catherine78 Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 I need help desperately. I am 42 and my boyfriend finished with me just before Christmas. I was left at home to look after my 77 year old mother (she's not an invalid). I have 2 sisters who did nothing to help me. I pleaded many times for their help just one day a week to give me a break and enable me to have a bit of a life of my own. My dad died 2 years ago and my mum was very depressed and lonley. Because I stayed at home my relationship with my boyfriend suffered and he just couldn't take it anymore. This last week everything has come to a head. I poured my frustrations out to my sisters and they just don't want to know. My mum has taken my sisters' side and now everyone seems to be blaming me saying it's all my own fault. My mum and sisters are no longer speaking to me. One sister sent me a text message saying "why do you think you are on your own". It broke my heart. I'm all alone in the world. I have no friends and now no family. I've been to my doctor but he told me there was a 9 month waiting list for counselling. I also lost my job when my dad died and I just haven't got the strength or confidence to look for anything else. I feel my life is over. I won't do anything to harm myself but I have to admit the thought crosses my mind. I just don't know how to help myself. I feel so betrayed by everyone. I feel no-one cares. Please, please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Fofinha Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 No matter how bad and dark things seem right now, there is always someone out there worst off than we are. Hopefully you can get professional help fast. Hang in there. At the end of a dark tunnel, there is always a light. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Perhaps I should blame this on lack of sleep, but I must either be confused about the situation, or your family is... being incredibly unfair. Not just unfair, but downright mean. My mum has taken my sisters' side and now everyone seems to be blaming me saying it's all my own fault. So, lemme see. Your dad dies. Your elderly mother is upset, of course. You stay home with her and try to help her through her depression (and whatever other afflictions 77 year old women suffer from). AFTER 2 YEARS OF DOING THIS ALONE you get tired of not being able to have your own life and spend time with your boyfriend (totally understandable) and need help... so you look to your sisters. They refuse. They get mad. Your mom takes their side for what reason? You would think she would be grateful or something. No? Wow. And now your mom isn't speaking to you because you were there for her when she needed you? Boy, I hope I'm missing something. As for the text message, that was completely cruel. Are you leaving anything out? Why would she feel the need to hurt you? I've been to my doctor but he told me there was a 9 month waiting list for counselling. What? I'm not sure what-in-the-hell kinda doctor told you this, but you need to look around and find someone to talk to. As soon as you can. You don't have to wait 9 months for counselling. If you can, please reply with some more details about your situation so we can help as best we can. I wish you the best. Here's hoping things look up for you! -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
emptydude Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 catherine78 , I am soooo sorry you're going through this time right now. Maybe there's just a lack of communication between you and your family? Maybe your sisters misinterpretted your sadness and took it personally when they shouldn't have? It sounds like you're a tremendously strong person, taking care of your mother and all, so you have that strength inside of you to pull through! I'm going through a break up of an 8-yr relationship (which happened this weekend) myself. I was balling like no other yesterday, but after talking to some people here, and with some of the friends I have, it *is* getting better. And the semi-suicidal thought crossed my mind yesterday too. I still feel like, "what's the use", or "what's the point"? But you have to try. Please continue to talk on this forum. I think having a support group like this is TREMENDOUS. People on here or so kind and wonderful, and the best part is, in general, they know exactly what you're going through. Please, at the least, just continue to talk. No matter how much you cry, no matter how terrible you feel, talk to us please! As someone has told me on here, we're here for you!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 Catherine We are all here for you. Come here when you need to talk. I too feel like dying, the love of my life, my fiance, decides he needed his space after 8 years. He never broke it off with me. So I try to still have hope. Last I saw him was Feb 3rd. It is killing me inside. I miss him sooo much, and everything reminds me of him. Im in a depression and today I couldnt get myself to work. But I know I have to go back. Again, please know we are all here for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author catherine78 Posted March 8, 2004 Author Share Posted March 8, 2004 Thanks for your replies. The tears are really rolling now. Someone, somewhere actually cares! That's all I wanted to hear. The truth is that my dad died, I was left at home with mum who was lonely. For 2 years I asked for help so I could have a bit of a life of my own. I got none. My mum always said "why should they help" but she never told me to lead my own life. All I wanted was to go and live with my boyfriend but I knew if I did she would be totally on her own. He knew I was worried about the situation with my mum and begged me to sort it out with my sisters. So many times I asked them for support but they wouldn't listen. My boyfriend just got fed up of what seemed like a never ending situation and left me. I think secretly my sisters are glad it's over with my boyfriend because I can carry on being there for my mum. I asked them so many times for help but they came up with excuses, excuses, excuses. I told my sister Dad would be ashamed of her for not helping me. That's when I got the text message. My mum once told me that I wasn't planned - that I was a mistake. I'd like to think she didn't regret having me, but I now wonder if she did. I don't want thanks for what I've done since dad died. I would expect no less from myself. But they can't see why my boyfriend left me. They don't seem to understand WHY I'm pointing a finger at them all. Is it guilty feelings on their part? And, if so, why can't they say sorry? Is it me who's missing something here? Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted March 8, 2004 Share Posted March 8, 2004 No matter how bad and dark things seem right now, there is always someone out there worst off than we are statements like this don't make anyone ever feel better but actually make us feel worse that is like saying how dare you have a bad time and feel severely depressed when there is someone worse off than you a therapist would never say anything like that but they are trained truth is that if a person is suffering depression like clinical depression they are in a bad way no matter what reason it is that they feel that way and two persons traumas shouldn't be judged or compared against the other Link to post Share on other sites
Author catherine78 Posted March 9, 2004 Author Share Posted March 9, 2004 Feel a desperate need today to contact my ex boyfriend and tell him I'll leave my mum to go and live with him but I'm scared of being rejected and it'll finish me off. He loved me once, why can't he love me again? I was so wrong not to put him - or myself - first. I bitterly regret that. I can't accept I've lost him because of a family that doesn't care for me after all I've done. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted March 9, 2004 Share Posted March 9, 2004 I read your story and I feel terribly for you. It's my opinion that you need to get away from your mother and sisters and their negativity. It would be one thing if your mum was on your side and appreciative of you, but she clearly is not and is driving you further into a hole. I don't know if your boyfriend would take you back, but would he let you stay with him, at least as a friend and someone who cared for you, until you can get yourself on your feet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author catherine78 Posted March 11, 2004 Author Share Posted March 11, 2004 Thanks FreeMe. You used a word there that's opened my eyes. NEGATIVITY. Their negativy has rubbed off on me for 2 years. That's where I am where I am. But how do I turn that negativity into possitivity? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 11, 2004 Share Posted March 11, 2004 What awful people! I would try calling your boyfriend. You can tell him that you felt obliged to take care of your mom but found that your loyalty wasn't appreciated. If he's any sort of good guy, he'll understand what you were doing and why and will give you a chance. In the meantime, read the information at http://www.metanoia.org and call a local crisis centre. Tell them you are in a bad way. They should be able to locate a counsellor for you very soon. Link to post Share on other sites
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