amberdawn Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 I don't even know what to really say. I feel like a lifeless body. I feel worthless, and the sun hurts my eyes. Last night a horrible horrible thing happened. Yeah, my boyfriend broke up with me. Not only my boyfriend, but my best friend and my guardian angle, my life, my HAPPINESS, all my smiles, my whole world. I'm a bit short of nothing right now. I'm breathing but not living. I don't know what to do. I went on this Thespian Festival about 2 hours away with our Drama class. My boyfriend was really worried that i would flirt with somebody or do something with another guy. And i finally got him to realize that if he is worrying he has no time to miss me, because i'm not the type of person to "worry" and say "what if". And everything was fine. On the way there i sat by myself, and when we got there, i ate with his (girl) cousin, and then i went and shopped by myself, and the next day at the festival i was by myself, and rode on the bus by myself and when we were on the way home we stopped and ate, and i was by myself. But on the way home i was really really really really sad, and i sat with this guy who i've never even talked to before, and we just talked. My boyfriend's cousin was about a seat or two behind and she thought me and the guy were flirting. And i'm so short that when i put my legs on the seat in front of me, you can't see my head above the seat. Oh, and we were in the very FRONT row because i get bus sick. And i sat with the guy in the first place because it had been raining outside and it was really really really cold and i had sandals, pants, and a t-shirt on and that's where the heater was. Anyways i was accused of holding his hand and putting his head on his shoulder and i didn't hold his hand or try to, but i put my head on his shoulder for like two seconds because i was just sighed because i was laughing about something that my boyfriends friend who was sitting on the seat next to us had said. Me and my boyfriend have everything together. We've planned future, and i gave my everything to him. I've never been this sad in my life. He basically, last night came over and we talked about it and when he got home he called me and told me i had never ****ed up so bad in my life. he said that we need time apart and that he's breaking up with me and i asked how long and he said maybe indefinately. I realize right now he might be happy. I really want to die. I have true thoughts about suicide and i dont know what to do with them. I just want everything to be okay and it never will be. ............... help. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Ouch! That really stung! No suicidal thoughts, please. Don't do anything you'll regret. Perhaps you can talk to a family member or some friends about all of this? Maybe you, your exboyfriend, and his dumba$$ cousin whom apparantly likes to start up drama, can all sit down and talk about this and get the facts straight. ~Viv Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 From what you have written, your ex boyfriend is a worthless, immature turd. To come to such incredibly ignorant conclusions regarding your very innocent conduct is proof that he doesn't trust you and he is far too jealous for a life with him to be productive in any way. Men who are this possessive and insane are not attractive at all over the long haul. Be lucky you are rid of him now. Yeah, you think you love him and he is your all. But the reality is that he is a creep and a lowly scumbag of the higest magnitude when it comes to respecting those he allegedly cares about. It could be many many years until he grows up, if he grows up at all. You will hurt for a while but after some time passes, you will look back and consider yourself the luckiest lady in the world. It's possessive and controlling men like this who beat and kill women. Please print your post above and read it again in a few months. Your behavior on that trip was pathetic...having to stay all by yourself for almost the entire trip just because of some stupid butthole you think you love. YUK!!! Then, to top it off, you finally have a chat with somebody in front of a whole bunch of people and your guy breaks up with you. He is the absolute lowliest of any human being I have heard of. I have more respect for the worms they eat on Survivor. You're the luckiest lady in the world today and you don't even know it yet. Give yourself some time. And no, you won't die of a broken heart...especially in this case. You'll just get stronger and less willing to totally adjust your life for some insanely jealous, controlling amoeba-brained idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Personally, I think the he has somebody on the side, or why else would he break up with amberdawn without hearing her side of the story? You won't die from all of this. Your broken heart will make you a stronger and better person! ~V Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 "Personally, I think the he has somebody on the side..." Yes, I thought the same thing. Which means in addition to being a lowlife, he could very well be a coward with no backbone as well. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Originally posted by Tony .....It's possessive and controlling men like this who beat and kill women. ...... ......You're the luckiest lady in the world today and you don't even know it yet. Give yourself some time. ..... I can't stress this part of Tony's post enough. It will take time. And support - needless to say, you will find plenty of that here. Personally, I think he has somebody on the side, or why else would he break up with amberdawn without hearing her side of the story? It wouldn't surprise me if he did, Viv, only because that happened in my case. amberdawn is lucky that he broke up over the phone with her in this case, because I shudder to think what would have happened if he was still at her place when that mood hit him. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 Personally, I think the he has somebody on the side, or why else would he break up with amberdawn without hearing her side of the story? No, I think he's just all the things Tony said. He's a jealous jerk and she's better off without him. There are people who are that irrationally jealous without having any other factor as part of the equation. Link to post Share on other sites
dario Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 You seem like a very beautiful and easy going person who has alot to offer this world...a person whom I'd love to share a conversation with on a boring bus journey. That's a special quality to have, y'know! You deserve all the riches that life has to offer...and there will someone worthy of the qualities you possess. If your boyfriend can't see this and can't appreciate it....move on and steer yourself towards happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
