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Trying to force moving on. Not working so well


ihavebeenfloated

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ihavebeenfloated

My ex ended our relationship 3 months ago today. (I haven't been counting -- well kind of, but not really -- I just checked the date and noticed it matched.) Short version - Things were great. Not perfect, but we were both (apparently) happy. Excited for the future and all that. We we're planning on buying a house, talking about kids and marriage like it was a forgone conclusion, and essentially sharing our bank accounts. Then things weren't so great. She didn't want the commitment, wasn't happy, and, most importantly, was scared she was missing out on something better. Her words, not mine.

 

So yeah, I felt particularly awful for the first month. Leaving work early, not getting anything done at work, not going out.. All that stuff. It started getting better in some ways, but it's always been there. Still is, too. I still think about her/us constantly. Only now I don't break out in tears all the time. Progress?

 

But anyway, I've basically been forcing myself to get over it. Not letting myself stay inside and wallow alone, thinking and saying positive/reassuring things, staying active.. you know, all of the stuff you're supposed to do in these situations.

 

A few weeks ago a friend brought up the idea of us moving in together. I'm still living with my parents (a major drag when you're not in high school and trying to meet single women), so this was definitely something I wanted to do. Only I'm still not over the ex. And most of that is cause I basically had the rest of my life planned out with her. Especially the moving in part. So moving out, something that I should be thrilled about, has been causing me a lot of anxiety, and bringing back all of the stuff that I thought I was passed with the ex. I know moving on without her is something I have to do, it just sucks.

 

I don't know. I don't think there's anything anyone can say to make me feel better. I just wanted to talk to some people about this.

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My ex ended our relationship 3 months ago today. (I haven't been counting -- well kind of, but not really -- I just checked the date and noticed it matched.) Short version - Things were great. Not perfect, but we were both (apparently) happy. Excited for the future and all that. We we're planning on buying a house, talking about kids and marriage like it was a forgone conclusion, and essentially sharing our bank accounts. Then things weren't so great. She didn't want the commitment, wasn't happy, and, most importantly, was scared she was missing out on something better. Her words, not mine.

 

So yeah, I felt particularly awful for the first month. Leaving work early, not getting anything done at work, not going out.. All that stuff. It started getting better in some ways, but it's always been there. Still is, too. I still think about her/us constantly. Only now I don't break out in tears all the time. Progress?

 

But anyway, I've basically been forcing myself to get over it. Not letting myself stay inside and wallow alone, thinking and saying positive/reassuring things, staying active.. you know, all of the stuff you're supposed to do in these situations.

 

A few weeks ago a friend brought up the idea of us moving in together. I'm still living with my parents (a major drag when you're not in high school and trying to meet single women), so this was definitely something I wanted to do. Only I'm still not over the ex. And most of that is cause I basically had the rest of my life planned out with her. Especially the moving in part. So moving out, something that I should be thrilled about, has been causing me a lot of anxiety, and bringing back all of the stuff that I thought I was passed with the ex. I know moving on without her is something I have to do, it just sucks.

 

I don't know. I don't think there's anything anyone can say to make me feel better. I just wanted to talk to some people about this.

 

It is hard when you've gone that far and have planned your life with that person just for them to drop it all like they all meant nothing.

 

I know exactly how you feel.

 

Look at the brighter side, she's selfish (obviously) based on what she said. Just be glad she pulled this on you before getting engaged or married, or worse, have a family.

 

I don't know what's up with women these days, it's the other way around now. Before, men get stereotyped of screwing women over in relationships, now, women do it more often than men.

 

You can do it, keep your chin up and time will come and you'll look back and say "I'm glad that you left, now I'm with someone who deserves what I can offer".

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Wow dude. Same thing happened to me. She didn't like the commitment. Screw her. Like Jayl said, an extremely selfish person. Go out and find yourself a hotty.

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Absolutely progress. Kudos.

 

If your friend is halfway decent, absolutely move in with them. Don't even think twice about it: do it. Get out of your parent's house and put yourself in the living situation that you know will set you up for a better future.

