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how to sleep at night?


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I got dumped about 3 weeks ago. I have not come close to sleeping through the night once. I wake up every hour or so with racing thoughts running through my head about the relationship. It is definitely taking a toll on my health I am run down all the time and just feel like crap.

 

Any advice on how to get through the nights? Do you think I should see a doctor?

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have you tried doing something in the evening that both drains you physically and puts your thoughts elsewhere? Some very active and social sports for example?

At least that helped me fall asleep, and because of the physical tiredness, I managed about 4-5 hours sleep before waking up. Not enough, but still better than waking up every hour.

 

As a last resort you could ask your doctor for sleeping pills.

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It's a phase of breaking up. I was like it the first week or so. Once you get to the point of accepting it's over it gets easier. 6 weeks on and I'm sleeping very well now.

 

Try removing all their things/things that remind you of them and put them in a box somewhere. Then delete all their contact info/photos off your phone (although write them down or save them and put in the box too). Bascially do an ex purge. It will be tough but I found it really helped me realise it was over.

 

Are you doing No Contact? I wasn't at first and would regulary check my phone during the night when I couldn't sleep. Doing NC and turning your phone off will help.

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Yeah I am doing NC, its been almost 3 weeks.

 

I have pretty much taken everything of hers out of my life. I am actually getting much better during the day, but when I wake up in the middle of the night I am at my worst. I cant stop thinking of all the things I could have done to save the relationship/reasons why this happened.

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Im in the same boat. I havent had a full night of sleep in a month. A week ago I stayed up literally the entire night and took an ambien the next night thinking id be out for at least 8 hours. Nope! Tossed and turned for 3 hours with no sleep and a sedative! Finally went to bed at 12 and woke at 445. I average 3-4 hours a night but it is completely broken like yours (I wake every hour with stomach pains and her racing through my mind). I think the only option is time and until we are at a point of acceptance, we are going to have bad sleep. Ive tried every otc drug and prescription and nothing works. Your not alone.

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I trust you guys stay away from alcohol and caffeine? After my break-up I completely over-did it on caffeine (presumably it satisfied the pleasure centre of the brain) and that kept me in a highly alert state for several weeks, where I slept maybe 2-3 hours a night. And alcohol is bad no matter what since it's a depressant.

 

Drink lots of plain water. I know, sounds simple, but it can have a hugely big impact on your well-being and ability to function/sleep, since even most non-stressed people are permanently dehydrated. Oh, and consider taking magnesium and vitamin Bs. Especially the magnesium will help.

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Yeah, it's all part of the aftermath of the break up, because I went through that for a few weeks too. In my case, if I don't sleep, all of my other systems kind of break down, like...I can't eat, think, function well at all. There's nothing wrong with a little help if you need it, as long as you don't rely on it too long. I don't take pharmaceuticals anymore, but I do drink some "Sleepy Time" tea at night, it works really well. I also take Passionflower, it's a natural remedy for anxiety and it helps me sleep through the night. Lots of exercise helps too.

 

As others have said, once you are able to start moving on, sleep will come back naturally. Sorry you're going through this, I feel for you, my heart is still slightly battered.

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Eat healthly, i.e tons of greens, vegetables, fruit etc, get fit as hell, exercise, run, walk.

 

Do not drink alcohol, coffee,have a comfy bed, room at the right temperature, try to think in a positive manner that you will get through this phase because you will eventually, keep thinking in a positive manner!

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Go to the gym and run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. By the end of the day, your body will demand that you sleep in order to repair itself. And if that doesn't work, Nyqul....knocked my ass out everytime.

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Some good tips here - I'm struggling with sleep too.

 

I don't want to get back together but often I lie in bed with my mind working overtime - the main things that trouble me are what a fool I was to put up with her crap and how badly she treated me. I actually find the latter more shocking than the breakup itself. My emotions range from anger to humiliation but the net result is a poor nights sleep. The fact I see her at work multiple times a day often means the wound is open again every day so there are fresh thoughts every night. I genuinely envy people who don't have to see their ex in normal life.

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Some good tips here - I'm struggling with sleep too.

 

I don't want to get back together but often I lie in bed with my mind working overtime - the main things that trouble me are what a fool I was to put up with her crap and how badly she treated me. I actually find the latter more shocking than the breakup itself. My emotions range from anger to humiliation but the net result is a poor nights sleep. The fact I see her at work multiple times a day often means the wound is open again every day so there are fresh thoughts every night. I genuinely envy people who don't have to see their ex in normal life.