ldybg51 Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 [font=century gothic][/font][color=green][/color] My sister married someone that controlling and now she is unhappy. I think that guys like this never change and in the long run you would have been unhappy. You dont want to hear all this right now I know. All you want to hear is that he will realize he was a jerk, (he wont) and get you back. You may get back together but it will all be your effort and none of his and not without him trying to make you feel bad and get an apology aout of you for something that wasnt wrong in the first place. Has he always been like this? Does he get suspicious if you wash you hair or paint you nails? Is he constantly trying to make you feel bad, like you are doing something wrong? Or maybe he isnt all that obvious. Maybe he just makes you feel like he just wants to spend time with you every chance he gets. He doesnt want you to go out with your friends because he will miss you. And maybe he hasnt actually come out and said it But I bet you feel bad for even thinking of talking to other guys, as if you cant even have a male friend. If any of this is true, then you are going to end up being miserable with him anyway. You will one day look around you and realize you have no friends, no hobbies, and noone to talk to about things because YOU didnt want to make HIM unhappy. Well, Hon why do you want to make yourself unhappy? Link to post Share on other sites
dolphinsunshyn Posted March 7, 2004 Share Posted March 7, 2004 First of all, if you are contimplating suicide you need to get help now!! Don't wait! Call a hotline or go to a trusted friend or family member! Remember no one is important enough for you to end your life over!! Second, I know what you are going through. I was with my high school sweetheart (my first and only love at that point) for 14 years when I caught him cheating. When we seperated, I, too, thought my whole world had ended. I didn't know who I was without him. He was everything to me. I even attempted suicide because I was so heartbroken I didn't feel like living anymore. That was my "rebirth" and day by day it got easier and a little less painful. It takes time but it does get better! I promise when you get through this you'll be stronger and happier than you have ever been in your life! It is hard to see that now, I know; but, it will happen and you'll learn so much about yourself. I would like to point out, from my own expirence, that a relationship where your are that dependant on the other person is not a healthy one. You may love him with all of your heart, but loosing yourself and your identity through the relationship will leave you lonely and confused in the end. You need to be your own person and, while keeping your identity, be with someone based on compatibility not need. That way if it doesn't work out, you will not loose that piece of yourself and that zest for living as you have done. I have learned so much from my own situation and I can't stress that enough. A relationship that is dependant and filled with jealousy is not healthy and should cease to exist! If I were you, I would take this time to concentrate on yourself. You can go out and do anything you want now without having to answer to anyone! Follow your dreams and find that inner strengnth that you have lost. What were you like before you met him? You have an opportunity for a fresh start and now you can be anyone who you want to be! You no longer have to worry about answering to anyone or second-guessing decisions you make based on what he would want. You don't have to alter your existance anymore. Find and/or create the girl you have always wanted to be!! One bit of consolation, having gone through what I did, I am now a healthy, strong, secure woman. Even though I spent 14 years of my life with him (he was my first and only love), and even though I thought there was no one else who could ever make me happy, I have realized that there are a LOT more guys out there that I have met and that I am compatible with! I am happier now than I have ever been. The world is huge! Yes, it take time to gain that strength, but now when I date someone, I know it is because I want to, not because I don't want to be alone. You'll get there eventually. We all go through these tests and trials for that reason. To become stronger human beings. Good luck. If you need to talk PM me and I'll give you my e-mail address and/or phone number. I know it is hard, but this is a good thing! Please remember that and trust what I say. I have walked in your shoes. Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
DeppFan04 Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Possibly the only problem he had was the fact that you always gave him the attention before...he probably wasn't used to you deciding to talk to someone else and "put him on the side." I bet he truly loves you and if you wait awhile, I bet he'll think things over, realize he that he DOES love you, and come back for you...if you'll let him. I don't think he has anyone else, either. Maybe he just wants to know you - all and every part of you - to know you like he couldn't know anyone else (only you and him) and maybe he'll realize he can't control you like that even if he does want to - it's either strong love or an excuse. My vote's on love... - Jonathan Link to post Share on other sites
Author amberdawn Posted March 10, 2004 Author Share Posted March 10, 2004 I'm happy to say my boyfriend is none of the things that you all say that he is. What we are choosing to have is a very commited and dedicated relationship, and for that you have to take things very seriously. I shouldn't have done what I did, and that's the end of it. *To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world* Thank you everyone. Misunderstandings............sheesh. Mistakes, i suck:( Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Perhaps he did trust you, but trusted his cousin more. And perhaps his cousin abused that trust. Then again, he was worried about you flirting with other guys before you left. The cousin may play a part in this, as she may have heard only his insecurities beforehand, making her jump to conclusions as well. It's a difficult situation. If a girl I was involved with was hanging out with someone I trusted a great deal, and I heard something bad I would tend to believe it. At the same time I would want to hear the other side of the story, and it sounds that your ex didn't take the time to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted March 10, 2004 Share Posted March 10, 2004 Originally posted by amberdawn I'm happy to say my boyfriend is none of the things that you all say that he is. What we are choosing to have is a very commited and dedicated relationship, and for that you have to take things very seriously. I shouldn't have done what I did, and that's the end of it. *To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world* Thank you everyone. Misunderstandings............sheesh. Mistakes, i suck:( In my eyes, what you did was innocent. He breaks your heart and you want to defend him. How typical. For the pain your are feeling now, I guess it's all your fault. It's not because of him -- it's because of you. I mean, you know that he's perfect in every way, so since he broke up with you, it must have been because there is something wrong with you. So, just keep defending the man that shattered your life and turned you into a young lady whom is breathing, but not living. ~V Link to post Share on other sites
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