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Started NC too late... is it too late?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 13th July 2012, 4:30 AM   #1
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Red face Started NC too late... is it too late?

Do to my foolishness, I have been strung around in that comfort/safety net zone while she was still talknig to/hanging out with the rebound guy. Now after our last talk in person, where she claimed to "not be able to get over my infidelity, regardless of my honesty" - she said "you'll find a good one.... I didn't want this to happen, sucks that it has too, but it does"
YETTTT 10 mins later she goes onto facebook and sees our old pictures and texts me saying "Ugh, now I'm second guessing because of all the emotion in our pics. They move me so much more than words..."

clearly her heart is still somewhat torn, yet she has trust issues of me being a committed guy for her future.
I have implemented NC, going on 5 days... although she rebounded with this guy two weeks ago and has just kept me around as she was texting/ occasionally dating him until it seems she has gotten the strength to fully leave.
I want to give her a final ultimatum after a week of NC so i can focus on my MCAT but I also don't want to wait to long/ cut no contact short....

suggestions? please and thanks.
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Old 13th July 2012, 4:40 AM   #2
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There are 2 aspects of NC

1) Getting your ex back (not the intended purpose, but rather, a consequence...sometimes)
2) Healing yourself

Referring to #1...every reunion story I've read or heard involves the dumpee doing all the "wrong" things like being friends with the ex, crying, begging, sleeping with ex, etc...then they went NC for a LONG time, and the ex comes back...YMMV though

#2....it's never too late to start NC to heal yourself.
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Old 13th July 2012, 2:34 PM   #3
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Red face Ultimatum or no?

I know sh'es already seeing/dating the reboudn guy who has been thrust upon her by her friends. I jsut want to know if she wants to fight for this and make it work ... or not aka pose an Ultimatum to her by showing up with flowers a week into NC because I can't be lingering on, thinking "she may" come back.

I have a big test to write and need my utmost focus which is why I want to pose this ultimatum, ya know - so I can completely let go now or not.
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Old 13th July 2012, 2:41 PM   #4
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want to come across like a wimp? then type that ultimatum!

heres an ideal ultimatum-

find another girl to fling around with, if your ex wants you back she will put alot more effort and take your " ultimatum" seriously
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Old 13th July 2012, 4:41 PM   #5
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giving her flowers isn't an ultimatum...its more like a hail mary. and those never work...
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Old 13th July 2012, 4:47 PM   #6
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You have to wait it out, so you both can figure out what you want. It seems like neither of you do. No contact will help WHENEVER you choose to do it. Make a promise to yourself to stick to it, I'm sure you can see how already in a matter of days how YOU have benefitted from it.
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Old 13th July 2012, 6:34 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gulf-Delta View Post
There are 2 aspects of NC

1) Getting your ex back (not the intended purpose, but rather, a consequence...sometimes)
2) Healing yourself

Referring to #1...every reunion story I've read or heard involves the dumpee doing all the "wrong" things like being friends with the ex, crying, begging, sleeping with ex, etc...then they went NC for a LONG time, and the ex comes back...YMMV though

#2....it's never too late to start NC to heal yourself.
number 1 happened to me. He's back but were not back together. I dont cry begg or any of that crap or try to have the relationship talk. im just normal. been a month in contact. But u do have to go to NC for a while to heal yourself definently. by the way what does YMMV stand for?
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Old 13th July 2012, 6:44 PM   #8
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Don't give ultimatums, that could push her away when you could have had a shot at . Initiate conversation, communicate, ask her to try again. Personally though I think it's too early.

And if you really cheated, just now that breaking someone's trust really is a relationship killer in a lot of cases; they don't say "once a cheater, always a cheater" for nothing. I know people can change, but she would probably not trust you for the longest time, that is if you even were back together. Could you handle that?
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Old 13th July 2012, 7:16 PM   #9
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if you made the mistake then do your best to put it right, if you cheated then shame on you and you have nothing to cry about but your own foolishness.
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Old 14th July 2012, 1:21 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Svet74 View Post
number 1 happened to me. He's back but were not back together. I dont cry begg or any of that crap or try to have the relationship talk. im just normal. been a month in contact. But u do have to go to NC for a while to heal yourself definently. by the way what does YMMV stand for?
It means "your mileage may vary" just meaning your result may not match up with this experience
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