3 year and mistakes

[LostOne1]

So my original story is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/340675-3-yr-break-up

 

This is an update on how things went.

 

My ex was 4 hrs away in another city sharing a house rented out to 4-5 people. Basically she needed me, but never contact me and I was busy with things as well. Anyways one thing lead to another another guy was there to be there for her and she had a battle between deciding to come back to me or him.

 

Well she came back to down this weekend, and after asking to talk to her and getting refused over and over again. She finally said she was seeing someone else and had moved on.

 

Hard to imagine she dumped 3 yrs over a guy she met in a month and then wants to marry him next year already?

 

Then it was a heated battle, because though she broke it off it felt like she cheated. I had no defense she was 4 hours away, no way I could be there next to her. She did later mention that she just made it up, but I think she said that because she was scared I'd have some people I know go after her boyfriend. Which is something I wouldn't do but did say out of anger as well.

 

Anyways after that it was very tough and I ended it with her. She wanted me to move on and let her go anyways, so it ended pretty badly. Basically with her blocking me on facebook. I don't mind it, now it gives me a chance to not have to browse her FB page.

 

I guess it's for the best, I think we might have lasted if I did things differently in the relationship. The main thing is that she kept giving and i kept taking though I always told her not to give. I didn't give back as much and I think that's what pushed her away and she was vulnerable and found a guy living there with her, who was doing all the things for her like she wants. So it was an easy decision for her afterwards.

 

Sadly she had no guilt or remorse, never said sorry or felt bad. It was like I was nothing to her once she met this new guy. It was tough at first to imagine the girl i loved to be in the arms of another guy, to be in bed with him, to do all the things I did with him.

 

But I think it wasn't meant to be. I was supposed to get hurt to learn the lesson of love. And, this was my first real serious relationship, so I learned so much for my next one.

 

All I will say is that every person should give their best to the other. If they give a lot start giving a lot back. Appreciate the important dates like anniverseries and birthdays. I forgot all those things and it mattered a lot to her. In fact this years anniversary is one I could not remember the exact date of, later I find out it ends up being the day she leaves me for another guy.

 

Basically appreciate the person you are with, because everyone has a tolerance level and if you pass theirs then you will lose them. I thought she gave me many chances over time, but I never got it till she broke it off for a bit. Thats when I got to reflect on things and got to see who I was and how I was acting.

 

Part of me will miss her, part of me doesn't, part of me wants to move on and find better, part of me thinks I'll see her again in my life one day.

 

All I know is for now I am moving forward with life, thats all I can do and she has made it clear she wants to move on with her life without me. So it seems our road ends and we both take opposite turns and who knows where those roads lead us or if those roads will ever cross paths again........

[NewUser222]

Hey, you just posted on my question so i decided to give your story a read...Was just curious what ever happened with your situation How long ago did you guys break up , I am trying to get over a girlfriend of 6 years and have never felt lower and find it so damn hard to try and not text her and explain how i feel because she wont answer my phone calls i did try

[LostOne1]

It didn't get better. But My ex and I have talked.. just not the same way anymore.

 

She was angry after I gave her NC of 30 days.. It was a bad idea.

 

I should have KEPT NC before she got back into town from her trip. But I didn't and it made things worse and we got into a fight etc.. one thing lead to another and it got to a bad point.

 

Right now no good news in fact it's over. Last day my brain and heart finally realized it's over. I'm fighting for someone that doesn't want me to fight for them nor would fight for me or forgive me. I don't know if she sitll has feelings or making BS up. I can't see how one fight can make you lose feelings after 3 years. But regardless if she doesn't want this.. then why should I force or fight for it?

 

Basically in your problem... all you can do is give it time. I texted mines after 30+ days. She was SUPER mad and threw out all kinds of swear words and names. 2 days after she was much more calm and talkactive. About a week later she was okay but kept pushing me back. Another week and half she was frusterated with me contacting her and then finally a week later she told me not to waste my time trying to put in effort to show I care because she doesn't feel the same way.

 

So really.. I would say you should prepare yourself to move on. But maybe after 3-4 weeks after the fight try texting if you want to see where she is at... And then go NC if she's mad and what not.

 

THe only good sign I saw was that my ex was more willing to talk each time and sometimes it felt as if she did feel something, but she kept surpressing it because she tells herself to not be with me, but when her feelings come back at times she has that conflict. It kinda seems like she thinks it won't work now, but her heart at times pushes her to feel and thats when the confusion hits.

 

But I don't want to live this way and neither should you. If a girl loves you and she wants space or breaks it off. She should have the guts to forgive you and talk to you to work it out. And only then should you also talk and work it out.. that is if that how you still feel.

 

The main thing is there is no full proof way to solve a problem. But sometimes you need time to cool down. She's not answering you because she can't confront you at the moment.