Ex is guilt tripping me already!

[Matt145]

I called my ex up last night and told her i dont love her i love the old her the girl she used to be. And i told her im blanking everything from now on and she pretty much realised that i mean buisness now and im not ****ing around because im not. She texted me last night saying this " I thought about what you said today, the girl you love is still here, shes just acting as if she shes not bothered but really shes just really lost and lonely. She loves you with all her heart and respects you dont wanna be friends and need time alone to move on and get over the whole thing. I will always be here for you i love you loads matt your my bestfriend" This was last night so right now i just want to text her and say if it still is the old you then why the **** did you cheat on me, and why the **** did you lead me on twice to only throw me back down again and why the **** did you break my heart and i dont want to be your bestfriend or friend. I want to text her something like that so bad but i dont want to break NC as i told her im not speaking to her atall from now on. I just hate the way she still calls me her " bestfriend " she also says " i love you with all my heart " obv course she doesnt! and the fact that shes making me feel guilty being all nice because i was horrible to her earlier on in the day. She pisses me off so much! Should i text her or not?

[weallfalldown]

no mate, leave her be......i understand she's pissed you off....so even more conyact will just drag it out......

[Matt145]

I thought the same, but i just feel like going ape **** on her. After all she put me through and she has the cheek to call me her bestfriend and says she loves me. I just want to tell her all this so bad i know it maybe the wrong thing to do.

[weallfalldown]

my ex feels the same about me, i didn't cheat on her, but she resents me like you wouldn't believe, very bitter.......so if she contacts you, you'll react the same, so just ignore her, that's what my ex is doing with me.....

[Matt145]

Does it anoy them more when you dont contact them back when they send texts like that?

[weallfalldown]

yep.......silence is a killer!

[Chi townD]

Yep, I'm sure you didn't get in a relationship with her for the ultimate outcome being "best friends". She feels guilty, that's her problem, not yours.

 

Getting over a relationship is just like trying to get over an addiction. You have to take it one day at a time. If you get through the day, without talking, texting or e-mailing, then it's one small victory. One day at a time.

[Matt145]

Yep, I'm sure you didn't get in a relationship with her for the ultimate outcome being "best friends". She feels guilty, that's her problem, not yours.

 

Getting over a relationship is just like trying to get over an addiction. You have to take it one day at a time. If you get through the day, without talking, texting or e-mailing, then it's one small victory. One day at a time.

 

I wouldnt even say her wanting to be friends is her feeling guilty, its her being selfish. She wants me in her life so she doesnt have to feel lonely and feel like she has no one there for her. Shes hardely guilty its all selfishness. She loves to make me feel guilty all the time.

[Chi townD]

I wouldnt even say her wanting to be friends is her feeling guilty, its her being selfish. She wants me in her life so she doesnt have to feel lonely and feel like she has no one there for her. Shes hardely guilty its all selfishness. She loves to make me feel guilty all the time.

 

 

Then don't do it! Don't let her make you feel guilty. This was her doing, not yours. Don't let her win. Stay NC and sooner or later, she'll buy a clue.

[g450]

OK Im confused.

 

In a prior thread you said you are done and you were blocking her. Then in the same posting you contradict yourself by telling us that YOU CALLED HER to tell her this. WTF? You didnt need to call her to tell her you were blocking her. That was a dumb thing to do and made you look weak.

 

Now you started this thread saying your talking to her again and drama this and drama that. Seems to me that you are inviting the drama. And how the hell did she text you if you have her blocked? Why bother even reading your texts from her anyway?

 

Seems to me that you are inviting all this yourself. If you come here proclaiming that your going NC then ****ing do it. Otherwise, how are we to take you seriously?

[Dblock10]

go ape at her mate. then let it rest. otherwise you would never get this off your chest, she will move on and it still may eat at you.

 

trust me clear everything for you, not her. dont worry that it will break nc and that you told her you are blanking everything. just say this, this is the last thing on your chest.

 

totally up to you though, as in many years to come you might actually find it ok to talk to her

[The_Face]

Another mistake I made.

 

No contact means no contact. You won't feel any better getting this off your chest. You're motivations behind getting things off your chest is to get a reaction out of her, which is only going to continue this situation. Stop wasting your time. I wish I could go back in time and take my own advice, but I was weak. Don't make the same mistakes I did.

