I think I am in the anger stage

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

I'm catching myself looking up ways to "get revenge on a misogynist" and I know this isn't what I should be doing. It's very strange, today it was almost as if a lightbulb went on and I ACTUALLY could see how badly I was treated and how a lot of what I thought was him loving me was just another way to gain control of my behavior so that he could ultimately degrade me and further punish me due to his hate for women.

 

Our breakup was so bad I've never gotten into the complete detail of it on the forums. It's unecessary to go there and I know it - the whole relationship was abusive in one form or another.

 

I know getting revenge isn't the way to go, especiially with a misogynist. It's like possibly opening a floodgate of evil into my life. As much as I don't want to hand it to him, he was smart - that's just a characteristic of misogynists. And as BADLY as I wish he would hurt just like I have, I know it's stooping to his level. And I know I am better than that.

 

Anyways, I just thought I'd share. I'm 2 1/2 months post break up and I finally hit the anger stage.

[SoulSearcher22]

I'm catching myself looking up ways to "get revenge on a misogynist" and I know this isn't what I should be doing. It's very strange, today it was almost as if a lightbulb went on and I ACTUALLY could see how badly I was treated and how a lot of what I thought was him loving me was just another way to gain control of my behavior so that he could ultimately degrade me and further punish me due to his hate for women.

 

Our breakup was so bad I've never gotten into the complete detail of it on the forums. It's unecessary to go there and I know it - the whole relationship was abusive in one form or another.

 

I know getting revenge isn't the way to go, especiially with a misogynist. It's like possibly opening a floodgate of evil into my life. As much as I don't want to hand it to him, he was smart - that's just a characteristic of misogynists. And as BADLY as I wish he would hurt just like I have, I know it's stooping to his level. And I know I am better than that.

 

Anyways, I just thought I'd share. I'm 2 1/2 months post break up and I finally hit the anger stage.

 

Dang, you're 2 and a half months out and you're hitting this stage? I hope I hit it earlier or never. I'm one month out with NC and I'm feeling really good except a few dreams here and there. When I do think about her, I get really pissed. I want all this to just pass.

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

Such as? I mean short of maybe lying about rape or something I don't see what you could possibly do to get revenge on someone that doesn't give a ****. Well maybe damage his property but other than that.

 

Ya, I mean he was physically abusive but I never did anything about it at the time because I apparently had battered woman syndrome or whatever. My mistake. The only leverage I have at all is a letter from a bank with a half page list of why he is being denied credit. Foreclosure, garnishment, something about taxes.. etc. etc. etc. etc.

 

He loved to tell me how great he was, how successful he WILL be and he inherited a great sum of money when his father passed and blew it all somehow. Of course he has his reasons. Stock market went south.. short sold his home because some other guy sued him and won.. except I think even that was complete bull****, ditched his care and the rest probably went to weed. Winner? Also, Foreclosure? That's not a short sale last time I checked..

 

Anyways, even if I thought I really wanted to get revenge on him, it's just not smart. He has no morals. I feel like I might as well have dated a serial killer at this point.

 

 

That's very likely the smart decision, none of the women who have ever tried to get even with me came out better in the end.

 

Are you a misogynist? If so, not that you'd care but I'd love to hear how your mind works and why you hate women. So if you feel like doing a woman a favor, which if you really are a misogynist you won't, then PM me. Well, this is probably the most useless paragraph ever.

 

That'd be very difficult by virtue of you caring whereas he doesn't.

 

Now, as long as you continue to feel this way you will remain under his control. It's really in your best interest to leave the whole thing behind you.

 

This I know but being as I am a person that can actually care about someone, just "shutting off" emotions has proven to be easier said than done. Part of it was not understanding the situation though. Realizing it was all a con and that he just sucked me dry only to move on to some other unsuspecting victim, is what turned the tables for me. I guess they just get away with it? Seems wrong but I'm not in a place where I would feel comfortable actually trying to get revenge on him. My only chance at revenge, as I realistically see it, is forcing myself to get completely over him, live well and have some (albeit small) hope that there is justice in the world and he will get his eventually.

 

In theory, revenge would be sweet though.

Edited August 15, 2012 by Hindsight_is_20_20

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

Dang, you're 2 and a half months out and you're hitting this stage? I hope I hit it earlier or never. I'm one month out with NC and I'm feeling really good except a few dreams here and there. When I do think about her, I get really pissed. I want all this to just pass.

 

We're all different, and I was with my ex for 2 years, so from what I hear it can take about a year. Though, the amount of time you were with them and how emotionally invested you were in them plays a big role. I don't think a year is a hard and fast rule. Some people can realize the relationship was bad and move on more easily than others, imo.

 

I was crushed at first. I cried most of the day everyday for about 3 weeks. Then I blamed myself, only to stop and blame him, only to then again blame myself. This is pretty useless, if you can avoid it I would.

 

Then I think the depression set in for me and I've been between that and just accepting the situation until today. Nothing different happened today, it was weird. Just woke up and decided it was time to get angry at him. The escape from sadness is nice, but I feel like the anger stage is the most dangerous. I know this though and won't act on anything. Hoping this will be it for me. I'd love to get on with my life.

 

You sound like you're doing better than I was at one month out. I would imagine you'll still have your ups and downs but you're doing well. NC really is key. I think it's your only chance at a speedy recovery.

[not-a-drive-by]

We're all different, and I was with my ex for 2 years, so from what I hear it can take about a year. Though, the amount of time you were with them and how emotionally invested you were in them plays a big role. I don't think a year is a hard and fast rule. Some people can realize the relationship was bad and move on more easily than others, imo.

 

 

What happens if the relationship was not bad? . I want to experience your 'light-bulb' moment.

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

I personally don't believe I am although I often get accused of being one. I don't hate women, I merely treat them the way that maximizes my chances of a positive outcome. It just so happens to be that this means you have to treat them like ****.

 

I've tried treating women like people on occasion, didn't work out.

 

Have you ever been in love? Not infatuation "love", but love love. Misogynsits aren't capable of being in love, so that might answer that question.

 

I think people can have narcissistic qualities and not be misogynists. Everyone has some level of narcissism, a small amount is healthy. It's the reason you get up in the morning, brush your teeth, take a shower and just generally take care of yourself.

 

Misogynist don't just strive to do their best, they truly believe they ARE the best. And women aren't companions to them they are conquests (misogynists can be women too). Just as easy as a misogynist will come into your life and sweep you off your feet, they will leave you in their dust once they feel like they've taken all they can from you to suit whatever twisted desire they had of you.

 

Wish I would have known about them before I met my ex. Would have saved me two years of my life. On the upside, they typically pick women they see as attractive, successful and of some kind of value. So I'm going to take these qualities back and run with it. =)

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

What happens if the relationship was not bad? . I want to experience your 'light-bulb' moment.

 

If the relationship was generally a good one then you are lucky. When you do reach the point that you have moved on (which you will, I promise) you will look back and remember all the positives of the relationship and have a better understanding of what you want in the next person you are with. It's hard to see this now (it still is for me) but it will happen and you will be okay.

 

Someone once told me when I was going through a previous breakup with a guy (a normal guy not my last ex!!) to look at it like a kid taking a trip to Disneyland: you're excited to go, you get there and it's magical, you spend your time there enjoying every second and then at the end of the day it's time to go home. You're sad to go but do you regret going? Of course not! Try to think of it like this. You will be sad for awhile, but because your relationship was good, you will take with you all the positive memories that came from it.