"I need a break" girlfriend wants more indepdendence and wants to be in love with me

[digon1631]

My girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me almost 3 weeks ago. She told me she needed a break from the relationship in order to feel more independent. She later then tells me she is not in love with me as she used to be, but she knows that she is not looking for that initial romantic love. She tells me she knows she wants to marry me and be with me in the long run but for right now she needs space. She says she wants to be excited to be my girlfriend. She says that I can do that by making her feel jealous or by giving her space. We agreed to not seeing other people or hooking up with other people on this break.

 

On this break she has been hanging out with me almost everyday. She still kisses me and tells me i love you. I Initially was extremely depressed but then I got over it and everyday I ask her if she is ready to be in a relationship again because everything still feels the same as when we were in a relatinoship. I have improved myself and made sure I was a better person while on this break and she can see that and is happy that I am doing so. She however refuses to be official again and says she needs more time. I am 20 and she just turned 21. She went out to hang out with her friends and went to a bar. I know there is nothing going on and she sleeps over often still. We have only had sex once during the break, and she tells me that she wants to want me not just do it reluctantly. When we had sex, she had an orgasm and she enjoyed it a lot. She says that I am really good at it and am the only guy to ever make her orgasm(which is true). But she just never desries to have sex and she wants to. I told her we can work on it while being in a relationship, but she says she just doesn't want to do that right now.

 

I then ask her what are the benefits of being single. And she says that she feels like her own person more. that made a lot of sense to me, so I acknowledged that. I took her advice too, and have been trying to hang out with other girls. she does get jealous of me and i can tell she doesn't like it, but if that's what she wants from me sholud i do it? One day she also read my phone while I was sleeping about this conversation i had about her with my friend. She wasn't mad, but I could tell she was bothered by it. She says shes not the jealous type, but i guess she wants to want me so I have to make her jealous? I know this girl is the right girl, i love her and we do want to be together. I am hanging out with other girls but just as friends. I only want to be with her. Should I keep up seeing these other girls and continue to make her jealous? I am definitely not going to hook up with them, they are just there to help me win her back. How long should I wait?

 

Also, during this break, I was at her parents house with her and her whole extended family. Her grandma pulled me aside and told me she will come to her senses soon. My girlfreind wanted me to go to florida with her (even though we are technically broken up) and her grandma bought my ticket. Does it make sense at all to be broken up still even though we hang out all the time and we still love each other? She is constanttly stressed out about school and money. I am going to be done with college soon and she is worried about the future and making money.

 

I have stopped trying to ask her to get back in a relationship with me, and just hang out with her now. she's even happier then before because i have made her even happier because of all my self imrpovements. we never fought in our relatoinship, only once in a while because that's normal and we work great together. I KNOW FOR SURE there is no other guy, but i just hate waiting for her to come around especially since we are acting exactly the same way. She says she does feel more indepdentn and thinks that more of her girlfriends want to hang out since she is single. But i reasoned with her about that, and she agreed with me that it wasn't me that was holding her back. she herself just always wanted to hang out with me.

 

She says it is really her not me that she is on this break. She knows for sure that her feelings will change but she does need the time to herself. Sholud I try to not hang out with her so much to speed up this process? we just enjoy each other's company a lot. one day i didnt text her back all day and she kept texting me wondering where i was. I know she does love me and misses me all the time still, but how can i do a final push to get her back with me? I know she is close, but I need to do something to tip her over the edge. Would making her more jealous help out a lot? to reignite that passion she wants? Thanks everyone for reading this, I just want to fix it because I know i Can and she knows i can too, but she just wants time to feel like her own person.

 

Thanks

[Samilia]

My girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me almost 3 weeks ago. She told me she needed a break from the relationship in order to feel more independent. She later then tells me she is not in love with me as she used to be, but she knows that she is not looking for that initial romantic love. She tells me she knows she wants to marry me and be with me in the long run but for right now she needs space. She says she wants to be excited to be my girlfriend. She says that I can do that by making her feel jealous or by giving her space. We agreed to not seeing other people or hooking up with other people on this break.

