seemenow Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 and what is the purpose of "breadcrumbs" from the ex's perspective? Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 I am pretty sure it's just someone giving you a little bit of hope. Basically just a small glimmer of hope, nothing real. Link to post Share on other sites
Regrets58 Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 It's basically keeping you interested,making sure you are still there. Many reasons why dumpers do it. Had 4 months of it! Actually had some nice times with ex during the 4 months.Started to rip me apart though and wouldn't recommend it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DuchessKaye Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 AFAIK, it's something they throw to string you along... One thing is for sure though, I don't eat them because I'm allergic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 does the person actually realise they are doing it though? or is there head simply not in the same place yours is... i.e, they think its ok to chat and be friendly, but because we, the dumpee, etc want more, we view it negatively. isnt it simply the way we perceive it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Regrets58 Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Hard to say Dblock.Did ask her a number of times,said she liked my company. Actually was a point,when we saw almost as much of each as when together lol. Don't think I will ever know what went through her head. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Hard to say Dblock.Did ask her a number of times,said she liked my company. Actually was a point,when we saw almost as much of each as when together lol. Don't think I will ever know what went through her head. yeah, probably one of those things we will never know.:/ in which case, if you realise the person doesn't want to be back with you, is that then ever ok to chat to them back, but knowing it won't be more... or would hope creep back in and set you back sooner or later.. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 yeah, probably one of those things we will never know.:/ in which case, if you realise the person doesn't want to be back with you, is that then ever ok to chat to them back, but knowing it won't be more... or would hope creep back in and set you back sooner or later.. The problem with this also is you might be able to tell yourself you are ok with just being friends, when in reality you aren't. I thought that for a while, but realized I would never be friends with her. Maybe stay facebook friends so we'd see what the other one is up to, but never friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blue_jay_bird Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 To make you feel crazy. Example of a breadcrumb. I meet up with my ex. He asks would you like to have coffee in a couple months. I say, well its over, right. He say's nothing. I say it's over right. Then he say's "Is that what you want?" Then the next day i talk about maybe down the line we could try for a second shot. He then say's no we are over. This ONE: makes you feel you imagined the first conversation, and your crazy. TWO: crushes you, when you see the truth. The real question should be WHAT AREN'T BREADCRUMBS? Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 (edited) I am pretty sure it's just someone giving you a little bit of hope. Basically just a small glimmer of hope, nothing real. I honestly am new to relationships and this was my first break-up ever, but I am guessing that my ex is doing this to me. Would you interpret "maybe you see about" , followed by a word we used to use every time we saw each other to tease him for his British accent and him to tease me for my Canadian accent (wot/what), as being a breadcrumb? Or just a genuine gesture of reconciliation? It's the "wot" thing that really made me wonder, because in my head that kinda showed that he was "nostalgic" for those nice times we had together, etc. Maybe he was expecting me to reply to that text, and back down from the mutual dumping that we did? Maybe his ego didn't let him do more than that, but that was a feeble attempt at it? Or am I overanalyzing, and it was really a breadcrumb? Or maybe a genuine gesture to make me feel better, to reassure me we could still be friends, as a way of dampening the trauma of the break-up (he knew it was my first relationship). Edited September 19, 2012 by NoMoreJerks Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 To make you feel crazy. Example of a breadcrumb. I meet up with my ex. He asks would you like to have coffee in a couple months. I say, well its over, right. He say's nothing. I say it's over right. Then he say's "Is that what you want?" Then the next day i talk about maybe down the line we could try for a second shot. He then say's no we are over. This ONE: makes you feel you imagined the first conversation, and your crazy. TWO: crushes you, when you see the truth. The real question should be WHAT AREN'T BREADCRUMBS? My guess is, he was playing mind games with you, and it was a power game. Were you the dumper or the dumpee? If the former, he may have done it to "regain" power. If the latter, hm... I am not sure why he did it. Probably for the thrill of feeling "wanted" again. He seems to be a narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