 

My ex from two relationships ago (ugh!) I lived with. For years. We broke up and I moved into another apartment in a dumpy building way on the other side of town with a random (but decent) roommate. This was the exact opposite of everything I had envisioned for my future: waking up alone in this random bed in this random room, living with someone but not *with* someone, on my own, etc. etc. I was sickeningly miserable for a long time and woke up every morning feeling lower than I knew was possible. I hated my reality.

 

But I got through it, I got better, I had a cool roommate I became friends with, I regained my independence, I had my own place when I met new people, and I ultimately ended up far better than I ever would have been had I stayed in the old place. I now live by myself in another (less dumpy) apartment and wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Make the move.

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bluefairy812
Absolutely progress. Kudos.

 

If your friend is halfway decent, absolutely move in with them. Don't even think twice about it: do it. Get out of your parent's house and put yourself in the living situation that you know will set you up for a better future.

 

My ex from two relationships ago (ugh!) I lived with. For years. We broke up and I moved into another apartment in a dumpy building way on the other side of town with a random (but decent) roommate. This was the exact opposite of everything I had envisioned for my future: waking up alone in this random bed in this random room, living with someone but not *with* someone, on my own, etc. etc. I was sickeningly miserable for a long time and woke up every morning feeling lower than I knew was possible. I hated my reality.

 

But I got through it, I got better, I had a cool roommate I became friends with, I regained my independence, I had my own place when I met new people, and I ultimately ended up far better than I ever would have been had I stayed in the old place. I now live by myself in another (less dumpy) apartment and wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Make the move.

 

story of my life. :( except i'm in the sh*tty part of it now.

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bluefairy812
My ex ended our relationship 3 months ago today. (I haven't been counting -- well kind of, but not really -- I just checked the date and noticed it matched.) Short version - Things were great. Not perfect, but we were both (apparently) happy. Excited for the future and all that. We we're planning on buying a house, talking about kids and marriage like it was a forgone conclusion, and essentially sharing our bank accounts. Then things weren't so great. She didn't want the commitment, wasn't happy, and, most importantly, was scared she was missing out on something better. Her words, not mine.

 

So yeah, I felt particularly awful for the first month. Leaving work early, not getting anything done at work, not going out.. All that stuff. It started getting better in some ways, but it's always been there. Still is, too. I still think about her/us constantly. Only now I don't break out in tears all the time. Progress?

 

But anyway, I've basically been forcing myself to get over it. Not letting myself stay inside and wallow alone, thinking and saying positive/reassuring things, staying active.. you know, all of the stuff you're supposed to do in these situations.

 

A few weeks ago a friend brought up the idea of us moving in together. I'm still living with my parents (a major drag when you're not in high school and trying to meet single women), so this was definitely something I wanted to do. Only I'm still not over the ex. And most of that is cause I basically had the rest of my life planned out with her. Especially the moving in part. So moving out, something that I should be thrilled about, has been causing me a lot of anxiety, and bringing back all of the stuff that I thought I was passed with the ex. I know moving on without her is something I have to do, it just sucks.

 

I don't know. I don't think there's anything anyone can say to make me feel better. I just wanted to talk to some people about this.

 

definitely need to move out. take the opportunity and learn from it. it will open new doors for you.. independence, life, new things like cooking, making friends, etc. don't put your life on hold for someone, because whether we like it or not, THEY are moving with their own lives! they are not thinking of us and how we feel.

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That happened to me too. We planned our future together. Now it's over because he "wasn't ready" for a relationship. Could have told me that months ago moron. You definitely need to move out. Moving out on your own, or with a roommate, is essential for you to meet new people and change your setting. It'll make you feel more responsible for yourself and that goes a long way in regaining confidence. Moving in with a friend has nothing to do with your ex, it's just you remembering the "what could have been" and that makes you feel anxious. Do it! And yes, not crying about the hurt is definite progress. I haven't cried in two days and I know I'm making progress.

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