 

On this break she has been hanging out with me almost everyday. She still kisses me and tells me i love you. I Initially was extremely depressed but then I got over it and everyday I ask her if she is ready to be in a relationship again because everything still feels the same as when we were in a relatinoship. I have improved myself and made sure I was a better person while on this break and she can see that and is happy that I am doing so. She however refuses to be official again and says she needs more time. I am 20 and she just turned 21. She went out to hang out with her friends and went to a bar. I know there is nothing going on and she sleeps over often still. We have only had sex once during the break, and she tells me that she wants to want me not just do it reluctantly. When we had sex, she had an orgasm and she enjoyed it a lot. She says that I am really good at it and am the only guy to ever make her orgasm(which is true). But she just never desries to have sex and she wants to. I told her we can work on it while being in a relationship, but she says she just doesn't want to do that right now.

 

I then ask her what are the benefits of being single. And she says that she feels like her own person more. that made a lot of sense to me, so I acknowledged that. I took her advice too, and have been trying to hang out with other girls. she does get jealous of me and i can tell she doesn't like it, but if that's what she wants from me sholud i do it? One day she also read my phone while I was sleeping about this conversation i had about her with my friend. She wasn't mad, but I could tell she was bothered by it. She says shes not the jealous type, but i guess she wants to want me so I have to make her jealous? I know this girl is the right girl, i love her and we do want to be together. I am hanging out with other girls but just as friends. I only want to be with her. Should I keep up seeing these other girls and continue to make her jealous? I am definitely not going to hook up with them, they are just there to help me win her back. How long should I wait?

 

Also, during this break, I was at her parents house with her and her whole extended family. Her grandma pulled me aside and told me she will come to her senses soon. My girlfreind wanted me to go to florida with her (even though we are technically broken up) and her grandma bought my ticket. Does it make sense at all to be broken up still even though we hang out all the time and we still love each other? She is constanttly stressed out about school and money. I am going to be done with college soon and she is worried about the future and making money.

 

I have stopped trying to ask her to get back in a relationship with me, and just hang out with her now. she's even happier then before because i have made her even happier because of all my self imrpovements. we never fought in our relatoinship, only once in a while because that's normal and we work great together. I KNOW FOR SURE there is no other guy, but i just hate waiting for her to come around especially since we are acting exactly the same way. She says she does feel more indepdentn and thinks that more of her girlfriends want to hang out since she is single. But i reasoned with her about that, and she agreed with me that it wasn't me that was holding her back. she herself just always wanted to hang out with me.

 

She says it is really her not me that she is on this break. She knows for sure that her feelings will change but she does need the time to herself. Sholud I try to not hang out with her so much to speed up this process? we just enjoy each other's company a lot. one day i didnt text her back all day and she kept texting me wondering where i was. I know she does love me and misses me all the time still, but how can i do a final push to get her back with me? I know she is close, but I need to do something to tip her over the edge. Would making her more jealous help out a lot? to reignite that passion she wants? Thanks everyone for reading this, I just want to fix it because I know i Can and she knows i can too, but she just wants time to feel like her own person.

 

Thanks

 

I personally call bull on her whole "I need not to be in our relationship to feel independent". She could find that while being in a relationship.

I also call bull on the "it's not you it's me", it's the classical line to dump someone without feeling guilty.

 

I think she's keeping you on the backburner because she's either not sure she took the right decision by ending it or because she's afraid of being on her own.

 

You can swear up and down she's not with another guy, doesn't mean she's not thinking about it.

 

I am not saying it's hopeless but if you want to show her you're the one, maybe you should be the one showing independence by going NC (no contact). For now it seems to be that you're available to her whenever she wants to, she gets her comfort zone and then go dance at the bar with her friends, not fair to you. Show her you're not her puppy, you're a man, she doesn't want you, another one will.

 

That's the feeling I get from your story, I hope it ends well though.

[Million.to.1]

She probably has a case of GIGS.

 

You are both young. This is common. It's not going to get any better while you are seeing each other.

 

You are either in a relationship, or your not. She is scared to lose you, but she doesn't want to be with you.

 

This will get much worse before it gets better.

[digon1631]

Oh my god, that GIGS article nailed it on the head! But I think she doesn't want to be with other people. Is there a way to get rid of this GIGS thing? Anyway to facilitate this situation?

[Samilia]

The No contact is your best bet. For you mainly. For the relationship if there is any future for it.