, so you have to ultimately decide, but I won't put myself through that again.

This this and totally this!

 

There was one of my class reunion mid September, it had been 2 months NC for me.

 

I didn't want to go because I knew she would be there but a lot of my friends kept telling me to man up and go.

I went but I was so stressed the whole time, and then her bf (yes he was there) told me she wasn't coming (later found out she wasn't coming because she knew I was).

 

I didn't enjoy myself during and was even more depressed after (Not even sure why, maybe because deep down, I wanted to see her).

 

Point is, I agree with geegirl, you don't have to prove anything to anyone.

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So, if someone broke up with you tomorrow, you should be fine as a fiddle because you should never allow your emotions to control you? You should be a man? You could do it tomorrow, but maybe some can't and while it may take awhile, there is no reason to deny what you feel.

 

We're not talking about his anger but his level of anxiety as to how it may affect him if he interacts with her. If he knows he can't handle it, he's entitled to feel how he feels. It doesn't make him a pussy.

 

Face them head on. Absorb them. Feel them. Cherish them. ACCEPT them. Great, all true. You just don't do it on a specific timeline. Each and every inidvidual will process their feelings and get to the other side, all in their own time. It doesn't make a man a pussy because he can't get there fast enough.

 

Jeez. I'm sorry I used the word pussy. It's a guy thing I guess. I actually wanted to write puss, but the word pussy autocorrected. Plus if I used the word puss(referring to a kitty cat) people might think I was talking about puss(the stuff that comes out of a pimple)

 

You are right about the time scale is different for everyone. But we all know flitz isn't in that same headspace as someone who just broke up. Read my thread and you'll see my pain. Flitz actually helped me and now I'm trying to help him. Again that's just me and I'm just offering my opinion.

 

And no were not talking about anger but we are talking about feelings. The way you handle feelings should be the same across the board. Whether its anger, joy, sadness etc. point is TRY and not let them affect you.

 

There is a time and place for everything. A time to mourn. A time to be alone. A time to cry. A time to ask for help. A time to face fears. A time to just say f*ck it.

 

And also. I'd appreciate it if you didn't put words in my mouth. I never called him a pussy. I asked him if there was ever voice in his head saying that.

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Oh ya also. Geegirl. If my ex came back and broke up with me tomorrow I'd TRY to be fit as a fiddle because I don't want my emotions controlling me.

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