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' ?' Need (warning: a bit long)


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Hi everyone

 

I'm new here looking for some advice.

 

My ex broke up with me almost 4 months ago.

We were studying in the same country knowing one day he would have to apart, we decided not to be in a serious relationship. But our feelings have gone too far, so we tried LDR.

 

I have had a very long distance relationship before and am totally cool with it. On the contrary, my ex has never been in any serious relationship before. He said he didn't know if he could do it but was willing to try.

 

He was devastated when we got apart the first time. The second time was far worse. He cried nonstop. We had planned to meet this month in Europe (first travelling together then going to his hometown). After the 2nd goodbye he was broken down and I could see he wasn't having fun overthere. He got sad everytime we talked keeping saying 'why cant I be with you?'. One day, he called me saying he couldn't go on like this anymore. Both of us were heartbroken. He said he was looking forward to seeing me but thinking about the last day made him desperate. Unluckily, I had booked the flight on that day. He said he'd like to see me as friends and would show me around.

 

A month later, I told him I was going to see him. He said it was a bad idea, we would end up hurting each other. He then blocked me on chat and we didn't talk again until before I came to Europe. His close friend went to visit me and he told me my ex wasn't over me but he thought I was. Plus, my ex didn't want to see me cuz he knew how it hurt wanting to be together but not being able to. I then wrote him saying I wasn't over him but would be. He took days to reply that he didn't have those feelings anymore and that he couldnt come back.

So I said I wasn't really looking for reconciliation cuz I knew this relationship was impossible but I just didn't understand why he had to be running away from me. I made it clear to him I was ready and wanted to be friends and that I'd like to meet up as friends. If he doesn't have feelings for me he then is not afraid of the goodbye, there's no reason to avoid each other. But I said I would be cool with it too if he wanted to stop contacting completely.

 

He again took a long time to shortly say that right now communication by email was fine for him.

 

He was always passionate and loving but suddenly so cold. His friends kept telling me he's hiding his true feelings and that he's not over me and stuff. I actually thought so but now I don't know anymore.

 

Why doesn't he want to see me? Though he never said it clearly I think it's obviously implied. And why does he seem to be trying to distancing himself from me so much? I'm fine with not meeting with him but we were always good advisors and listeners to one another and we had no bad memories (if the crying legend when we were separated doesn't count) so I just hope we could maintain the friendship or at least stop the stalemate thing.

 

Any advice or opinions?

I do want us to be friends but if he doesn't I won't force him. The thing is he always said he'd love to be friends and see me 'but after some time'. Does he just need more time or he doesn't want to be friends anymore? If its the former, I'll just stop pushing and try to help make it easy when time passes.

 

Thank you in advance.

PS. I'm flying to his hometown in a few days but haven't and not planning to contact him.

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