Should I leave him or stay? (Long Story)

[tryingtofindmyway24]

Hello Everyone,

Thank you for reading my long story in advance

 

I need advice ASAP. I am in a relationship and I cannot seemto figure out what to do. I was in a marriage for almost 4 years that endedbadly and at the very end of the infidelity double life marriage that my nowex-husband was living. I met a guy that, "at first seemed to complete me.Now I am not sure if it felt right because of the emotional depression I wasfeeling when I met him. At that point I had never been in alone ever in my lifeand I am not sure if I just jumped right into a relationship with the "newguy" to fill a void because I was afraid of being alone. The new guy stuckby my side through the whole divorce process. However throughout therelationship I started feeling like I did not want to be tied into arelationship because I was still going through a divorce and I had not beenwith any person other than my husband,( my first). The new guy and I had sexmaking him the second guy I have been with, but he was moving way too fast andthis scared me. It made me want to get out of the relationship because I didnot want another serious thing especially because I actually never really datedbefore my ex-husband. I did not really know who I was or who I wanted to be.

 

I wanted to exploreand date other people, but the new guy wanted a serious relationship so I triedit with him at first. Then found myself while in the relationship people arebeing drawn to me and I started talking to them nothing serious, but it just feltgood because this is what I really wanted to do just "date" nothingserious. I ended up calling the relationship off to explore and try datingother people. Which didn’t work because they only wanted sex from me which Idid not give them so me, and the new guy still currently the second person Ihave been with got back together and we tried the serious relationship againexclusively, but now it seemed as though he was not as committed as he was atfirst, which is understandable on his part. I gave him my whole heart and fullyand loved him the best way I knew how. We started arguing all the time;actually fist fighting and he became very jealous which caused me to bejealous, also. Now my family does not like him and his family does not like meeither. He tells him friends and family all of our business and we just are notclicking the way we used to. He never confronts mewhen I cry; he ignores me for days and then tells me that I never loved him.When I am the one who is always kissing his butt and confessing my love to himand his family. Once I wrote a letter to his sister and mother confessing mylove to them for their son and brother. He told me that they did not even readthe letters, and they thought that I had written them suicide letters. Now howignorant is that how can you think a letter is a suicide letter from a personwho is not family also how would you think something that dumb if you nevereven read the letter to know exactly what it says, or the type of letter it is.Just recently we broke up and he ran yet again to Facebook talking to othergirls and changing his passwords on everything including his phone.

 

I love him a lot, butI cannot stand when he is able to goes days and sometimes weeks without talkingto me, but he claims he loves me. It’s like he plays reverse psychology on mebecause he says that I don’ love him. He told me he ignores me because I makehim horny and he wants to stay away from me because of that. But as soon as heis done waiting the first thing he does is makes up with me and asks for sex.He is nice during this time and it only seems to me that he is only using mefor sex and my money because I make more money than him. He has never taking meanywhere I always pay for everything and I do not get anything in-return. Then,to top it all off he is always mad at me and constantly yells. I am at thepoint now where I really want to leave this relationship because I feel that itmakes me feel worst then my ex-husband did when I found out that he wascheating on me. He tells me he loves me, but I do not feel his love.

 

I feel miserable andscared of losing him and I do not know why because he has nothing to offer me.My mother tells me to get out of the relationship because I deserve bettersomeone that actually loves me and makes me feel good about myself and not himwhere he makes me feel as though I should be kissing his butt. I have neverbeen alone before so I am scared of the outcome. Do I let him go or should Istay and just be roommates with him. I feel sorry for him and he always makesme feel this way because he cannot afford to pay this rent on his on and if Imove out he will be put out and I will feel like this will be my fault. He is agrown man 23 yrs old and he does not seem to want anything out of life. I am24yrs old with a career path and I feel like he is holding me back and bringingme down also like him. I do not mean to sound cocky or anything, but I feel asthough I am too good for him even my mom has told me this.

 

At first I did not care that he worked at a minimum wage joband I would be paying for everything because he talked a good game as if hewould not always be in the situation. He is a college graduate of two bachelordegrees and still wants to work at that minimum wage job. He is not even themanager just a regular person and now has more education then everyone in thewhole store, but he is trying to look for another job and does not want to be amanager yet even though that is what his degree is in. He told me that he doesnot want the responsibility of a manager and says he will look for other jobsin the same field as this job, but not as a manager. I have no security fromhim and it feels like this relationship is going nowhere. I am on an emotionalrollercoaster that I cannot get off of. I do not know what to do I still havenot actually dated other people besides him and my ex-husband they are the onlytwo I have been with and slept with. I am hoping that things will go back tothe way they were when I first met him, but now I am not sure if he is what Iactually seen and was just blinded by depression over a divorce because I wasafraid of being alone or if he is the one I should spend the rest of my lifewith or if I should leave now and move one and if me and him are meant to be wewill meet again....Please I need advice and Thank You for all your opinions.

Edited July 22, 2012 by tryingtofindmyway24
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[Thisisbs]

He may have changed or is still shook at the fact that you left him to "explore". That would hurt me a lot and my trust and security would be lost. He probably is acting that way because he is scared to get hurt again.

 

You were very unfair to him, and he's being unfair to you now.

 

If you think you are too good for him, leave it.

[The Tallest One]

Your both very young and it's obvious this isn't a good fit. Move on for both your sake.

[tryingtofindmyway24]

I understand what you mean I forgot to mention that he is a man-child he is very immature. I know I was not fair to him when I told him I wanted to explore I actually never really got the chance because I thought of him the whole time it was only for 3weeks we were broken up. Not to mention when we first met I told him that I did not want to be in a relationship we can be friends because I was going through a divorce. He said ok we can be friends, but everyday he pressured me into being in a relationship with him.

 

The first day he meet my mom he told her that he was her new son in law and he was going to marry me only after 2weeks of us dating. Thats what scared me because my ex-husband rushed me into a marriage when I was only 19yrs and that failed. So I figured maybe I should date other ppl before I commit again.

 

Its not that I think I am too good for him its what I have been told several times and now I see it also. He tries to bring me down and wants me to fail. We are complete opposites now (I know opposites attract, but not us). When we first met we were the same now its like we have grown apart.

 

I grew up in an upper class home and he comes from a very low class and he acts this way still even with two degrees. If you were to talk to him you would not believe that he was a college grad. He does not talk like one or carries himself like a college grad. He has a very low mentally and he is very childish.

 

When I meet his friends they are always so shocked to see how he pulled me. So I do not know if I should be embrassed by this or feel good. Nevertheless he puts me down all the time and says that he is not getting back at me for breaking up with him at first but this was almost a year ago and we got back together 3weeks after I broke up with him and he still holds this over my head.

 

Shouldn't he be over this by now?... its a new year several months later and he still is hold on to this grudge.

Edited July 22, 2012 by tryingtofindmyway24
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