 

You should not only block her number, but delete it. Get a new phone, even. She won't know your number and you won't know hers, so hopefully that eliminates any possibility of a slip-up. Because it sounds like there is a good chance you could slip up and break NC. And I don't care what anyone else does, I would personally get rid of all the things that remind you of her. If NC is a serious commitment, there should be little reason to keep anything that reminds you of her. That's just my opinion. What do I really know? I'm in a way worse situation than you're in, let me tell you...

 

Anyway, good luck with that. NC!!

[YorickBrown]

I called my ex up last night and told her i dont love her i love the old her the girl she used to be. .........

 

[blah blah blah blah...] ....and again more blah blah blah

 

She pisses me off so much! Should i text her or not?

 

 

Dude, when you start your opening sentence with that line..... and end up with a question like that...ay carumba!!!!...it just makes me <SIGH>

 

 

What happened to NO CONTACT?!?!? What part don't you understand yet? Get over it....your relationship is over...and even if by some miracle she begs you to take her back....what then? [dont tell me, you'll take her back?!? <biGGER SIGH>

 

Stop fooling yourself...you're just making yourself more miserable :sick:and a lot angrier...

[Leigh 87]

She cheated. There is no chance to get past that most of the time. Either suck it up and forgive her, or get over her.

 

Of course you want to vent to her. Remember though, wanting to do it will not make you feel any better or make you any happier.

 

I would not take back a cheater. If you have no intent of getting back together, do not contact her. Ever again. Not until 5 or so years in the future, when our totally over her.

 

COme on men, what do you want? You want to be happy. Why would talking further to a girl you clearly are not going to end up with, make you any happier?

[TaraMaiden]

YorickBrown, Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

well, I could......

 

but I've had enough infractions, thanks.....

[lovehurts82]

Getting over a relationship is just like trying to get over an addiction. You have to take it one day at a time. If you get through the day, without talking, texting or e-mailing, then it's one small victory. One day at a time.

 

I feel very similar in my breakup with my ex-fiance that I did when I quit smoking. I tried using gum.. patches.. lozenges.. it all seemed to prolong the inevitable and make me miserable. I finally had to just quit EVERYTHING and let it get out of my system on its own. Its the same for me with my ex. Each time I hear anything from him.. get a text.. see him with his NEW fiance (after a week) it feels like my heart is breaking all over again. I had to unfriend him from facebook and tell him I couldn't have contact with him AT ALL anymore cause it hurt too much. He STILL had the balls to text me a week later, even after that though, then is surprised when I get pissed. I feel bad for it now afterwards, though I know if ANYONE should be feeling bad it's HIM! Hang in there Matt! Is she really worth wasting the time and energy on and setting back your own healing?

[Matt145]

OK Im confused.

 

In a prior thread you said you are done and you were blocking her. Then in the same posting you contradict yourself by telling us that YOU CALLED HER to tell her this. WTF? You didnt need to call her to tell her you were blocking her. That was a dumb thing to do and made you look weak.

 

Now you started this thread saying your talking to her again and drama this and drama that. Seems to me that you are inviting the drama. And how the hell did she text you if you have her blocked? Why bother even reading your texts from her anyway?

 

Seems to me that you are inviting all this yourself. If you come here proclaiming that your going NC then ****ing do it. Otherwise, how are we to take you seriously?

 

I originally called her after i made this thread to tell her to **** off and that i dont want her to contact me again and im not contacting her from now on and i havent. But she texted me on sunday and it really anoyyed me and i was close to texting her back raging i was just really angry at the time but ive calmed down now but its took me 3 days. But now its wednesday and i feel ok now and i dont feel like texting her raging anymore, and i definitely dont feel like texting her being nice and a lot of people are thinking i wanted to talk to her being nice and i didnt in the first place. But i still do want to go ape **** on her one day about all the stuff she did to me she deserves it, and plus i need to get it off my chest but i can save all of that for the future. But like you guys said its not worth breaking NC so im not going to break it, im into 3 days of real NC now. I think ive gone through most of the hurt now since its been 2 months since we split up, i still hurt a bit but not as much as i did what ive noticed most is when i wake up i dont feel that intense sick feeling no more. I just mainly feel anger towards her now thats it. I have accepted its over for good too, i am not stringing onto any hope atall. Im doing pretty good right now, and ive been quite happy the past 3 days now im blanking her completly. Thanks for the advice people<3

Edited August 22, 2012 by Matt145

[Frank13]

Matt a similar thing happened at my BU. I BU with her because she lost feelings for me and I could see her drifting away. When I needed support she wasn't there for me so I ended things. I immediately went NC. She made a few half ass attempts to contact me the first week which I ignored.

