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I'm a fool. A big foolish fool!


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The title says it all, really...

 

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I split up with my boyfriend a good couple of months ago now, and I miss him terribly, in spite of him being a daftie, and really a bit of a liar, I think. I've bored my friends enough, now I'm here to bore YOU! (Just joking, but it would be lovely to have some words of wisdom or support in electronic, or whichever, form).

 

He's 41, I'm 33. He lives in a city about 50 miles from me - we used to see each other at weekends. We met on Facebook of all places - he was seeing someone at the time (as was I), was honest about it, and we chatted for about nine months before we met in real life. Well, I was resistant to us meeting because he seemed a bit of a complainer - lots of tales of heartbreak (I can't talk...), how he's still in love with an ex-girlfriend, and things.

 

When we met up I was surprised by how funny and charming he was, and by how well we got on - we started seeing each other, (we had both split up with our partners, not because of each other). Everything was fairly lovely until a few months in (how often people must say that...) He phoned me up three months in saying he thought he was falling in love with me. I began to feel the same way about a month or so later...but he bagan acting strange and a bit distant, talking about things like "I'm happy with things as they are RIGHT NOW" and "I'm in love with you, and RIGHT NOW I don't feel the need to question it." I felt that something had changed, maybe he had met somebody else.....and I asked him straight. He said no.

 

Not only had he met someone else and was flirting MAJORLY behind my back, but he was still in love with this ex-girlfriend and saw her out one night wearing and engagement ring, and got really upset. I got sick of all this and ended it with him, thought I had made a mistake, and we got back together...after that, things were worse. I have OCD, and he blamed a lot of his needly comments and stuff on my OCD (I was reading too much into things, and stuff.) Anyway, he continued flirting with S. - he had his phone on silent, got really excited when he got messages from her, and refused to bring me along to the cinema when they went together.

 

He ended it with me in floods of tears a few months later - "I love you but I don't feel safe in our relationship", and I suspect he is going out with S. now. I feel like such a freaking idiot, still missing him after all the ten million warning signs and silly treatment from him. ANd he often said he wasn't sure about his feelings for me - until I threatened to leave, then he said he loved me. Sorry for making this story so loooong, but it was left me absolutely heartbroken, feeling old and ugly in comparison to the 23 year old he was flirtin' with, and so lonely. Words of advice would rock now. Love, Julia. xxxxx;)

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Own Worst Enemy

I know this won't help v much right now, but it kind of leaps off the page. A big rusty old tool.

 

All this is about his issues, not yours. Oh and blaming your OCD for his cheating and lack of commitment? Really nice touch there, Toolboy.

 

I know you'll feel awful right now, but it sounds as if you dodged a major bullet here, old buddy old pal!

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Julia, don't beat yourself up. I did kind of the same thing, I was totally blinded by the romance and missed COUNTLESS red flags. They say hindsight is 20/20 for a reason. And 33 ain't old!! Are you kidding? Don't compare yourself to someone 10 years younger than you, it's not age that makes the person attractive and worthy of love.

 

My ex blamed my depression on many things, it was just an easy excuse for him not to take blame.

 

You'll be fine. You'll find someone else! Just be positive and stop telling yourself you were a fool!

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You guys met while with other people. What made you think this was going to turn out well?

 

Now, correct me if im wrong but...

You guys spoke for 9 months while with other people?

I take it that you spoke about being together in this time?

Emotional cheating is the same as physical cheating.

 

Why would either of you think this would turn out positively?

 

Of course he was flirting behind your back. He did it with you for 9 months.

Edited by Tree_Salmon
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