 

I couldn't imagine seeing my ex AT ALL more-less every day, several times a day....you are right, that must really open up the wounds. This may sound radical, but look for a new job? I couldn't handle that situation at all. I guess I've been "lucky" because ours was long-distance, so there is no chance of seeing him. I feel the same range of emotions, mostly humiliation at being used and treated so badly...but that I also let him do it out of fear of him leaving me...the passionflower is a gem.

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I couldn't imagine seeing my ex AT ALL more-less every day, several times a day....you are right, that must really open up the wounds. This may sound radical, but look for a new job? I couldn't handle that situation at all. I guess I've been "lucky" because ours was long-distance, so there is no chance of seeing him. I feel the same range of emotions, mostly humiliation at being used and treated so badly...but that I also let him do it out of fear of him leaving me...the passionflower is a gem.

 

I really like my job so I'd prefer not to leave.

 

The humiliation was bad for a while but I was annoyed with both myself and her. I think it's easing now and each encounter is easier - albeit they are still cold and unfriendly. Hopefully it will eventually ease altogether.

 

I'm not carrying grudges any more - it's not doing me any good and once I got over that it definitely felt like a weight off my shoulders. That helped my sleep.

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Some good tips here - I'm struggling with sleep too.

 

I don't want to get back together but often I lie in bed with my mind working overtime - the main things that trouble me are what a fool I was to put up with her crap and how badly she treated me. I actually find the latter more shocking than the breakup itself. My emotions range from anger to humiliation but the net result is a poor nights sleep. The fact I see her at work multiple times a day often means the wound is open again every day so there are fresh thoughts every night. I genuinely envy people who don't have to see their ex in normal life.

 

I agree man, it f*cking HURTS to see them daily. I was hoping i'd be moving this fall, but it's not happening. I can't count how many times i've looked outside to see if she's home, and all that BS I can't stop myself from doing, but slowly getting better.

 

At first I was waking up 6-8 times a night, between the BU and my shoulder being really bad I didn't sleep at all. Luckily, not working I could stay in bed for 12 hours most days so i'd have the energy for the day. I can easily say the last 2 1/2 months have been the worst in my life with all this stuff happening at once. But I must say, 2 1/2 months later I still don't feel nearly the same. Partly being out of work for 2 months and not having much going on, but there's still a hole left from the BU that hurts.

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. Im just like u at the moment . I dunped my ex before less than a year. N i want her back but i dunno if she still loves me or not . Am really hurt n desprate. All the bad things am feeling. I knw exactly how hard it feela. It hurts so much. I just feel like beating myself. But do as i do. I just lay down n always cheer myself up . That its gonna be okay. Just be optimistic about it . Feel like ur ex wants u and hea trying to confuse u . Maybe its true maybe not . Justbtry believe me . N cry u will feel better . N prayers . Its very tough but u hv to move on . Be strong .

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I remember this stage. My ex and I were on the brink of breaking up and I was sleepless for about 2 weeks. I lost about 10 pounds, and I was living on Ambien.

 

Probably not the healthiest of things, but when I'm stressed, I don't binge eat, I binge NOT eat. My mouth just goes dry and I want to vomit.

 

And at night my brain would just not shut off. My mind was constantly going. Thinking, remembering, dwelling, going "what if" "I shoulda, coulda, woulda" "if only..."

 

I looked like a zombie for a few weeks. My eyes felt like they were 20 pounds each. I looked sickly, dark circles. Even on the Ambien I never slept for more than 3-4 hours a night. My mind overtook even a full dose of sleeping pills. It was ridiculous.

 

I think I kind of got "lucky" if you will, because after those couple of weeks my boyfriend (at that time) got in touch with me and decided not to end it. So all of that stress quickly alleviated. It was two months later when the bomb was officially dropped, but at that point I had already done the major grieving. My whole body had experienced that grief, and refused to go there again. So when it was over it was like... "well OK then." I didn't even shed a tear as he stood there "sobbing." Who even knows if his tears were real at this point, my ex is so full of s.hit I wouldn't doubt if he was crocodile tearing for pity.

 

I know people give a lot of advice for the not sleeping thing but I know me and my brain, and no amount of exercise, or going out with friends helped. My mind, when it's on its little hamster wheel just doesn't stop. No matter what I'm doing, who I'm with, if I'm awake, or asleep or whatever.

 

If you're like that, then only time is going to help. As you go day after day without her, it'll get easier.

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