blue_jay_bird Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 My guess is, he was playing mind games with you, and it was a power game. Were you the dumper or the dumpee? If the former, he may have done it to "regain" power. If the latter, hm... I am not sure why he did it. Probably for the thrill of feeling "wanted" again. He seems to be a narcissist. I was dumped. Yeah, im going with the narcissist part. Before that conversation was happening he was talking about how he was having a hard time, lost weight, how he felt like a bad guy. I think he needed to "regain" power. But i'm playing games with him too. Acting like i don't care, when really i want to beg him to come back. Telling him i met someone. Let's just say we aren't in a mature relationship Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 I was dumped. Yeah, im going with the narcissist part. Before that conversation was happening he was talking about how he was having a hard time, lost weight, how he felt like a bad guy. I think he needed to "regain" power. But i'm playing games with him too. Acting like i don't care, when really i want to beg him to come back. Telling him i met someone. Let's just say we aren't in a mature relationship You can never be in a mature relationship with a narcissist. You cannot NOT play games with a narcissist. You have to, or you will become a doormat. But eventually, they will not appreciate the fact that you're not being a doormat, and will break up with you. I took away my narcissist ex's power by first begging him not to break up, then, when he backed down, dumping his sorry ass. Sure, I want him to come back , but I would never again beg him to come back. Not after the ****ty way he treated me. He never apologized for any of his nasty behavior, and I think that it's time for him to do that if he wants to get back into a relationship with me. No matter how much I want him to come back, I am not going to budge and message / call him. Especially that he has proven to me that he has sex addiction issues. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 I honestly am new to relationships and this was my first break-up ever, but I am guessing that my ex is doing this to me. Would you interpret "maybe you see about" , followed by a word we used to use every time we saw each other to tease him for his British accent and him to tease me for my Canadian accent (wot/what), as being a breadcrumb? Or just a genuine gesture of reconciliation? It's the "wot" thing that really made me wonder, because in my head that kinda showed that he was "nostalgic" for those nice times we had together, etc. Maybe he was expecting me to reply to that text, and back down from the mutual dumping that we did? Maybe his ego didn't let him do more than that, but that was a feeble attempt at it? Or am I overanalyzing, and it was really a breadcrumb? Or maybe a genuine gesture to make me feel better, to reassure me we could still be friends, as a way of dampening the trauma of the break-up (he knew it was my first relationship). It was my first break up to, so i'm not really sure it's tough to say. I mean went I texted my ex asking if there was a chance of trying things again she said "I'll think about it". I mean that could mean a million things. Depending on the person it could be a way to get you to leave them alone, maybe they are reconsidering, who knows. I believe she meant it but never ever came of it. Ah you're in Canada to, we seem to be a minority here. I'm in Alberta, were in Canada are you? Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 It was my first break up to, so i'm not really sure it's tough to say. I mean went I texted my ex asking if there was a chance of trying things again she said "I'll think about it". I mean that could mean a million things. Depending on the person it could be a way to get you to leave them alone, maybe they are reconsidering, who knows. I believe she meant it but never ever came of it. At least she replied. When my ex threatened to dump me and I was so shocked, I tried calling him and he wouldn't pick up. So then we had our breakup conversation via text (not even SMS, some smartphone program called Viber). My internet kept disconnecting, so I couldn't even have a proper conversation with him via text. Very immature and cowardly of him, if you ask me. He should grow a pair of balls. I gave him a taste of his own medicine though, when I eventually dumped him -- he sent me 2 text mssges and I never replied to either of them. Ah you're in Canada to, we seem to be a minority here. I'm in Alberta, were in Canada are you?Oooh! I'm from Quebec. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 At least she replied. When my ex threatened to dump me and I was so shocked, I tried calling him and he wouldn't pick up. So then we had our breakup conversation via text (not even SMS, some smartphone program called Viber). My internet kept disconnecting, so I couldn't even have a proper conversation with him via text. Very immature and cowardly of him, if you ask me. He should grow a pair of balls. I gave him a taste of his own medicine though, when I eventually dumped him -- he sent me 2 text mssges and I never replied to either of them. Oooh! I'm from Quebec. That one response gave me hope for weeks though, so I don't know if it was good, i sent about 3 more texts over the next month and a half and no replies to any so i don't know what the i'll think about it actually meant. I am pretty sure she meant it, at least a bit, or she probably would of just ignored it like the others. Ya that sucks. Mine was over text to. She didn't even want to talk at all, she just wanted to stop talking and end it that way without ever saying anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Regrets58 Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 The whole being in touch after BU was wrong for me,couldn't help myself though. Was so natural with no awkwardness and we had a lot of fun. Eventually went NC when she mentioned a mysterious "friend". Didn't want to be around to see her hook up with someone else. Think that brought me to my senses,plus reading posts on here. It was a weird time and I will never fully understand why it happened. My final conclusion,NC is the way to go once you have established it is finally over. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 what do you mean mentioned a mysterious friend? suladas what makes you think you can never be friends? because of how you feel about her? also what are breadcrumbs > breadcrumbs plural of bread·crumb Noun:A small fragment of bread. Link to post Share on other sites
