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He's on Meth


ForeverAlone1991

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ForeverAlone1991

So I finally talked to my ex and he tells me that he has relapsed and is on meth. He says he wants to die. I assume this is because he has been battling depression for quite some time and now his dad is dying of lung cancer.

 

When we spoke it was like it wasn't even him. Like someone I had never known. A monster. I'm so upset and I wish there was something I could do to fix this.

 

But I know better than most that you can't fix a drug problem for someone they have to want to change whole heartedly to do so.

 

He as struggled for so long I really hope he pulls through this and gets the help he needs.

 

Should I try and be there for him? or run for the hills?

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If you love him, please stay with him, if you can. He will have to pull through this and make the decision, but your support can still make a tremendous difference. Those are the times when love can shine brightly.

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Um, that's a tough time for him, but he is bringing a lot of it onto himself and there is no indication that he is attempting to rectify that. Making excuses for his behavior because he's having hard times is weak; we all have difficulties outside relationships, it's how we deal with them that determines our outlooks. Depression is a different beast, but I know meth is not curing it and is likely causing that to get worse. I'd be more than hesitant to put yourself into another position to get emotionally damaged, or physically hurt.

 

Meth? I absolutely need to voice concern over being there for him, regardless of the trouble he's having. Drugging to cope with a problem is never a good idea, but meth ups the ante so much more because of the path of destruction it routinely leaves. I don't care if you helped him through it before, you cannot be his crutch every time he relapses; people still ultimately make that decision to use, and the decision to avoid treatment.

 

Be in his life for the sake of his father, be there if and when he passes, but do not be an actual part of your ex's life like you were before unless you set some very clear and strict ground rules. You are risking your own life, potential, future by constantly caring for him, and while you never alluded to any domestic issues in your previous posts, meth breeds chaos.

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So I finally talked to my ex and he tells me that he has relapsed and is on meth. He says he wants to die. I assume this is because he has been battling depression for quite some time and now his dad is dying of lung cancer.

 

When we spoke it was like it wasn't even him. Like someone I had never known. A monster. I'm so upset and I wish there was something I could do to fix this.

 

But I know better than most that you can't fix a drug problem for someone they have to want to change whole heartedly to do so.

 

He as struggled for so long I really hope he pulls through this and gets the help he needs.

 

Should I try and be there for him? or run for the hills?

 

Meth is the worst drug to get into. It essentially takes it's users hostage. He can hate himself all he wants, want to die all he wants, but he will NEVER be free of meth unless he checks himself into an inpatient program. Even then, the possibility of relapse at least once is almost guaranteed. It's hard to break free of meth.

 

Just "being there for him" won't help. Addiction to meth turns people into something they aren't, and I think you've witnessed it. They will do ANYTHING to get a hit of meth. If he doesn't get himself into a program he will drag you down, and poison your life. I'd try to convince him to get into a program and if he does that, then be there to support him.

 

If he won't get into a program, I would get out now.

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2 words - RUN AWAY

 

his recovery is 0% your responsibility. you cannot 'be there' for him. he will swallow your as he swan dives in and out of recovery. when he gets 3-4 years clean then it might be worth a consideration. but the man you love is wrapped in a shell of drugs, deal with the realities of what you see and experience, and not in the fantasy of what you want or think he could be. I'm so sorry, this has to be tough. but you need to save yourself first - just like flying on the airlines, you need to put your own oxy mask on before tending to others. In a program or not, until he has long term sobriety off of meth you will struggle with the impact of his disease in your life if you are around him. even if he is not using he is still an addict with addict behav.

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Depends on who you both are and what complications might happen. I had the similar disease in the early 90's where I smoked cocaine and lost everything. It started when I broke up with the person I had hoped to marry. I definitely did not want her back but there was a time where I desperately wanted my family to show me that I mattered by at least calling me once in a while to see how I was doing. They didn't and it didn't do anything for my "needs"--my shattered ego--to call them. I eventually overcame that and haven't used since Spring of 1994. I don't know if any of this offers any information of use but I'm sharing it because I have it. It is important for someone in such dire straights to feel like they'll leave a hole if they die. Getting that from an ex-g/f can be tricky though depending upon who is who and what is what. Good luck.

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sweetheart5381
2 words - RUN AWAY

 

his recovery is 0% your responsibility. you cannot 'be there' for him. he will swallow your as he swan dives in and out of recovery. when he gets 3-4 years clean then it might be worth a consideration. but the man you love is wrapped in a shell of drugs, deal with the realities of what you see and experience, and not in the fantasy of what you want or think he could be. I'm so sorry, this has to be tough. but you need to save yourself first - just like flying on the airlines, you need to put your own oxy mask on before tending to others. In a program or not, until he has long term sobriety off of meth you will struggle with the impact of his disease in your life if you are around him. even if he is not using he is still an addict with addict behav.

 

I couldn't agree more with this post.

 

A meth addict is just that, an addict.

 

The man you love has been kidnapped by meth and it will be by his sole conviction that he escapes it. 100% on his own. That's the only way.

 

I'm sorry OP, most of us know of or love a drug addict, be it alcohol, coke, pres drugs, oxys, meth... and the list goes on. It hurts to watch them suffer through it, but recovery is something they have to do for themselves, by themselves.

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