 

Then a couple weeks later I received info that she was saying bad things about me, which she had no reason to. I let her go because she didn't care about me and I didn't do anything to hurt her, but in return she started bad mouthing me.

 

I was so angry I wanted to break NC and give a her a piece of my mind. I knew there were things I could have said that would have destroyed her. I also could have got revenge that would have really messed her up. I was angry for two days but I didn't break NC.

 

The reason I didn't break NC was because it didn't matter. I wanted her out of my life completely and forever. If I was never going to see or speak to her again, what would be the point of breaking NC? She didn't matter anymore. Telling her off would not have changed anything. She was dead to me so what she felt or what she thought of me didn't matter in any way.

If someone is dead to you, does it matter if you getting things off your chest makes them feel bad, sad, sorry happy, hurt, hateful? It doesn't matter.

 

It was hard journey for me and I really got depressed and missed her the most around the 6 month mark but kept NC. By the 7th month memories started to fade and I saw a difference from the extremely small progress I was making. I recently heard from a mutual friend that he saw her and she said something nice about me. I figured by now she had forgotten about me.

 

I think she may have said that hoping it gets back to me and I would contact her (I did think about it) to be friends (something she has always wanted) but I won't. I have come too far and I won't let her mess me up when there is no hope of us being together.

 

Sometimes I think I might eventually let her know I found out what she said about me and how crappy a person she is for saying it when I did nothing but leave her alone when she didn't want me. But I know I can always do that in 1 , 2, 5 , or 10 years, but again, it won't make any difference and won't matter.

 

Sorry to thread jack and use this to vent about my own situation, but the point I was trying to make was that I was livid with her and it took everything I had to not contact her and tell her off, but I knew doing so would not change anything and that remaining silent may have even been worse punishment than giving her a piece of my mind.

[Matt145]

Matt a similar thing happened at my BU. I BU with her because she lost feelings for me and I could see her drifting away. When I needed support she wasn't there for me so I ended things. I immediately went NC. She made a few half ass attempts to contact me the first week which I ignored.

 

Then a couple weeks later I received info that she was saying bad things about me, which she had no reason to. I let her go because she didn't care about me and I didn't do anything to hurt her, but in return she started bad mouthing me.

 

I was so angry I wanted to break NC and give a her a piece of my mind. I knew there were things I could have said that would have destroyed her. I also could have got revenge that would have really messed her up. I was angry for two days but I didn't break NC.

 

The reason I didn't break NC was because it didn't matter. I wanted her out of my life completely and forever. If I was never going to see or speak to her again, what would be the point of breaking NC? She didn't matter anymore. Telling her off would not have changed anything. She was dead to me so what she felt or what she thought of me didn't matter in any way.

If someone is dead to you, does it matter if you getting things off your chest makes them feel bad, sad, sorry happy, hurt, hateful? It doesn't matter.

 

It was hard journey for me and I really got depressed and missed her the most around the 6 month mark but kept NC. By the 7th month memories started to fade and I saw a difference from the extremely small progress I was making. I recently heard from a mutual friend that he saw her and she said something nice about me. I figured by now she had forgotten about me.

 

I think she may have said that hoping it gets back to me and I would contact her (I did think about it) to be friends (something she has always wanted) but I won't. I have come too far and I won't let her mess me up when there is no hope of us being together.

 

Sometimes I think I might eventually let her know I found out what she said about me and how crappy a person she is for saying it when I did nothing but leave her alone when she didn't want me. But I know I can always do that in 1 , 2, 5 , or 10 years, but again, it won't make any difference and won't matter.

 

Sorry to thread jack and use this to vent about my own situation, but the point I was trying to make was that I was livid with her and it took everything I had to not contact her and tell her off, but I knew doing so would not change anything and that remaining silent may have even been worse punishment than giving her a piece of my mind.

 

Thanks for that frank.