back into the black hole?

[overseas2004]

You may remember me. I had a post about a boyfriend who dumped me after I took him to counselling for impotence and anger outbursts. We went to counselling and he got a lot better for a time. But then the commitmentphobe in him broke out and he ran away from me literally. One day we were living together the next day he was gone.

 

Well I had not heard from him for a whole month. And I really suffered a lot during that time. I even posted on coping forum that I thought I was going nuts. Since I lost like 7 kilos and just couldn't eat sleep or enjoy anything anymore. But I did end up somewhat being able to put myself together.

 

Last night he called and asked to come over to talk. He did not ask me if we could get back together. He cried a lot and hugged me and kissed my hands and my hair and my forehead. He took his some of his things that he had at my house and packed them away. Before he left he said that he would really like to take me out to go to dinner soon. He said "i cant tomorrow but I will call".

 

Now there is an internal war going on in my heart. I really do love this man and I would have done anything for him in the world. Heck I put up with months of impotency. Months of therapists. And I was like there for him through everything.

 

But now I am afraid that he is going to take me back to ..... our relationship. Which was very loving and warm but was full of commitment phobia.

 

What is a girl to do?

[Fedup&givingup]

This man hurt you, VERY badly. What he did was wrong and unacceptable, by leaving you like that. You say you loved him, which I believe and believe in. What you need to do is love yourself more.

 

This man needs to be held accountable for what he did to you by leaving you like that. You now have permanent scars and will have trust issues because of that. You titled your post "back into the black hole" because that's what happened to you as a result of what he did to you.

 

This man does NOT have the right to walk in and out of your life as he pleases. It is your life, and you need to be in charge of it. I realize that's easier said than done. From what you said, it sounds to me like the relationship brings back some bad memories, and it's a place you really don't want to return to. It sounds like you gave 100%, and he did not.

 

He told you he would like to take you out to dinner, but not the next night, that he'd call you. That's mighty presumptuous of him, I'd say. He's got a lot of nerve for that alone, and if I were you, I'd embrace the progress you made in getting over him and not go backwards in life by getting back with him. GO FORWARD

[curiousgeorge]

Doesn't your subject title give the answer itself? As the person above told you ... why would anyone want to go back to pain.

 

And his problems have not gone away in 1 month. Short of some miracle of god....

[amerikajin]

I don't know if this is so much about him being a bad guy as it is just him having some major psychological issues that may require professional help. In short, it's out of your hands. He's just not stable enough for a relationship.

[curiousgeorge]

Yeah I agree with Amerikajin. You are definately not describing a jerk I don't think he left you because he was a bad guy or did not love you. It seems that he is really messed up. And can't handle what you or anyone stable can offer.

 

Yet I still have to argue that he must have enough sense to know its not fair to walk in and out of your life as he pleases. What did you tell him when you broke up? Did you set some limits?

 

Nonetheless I think you need to push on. I read your original thread. You did a lot to help this guy and I think you did what you thought was best. I am not so convinced he was ready for it though. So you have to push on....