Regrets58 Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Dblock,she mentioned a friend and I asked her what his status was. She told me "we are getting on good,but I don't think it's going anywhere". This was when I decided to take myself out of the situation. Became obvious then that all hopes of a reconciliation were dashed. In fact as she predicted it didn't "go anywhere". However she does have a BF now. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Dblock,she mentioned a friend and I asked her what his status was. She told me "we are getting on good,but I don't think it's going anywhere". This was when I decided to take myself out of the situation. Became obvious then that all hopes of a reconciliation were dashed. In fact as she predicted it didn't "go anywhere". However she does have a BF now. ah man sorry to here that. its mad though isnt it, like you thought it might be this guy, then turned out to be another one :/ just shows that hanging on really is pointless right.. so why did u break up? how long was the re? how long did you keep in touch after? did you delete her from your fb, if so, did u explain why or just did it upon gut reaction? Link to post Share on other sites
Calico Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 At least she replied. It's not as great as it seems. My ex contacted me after a few days of NC too, twice. The first time I resisted responding, the second time I got overwhelmed by hope and "need". So I sent several emails on the same day, had a day full of relief, then called her up. It went all wrong. That one single day of hope caused me to relive the whole break-up and threw me back to square one. And it was worse than before. It's been ten days of NC since. Every day is super painful and agonizing, and part of me would really like for her to at least check on me if I'm all right. I miss her incredibly much. But from a healing perspective I think it's favorable if the dumpers don't make contact, unless they do want you back. Like everything, this will pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Regrets58 Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Dblock yes it was mad.Think she underestimated how much I was into her. Told me a few times after bu,that I would soon have another woman in my bed. Think this was how she thought I could do the friends thing. Together 16 months.After I fell for her,discovered she had a tendency to say first thing in her head. Especially to the man in her life! Afraid I reacted to her ways with moodiness,not something I am proud of. She couldn't handle it and gave me a few warnings. Tried to change but not quickly enough I think. Found out a lot about myself and am determined to be a better man. Pity really as there was a lot of good there too. Hope the new guy has a thicker skin than me lol. Not on FB,so no prob there.We are still LC,which I can handle fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Dblock yes it was mad.Think she underestimated how much I was into her. Told me a few times after bu,that I would soon have another woman in my bed. Think this was how she thought I could do the friends thing. Together 16 months.After I fell for her,discovered she had a tendency to say first thing in her head. Especially to the man in her life! Afraid I reacted to her ways with moodiness,not something I am proud of. She couldn't handle it and gave me a few warnings. Tried to change but not quickly enough I think. Found out a lot about myself and am determined to be a better man. Pity really as there was a lot of good there too. Hope the new guy has a thicker skin than me lol. Not on FB,so no prob there.We are still LC,which I can handle fine. what was this first thing she said to you? moodiness? in retaliation to what? hmm so you have her mobile number or something. interesting. does it not bother you she is with someone else yet you still talk lc Link to post Share on other sites
Svet74 Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 To make you feel crazy. Example of a breadcrumb. I meet up with my ex. He asks would you like to have coffee in a couple months. I say, well its over, right. He say's nothing. I say it's over right. Then he say's "Is that what you want?" Then the next day i talk about maybe down the line we could try for a second shot. He then say's no we are over. This ONE: makes you feel you imagined the first conversation, and your crazy. TWO: crushes you, when you see the truth. The real question should be WHAT AREN'T BREADCRUMBS? THis reminds me of my situation and all the breadcrumbs my ex sent me lol we have NC for 3 months He calls, small talk, offers to fix my car. I let him. Then asks me out to the movies. Im like great its a date! 2 weeks later I find out he is getting married or so he says. I confront him about it. He says ive told you before that its over. I say ok.. SO whats the point of calling me?? is it hard not to? i dont get it. I say ok fine congrats goodbye. Block his phone number 3 weeks later I get a call from him from a blocked number. This is never ending Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 what do you mean mentioned a mysterious friend? suladas what makes you think you can never be friends? because of how you feel about her? also what are breadcrumbs > breadcrumbs plural of bread·crumb Noun:A small fragment of bread. I don't want to, nor will I ever want to be friends with her. We were good neighbors before we dated, I would go back to that though. She's 35 with 4 kids, i'm 23. Unless we're dating I have no interest nor really anything in common to just be friends with her. And I am sure she feels the same way. Right now the feelings are too strong for sure, but even when they are gone and i'm with someone else, I still wouldn't want to be friends. But I might be moving this fall, which is bittersweet. In a way it would be nice to move, delete her number and completely forget about her, but at the same time I really don't know if I want that. I don't know why, the few times lately we've seen each other outside we don't even talk. But moving away and never seeing her again makes me sad for some reason. In the end either way I will not let this decide whether I move or not, but I am surprised how it's making me feel. I don't get it, i'm talking to a new women and we're going to make plans for the weekend, I shouldn't care about moving away from my ex, I should want to. When we first broke up, I really wanted to move and didn't think I could live next door to her after. And I keep telling myself dating someone closer to my age, no kids, no ex husband, etc is a million times easier I should be happier about that.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts